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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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January 22, 2021 By Admin

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Other than our nation’s suffering during The Civil War, The Great Depression, and World War II this past year has been one of the most stress-filled, fear-filled times in our history. Here is a list of the reasons behind it all: the COVID-19 pandemic, racial injustice, legal reactivity, massive unemployment, loss of housing, quarantines, closed schools and colleges, powerful political demonstrations, and a “president” who betrayed his trust and incited riotous violence against the Capital of the United States. Also a “president” who has been impeached not once but twice by The U.S. House of Representatives. What a year!

Types of Loss, Grief and Suffering

Along with the above, we have witnessed increased anxiety, depression, fear, anger and traumatic stress. Although death (loss of a loved one) is by far one of the most severe stressors, we also suffer from the virus, separation/divorce, developmental stress, incarceration, and the loss of the way of life in pre-COVID-19. Americans are suffering from various bio-psycho-social-spiritual dimensions of stress, loss and grief. Perhaps the correct words to use are “complicated grief.” Our current experiences with loss and grief go far beyond the stage-based versions of E. Kubler Ross; our current complex grief does not follow neat linear progressions, and includes more serious symptoms. For those who also experienced childhood trauma of various forms or developmental regressions the current experience is more exasperating and dangerous. When loss is catastrophic reactions may include nightmares, shame, guilt, regret, hopelessness and suicide. Cultural differences also play roles in loss and grief as well as its treatment. Therapists must also be aware of the influence of race, gender, sexual orientation, and age.

Treatments for Loss and Complex Grief

Treatments for loss and complex grief are many, but with varying levels of success. Matching treatments to client characteristics, and developing a powerful clinical alliance are important for therapeutic success. Below, I list (only) various treatments, most supported by empirical research and practice. I will leave it you the reader to look more deeply into treatments or interventions they may prefer. Here is the list: Trauma-Informed Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based therapies/practices (breath work, meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi-gong and MBSR or ACT), Continued Bonds Theory – the changed internal relationship with the lost person, and Attachment-Informed Grief Therapy – utilizing attachment styles of secure, insecure, anxious or avoidant.

Many therapeutic interventions may be helpful: social-emotional support, recovery journaling, music, exercise, imagery, play therapy, and sand tray work. Generally especially strong empathy is required. Self-care of the therapist is a must. Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs may be helpful.  Other active interventions include empty-chair work (sitting in the “worry chair” or the lost person chair), self-talk or out-loud talk using stimulus words like relax, breathe, not me, etc. Social networking with new people in groups is often helpful. Improving client self-care and participating in activities associated with joy or satisfaction moves the mind to other things.

In the end, if so many various interventions fail to meet needs, people should consider joining a formal, therapeutic bereavement group. Loss is emotionally tough, and recovery requires complete emotional activation.

For more information refer to: comments of A. Bodner, Ph.D. in The New England Psychologist, p. 2 (Winter, 2021). Hanlon, P. (2021). The Many Faces of Complicated Grief. The New England Psychologist, pp. 1 & 4 (Winter, 2021). Cormier, S. The Transformative Power of Loss. Psychotherapy Networker,  pp. 17-18 (January-February, 2021). Cacciatore, J. (2020). Grieving is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable. Boston, Wisdom Publications, pp. 1-8.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Coping, Covid-19, E.Kubler-Ross, Featured, Grief, Happiness, Healing, Human Needs, Inner Peace, Joy and Suffering, Personal Suffering, Practices, Relational Suffering, Self Care, Suffering, Tools, Treatment Tagged With: AMERICA, COPING, COVID19, E. KUBLER-ROSS, EMOTIONAL, GRIEF, HOPE, JOURNALING, JOY, LOSS, LOVING, MINDFUL, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICES, SELF, SOCIAL, SUFFERING, THERAPISTS, TREATEMENTS, TREATMENT

January 14, 2021 By Admin

The Heart Sutra – Thich Nhat Hanh

The Heart Sutra – Thich Nhat Hanh

“Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha.” This ultimate mantra is one of the most important in Buddhism. Thich Nhat Hanh’s new translation of The Heart Sutra offers a great deal of enlightened, sometimes more advanced, information and process. Avalokitesvara and other great Bodhisattvas present important views of this pivotal Buddhist sutra. The words used to describe it – great, highest, illuminating, and the end of suffering – offer great hope to Buddhist practitioners. Gate, itself, implies ending suffering, liberation, mindfulness, ending duality, reaching the other shore (enlightenment, nirvana, etc.).  Paragate implies going all the way to the other shore – becoming enlightened.  Parasamgate sum implies the the world-wide sangha or the entire human community. Bodhi is the light inside, and Svaha means joy. Keep in mind there may be slightly different translations of these words in Buddhist texts.

Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svah

In this paragraph, we go over chanting. Chant this: “Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha.” Or if you like in English: “Gone gone, all the way over, gone to the other shore of enlightenment.” This sutra is chanted deep from within the heart, your heart. It reflects the teachings of the Prajnaparamita. Ultimately it teaches the real truth of emptiness. Some say this mantra is even more important than The Diamond Sutra. The important teaching dealing with ultimate emptiness include sinlessness, aimlessness, ending conventional designation, The Middle Way, interbeing, and the ultimate interbeing of all that arises and falls – everything that exists. The Buddha’s words to Sariputra are relevant: “This body itself is emptiness. And emptiness itself is this body. This body is not other than emptiness. And emptiness is not other than this body.”  Associated mudras with The Heart Sutra are placing the tips of mid-fingers to the tops of thumbs, and next tips of ring fingers touching tops of thumbs.

To learn more about The Heart Sutra see the book, Fragrant Palm Leaves. In the end, The Heart Sutra notes there is no self-narrative, so strive to go beyond craving, fear and suffering. To many chanting, meditating and practicing with The Heart Sutra are the highest forms of spiritual practice. Be courageous; practice! See what the outcomes are for you. Has practice impacted your thoughts, emotions, behaviors?

For more information refer to Thich Nhat Hanh (2017). The Other Shore: A New Translation of The Heart Sutra…Berkely, CA: Palm Leaves Press, pp. 115-120, etc.m

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

Filed Under: Buddhism, Featured, Meditation, MIndfulness, Self Care, Suffering, The Heart Sutra, The Middle Way, Thich Nhat Hanh Tagged With: BUDDHA, BUDDHISM, ENLIGHTENMENT, HAPPINESS, MANTRA, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICE, THE HEART SUTRA, THE MIDDLE WAY, THICH NHAT HANH

January 10, 2021 By Admin

“The Other Shore” to Happiness and Enlightenment

“The Other Shore” to Happiness and Enlightenment

Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, The Other Shore: A New Translation of The Heart Sutra…Berkeley, CA: Palm Leaves Press brings us on an inner journey toward a happier, more peaceful and enlightened life. Wisdom implies that we understand that life is made up of mental formations, no-self (more clarifications later), no birth, no death, no being, and no non-being. In general our journey is about recognition of no separate self, The Four Noble Truths – and suffering. The Truths note there is suffering; suffering has causes and conditions; craving and consumption feed our suffering; cessation of suffering includes happiness – which is available to us by skillful means and such practice will lead to the end of suffering and greater fulfillment.

Avoiding numerous desire and craving traps will help the process along. Note exactly what your happiness is right now in this president moment. Let go of greed, distant goals, and practice for now. Be fully aware of all the things you do have right now that may help you experience happiness. The key practices are: regular daily meditation, concentration, compassion, and shifting our mindset. Take charge of what your mind is doing; recognize what thoughts lead to suffering and what thoughts lead to happiness. Choose happiness! Once you are skilled enough to decide what you will be thinking, you are on the journey to a better life, especially emotionally. Focus on what you do have, including your “precious human life” (The Dalai Lama). We must never forget about our “exquisite human nature”  (Thich Nhat Hanh). Non-attainment is part of the process; grasping, desire, and the never-ending treadmill of “I will be happy when I have ….” are in your way. Then you realize very quickly that you have it and you are still desiring and grasping for the next, and the next thing you want. We do cause some of our own suffering by the way we think and then act. Focus NOT on suffering; focus more on being present and happiness.

Enlightenment, nirvana, happiness and peace are our options. These do require daily practice and skill. Just be with what is (unless dangerous), and allow all experiences to simply arise and fall. Be with it all – the joys as well as the catastrophes. Begin now with this very short meditation and mantra.

  • Relax and breathe calmly – recite the following statements.
  • May I be content with what I have. May I be willing to allow what comes – good and bad. May I be patient with myself and the world. May I recognize that non-craving, non-attachment, regular meditation, deep concentration, and finding the happiness that exists without great effort are all possible. May I be in peace.

Practice!  At some point inquire within as to your level of happiness and suffering, and what you can do to improve your experiences. No gain without daily regular practice.

For more information refer to Thich Nhat Hanh (2017). The Other Shore: A New Translation of The Heart Sutra…Berkely, CA: Palm Leaves Press, pp. 86-95, 98-101, 108-109 etc.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

Filed Under: Featured, Meditation, MIndfulness, People, Practices, Self Care, The Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist Tagged With: ENLIGHTENMENT, HAPPINESS, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, THE OTHER SHORE, THICH NHAT HANH

December 31, 2020 By Admin

Tips on Practice During These Troubling Times

Tips on Practice During These Troubling Times

Some people are religious, and I am sure turn to those sources for support and hope. Others are spiritual, and I hope also pursue those sources for emotional stability and closeness to the “their” divine. Other people may  be Agnostic or Atheist; I am certain such people also find ways to cope and move on during these very bad times. Let’s take a moment to examine some aspects of using religious belief to deal with “the terrible.”  We will end with brief sage advice from Pema Chodron on how to turn your world around.

Religion – Buddhism and Others

Much of this post is based on the work of Jack Miles. Miles is a Pulitzer Prize winner and a religious scholar. Personal understanding of what religion means is at the core of differential practices. We recognize that religion is separate from the typical activities and beliefs of secular experience. In the ancient past, however, such separation between religion and secular life was far less clear; in fact in those times religion entered many aspects of secularism as a norm. In the end, of course, what matters is what is helpful to the individual person. The reinforcement of feeling better is a powerful motivator. So, religious or not it may be important for you to at least visit your spiritual or religious self to find “the way.” Remain there a while until you obtain some of what you need. I am sure your deep and personal beliefs about the Divine will help you in one way of another. Or, perhaps, you simply need more support for the Self and its many adventures.

Now let us consider a few thoughts from Pema Chodron, one of the most popular world leaders in contemporary Buddhism.  In this post I will refer to specific steps she recommends (without much detail). If you want to learn more read one of her many books or refer to Prajna/Shambhala publications on this topic. First, for positive emotional transformation to occur we need to know and understand to some degree what our emotions and related experiences are. Furthermore, we need to learn through regular practice how to remain there and not  escape from the suffering and pain. Humans desire happiness and dread suffering; however, we will experience both in our lives. There is no escape from suffering, and sometimes happiness may require some mindful effort and skillful means. Second, we must discover, learn about, and use various tools and processes to engage our emotional lives successfully without increasing fearfulness. This is where daily meditation practice may come in. It is when we have the courage to engage in meditation dealing with our pain an suffering that new, important insights may occur.  It also may make us more brave. Third, since bravery and courage are required to do deep work on your emotional realities, we need to remain motivated for the path and our struggles on it. This is very important when we engage in meditation about our most serious personal suffering. If we are serious about our practice, and we continue to do it regardless of the many challenges that exist, then we may experience emotional transformation and positive changes in our mind, body, life. Here is where our spiritual practices may blossom.

For more information refer to Jack Miles book, Religion as We Know It: An Origin Story. See also Pema Chodron’s online teachings, Turn Your World Around. This is a Prajna/Shambhala Publication.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

Filed Under: Buddhism, Featured, Jack MIles, Pema Chodron, Practices Tagged With: JACK MILES, MINDFULNESS PRACTICE, PEMA CHODRON

November 26, 2020 By Admin

Personal Happiness in the Age of COVID-19

Personal Happiness in the Age of COVID-19

We are all in this together!  However, wealth and employment status do play important roles. RTI International and the Consortium for Implementation Science have serious concerns about the links between racial equity, social justice, and personal responses to COVID-19. Neuroscience notes that personal happiness in a brain-mind-body thing. Its formula is hard-wired in our brain. In difficult times, it is even more important to figure out your personal formula (without self-medication) to satisfactory levels of joy and happiness. Because happiness is physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual (in ways) we need to focus more now on experiencing it. We cannot be happy if we focus more on fear, anxiety, and depression; we need to make happiness a personal priority. According to a poll by the American Psychiatric Association, over one-third of Americans noted that the pandemic has impacted their mental health in negative ways. According to the American Psychological Association, two-thirds of adults experience better well-being in post-traumatic growth. Here are some things you can do to improve/expand your personal happiness in these times.

  1. Do your best to find positive and helpful interpretations of your experience.
  2. Maintaining a hopeful attitude is important.
  3. Hold on to empathy for yourself and for others.
  4. Spend some time relaxing with your favorite music.
  5. Watch lots of comedy.
  6. Happiness is an inside job, so end the blame game. This is not to say unfairness does not exist.
  7. Do your best to eat well, sleep well, exercise and use proven stress coping skills daily.
  8. Connect with other you care about – and who care about you.
  9. Move your body!
  10. Practice proven breathing techniques that calm us – and or excite us.
  11. Follow Thich Nhat Hanh’s advice and savor anything you can – do not rush it.
  12. Keep in mind that Buddhism implies impermanence is primary – nothing stays the same over time.
  13. Get qualified/licensed professional help when you need it – do not delay.

Since the list of courses for this information is plentiful, I will not list them.  Google the topic if you wish.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

Filed Under: Activities, Buddhism, Covid-19, Featured, Happiness, MIndfulness, Self Care, Spiritual Energy, Thich Nhat Hanh Tagged With: COVID-19, MINDFULHAPPINESS, PERSONAL HAPPINESS

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