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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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January 22, 2021 By Admin

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Other than our nation’s suffering during The Civil War, The Great Depression, and World War II this past year has been one of the most stress-filled, fear-filled times in our history. Here is a list of the reasons behind it all: the COVID-19 pandemic, racial injustice, legal reactivity, massive unemployment, loss of housing, quarantines, closed schools and colleges, powerful political demonstrations, and a “president” who betrayed his trust and incited riotous violence against the Capital of the United States. Also a “president” who has been impeached not once but twice by The U.S. House of Representatives. What a year!

Types of Loss, Grief and Suffering

Along with the above, we have witnessed increased anxiety, depression, fear, anger and traumatic stress. Although death (loss of a loved one) is by far one of the most severe stressors, we also suffer from the virus, separation/divorce, developmental stress, incarceration, and the loss of the way of life in pre-COVID-19. Americans are suffering from various bio-psycho-social-spiritual dimensions of stress, loss and grief. Perhaps the correct words to use are “complicated grief.” Our current experiences with loss and grief go far beyond the stage-based versions of E. Kubler Ross; our current complex grief does not follow neat linear progressions, and includes more serious symptoms. For those who also experienced childhood trauma of various forms or developmental regressions the current experience is more exasperating and dangerous. When loss is catastrophic reactions may include nightmares, shame, guilt, regret, hopelessness and suicide. Cultural differences also play roles in loss and grief as well as its treatment. Therapists must also be aware of the influence of race, gender, sexual orientation, and age.

Treatments for Loss and Complex Grief

Treatments for loss and complex grief are many, but with varying levels of success. Matching treatments to client characteristics, and developing a powerful clinical alliance are important for therapeutic success. Below, I list (only) various treatments, most supported by empirical research and practice. I will leave it you the reader to look more deeply into treatments or interventions they may prefer. Here is the list: Trauma-Informed Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based therapies/practices (breath work, meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi-gong and MBSR or ACT), Continued Bonds Theory – the changed internal relationship with the lost person, and Attachment-Informed Grief Therapy – utilizing attachment styles of secure, insecure, anxious or avoidant.

Many therapeutic interventions may be helpful: social-emotional support, recovery journaling, music, exercise, imagery, play therapy, and sand tray work. Generally especially strong empathy is required. Self-care of the therapist is a must. Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs may be helpful.  Other active interventions include empty-chair work (sitting in the “worry chair” or the lost person chair), self-talk or out-loud talk using stimulus words like relax, breathe, not me, etc. Social networking with new people in groups is often helpful. Improving client self-care and participating in activities associated with joy or satisfaction moves the mind to other things.

In the end, if so many various interventions fail to meet needs, people should consider joining a formal, therapeutic bereavement group. Loss is emotionally tough, and recovery requires complete emotional activation.

For more information refer to: comments of A. Bodner, Ph.D. in The New England Psychologist, p. 2 (Winter, 2021). Hanlon, P. (2021). The Many Faces of Complicated Grief. The New England Psychologist, pp. 1 & 4 (Winter, 2021). Cormier, S. The Transformative Power of Loss. Psychotherapy Networker,  pp. 17-18 (January-February, 2021). Cacciatore, J. (2020). Grieving is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable. Boston, Wisdom Publications, pp. 1-8.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Coping, Covid-19, E.Kubler-Ross, Featured, Grief, Happiness, Healing, Human Needs, Inner Peace, Joy and Suffering, Personal Suffering, Practices, Relational Suffering, Self Care, Suffering, Tools, Treatment Tagged With: AMERICA, COPING, COVID19, E. KUBLER-ROSS, EMOTIONAL, GRIEF, HOPE, JOURNALING, JOY, LOSS, LOVING, MINDFUL, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICES, SELF, SOCIAL, SUFFERING, THERAPISTS, TREATEMENTS, TREATMENT

November 4, 2016 By Admin

Strategies to Cool Your Hot Emotions

Strategies to Cool Your Hot Emotions: Using Mind and Body

First, let me note that one of the best sets of mind-body approaches to cooling down hot emotional reactions can be found in the various emotion regulation skills and practices in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (created by Marsha M. Lineman, a practicing Buddhist).  These skills may be better suited for informed therapist coolyourhotemotionsthan the lay public; however, the skills have been proven to be effective so all parties may benefit from practicing them. A less complex list includes many of the suggestions noted below.

  1. Drink lots of cold, pure water.
  2. Splash very cold water on your wrists and face (dive response).
  3. Move your body – sit if standing, and stand if sitting; walk if still, and be still if moving. Moving your body changes your internal physiology thus perhaps changing your emotional reactivity.
  4. Practice slow, deep abdominal breathing to calm down.
  5. Cry if it helps, especially if you are about to activate an aggressive action urge.
  6. Since emotional reactions happen quickly, learn how to use interoception as a way to become aware of inner body sensations that lead to related emotional behaviors.
  7. Practice befriending your emotional reactions by being curious about them and caring for them gently as if a newborn baby.
  8. Practice compassion and self-compassion when interpersonal conflicts lead you to emotional dysregulation.
  9. Do your best to STOP, pause for a moment to see if that helps.
  10. Practice RAIN skills- recognize, analyze, investigate, and realize it is not you just emotions. Thoughts and emotions may/may not be about reality. Since these steps are highly cognitive, they may bring control back into your executive brain and away from your limbic system.
  11. Practice being your own best friend. What would you suggest your best friend should do in such a situation. Again, thinking may restore frontal executive brain control.
  12. Know your limbic brain system, which overreacts almost all of the time. The best way to do this is to become more mindful about your emotional reactions. Study them!
  13. Do more meditation, yoga, and exercise! If you practice 20 minutes or more a day, you may not need the other skills above.

For more details refer to Lineman, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford Press.  See also Nelson, K. October News. Retrieved 10-27-16.  Smiechowski, J. A Quick Way to Cool Heated Emotions. Easy Health Options. Retrieved 10-26-16.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, Anger, Benefits of Meditation, Body Meditation, Emotional Regulation, Featured, Meditation, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness, Mindfulness Training, Practices Tagged With: COOL HOT EMOTIONS, EMOTIONAL REGULATION, EXERCISES, MINDFUL

September 6, 2014 By Admin

Mindful Leadership Skills

Mindful Leadership Skills:

How to Lead in Wise Mind Ways

mindful-leadership_Mindful-Happiness-Dr-Anthony-Quintiliani

Researchers dealing with leadership skills have noted several acquired characteristics of effective leaders.  These same skills may be used in spreading “the word” about how mindfulness and wise mind practices reduce stress reactivity, enhance compassion, and expand the possibilities for human happiness, inner peace and equanimity.

So here is the list.  It has been compiled from research in The Harvard Business Review and other sources.

 

Effective leaders are able to:

1) Motivate others without fear of punishment;

2) Use helpful communications to influence others;

3) Build positive relationships, especially in goal-directed behavior and the development of others;

4) Act with integrity;

5) Practice and model adaptability;

6) Act to maintain good physical and emotional health, and help others with this goal;

7) Focus attention on customer and/or client needs;

8) Provide clear and helpful directions to others;

9) Provide direction and strategies to reach established goals;

10) Measure outcomes with good data;

11) Understand and Utilize systems theory;

12) Understand the influences within different and changing contexts (and cultures);

13) Use Best Practices in mindfulness and other areas, and adapt them as needed;

14) Use technology effectively;

15) Effectively use mindful attention, concentration, emotion regulation, and joy;

16) Practice compassionate leadership, influencing people with honey NOT fear.

The next time you are in a leadership role alone or in a group, do your very best to practice these skills and abilities.mindful-happiness_Mindful-Leadership_Dr-Anthony-Quintiliani

Share your mindful leadership stories with us!

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

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Filed Under: Featured, Leadership, MIndfulness, Stress Reduction, Training Tagged With: HARVARD SCHOOL OF BUSINESS, LEADERSHIP, MINDFUL, TRAINING, WISE MIND

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