ANTHONY QUINTILIANI Archives - Mindful Happiness

December 24, 2019 By Admin

Journaling and Grief Process

Regular brief journaling may be helpful in your grief and horror regarding significant personal losses of self and/or others. Here are the various ways it may be helpful to you.

Writing and reading about your personal loss experience may help you to make sense of the process, and at the same time guide you gently on that path.
Journaling may open up past and present realities – both positive and negative – about your loss experience.
At times anger, resentments, and regrets will come up. These realities open you up to the depth of the grief experience. Do not linger too long there!
S. Kierkegard reminded us that our lived experiences are processed forwardly, but better understood if observed backwards. Journaling helps to focus us on the present but never lets go fully of the past.
It may be important to you to make your personal journal more balanced with both negative and positive experiences. For example, it may be helpful to list all simple pleasures you experienced in any given day. It may also be a good idea not to linger emotionally too long when such experiences trigger negative states.
I have always found it helpful to list my personal gratitudes, even in the midst of painful loss and suffering. It is not uncommon for the most valued experiences to be linked with the lost love-object and your shared life.
If fear and trepidation occur as you move through the grief process, I suggest that you break down the scary moments into smaller, more manageable periods of time, space, and emotions.
Pay attention to and write about both helpful and unhelpful thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and sensations related to your grief process. Be aware keenly of small improvements in all.
You may notice that as you slowly heal you spend less time journaling. This is natural.
You may wish to do “grave worship” practices, or simply write many good things about the lost person.
V. Frankl noted that when we cannot change the reality of a situation, we may have to change ourself.
When you find yourself crying over your loss, that is a very good time to contemplate and do journaling.
Reading related poetry or writing your own may help you.
If and when you experience the emptiness of the void inside, do your best to find words for the experience. And, work to fill that void by re-engaging with your life as it is now.
It is always a good idea to develop and practice personal rituals about your healing. Write about this in your journal.
S. Becket reminded us that we must go on! As painful as it may be, we cannot stop the process.
As P. Chodron noted, we must allow it all to fall apart before we can find the resilience to face what comes next. In most situations, what comes next is slow improvement in your emotional condition.
Rest in peace with your breath, and do more meditation or yoga if that suits you well.
You may wish to visit optionb.org or other sites that support grief work.

Refer to Sandberg, S. and Grant, A. (2017). Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. New York: A. A. Knopf, pp. 58-76.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon

December 18, 2019 By Admin

How to Offer Personal Tribute to Those Who Have Died

The Four Noble Truths tell us sobering news. There is suffering, and impermanence of all things including us and our loved ones. Below I have listed several thing you can do to HONOR a person you have lost. Here is the list.

Recall a special time before or at the time of death, and consider it a sacred place in space and time. Honor it and the person with the complete softness of your loving heart. Do this now if you wish to.
Pray for the person you have lost – and the goodness in that lost relationship. You can do this if you are agnostic, even atheist. The prayer is to honor the loved person not to one of many gods.
Go to your soft, suffering heart and fill it with joyous remembrances of your time with the person. Yes, the person has moved beyond; however, your internal and emotional memories are quite vibrant. They have made a special place for them self in your soul.
You can carry this to a deeper level by seeing and touching special objects that belonged to the deceased. Or, you can set up a small shrine in your home to pay respect and honor whenever you wish to do so.
Know that the deceased person would want you to recall your joy, so light up your senses and recall in mild meditative state the pleasant and happy experiences you both shared. If something happened with them that made you laugh, go there! This is what they wish for you.
Listen to the music the lost person enjoyed, or read something inspirational.
Think carefully of all the ways you could say goodbye again. Do it now if you wish to.
Recall the smile on their face, and smile back. You may be surprised at how powerful this experience may be.
Dedicate meritorious behavior to them. If you wish, set up some special program or fund to champion causes they cared about. The financial level is far less important than the emotional level of actually doing something.
Write a special tribute about them in a journal. Write often, and read what your have written again and again.
Lastly, work carefully to discover some ways to celebrate that person’s life and your relationship. Celebrate often and be calm within the warmth of your love.

For more information refer to Reoch, R. (1997). To Die Well: A Holistic Approach for the Dying and Their Caregivers. New York: Harper. See also Holecek, A. (2013). Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition. Boston: Snow Lion, pp. 312-314.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon

November 1, 2019 By Admin

Meditation for Managers and Helpers – Let Me Help Your Organization!

Meditation for Managers and Helpers

Let’s Talk – Contact Me – Click Here

I am a Licensed Psychologist-Doctorate and a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor with 35 years of clinical experience in community clinics, schools, professional organizations, and universities (OSU, UVM, etc.). I have been the past Clinical Director of Howard Center, and Past President of the Vermont Psychological Association. I have provided clinical training on various clinical topics to therapists from all over New England, and as far south at Alexandria, VA and as far west as SanDiego, CA. I serve as the head teacher at The Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont, home of the Monkton Sangha. I have published numerous clinical articles, books and workbook. The most recent being Mindful Happiness… I provide various posts for my blog, mindfulhappiness.org. For many years I have served as a State of Vermont (DMH, ADAP, AHS) trainer in co-occurring disorders. I also train for NEIAS and AdCare New England. I have been practicing meditation since 1982.

This piece serves as an advertisement for local Vermont managers and therapists as well as a regular post on the blog. Below I will list the proven benefits ( now thousands of studies on these) for managers and therapists who complete repeated meditation retreats and how the retreat process works. Managers and therapists who complete meditation retreats often report the following benefits. My own short retreats occur on a scheduled Saturday afternoon from 1 to 5/6 PM. Longer retreat periods are also available upon request. Participation is by invitation or you contacting me at anthony1@gmavt.net. My retreat costs are extremely affordable! More on retreat details after we review the benefits.

Common Benefits of Meditation Retreats and Personal Practice –

Expanded self-understanding
Improved attentional focus
Better focused awareness
The personal experience of being present in mind and body
Adjustments to silence and being without all electronic/digital devices (highly addictive)
The possibility of noticed clarity
Experienced forms of inner energy
More centered calmness or activation
Flowing with, complying or rejecting gentle meditation instructions
Discovery of the many benefits of pure silence
Letting go of day-to-day stressors and torments and simply settling into the “being” process – “choiceness awareness”
Being open to unexpected emotions – could be joy, could be sadness, could be new, could be old, etc.
Experience of staying with the arising emotions without attempts to flee them if unpleasant
Ultimately improved emotional self-regulation
With practice, improvements in anxiety, depression, trauma, and addictions (mainly emotion regulation)
Noticing the phases:
A) – Settling into the process and being at surface levels of awareness and experience; B) – Deepening into emotional realities of just BEING – deeper opening up to personal realities of past-present-future and not trying to escape anything positive or negative; C) – Slow re-adjustment to non-meditative experiences, and a readiness to enter into more typical personal experiences.

How I Manage My Own Silent Retreats (Typical Saturday Afternoon or for Longer Periods) –

People arrive at 1 Pm for a brief social period and tea.
At the sound of the singing bowl, we enter the living room and sit in a circle and listen to the day’s plan.
Then we check in – voluntary. Do you wish to share your hopes for the day or share anything else with the group?
We enter the retreat center for the Nine Bells Meditation, a brief meditation focused on any important person/s or relationship/s you have lost. It may also focus on something inside of yourself you feel you have lost.
Loving Kindness Meditation follows the Nine Bells.
We now do kinkin, or slower and silent walking meditation (outside weather permitting, inside if not).
In warmer weather, we may add outside yoga, tai chi or qigong practices.
We move back into the meditation room, where I lead meditations I have designed for your specific needs or retreat request.
We do kinkin again.
We sit in the circle in the living room again and write in our journals – voluntary. We are still silent. Bring a journal.
We check out in our circle – voluntary sharing.
You decide if you wish to take written copies of the meditation you experienced.
You decide if you want meditation coaching from me at an agreed-upon, low cost.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

October 30, 2019 By Admin

Core Elements in Clinical Supervision

In addition to what supervisors bring into group supervision and clinical training, the list below will be used for discussion about YOUR supervisory role. The order of content below is generally random. The content noted applies to clinical supervision; it could also apply to doing effective therapy. The skills and knowledges here make up a toolbox for effective clinical supervision. That said, it cannot include everything.

DO NO HARM in all supervision modalities (individual, group, education/training)!
Know your code of ethics, especially sections relating to clinical supervision, education/training, clinical relationship, and the role of technology.
Understand how the past becomes the present – your own attachment and developmental history and experience. Your own “dragons.”
Know how to use strong empathy and therapeutic alliance/relationship skills.
Face the reality of co-occurring conditions in clinical practice. Even if your role is dealing with “the walking well,” there are most likely co-occurring conditions if not diagnoses.
Know how to use and supervise 2-3 evidence-based therapies ( BT, CT, CBT, CBT-M, Process-Based CBT, DBT, DBT-S, MBSR, MBCT, MBRP, ACT, Narrative and Solutions-Oriented approaches, etc.
Recognize that the EBTXs are the science behind the art of therapy. Client and supervisee progress require both art and science.
Experiment with creativity – but do no harm.
Know how to use restructuring and reframing.
Understand the science behind client-matching variables. Recognize the impact of anxiety, depression, trauma, addictions, etc.
Do your best to use a bio-psycho-social-spiritual model. Pay attention to preferences of people you supervise. Never impose a narrow focus.
Consider Quintiliani’s “neurotherapy” by using cognition, affect, behavior, sensory experiences (see, hear, feel,, etc.) as well as intuition, spirituality and relational variables and conditions. Refer to the Attachment-CABS-VAKGO-IS-Rels model.
Study more neuroscience and how it relates to cognitive and behavior change and the human mind-body system.
Learn and use effective emotion regulation skills and practices.
Focus on the impact of cognition (thoughts and deep structures), emotion, behavioral conditioning, social justice, marginalization, trauma (especially pre-verbal), addictions (include pesky cellphones), and mindfulness.
Observe! Observe! Observe! (direct observation of the work) and Respect! Respect! Respect!
Remain fully aware of possible transference and countertransference processes, especially projective identification.
Know that context, personal aspiration, and personal values matter.
Recognize parallel process from therapy to supervision and back again.
Know that in most states the supervisor is 100% responsible for the actions of the people they supervise, even if those actions were not recommended or are unknown to you.
Know how to use compassion in practical ways, especially with defensive ego-protective patterns in people.
Never make identifications of the whole person as their clinical condition of diagnosis. In fact, add much more to the individualized interventions.
As you observe and respect be a good mentor to motivate, but never forget client protection is the first priority. Their progress is a second priority.
Know your roles: hire, fire, oversight, evaluate, train, support, organize, coordinate, and DOCUMENT. Know abut all HIPAA and 42 CFR Pt 2 requirements.
Always use a written supervision contract/agreement, and recognize informed consent aspects as well as due process in it.
In co-occurring work, seek a role for 12 Steps and/or peer recovery support.
Keep strong BOUNDARIES in all aspect of this work.
Pay attention to learning styles.
Some of the work is a form of palliative care, in that counseling and therapy sometimes deal with life-or-death issues. It is a form of sacred work.
Know about duty to warn and protect – and its various implications.
Supervision (like therapy) needs to be structured but not rigid.
Recognize that generic “talking” has very little empirical support for supporting change in serious co-occurring disorders.
Be capable in dealing with conditions of potential suicide, self-harm, and harm to others.
Supervision needs to be based on an agreement, a professional development plan, and change-oriented interventions, techniques, and processes. In the final analysis, the supervisor is in charge – final decision making re. competence of supervisees and protection of others.
Look after your own self-development as lead clinicians and supervisors.
All may fail if you do not attend to your own SELF-CARE and the self-care of the people you supervise. Etc.!

Be well and reduce suffering!

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

October 27, 2019 By Admin

Crisis Resilience Skills

Crisis Resilience Skills – Mindful Happiness

Below I will list various interventions that have proven effective in reducing the level of personal crisis. The sources for many of these skills came from Burns (1980), Ellis (1995), Seligman (1988), Linehan (1993, 2015)), Hayes (2018), and Thich Nhat Hanh (various publications). The skills noted are for immediate application in crisis and/or post-crisis practice. Due to space limitations, I will not explain details; rather I will list skills with minimum directions. If interested in improving your clinical capacities to deal with crises, you can look up the details on your own. It is a growth process. It is always a good idea to have a clear and practical crisis response plan.

Move to cognition as soon as possible – get out of body reactions and take over the thought process related to the situation. Practice Tara Brach’s RAIN skills (recognize, accept, investigate, and relate to non-self), complete a pros and cons grid (good and not-so-good things about staying the same versus making small changes – CT, MI, CBT). Also distant or distract yourself quickly. Distraction is not to be used in physically dangerous situations.
Practice mindfulness core skills. Begin relaxation breath with deep, slow breathing (polyvagal impediments may exist especially if poorly treated trauma is a reality), use positive imagery, meditate, do yoga, pray, pay attention to non-crisis variables, and live within the realities impermanence.
Practice self-soothing. Remember or engage in positive images, sounds, touch, smells, and tastes. Carry your favorite self-calming scent with you. Rub your hands hard and long until hot, then place them on your face and absorb the healing warmth.
DBT-like skills are highly effective. Use “wide-mind” skills. Try ACCEPTS. Engage in alternative activities, contribute to others, compare downwardly with others, engage in opposite emotion, push away unhelpful thoughts and move away from the situation, engage in productive thinking about what to do now without emotional dysregulation, and improve your sensations. Although not part of DBT, you may wish to practice progressing counting (distractive); say to yourself or outloud consecutive numbers and imagine them in your mind’s eye. Continue to count until the emotional reactivity has reduced.
Practice mindful movement. Do yoga, tai chi, qi gong in more vigorous modes until you notice that your body has experienced a reduction in emotional reactivity. Regular meditation practice is, perhaps, your best option here. Do vigorous exercise.
Do your best to reduce a “victim” self-image. Work on fear-based reactions and combat hopelessness and helplessness tendencies. Use your older, experienced self’s wisdom.
If in therapy, be certain to process the crisis experience. If your therapist is competent, she/he will include such skills development as part of your treatment.
Hope this quick review has been helpful to you.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness