Coping Archives - Mindful Happiness

August 15, 2019 By Admin

Advanced Practice in Tara Brach’s RAIN Protocol

So often we humans find ourselves in a state of limbic disarray, with ego defenses stimulating our need to protect ourselves from others – even from ourselves. We feel something is very wrong in this moment, and we allow separateness to pull us into a frenzied effort to escape pain and suffering. At such times our most deeply hidden negative self-views strengthen and dominate. We will do almost anything to escape the aloneness and self-alienation. Endless impulses to seek what is wrong and forget what is right take over our emotional lives. It is at such times of strong emotional challenge that we need to take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. Tara Brach’s creation of the RAIN process is a huge leap in a sane direction. According to Brach, RAIN helps us overcome tendencies to activate the “second arrow” of suffering; our second arrows are caused by unhelpful thoughts, feelings, emotions, body sensations, and behaviors related to the “first arrow.” The first arrow is the original event or experience that caused our pain and suffering. Often our reactivity to it makes matters worse – we suffer more in our own minds and bodies. Below I will review the RAIN process and make additional comments on its usefulness and versatility in ongoing self-care and emotional self-regulation. The practice of RAIN skills is appropriate for all people – helpers and helpees.

The first step of RAIN is recognition of what we are experiencing in this moment. What is happening now and how am I experiencing it in mind, body, heart and soul? This focus is on our inner emotional experience, and the causes and conditions creating them. Strong attention is necessary here. Recognition requires a cognitive shift from the auto-pilot of fear, pain, and desire to escape into a mental state of mindful attention in the now. We recognize our thoughts, emotions, sensations, behaviors, and habitual action urges. This momentary shift into control helps our prefrontal executive brain to take action, and reduces limbic dominance in unpleasant experiences. For now, we are no longer at the mercy of negative emotional events and experiences. In fact we are at the starting point of liberation. We are participating in the experience and our responses to it. Like in DBT, we may find ourselves describing what we have now recognized. Tell yourself what you are experiencing and remain strong, emotionally. We may notice that anxiety, fear, depression, addiction – even some aspects of trauma – begin to transform slightly via the relatively simple cognitive act of recognition.
The second step of RAIN is radical acceptance of the experience of pain and suffering in this present moment. This means that we allow whatever pain and suffering we are experiencing in this moment. With self-kindness we may place our hand over our heart (Thich Nhat Hanh) and breathe into the accepted experience of suffering. We learn to hold ourselves in loving self-presence within the limited space and time of the negative experience. We may experience self-compassion in this process. The act of allowing implies a strong “yes” to whatever is happening now, and it also implies an intention to become capable of handling the experience. This is similar but not exactly what D. W. Winnicott described in how humans are “going on being.” With self-compassion and self-acknowledgement, we allow ourselves to be in this unpleasant experience of suffering. This process, obviously, takes some courage to do. If the suffering involves other people, Winnicott’s view of “intersubjective space” and Kohut’s view of “experience-near empathy” may apply. We have moved from fear and suffering to recognition and now emotional oneness with the experience. Now it is time to add more cognitive control to the process, thus expanding emotional regulation.
The third step of RAIN is to investigate why now. This is a more cognitive intervention of analysis, analysis of our environment, belief, needs, and strengths. This shift enables us to stop negatively judging ourselves and others; this shift bring a more true presence into the emotional feeling state. Again, the cognitive intervention brings more stability to mind and body in the experience of suffering. Investigating enhances the meditative stance of the observing mind: I am not this experience (anxiety, fear, depression, anger, small-self, marginalization, etc.) , but I am experiencing this! At times this one realization can bring relief from negative emotional triggers embedded in our lives. We may experience pain and suffering in the process, but we are doing so with great mindful discernment. We are NOT the experience, but we are in the experience. It is not us, but it is happening to us. When we investigate, we may ask: Why now? Why me? With self-kindness and mindful strength we reduce reactivity and tendencies to escape or self-medicate. The strong large self is taking charge.
The last step of RAIN non-identification with the experience as self, and more realization that the experience is happening to me and is not me (no-self). Here we practice BEING the true-self, the larger self, the expansive self. We slowly and gently open up a calm, secure space in our hearts. We realize we are not fused with the negative experience or its causes and conditions; we dis-identify with the small escaping self, and over-identify with the stronger, defused, more capable self. With a little luck and skill, we may even experience spiritual transcendence and/or feeling of liberation. We may realize that the self experiencing the suffering is a temporary, small piece of being in this life; the self that is recognizing, accepting, investigating, and not over-identifying is stronger and expanding into the emptiness of ultimate reality. Time and space may be altered. We may become our spiritual experience. We are ready for our next steps.

For more information refer to Brach, T. (2013). True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awkward Heart. New York: Bantam Books. See also Tara Brach’s other works – Radical Self-Acceptance: A Buddhist Guide to Freeing Yourself from Shame. See also Meditations for Emotional Healing: Finding Freedom in the Face of Difficulty.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

September 20, 2017 By Admin

Pathways for Coping with Loss and Grief

Jeanne Cacciatore, a Zen priest and bereavement specialist, offer sound advice on the process of loss and grieving. In her book, Bearing the Unbearable: Love and the Heart Breaking Path of Grief (2016), she presents the process as a series of contractions and expansions; contractions are the inward path of attention and energy as the physical environment shrinks (vulnerable emotional tightening for self-protection), and expansions are self-compassionate allowing of safety, exploration, curiosity, willingness, and renewed connections. Over time subtle shifts of improvement occur. Over time we begin to live again. Breath as a metaphor serve this view well; the earlier short, shallow, chest breathing in and out changes into a slower, longer abdominal breathing in and out. As we normalize expansion, the pain and suffering of loss remains but it is no longer overpowering and overwhelming. We re-learn how to function and experience hopeful pleasure and joy once again. We notice that we have some gratitude for our life just as it is now.

What are some important things to do when one is in a state of loss and grief? Here is a list.

No matter what you do, the normal process of loss and grief will occur. The issue is how do you want to experience it. It can be devastating and long-term, or it can be devastating but less long-term.
We need to stay with the process to find our way through it. This takes time and courage.
Use all spiritual and religious beliefs you have that are helpful. Heaven, reincarnation, no-self may all be helpful to you in your process of grieving. If helpful, seek spiritual support from others.
It may help to use creative rituals, rites, and alters in your personal process. Rituals can be one very powerful healers, but they can also be very powerful reminders of your loss.
Sit in meditation and/or prayer. Use whatever content seems to help you cope better emotionally. Some people find meditation in a cemetery can be both challenging and helpful. Be with it all.
Share your grief with the right people, at the right times, and in the right places.
When others try to help you, tell them what you need. This often includes combinations of quiet listening, basic presence, kind actions, direct assistance, and social-emotional supports. Pure silence may help.
For those of you who may be more spiritually involved, respectful kneeling and prostrating may help.
Holding a yoga posture in prayer pose can strengthen your capacity to deal with the suffering.
Reading spiritual texts can be helpful and lead to new insights about loss and grief.
Learning to place birth and death into life’s context reminds us of the impermanence of all things.
Spend time in natural environments and allow the soothing power of that environment to heal you.
Practice as much compassionate self-care as possible, although this may be difficult at first.
Do whatever comes to mind to commemorate and respect the loss loved one. Your stronger physical actions in this area (lasting tributes) may reduce the emotional suffering of grief.
Last, allow time to heal, and recognize the thin line between grieving and depression. If you become stuck in the depressive “dark nights of the soul” get professional help quickly.

For more information refer to Cacciatore, J. (2016) Bearing the Unbearable: Love and the Heart Breaking Path of Grief. Boston: Wisdom Publications. See also Healthbeat (2015). Coping with Grief and Loss. Boston: Harvard Medical School.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

The Reality of Experience What is deep mindfulness? Deep mindfulness is the concentrated awareness of all experiences, preferably without evaluating as pleasant or unpleasant. Deep mindfulness is pure awareness as it becomes part of personal consciousness. We humans, however, are always evaluating our experiences and phenomena as pleasant, neutral, or unpleasant – often getting hooked […]

Meditation Process in Chan Buddhism Chan Master Changlu’s The Deportmant for Sitting Meditation (12th century China) is a clear and helpful set of instruction. 1) It begins with the making of a personal vow for great compassion, personal liberation, and samadhi – all for the purpose of delivering sentient beings from their suffering and to their […]

Crisis Resilience Skills – Mindful Happiness Below I will list various interventions that have proven effective in reducing the level of personal crisis. The sources for many of these skills came from Burns (1980), Ellis (1995), Seligman (1988), Linehan (1993, 2015)), Hayes (2018), and Thich Nhat Hanh (various publications). The skills noted are for immediate […]

Henry David Thoreau & Walking Meditation Henry David Thoreau is, perhaps, the most individualistic of the American Transcendentalists. He asked us to consider what we have learned that is useful as we travel our own “stream of life.” He cautions us not to regret when we die that we “had not lived.” He advised us to […]

About Interoception and It’s Importance Interoception (some may also call it neuroception) is the conscious detection and perception of sensory signals in the body and on the skin. Most often these signals are processed as sensations. Sensation, as the foundation of emotional experience, is always there in our bodies; however, we are not always fully […]

More on Self-Compassion Practices Suffering and happiness represent opposites in human emotional experience. In our culture we often equate happiness with what we HAVE and suffering with the GAP between what we have versus what we want. Material possessions tend not to lead to intrinsic happiness; joy based on materials gains is often short-lived – […]

The Holy Year of Mercy Like the Fourteenth Dalai Lama of Tibet, Pope Francis in The Church of Rome, is sharing his opinion on compassion and mercy in life. Although Pope Francis distinguishes compassion (a human action) from mercy (a divine action), the two positive conditions are quite similar in values, attitudes, and behaviors. Pope […]

Mindfulness-Based Emotion Regulation The following emotional regulation practices (also called emotional balance skills) have been supported by over 2500 years of mindfulness training and current psychological research on human emotions. These practices/skills are to be practiced before they are needed, and directly applied when they are needed. Here is the list. 1) Practice noticing and […]

Treating Depression – A Mindful Approach The following approach does not represent a complete intervention sequence in clinical depression; however, the steps noted may be helpful if/when clinicians find their typical interventions are not working. The approach noted here assumes that formal assessment of depression has taken place (objective measure), and that the clinician has a way […]

Making the Best of the Holidays Thanks to Sounds True, we have many good suggestions for making the most of the holidays. It is a norm for the holidays to be happy and joyous, and it is a norm for many people for the holidays to be filled with emotional and behavioral challenges. To reduce […]

Poem on the Wind I am quite pleased with my experience on BEING in the wind today. This poem will suggest that you allow the wind to be a metaphor – even a fantasy – that allows your pain and suffering to be swept away by the endless, gentle, blowing wind of nature. We […]

Tonglen Meditation or Giving and Taking I have added various posts about many compassion practice. Earlier posts have covered a range of practices – from super-easy to more demanding. Here, I will add a more advanced practice. This Tibetan compassion meditation practice has been taught often in the Vajrayana school of Buddhism. In my opinion […]

Mindful Walking Meditation: How to Walk by Thich Nhat Hanh – A Powerful Short Book of Wisdom In my opinion, Thich Nhat Hanh and The 14th Dalai Lama are the two most important and wise teachers of mindfulness, meditation, compassion, and Buddhism in the 21st century. Below I will offer my interpretation of Thich Nhat Hanh’s […]

Drink a Cup of Tea with Thich Nhat Hanh According to the article “A Perfect Cup of Tea” by Noa Jones, The Great Meditation Master offers this sage advice about the best way to enjoy a great cup of tea. I suppose if you would rather drink coffee, the same suggestions may apply. Recognize that […]

Practice Approaches to for Mindful and Enhanced Emotion Regulation Brought to us by way of The Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont Mindful Approaches for Enhanced Emotion Regulation; here are some approaches to practice. 1)In some ways you could understand the progression from auto-pilot mind to greater stability and equanimity of […]

Effective Clinical Supervision Perhaps other than the mental health status of the therapist and her/his ethical clinical skills, there is no more important variable in successful clinical work than effective CLINICAL supervision. I emphasize “clinical’ because in today’s bureaucratic systems, so much supervision tends to be about required procedures like utilization level, reporting requirements, and documentation for services […]

Amitabha Buddha – Pure Land Meditation The following meditation had been modified by me to make it a more specific self-healing meditation and to better fit the time we now live in. Sit quietly and complete 3-4 deep, calming breaths. Pay attention to the quality and density of the light you see outside of your […]

Meditation for Health Improvement It is estimated that between 10 and 15 million Americans participate in some form of regular mindfulness or contemplative practices; secular-based meditation and yoga may be the most common of these practices. Many others practice tai chi, qi gong, forest-based contemplation, Taoism, etc. The US National Institute of Health has been […]

Mindfulness On Loss, Grief and Mourning Mindfulness about personal loss, grief, and mourning may encompass many things. Here I will focus on the process and what people can do to better handle their suffering and pain. One way to look at it is through the lens of radical acceptance; another is via the reality of […]

Mindfulness in the NFL Yes, mindfulness as part of sports psychology programming is being used in the NFL. Yes, big and physically tough football players are being helped via a mindfulness component of sports psychology. There are some important roots here. Dogen, the famous ancient Japanese Buddhist meditation master, brought Chan Buddhism from China to […]