ANTHONY QUINTILIANI Archives - Page 18 of 18

November 11, 2014 By Admin

Contemplative Practices of the Skillful True Self

Contemplative Practices – Affirmative Self-Inquiry

Contemplation and affirmative self-inquiry may be helpful in improving your awareness of your better parts of self – your positive strengths and traits. Our self-critical mind often causes us to spend far too much time on critical, negative thinking about ourselves and about others. The practice below may be helpful to you in shifting your mind to a happier, more productive, positive stance. This approach combines some of the processes found in adaptive lectio divina, contemplative inquiry, and appreciative inquiry. Some aspects of these approaches to creative cognitive processes have ancient roots.

Simply follow the steps below.

Step One) Simply sit in mild meditation. If you are not a meditation practitioner, simply sit quietly with a cup of tea and look out a window or look at a neural object in your home. Just sit! Relax! Notice! Do your best to stay focused on an object of meditation (your breath or object at home) or the scene outside your window. Do your best NOT to evaluate anything. Remain in the present moment of just sitting. Simply rest.

Step Two) Within your deeper, meditative state simply ask yourself (inquire) WHAT is your most positive, meaningful trait as a person. Do your best NOT to be too perfectionistic OR too devaluing in this inquiry. Find the middle way – What is your most positive or most meaningful strengths or trait?

Answer here:_____________________________________________________________

Step Three) Repeat step two.

Answer here:______________________________________________________________

Step Four) Contemplate when, where, why and how this positive trait activates itself in you. Are there any patterns? If so, what is the pattern?

Answer here:____________________________________________________________________________

Step Five) Focus on your innermost feelings when this strength activities in you. What is that feeling?

Answer here:____________

Step Six) Going deeper into yourself in a meditative state, what is your most important, meaningful strength as a person?

Answer here:

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Step Seven) Simply sit in the feelings of joy with the reality of having that strength. Allow!

Step Eight) Stop! If you keep a journal, write a statement in your journal about this personal experience of positive inquiry.

Note: This inquiry contemplation may also be done in dyads or with a significant other. One person thinks and speaks; the other person listens (no comments). Then switch roles.

For more information refer to Appreciative Inquiry into Organizational Life: Toward a Theory of Social Innovation.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

October 7, 2014 By Admin

Mindfulness to Expand Acceptance of Others

Mindfulness Practices for Expanding Acceptance

Mindfulness and contemplation can be great allies in our struggle to better understand each other. This is especially true when it comes to matters of interpersonal relationships and highly significant relationships. It is also important in diversity, or as some now refer to it – variation in human beings. Variation may be a better term; it implies there are variations in all humans. Since variation exists inside and outside typical human groups (women, men, racial and ethnic groups, religions, etc.), it may be a more normative term to signify a noticed difference in any person. Since variation (diversity) among people is a highly observable difference, it may sometimes influence our deeper insecurities: this person is like me or not like me.

In mindfulness traditions, we strive to accept others as complete equals and to be in a state of compassion and acceptance with them. All people are born, suffer, experience joy, become old and/or ill, then die at some point. We are ALL experiencing the same process living here on earth. We all suffer, experience joy, and we all will die at some time in the future.

Keeping these ideas in mind, please participate in the following mindful awareness activity dealing with human variation. This is a positive stereotyping activity. You are being asked to use mindful contemplation to think of positives in other people who present with variation – not exactly like you.

Please follow the steps listed below.

A) List five groups of people with variation – these groups are different in race, ethnicity, religion, social-economic status, etc. The five groups are NOT exactly like you.

B) Although these five groups of people have variations that you do not have, please contemplate about each group AND at least one positive trait you believe they possess. This is positive stereotyping; positive stereotyping is being used to have you experience something a bit different regarding your usual views about variations in humans.

NOW go back to the five groups and write at least one positive trait you do believe each group possesses.

C) As you read over what you have written, contemplate on each group and any positives you listed.

D) As you completed this mindful activity did you notice any biases that came up for you? If yes – what came up?

E) As you completed this mindful activity, did you notice any feelings of compassion that came up about any of the groups or their struggles? If yes – what came up?

F) As you completed this mindful activity, did you notice any subtle shifts in your own perspectives about any of these groups? If yes – what shifted?

Hopefully mindful activities like this one may be helpful in softening your own heart about others – and, perhaps, about yourself.

Compassion, acceptance, and understanding can go a long way in improving relations with others. This is particularly true if the others possess human variations you do not possess.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

September 9, 2014 By Admin

Self Medicate Suffering

So Many Ways to Self-Medicate – It Just Brings More Suffering

Very often poor child-parent (child-caretaker) object relations, attachment with care takers, and attunement by care takers negatively impact young children early in their lives. The well-documented scientific fact that environmental conditions play a more important role in gene-expression than pure genetics implies clearly that the quality of early life experiences activate long-term consequences in the lives of humans. Let’s take an informal look at the various forms of self-medication (short-term habitual behaviors to add brief experiences of fleeting joy or to escape personal suffering) used commonly in American society.

What is wrong with America? We lead the world in consumption of mind-altering substances – is the emptiness in our souls too, too large and deep? Our compulsive substance use reflects a hungry ghost perspective. Addictions of all kinds cannot be an effective substitute for LOVE!

Here is a limited list.

Substance use for various reasons – Users hope for periods of brief joy as positive reinforcement and/or escape from and avoidance of suffering as negative reinforcement.
Substance use for various mental health sufferings – Users learn that certain substances have a brief impact on their suffering in depression, anxiety, trauma, fear, social phobia, and emotion dysregulation.
Workaholism – We learn early that good work habits imply better success, but we overwork to escape things and/or to build internal security or compensate for insecurity.
Out-of-control consumerism – We love to buy, buy, buy even when we cannot pay, pay, pay. Do we need or just want?
Compulsive eating – Self-medicating often leads to obesity, then sometimes to diabetes, and other types eating disorders. Emotional eating is a very common problem in America. Supersize me! And that is exactly what happens.
Social dependency – We appear to have an extreme fear of being alone. It may be that empty soul again.
Extreme perfectionism – Some of us learn this as a way to cover up private insecurities and/or to obtain contingent positive self-esteem and self-concept. It may also be a behavior to obtain social-emotional value and respect from significant others.
Sex addiction and sexual rages/compulsions – Interesting that our sexist society commonly refers to women here, even with diagnostic formats. What about men?
Various self-medicating behaviors in mental health areas – Depression, anxiety, trauma, fear, social phobia and others; each one has its own forms of self-medicating the clinical conditions, and these forms go BEYOND substance use alone.
Excessive aggression – Even harming others may produce some form of reinforcement as a contingent means to control situations, dominate people, and/or escape pain. In non-war environments we lead the world in the number of people killed by gunfire. Where is our emotional regulation?

A very long time ago, the Buddha (in the Brahmajala Sutta) noted that there are many, many things we may become over-attached to. This form of attachment can lead to suffering – suffering due to loss of what we want; suffering due to any change; suffering due to general impermanence in life; and, suffering due to old age and illness.

If you discovered your form of self-medication in the list above, consider obtaining competent professional help to modify your habitual trends. Another option could be to do DAILY practice of mindfulness-based stress reduction skills. Obtain competent professional help to learn these wise-mind skills AND practice them daily. In time (perhaps as little as 8-12 weeks according to neuroscience research), brain plasticity changes may occur; you may then notice your unhelpful self-medication is slowly being replaced with a more helpful and healthy habit. Best of luck on your personal journey to better physical and psychological health.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

For more information refer to Mate, G. (2018, 2010). In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addictions. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, pp. 223-259.