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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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December 24, 2019 By Admin

Journaling and Grief Process

Journaling and Grief Process

Regular brief journaling may be helpful in your grief and horror regarding significant personal losses of self and/or others. Here are the various ways it may be helpful to you.

  1. Writing and reading about your personal loss experience may help you to make sense of the process, and at the same time guide you gently on that path.
  2. Journaling may open up past and present realities – both positive and negative – about your loss experience.
  3. At times anger, resentments, and regrets will come up. These realities open you up to the depth of the grief experience. Do not linger too long there!
  4. S. Kierkegard reminded us that our lived experiences are processed forwardly, but better understood if observed backwards. Journaling helps to focus us on the present but never lets go fully of the past.
  5. It may be important to you to make your personal journal more balanced with both negative and positive experiences. For example, it may be helpful to list all simple pleasures you experienced in any given day. It may also be a good idea not to linger emotionally too long when such experiences trigger negative states.
  6. I have always found it helpful to list my personal gratitudes, even in the midst of painful loss and suffering. It is not uncommon for the most valued experiences to be linked with the lost love-object and your shared life.
  7. If fear and trepidation occur as you move through the grief process, I suggest that you break down the scary moments into smaller, more manageable periods of time, space, and emotions.
  8. Pay attention to and write about both helpful and unhelpful thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and sensations related to your grief process. Be aware keenly of small improvements in all.
  9. You may notice that as you slowly heal you spend less time journaling. This is natural.
  10. You may wish to do “grave worship” practices, or simply write many good things about the lost person.
  11. V. Frankl noted that when we cannot change the reality of a situation, we may have to change ourself.
  12. When you find yourself crying over your loss, that is a very good time to contemplate and do journaling.
  13. Reading related poetry or writing your own may help you.
  14. If and when you experience the emptiness of the void inside, do your best to find words for the experience. And, work to fill that void by re-engaging with your life as it is now.
  15. It is always a good idea to develop and practice personal rituals about your healing. Write about this in your journal.
  16. S. Becket reminded us that we must go on! As painful as it may be, we cannot stop the process.
  17. As P. Chodron noted, we must allow it all to fall apart before we can find the resilience to face what comes next. In most situations, what comes next is slow improvement in your emotional condition.
  18. Rest in peace with your breath, and do more meditation or yoga if that suits you well.
  19. You may wish to visit optionb.org or other sites that support grief work.

Refer to Sandberg, S. and Grant, A. (2017). Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. New York: A. A. Knopf, pp. 58-76.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Calming, Coping, Crisis Resilience Skills, Emotions, Featured, Gratitude Meditation, Grief, Holiday Coping, Inner Peace, Journal Writing, Learning, Letting Go, Meditation, MIndfulness, MIndfulness Activities, Mourning, Natural Healing, Self Care, Spiriuality, Stress Reduction Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, GRATITUDES, GRIEF PROCESS, JOURNALING, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, RESILIENCE

October 27, 2019 By Admin

Crisis Resilience Skills

Crisis Resilience Skills  – Mindful Happiness

Below I will list various interventions that have proven effective in reducing the level of personal crisis. The sources for many of these skills came from Burns (1980), Ellis (1995), Seligman (1988), Linehan (1993, 2015)), Hayes (2018), and Thich Nhat Hanh (various publications). The skills noted are for immediate application in crisis and/or post-crisis practice. Due to space limitations, I will not explain details; rather I will list skills with minimum directions. If interested in improving your clinical capacities to deal with crises, you can look up the details on your own. It is a growth process. It is always a good idea to have a clear and practical crisis response plan.

  1. Move to cognition as soon as possible – get out of body reactions and take over the thought process related to the situation. Practice Tara Brach’s RAIN skills (recognize, accept, investigate, and relate to non-self), complete a pros and cons grid (good and not-so-good things about staying the same versus making small changes – CT, MI, CBT). Also distant or distract yourself quickly. Distraction is not to be used in physically dangerous situations.
  2. Practice mindfulness core skills. Begin relaxation breath with deep, slow breathing (polyvagal impediments may exist especially if poorly treated trauma is a reality), use positive imagery, meditate, do yoga, pray, pay attention to non-crisis variables, and live within the realities impermanence.
  3. Practice self-soothing. Remember or engage in positive images, sounds, touch, smells, and tastes. Carry your favorite self-calming scent with you. Rub your hands hard and long until hot, then place them on your face and absorb the healing warmth.
  4. DBT-like skills are highly effective. Use “wide-mind” skills. Try ACCEPTS. Engage in alternative activities, contribute to others, compare downwardly with others, engage in opposite emotion, push away unhelpful thoughts and move away from the situation, engage in productive thinking about what to do now without emotional dysregulation, and improve your sensations. Although not part of DBT, you may wish to practice progressing counting (distractive); say to yourself or outloud consecutive numbers and imagine them in your mind’s eye. Continue to count until the emotional reactivity has reduced.
  5. Practice mindful movement. Do yoga, tai chi, qi gong in more vigorous modes until you notice that your body has experienced a reduction in emotional reactivity. Regular meditation practice is, perhaps, your best option here.  Do vigorous exercise.
  6. Do your best to reduce a “victim” self-image. Work on fear-based reactions and combat hopelessness and helplessness tendencies. Use your older, experienced self’s wisdom.
  7. If in therapy, be certain to process the crisis experience. If your therapist is competent, she/he will include such skills development as part of your treatment.
  8. Hope this quick review has been helpful to you.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Crisis Resilience Skills, Featured, MIndfulness, Nhat Hanh Thich, Resilience, Self Care, Trauma Tagged With: CRISIS SKILLS, RESILIENCE, SKILLS, TRAINING

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