MINDFUL HAPPINESS Archives - Mindful Happiness

June 15, 2019 By Admin

In-Depth Means to Discover and Be Your True Self

Henry David Thoreau reminded us that it is not what you look at, but it is what you see that matters. How do you SEE yourself? John Muir reminded us that the sun shines in us as well as in our souls. Do you find “the healing light” in your soul? The following “thinkers” have provided some interested self-search methods for us to consider; try some of these to find your own true self and be grateful.

Arvni Nan Futuronsky, Thomas Moore, and Christopher Germer – According to these people, finding the true center of the true self requires a mindfully deep questing processes, which may include regular silent meditation and inner self-contemplation. Being stuck in past struggles, painful experiences, and general suffering block not only finding our true self but also it’s healing capacities. Likewise being stuck in anxiety, fear, depression, loneliness, trauma, addictions (including “I-Smartphone” addiction), self-doubt, and non-stop critical thinking – all harm our true self and keep us in cyclical patterns of suffering and despair. Samsara is dominant here. These are very serious problems, and they are not overcome without considerable personal effort. However, locating and “seeing” the good of your true self will enable you to grow and be happier. Confirm and affirm yourself! Use your self-leadership to experience pure self-compassion and maintain a mindfully oriented mind. Find your strengths and pleasures in art, literature, poetry, nature, metaphors, myth, random movements, and facial expressions of pleasure. Spend more personal and silent time in nature. Study, experience, and appreciate these many resources of the self. With regular practice improved habits of mind-body realities will occur in both self-narratives and behavioral ways. You must practice regularly. Trade some “worry time” for beneficial practice time.

J. Belmont in Embrace Your Greatness.. recommends that you unconditionally and radically accept yourself as being “good enough” (D.W. Winnicott). It is not a problem to have human imperfections; our race if loaded with imperfections – it is normal. Our highly competitive and sometimes violent society, however, entrains us to focus on negatives in life. Even our brain is designed to emphasize negatives; the human Limbic System is designed for survival, thus our focus on negatives may be part of our genetic heritage to survive. To improve regularly practice letting go of your inner critical voices – your own inner voice as well as critical, projected voices from others. Do not respond to typical, habitual, conditioned “shoulds.” Emphasize and take advantage of your own possible post-traumatic growth. Seek it in yourself and it will be there. Pay very close attention to your personal strengths, and take the time to list them and read them periodically. Meditate, practice yoga, and remain mindful daily.

Other Things to Do

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy – If you know this approach, use it’s diffusion and distancing techniques often. Clarification here is beyond the scope of this post. Google it, or look up information available on this blog site.
Kundalini Yoga – Certain easy and energetic practices of taking in and pushing out may be helpful . The approach using your arms to take into the body something you want and saying “YES” with louder and louder force might help you. Likewise, using your arms to push out something you do not want and saying “NO” (with louder force) in the process can be helpful. Teaching you this is beyond the scope of this post. Google it.
Likewise using Loving Kindness Meditation and Yoga Nidra processes are often helpful to us humans. Once again, it is not the focus of this blog post to teach you these practices. Google them, or look them up elsewhere in this blog site. Practice! Practice! Practice!

For more information you may wish to refer to Belmont, J. (2019). Embrace Your Greatness…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

June 8, 2019 By Admin

Increasing Creativity and Hope in Your Therapy

Sometimes even the most effective therapists get worn out; when this happens, our creative spirit may disappear from the therapy office. In this post I will present some research-based information about being more creative in our work, and add additional information about using mindfulness to enhance your clients’ hope. This information will also expand your own hope. We all know that hope is one of the most important element in therapy and counseling. Here are a few suggestion from Scientific American for enhancing our creative energies.

Stop just talking! It is important to utilize all pathways of consciousness, not just verbal, cognitive, and prefrontal activation.
Use lots of sensory interventions. Plan and implement interventions using all the human senses.
Use lots of symbols in therapy, and have your client come up with their own symbols to represent what they are experiencing in life. Symbols for solutions are very important.
Use lots of metaphors in your talking cures. Invite your client to come up with their own metaphors.
Utilize your own clinical knowledge, and go deeply into your client’s beliefs, aspirations, and behavioral activations in those aspirations.
Remain open to the possibilities within creativity – your own and your client’s.
Do not be critical of “off-the-wall” ideas your client may have. Criticism stifles creativity and open conversation. How might you use their suggestions in creative ways?
Do your best to remain positive in the work. This requires good self-care and clinical supervision.
Use left-hemisphere powers to plan and evaluate interventions and new behaviors; use right hemisphere powers to activate more creative ways of doing the business of change.
Use lots of colors to help your client develop visual images and pictures of desired changes. Add symbols and metaphors within the projective drawing interventions. No “stick-figures!”
When you are stuck, use free association to see what comes into consciousness about moving on.

Others with psychological background suggest that there are at least seven ways to enhance creativity. These ways include conscious and unconscious aspects of creative process and emotions. Use your personal values and reflective introspection to find sources of creativity in love, in nature, using the muse, in your own suffering, via regular meditative practice, in sacredness, and in art.

You may also find it helpful to use writing and poetry. Sometimes it helps by using the creativity of others. In the final analysis we all know we cannot simply turn-on creativity just because we wish to do so; it comes when we are ready to use it well. Follow the suggested areas above to stimulate your readiness to be more creative int your therapy and in your life.

Hopefully this information will help you to experiment with being more creative in your counseling and therapy. Now let’s take a look at ideas for enhancing and expanding hope. Using mindfulness and presence while practicing the Zen Buddhist paramitas or perfections may open up pathways to patience and caring. In our current disruptive world it is easy to get lost in the “I-Smart” phone next contact (an addiction); it is easy to allow others to influence our expectations and moods – often for the worse. The I/Me/Mine attitude of our narcissistic culture may be modified by the self-affirming realties of “The Perfections” (to give and to receive with grace, to use skillful actions, to be patient, to augment effort, to meditate, and “see” clearly). Engaging in these behaviors may help us return to the true self and an authentic life. The wisdom of these ancient teachings may open up the light in our dark nights of the soul. Living the foundations of The Perfections may liberate our deep hope for the better. Correctly taking and giving with patience and effort can enter our regular meditation practice. We may see more clearly what is important, as well as what path to take in any given challenge. Living our life with The Perfections in mind, body, and behavior expands hope for ourselves and for others. How might you creatively introduce The Perfections to your client (only with permission – they are Buddhist)?

For more information refer to DiChristina, M. (Ed.). (2008). Brainstorming: Using Science to Spark Maximum Creativity. New York: MacMillan Audio Books. See also Rizzetto, D. (2019). Deep Hope: Zen Guidance for Staying Steadfast When the World Seems Hopeless. Boulder, CO: Shambhala Publications. Quibell, D. A., Selig, J. L., and Slatery, D. P. (2019). Deep Creativity: Seven Ways to Spark Your Creative Spirit. Boulder, CO: Shambhala Publications.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

April 20, 2019 By Admin

A Buddhist Sutta on Your Desires and Suffering

This post is about the Buddhist Sutta called The Gilana Sutta (SN 35:74). It is a touching story about a young monk, who became very ill. Another monk informed The Buddha of the young monk’s health conditions. Buddha visited and hoped he had improved and held on to some comfort. The ill monk replied that he had not improved and was not at all comfortable. The Buddha replied, then I hope you have no anxiety or remorse. To which the ill monk replied, that he did have anxiety and remorse. Buddha inquired about the nature of the monk’s anxiety and remorse; the ill monk noted that he understood the Damma (Dharma teaching) included the fading of passions. When Buddha asked about the monk’s sensory desires, all were reported as stressfully inconsistent. The Buddha reminded the monk that all experiences of senses and mind were subject to change, and change was impermanence – sometimes cessation leading to dissatisfaction. In his current situation, this was the monk’s own experiences of the self – who and what I am now.

Now the ill monk realized that liberation from pain and suffering was related to him becoming disenchanted from sensory desires and intellectual/mental understanding related to sensory desires. Attachments to what the monk desired. The ill monk worked on his own dispassion from sensory desires, and eventually entered a state of being released, liberated from the suffering of sensory desires and related thoughts about them. Their meeting ended with the monk feeling liberated from his sensory desires and related thoughts – all about pain and suffering. The Buddha ended the conversation noting that all experiences are subject to dependent origination, and that all such experiences are subject to cessation – thus impermanence. In his newfound realization and liberation, the monk was neither anxious or remorseful. He was just a being, being in an impermanent experience.

How are you doing with you sensory desires and related thoughts about them? Do you realize that your energy in pursuing sensory desires and related thoughts simply may add to your own suffering? Can you be comfortable being alone with yourself, or not having what you desire? This is not nihilism; this is being in “The Middle Way” about your life experience. This is about radically accepting that which you do not desire but cannot change, and appreciating that which you enjoy but cannot hold on to. It is about releasing and reducing your own ego involvement with your life experiences. Egolessness is a hard goal to achieve in practice. May you be safe, healthy, free from suffering, happy, and be at ease with life.

For more information refer to https//www.dammatalks.org/suttas/SN/SN35 74html. See also Okawa, R. (2018). The Challenge of the Mind: An Essential Guide to Buddha’s Teachings in Zen, Karma, and Enlightenment. New York: IRH Press, pp. 104-129.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

March 16, 2019 By Admin

Psychodynamics of Alliance – Therapeutic Relationship Enhancement

This post includes basic considerations, processes, and clinical skills necessary for developing a strongly positive clinical alliance and therapeutic relationship in therapy. Here the alliance is required for any substantial change in psychotherapy, and the therapeutic relationship rides the quality of the initial alliance to expand and inter-penetrate the emotional b0nds between the client and the therapist. The combination of strong initial alliance and highly positive therapeutic relationship is a powerful enhancement for personal growth and positive change in therapy. However, it is doubtful that these factors alone will bring about meaningful change in the problem/s that brought the client into therapy. Without them, there will be no meaningful change.

Emotional Bonding and Therapeutic Presence Requires:

Intentional empathic attachment by the therapist;
Meaningful collaboration on important tasks and behaviors;
Emotional exposure in safety, and emotional containment as needed;
The client experiences being heard, cared about, and accepted unconditionally;
The therapist provides a strong positive “holding environment” within “intersubjective space” (Winnicott);
A social and psychological environment of mutual respect, compassion, and trust exists;
The therapist may become a secure attachment (re-attachment) figure in this emotionally intimate process;
The therapist’s “unconditional positive regard” is experienced and projected into the psychodynamic space (Rogers);
The therapist may improve attunement with the client’s inner experience, emotions, and needs (Kohut); and,
Within safety and trust both projection and projective identification occur (Alonso) as reciprocal introjective processes to ensure the potential for “going on being” (Winnicott).

Additional Specific Behaviors by the Therapist:

Providing direct emotional support verbally and non-verbally;
Holding a delicate balance in idealized projections;
Rapid repair of emotional ruptures, and taking responsibility for same;
Various forms of direct and indirect validation;
Careful, strategic use of silence;
Maintaining empathic understanding despite any negative countertransference;
Working to improve “experience-near empathy” (Kohut);
Acting on opportunities to improve the quality of object relations here and now;
Serving as a “good mother” (or father) figure (Klein); and,
Careful ongoing reflection on emotional, verbal, projective, transference, and countertransference processes.

Desired Self-Development Outcomes for the Client:

Improved insight;
Improved self-confidence and sense of security;
Improved skills in mindful awareness;
Reduced fixations on negative cognitive, emotional, and behavioral experiences in the past and present;
Improved internal structure as well as object constancy and relatedness;
More positive introjected experiences in therapy and in life;
Reduced repetitive defensive and emotionally reactive patterns;
Stronger, more positive sense of personhood; and,
More effective views about self in the world of interpersonal life.

Caution: Most psychodynamic and psychoanalytic therapies place primary emphasis on the clinical relationship between the therapist and the client, and less emphasis on actual cognitive and behavioral change in presenting problems. Therefore, it may be a moral (not ethical) question as to whether a therapists uses only these approaches. It may be best to integrate them with a well researched evidence-based therapy. For supportive reviews see the work of Mark Solms, Edward Tronick, and C.A. Alfonso, R.C. Friedman, & J.I. Downey (Eds.) (2018). Advances in Psychodynamics Psychiatry. For a strong critique see Richards, A. (June, 2018). Psychoanalysis in trouble…Psychoanalytic Review, 102(3), June, 2018.

By David Rapp, Brian Tobin, and Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC,

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon

July 20, 2018 By Admin

Using Lectio Divina to Improve Your Self Esteem

Using Lectio Divina to Improve Your Self-Esteem

LectioDivina is an ancient form of Christian (Benedictine) meditation. This meditative prayer is sometimes called “Sacred Seeing.” Lectio Divina follows specific steps as a process: lectio or reading a passage; Meditatio or meditating on the passage or image; Oratio or praying (I add – in your own way); Contemplatio or contemplation on it; and, Actio or action based on your new insights. Modified below.

For a few minutes sit in calm, self-abiding meditation and just rest.
Now ask yourself this question: “What strengths do I have?”
Write a short paragraph noting the kinds of strengths you know you have.
Now take five long, deep, slow breaths and close your eyes if you are ok with that. Think carefully about the strengths you listed. Contemplate them as you meditate again.
Now in full conscious awareness, read that paragraph over and over slowly. Read it five or six times, and go deeper into your awareness each time you read it. Really concentrate.
Answer the following questions about improving your self-esteem by using your strengths. Best to use a form of free association here; simply see what comes into awareness without great effort.
What is the pattern of your strengths? If you come up with something, add it to your paragraph.
Who are you when you have lived experience using your strengths. If something new comes up in your consciousness, add this information to your paragraph.
When are you most likely to use your strengths? Follow the same procedure as above.
Where are you most likely to live by your strengths? Follow the same procedure again.
How does you using your strengths look? Make an image of it, or recall the last time you used your strengths. Notice anything significant, and add it to your paragraph.
Now relax again, and read your longer paragraph over five more times. Read slowly, and add deeper concentration each time you read it. Go into it deeply!
End with a short story about your future use of your signature strengths.
Go back into light meditation with long, slow, deep breaths and just relax. Notice how you feel right now. Remember your strengths are always with you, but you need to use them.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness