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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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January 22, 2021 By Admin

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Other than our nation’s suffering during The Civil War, The Great Depression, and World War II this past year has been one of the most stress-filled, fear-filled times in our history. Here is a list of the reasons behind it all: the COVID-19 pandemic, racial injustice, legal reactivity, massive unemployment, loss of housing, quarantines, closed schools and colleges, powerful political demonstrations, and a “president” who betrayed his trust and incited riotous violence against the Capital of the United States. Also a “president” who has been impeached not once but twice by The U.S. House of Representatives. What a year!

Types of Loss, Grief and Suffering

Along with the above, we have witnessed increased anxiety, depression, fear, anger and traumatic stress. Although death (loss of a loved one) is by far one of the most severe stressors, we also suffer from the virus, separation/divorce, developmental stress, incarceration, and the loss of the way of life in pre-COVID-19. Americans are suffering from various bio-psycho-social-spiritual dimensions of stress, loss and grief. Perhaps the correct words to use are “complicated grief.” Our current experiences with loss and grief go far beyond the stage-based versions of E. Kubler Ross; our current complex grief does not follow neat linear progressions, and includes more serious symptoms. For those who also experienced childhood trauma of various forms or developmental regressions the current experience is more exasperating and dangerous. When loss is catastrophic reactions may include nightmares, shame, guilt, regret, hopelessness and suicide. Cultural differences also play roles in loss and grief as well as its treatment. Therapists must also be aware of the influence of race, gender, sexual orientation, and age.

Treatments for Loss and Complex Grief

Treatments for loss and complex grief are many, but with varying levels of success. Matching treatments to client characteristics, and developing a powerful clinical alliance are important for therapeutic success. Below, I list (only) various treatments, most supported by empirical research and practice. I will leave it you the reader to look more deeply into treatments or interventions they may prefer. Here is the list: Trauma-Informed Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based therapies/practices (breath work, meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi-gong and MBSR or ACT), Continued Bonds Theory – the changed internal relationship with the lost person, and Attachment-Informed Grief Therapy – utilizing attachment styles of secure, insecure, anxious or avoidant.

Many therapeutic interventions may be helpful: social-emotional support, recovery journaling, music, exercise, imagery, play therapy, and sand tray work. Generally especially strong empathy is required. Self-care of the therapist is a must. Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs may be helpful.  Other active interventions include empty-chair work (sitting in the “worry chair” or the lost person chair), self-talk or out-loud talk using stimulus words like relax, breathe, not me, etc. Social networking with new people in groups is often helpful. Improving client self-care and participating in activities associated with joy or satisfaction moves the mind to other things.

In the end, if so many various interventions fail to meet needs, people should consider joining a formal, therapeutic bereavement group. Loss is emotionally tough, and recovery requires complete emotional activation.

For more information refer to: comments of A. Bodner, Ph.D. in The New England Psychologist, p. 2 (Winter, 2021). Hanlon, P. (2021). The Many Faces of Complicated Grief. The New England Psychologist, pp. 1 & 4 (Winter, 2021). Cormier, S. The Transformative Power of Loss. Psychotherapy Networker,  pp. 17-18 (January-February, 2021). Cacciatore, J. (2020). Grieving is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable. Boston, Wisdom Publications, pp. 1-8.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Coping, Covid-19, E.Kubler-Ross, Featured, Grief, Happiness, Healing, Human Needs, Inner Peace, Joy and Suffering, Personal Suffering, Practices, Relational Suffering, Self Care, Suffering, Tools, Treatment Tagged With: AMERICA, COPING, COVID19, E. KUBLER-ROSS, EMOTIONAL, GRIEF, HOPE, JOURNALING, JOY, LOSS, LOVING, MINDFUL, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICES, SELF, SOCIAL, SUFFERING, THERAPISTS, TREATEMENTS, TREATMENT

November 2, 2016 By Admin

Allow Laughter to Support You in Your Suffering

Laughter to Support you in Suffering

As we all know life is filled with joy, suffering, and neutrality or boredom. This is THE WAY IT IS! Or, as a very good old friend often reminded me: “It is what it is!”  In Buddhism we preach a middle way in various areas of practice;
the same path is true in conscious awareness of self-suffering. This post is NOT recommending that you do not pass through grief and loss processes, or that you should attempt to deny/suppress experiences of suffering. What it is suggesting is that you mindfulhappiness-laughterrecognize this is simply all part of normal life experience for us humans. It is also suggesting that you learn and use various “wise mind” skills and practices (mindfulness, meditation, RAIN, yoga, walking meditation, etc.) to help yourself feel and do/be better in life. Rupert Spira in various writings highly influenced by classical Vedanta boiled it down into a few very important understanding – understanding about the way things are, and how we consciously experience the way things are.  In the use of laughter to nudge you out of suffering, we may want to pay attention to some of his key ideas. Along with the recognition of wasting lots of emotional energy trying to change what happens to us in primary suffering, it may help to recognize that just allowing or radically accepting what our experience is in this present moment is a form of ultimate truth. Emphasizing neither the body nor the mind in experiencing suffering, we may want to realize that it is simply our conscious awareness of present-moment suffering that makes it so hard to be with it in peace. Being more aware and being more able to just be with your experience no matter what it is are important skills in life. Preferences for pleasant self-objects, other people as objects, things as objects,emotions as objects, and our personal experience as objects – all these associated desires and related cognitive-emotional-behavioral consequences simply produce greater suffering. Once we are skilledenough to just be with our suffering as a part of life, we may be better equipped to become a happier person.  Inner quiet, equanimity, liking and loving, loving kindness, compassion,  as well as a deeper understanding of reality are all part of moving though suffering and, perhaps, into more happiness.  The conditioned mind and body may still seek sense pleasures (short-term joys but laughterultimately long-term causes of suffering), but eventually we may understand that trying to attach/hold onto pleasant emotions and trying to avoid unpleasant emotions gets us nowhere.  Pleasant and unpleasant are simply part of the larger life-picture of what is. So what about laughter in all of this?

Current research from Georgia State University suggests that combining laughter with exercise may be a potent counter-force against suffering. Brief aerobic exercise improved mental health related mood, physical endurance, personal motivation to “do” laughter-sufering-mindfulness-mindful-happinesssomething, and weight loss. Adding “forced laughter” via laughing yoga or eye-contacted, face-to-face laughter did get people to laugh.  Since people had to decide whether or not to cooperate, the terms “forced laughter” may be inappropriate. Since, according to certain neuroscience opinions, the body cannot recognize differences in authentic laughter and forced laughter – this research may be quite meaningful. Also, again from neuroscience research, we know that facial emotional expressions find their way into the brain.  Like the body, the brain (other than exaggerated executive criticism) cannot differentiate natural laughter from other forms of laughter. The more and longer people laughed, the better the outcomes were.

So the take-aways here are do more exercise and find more ways to laugh.  Perhaps you will want to find and join a laughter yoga group. When you exercise and laugh, emotional life improves.

For more information refer to J. Smiechowski (Retrieved 10-11-16). How many calories can you burn laughing? Easy Health Options. For more complex understandings about non-dual reality, see Spira, R. (2008). The Transparency of Things. Sahara Publications and New Harbinger Publications.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, Benefits of Meditation, Benefits of Mindfulness, Featured, Joy and Suffering, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness Tagged With: EMOTIONS, LAUGHTER, MINDFULNESS, SUFFERING

October 15, 2016 By Admin

Joy is Within Reach – It is Up to You

Mindful Happiness:   Joy is Within Reach – It is Up to You to Choose It!

mindfulhappiness_joyWe all live in a very troubled world with lots of greed, hate, warfare, and danger. Many of us use distractions (addictions, cell phone habits, eating, gathering, games, etc.) to make it through the days. This
is true!  However, joy is available to you if you make it happen.  The following actions can improve your day.  There is one catch – you MUST do these things not simply think about them.  Here is a list of actions to consider.

Do your best:

  1. Not to self-medicate;
  2. To keep a positive mind – be in charge of your thoughts;
  3. To eat healthy foods – fresher and cleaner, the better;
  4. To do regular, daily exercise;
  5. To get enough sleep;
  6. To practice your spirituality and/or religion – especially powerful rituals;
  7. To value and take care of good relationships with others;
  8. To practice calm breathing a lot;
  9. To do meditation – sitting or walking;
  10. To do positive imagery;
  11. To move your body – yoga, tai chi, walking, running, dancing, etc.;
  12.  To walk more often in the woods;
  13. To laugh as hard as you can;
  14. To be generous and kind to others;
  15. To practice gratitude for what you DO HAVE now;
  16. To surround yourself with aromas you like – your olfactory bulb sends information to the limbic system before it becomes thoughts and emotions;
  17. To do good self-care;
  18. To practice radical acceptance for things you cannot change;
  19. To NOT live in the past, especially being trapped in bad things that happened to you;
  20. To be open to whet the future brings – there is hope;
  21. To self-validate and LOVE yourself; and,
  22. To be as good a person as you can be.

joy_mindfulhappiness

See Harvard Health Publications. Six ways to use your mind to control pain (physical and psychological). Retrieved 10-15-16. Wiley, M. (October 10, 2016). Sustaining wellness…Easy Health Options. Retrieved 10-15-16.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

ChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Benefits of Mindfulness, Featured, Joy, Joy and Suffering, MIndfulness, MIndfulness Activities, Training Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, JOY, MINDFUL HAPPINESS

April 2, 2016 By Admin

Use of Breathing Techniques – Do a Polyvagal Test

Use of Breathing Techniques – Do a Polyvagal Test First

Polyvagal Test

The polyvagal theory (S.Porges) and polyvagal functions are complex, highly important, evolutional processes with powerful influences on human survival, overall physical health, and emotion regulation.  The tenth cranial nerve (from scull base to anus) functions in various ways, the most important of which deal with primitive survival-based immobilization behaviors and more complex processes of stress response, social communications, and emotional self-soothing practices. In clinical populations, polyvagal knowledge and skills may impact stress vulnerability, arousal, heart-respiratory rate, emotional patterns, and cortisol level. Vagal implications involve everything from complex cardiac functions (life or death) to more discrete aspects of attention, motivation, feeding, communication, emotion, vocalization, and the entire muscle array of the human face, head, throat and neck.  Since human primary emotions are directly related to various autonomic functions, right brain polyvagal_MindfulHappinessactivity, and brain stem medullary structures, the vagal nerve system can be used positively in well-informed psychotherapy for improving various emotion-regulation conditions leading to suffering.  One primary link in the polyvagal interactions deals with breathing via satisfaction of oxygen demands of the human living system.  Since it is now common in more advanced body-mind therapies to include breathing retraining, the more a competent therapists knows about using polyvagal skills the better.

I have one caution: Be sure to do a basic polyvagal test before initiating breathing retraining, especially deep, slow, abdominal breathing practices.  I have created this test to safeguard client welfare in various forms of breathing retraining as part of their therapy process. If the client’s improvement in emotional regulation requires breathing retraining, you want your client to experience only positive outcomes from the experiences. Negative emotional outcomes will dampen motivation to continue.

The Breathing Retraining Polyvagal Test (A. R. Quintiliani, 4-4-2016)

  1. Ask: “Have you ever experienced serious negative outcomes when doing deep, slow abdominal breathing? If the answer is “no” simply continue your breathing retraining process, but observe mindfully if any negative emotional reactions occur in the process. If so, discuss these reactions in detail and safely Vagus_tenthcranialnerve_MindfulHappinessproceed.
  2. If the answer is “yes” follow the steps below to ensure improved skill and protection for your client.
  3. Gently negotiate for a very brief deep, slow, abdominal breathing event – that is “one-breath” ONLY. Use a SUDs score of 0 to 100 for the experienced level of discomfort in the client during this “ONE breath” activity. NEVER force a clint to do breathing practices! Discuss the SUDs score and the client’s subjective experience in the “ONE breath” practice.  If the SUDs score is in the 40’s of below, continue the breathing retraining with caution.  If the SUDs score is in the high 50’s or more, STOP the breathing retraining for now and use shorter, far more indirect and intermittent breathing methods as part of your on-going therapy.
  4. If both you and your client are successful in phased-in breathing retraining, continue the process by slowly extending the time duration in breath retraining for abdominal breathing (as a first breath skill). For example move to two, then three or more breaths per training experience.  Eventually,  expand the depth and time in the abdominal breathing experiences.  Over time deeper and slower is the goal.  Continue to use SUDs scores for any negative outcomes, and begin to use SUPs scores (by A. R. Quintiliani, 1-1-2000) for positive outcomes. SUPs scores are also 0 to 100 but this time it measures subjective units of pleasure in the client’s experience.
  5. Continue the breathing retraining program, slowly moving to more complex and more powerful breathing techniques. Always check with your client regarding comfort and effects.  Use SUDs and SUPs scores. Go slow! Keep it positive!
  6. Note that this informal “test” is based solely on common sense knowledge about the realities of breathing retraining and not on reliability and validity studies.

For more information on breathing retraining practices refer to  Angelo, J. (2010). Self-Healing with Breathwork…Rochester, VT: Healing Arts Press, pp.28-30; Graf Durkheim, K. (2004 edn.). Hara: The Vital Center of Man. Rochester, VT: Inner Traditions, pp. 122,178; Johnson, W. (2012). Breathing Through the Whole Body… Rochester, VT: Inner Traditions, pp. 238-29; and, Rosen, R. (2006). Pranayama: Beyond the Fundamentals.  Boston: Shambhala, pp. 62-68.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

CLICK HERE  or any image below to Order 

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Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Breathing, Featured, Ideas & Practices, Joy and Suffering, Meditation, Training, Yoga Tagged With: BREATHING TECHNIQUES, DR ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, POLYVAGAL TEST

December 31, 2015 By Admin

Ideas about Attitudes of Gratitude – M. J. Ryan

Attitudes of Gratitude Thoughts and Applications

M. J. Ryan presents some interesting practices in the book, Attitudes of Gratitude (1999).  Here are some ideas. Hope you will practice some of them soon. As The 14th Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh suggest, MindfulHappiness-Gratitudewe should always appreciate the preciousness and miracle of human life – our own life no matter what the challenges are.

  1. Understand that your emotional mood and the quality of your thoughts depend on where you place your attention and reflection.  Do your best to pay more attention to the softness and warmth of your human heart and soul. Pay more attention to positive experiences and less attention to negative experiences.
  2. When you are plagued with GIANT problems or BIG emotional reactions to not-so-giant problems, look into the nature of the problem itself to see if any solutions arise.  Life is all about arising and falling experiences – both good and bad. Causes and conditions present and lead to pleasure, pain/suffering, or neutrality.
  3. Pay much more attention to the little joys (“wonderment”) you may be missing by being on autopilot and rushing around trying to be happier trough material gain. Wealth and fame are nice, but they DO NOT bring lasting, inner happiness. Your happiness is an INSIDE JOB!
  4. Do your best to be in the present moment of experiences.  The past is gone; you cannot change it.  The future is not here yet; you cannot control it.  Your real power comes from responding to whatever is now in your present moment experience.
  5. Pay much more attention to what is working for you now rather than what you desire and crave from the past or the future. If you are not present-minded, you cannot appreciate and have gratitude for what exists now.
  6. Reflect upon and honor your close friends, your family, and your ancestors.  Use any of their spiritual supports to do well in adversity and to do great in happy experiences.
  7. Practice meditations on appreciation, gratitude, and loving kindness.  These practices build your capacity to be happy.  These practices also improve compassionate actions and self-compassion. Do you have self-compassion?
  8. Periodically, live a whole day as if it were your last day living on earth. Notice! See what you decide to do.
  9. In the final analysis, Buddhism informs us that life on earth will contain suffering, joy, and neutrality.  All three conditions will occur in your experiences.  You cannot escape suffering! How you respond will determine your level of satisfaction or your quality of life in the long run.  Be happy! Be at peace! Be in the present moment!

For more information refer to Ryan, M. J. (1999). Attitudes of Gratitude: How to Give and Receive Joy Every Day of Your life. New York: MJF Books.

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By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

CLICK HERE  or any image below to Order 

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

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Filed Under: Compassion, Dalai Lama, Featured, Gratitude Meditation, Happiness, Human Needs, Inner Peace, Joy and Suffering, Meditation, Meditation Activities, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness, Nhat Hanh Thich, Practices, Training Tagged With: ATTITUDES OF GRATITUDE, DR ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, M.J.RYAN, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, TRAINING

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