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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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January 22, 2021 By Admin

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Other than our nation’s suffering during The Civil War, The Great Depression, and World War II this past year has been one of the most stress-filled, fear-filled times in our history. Here is a list of the reasons behind it all: the COVID-19 pandemic, racial injustice, legal reactivity, massive unemployment, loss of housing, quarantines, closed schools and colleges, powerful political demonstrations, and a “president” who betrayed his trust and incited riotous violence against the Capital of the United States. Also a “president” who has been impeached not once but twice by The U.S. House of Representatives. What a year!

Types of Loss, Grief and Suffering

Along with the above, we have witnessed increased anxiety, depression, fear, anger and traumatic stress. Although death (loss of a loved one) is by far one of the most severe stressors, we also suffer from the virus, separation/divorce, developmental stress, incarceration, and the loss of the way of life in pre-COVID-19. Americans are suffering from various bio-psycho-social-spiritual dimensions of stress, loss and grief. Perhaps the correct words to use are “complicated grief.” Our current experiences with loss and grief go far beyond the stage-based versions of E. Kubler Ross; our current complex grief does not follow neat linear progressions, and includes more serious symptoms. For those who also experienced childhood trauma of various forms or developmental regressions the current experience is more exasperating and dangerous. When loss is catastrophic reactions may include nightmares, shame, guilt, regret, hopelessness and suicide. Cultural differences also play roles in loss and grief as well as its treatment. Therapists must also be aware of the influence of race, gender, sexual orientation, and age.

Treatments for Loss and Complex Grief

Treatments for loss and complex grief are many, but with varying levels of success. Matching treatments to client characteristics, and developing a powerful clinical alliance are important for therapeutic success. Below, I list (only) various treatments, most supported by empirical research and practice. I will leave it you the reader to look more deeply into treatments or interventions they may prefer. Here is the list: Trauma-Informed Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based therapies/practices (breath work, meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi-gong and MBSR or ACT), Continued Bonds Theory – the changed internal relationship with the lost person, and Attachment-Informed Grief Therapy – utilizing attachment styles of secure, insecure, anxious or avoidant.

Many therapeutic interventions may be helpful: social-emotional support, recovery journaling, music, exercise, imagery, play therapy, and sand tray work. Generally especially strong empathy is required. Self-care of the therapist is a must. Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs may be helpful.  Other active interventions include empty-chair work (sitting in the “worry chair” or the lost person chair), self-talk or out-loud talk using stimulus words like relax, breathe, not me, etc. Social networking with new people in groups is often helpful. Improving client self-care and participating in activities associated with joy or satisfaction moves the mind to other things.

In the end, if so many various interventions fail to meet needs, people should consider joining a formal, therapeutic bereavement group. Loss is emotionally tough, and recovery requires complete emotional activation.

For more information refer to: comments of A. Bodner, Ph.D. in The New England Psychologist, p. 2 (Winter, 2021). Hanlon, P. (2021). The Many Faces of Complicated Grief. The New England Psychologist, pp. 1 & 4 (Winter, 2021). Cormier, S. The Transformative Power of Loss. Psychotherapy Networker,  pp. 17-18 (January-February, 2021). Cacciatore, J. (2020). Grieving is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable. Boston, Wisdom Publications, pp. 1-8.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Coping, Covid-19, E.Kubler-Ross, Featured, Grief, Happiness, Healing, Human Needs, Inner Peace, Joy and Suffering, Personal Suffering, Practices, Relational Suffering, Self Care, Suffering, Tools, Treatment Tagged With: AMERICA, COPING, COVID19, E. KUBLER-ROSS, EMOTIONAL, GRIEF, HOPE, JOURNALING, JOY, LOSS, LOVING, MINDFUL, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICES, SELF, SOCIAL, SUFFERING, THERAPISTS, TREATEMENTS, TREATMENT

August 16, 2018 By Admin

Quintiliani’s Whole Person Recovery Planning

Quintiliani’s Whole Person Recovery Planning

To me the “whole person recovery planning” includes biological, psychological, social, spiritual, and self components and changes. To simplify – it is not simple or quick – I will simply list the core components of this comprehensive form of recovery process.  I may add more details to this process in future posts.

  1. Biological planning and skills includes the areas of prescribed medication as needed; recovery oriented nutrition; regular vigorous exercise if able to do so; MAT with therapy as needed; appropriate sleep patterns and habits; and, a heavy dose of regular physical self-care.
  2. Psychological planning and skills includes hope; social-emotional supports; psychological bonding with others on this same journey; self-compassion skills; the mindfulness RAIN process; psychological self-care (quieting your mind’s negative self-talk and negative introjections from others, etc.); regular practice of learned CBT and mindfulness skills; CBT and other effective therapies for depression, anxiety, addiction, etc.; regular practice of meditation and yoga, effective therapies for recovery from trauma (CBT, EMDR, MBSR, DBT, ACT, etc.); practice of radical; self-acceptance; and, the ability to develop a strong therapeutic helping relationship/alliance in therapy (psychodynamics that work). In my mind with over 35 years of clinical experience, I do see the psychological components as the most powerful – along with the spiritual areas.
  3. Social planning and skills include social skills training as needed; regular social-emotional supports; regular participation in a fellowship of recovery-oriented processes (AA, 12 Steps, etc.); the slow and safe self-extraction from various toxic relationships; practicing skills of relational mindfulness; and, compassionate actions toward others.
  4. Spiritual planning and practices include hope; belief in something greater than yourself; regular religious and/or spiritual practices; “I Am” meditations; “forest bathing” meditations; spending more personal time in nature and being aware of its wonder; belief in the power of your soul-self or true-self; practicing Step 11 often; and, practicing liking and/or loving yourself in a non-narcissistic manner.
  5. Self planning and skills include recovering from ACEs (adverse childhood experiences, especially early life trauma); self-esteem building activities; pursuit of YOUR strong aspirations; practical strength-building activities; self-respect and self-acceptance; self-compassion; and, practicing the ancient Christian meditation process called lectio divina (deeper and deeper meditation on a sacred writing, or a self-esteem and strength-building brief writing about your values and strengths).

So, here you have it – all of it. In my years of clinical and lived-life experience I clearly believe that people who engage vigorously in their own self-recovery process do the best as far as long-term recovery is concerned. I also believe that WE ALL are in some form of recovery process (depression, anxiety, addictions, trauma, eating problems, grief and loss, chronic physical illness or injury, etc.). This may not be the BIG-R Recovery process, but it is recovery process as a deep-seated, self-oriented process of hope, health, and happiness. Hope this information is helpful tip you.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Featured, Recovery, Whole Person Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, SELF, SOCIAL, SPIRITUAL, WHOLE PERSON RECOVERY PLANNING

November 4, 2017 By Admin

Tantric Meditation on Emptiness of Self

Tantric Meditation on Emptiness of Self

Mind training on emptiness of self requires single-pointed attention and concentration on space, empty space. Emptiness awareness in

equipoise of meditation appears as the empty of space. When we practice this repeatedly with calm abiding we can attain direct experience of non-conceptual realization – true emptiness. Awareness of emptiness experience may occur as a quick glimpse or as an extended experience. Some people note it as if floating in endless, boundless space, while others experience trance-like nothingness. These are only two of many possible experiences. Once we achieve this condition we are ready to see ultimate truth. The conventional experience of I/Me/Mine will challenge us via attachment and grasping. Much practice is necessary to overcome this trap. Keep in mind the huge differences between conventional and ultimate reality.

  1. Begin meditating on the expectation of experiencing some form of non-conceptual emptiness.
  2. Then become acutely aware of the re-experiencing relapse into I/Me/Mine norms of conventional, solid, substantial  human existence. Note how your thoughts and emotions make it all seem so, so real. When this occurs, note it and move back to expecting emptiness.
  3. While meditating in this manner, when your mind reminds you of your past pain and suffering, work at not reacting strongly. Recognize that in ultimate reality the suffering self is somewhat of an illusion.
  4. Now we are ready to focus on the self as the object of negation. Accept for now that you can attain selflessness of the I-phenomenon. Even in the conventional reality of time-space it is possible to be in emptiness. Do not fear it, but if your “gut” tells you strongly to stay away – do it.
  5. Contemplate that form is empty, and that the “I” of self-grasping is also empty. Recall a time when you experienced fear. Notice the strong tendency to defend and protect the self. Notice how/where the fear imparted you. Remember what parts of the mind and body reacted, and that the whole is NOT the sum of its parts. Collective parts of the body and mind do not constitute the whole of the person. Here, again, we confront the most difficult understanding of ultimate reality – that the self is impermanent, insubstantial, dependent on causes and effects, a projection of mind, and an illusion – it is empty.
  6. Contemplate how the mind-body of humans, even the entire universe of form, is ultimately space, time, sensory awareness, thoughts, emotions, consciousness, and flowing energies. The particle is part as is the wave, but neither constitute the existence of a permanent, independent, lasting, substantial self.
  7. Now try to track your sensation of inner flowing energies. We could do the same for thoughts, feelings(sensations), and emotions. Notice it is all about flow – nothing substantial, fixed, hard, stationary, etc. All our self-oriented experiences are imputed by conception and perception in empty time and space. This is the mind at work. This is the mind doing its work.
  8. Does your personal experience of self exist in the past?  In the present? Or in the future? We note that all three are associated with the self. However, we can only exist ultimately in the present moment of experience, so why suffer so much from the past and dread so much about the future. If we exist ultimately in the present, what happened to the conception/perception of self in the past and future?
  9. Yes, it disappeared even if we have memory or projections of its experiences. See how impermanent the self is! See how the flowing of what we experience as conventional concrete events is also somewhat empty. We may remember events, but the self is here now and nowhere else. This elusive self is empty.
  10. Work harder on this meditative experience of the self here now in ultimate emptiness. Then breathe and  rest! Sit quietly and contemplate your experience, where you have been, and where you are right now.

For more information refer to Geshe Kelsang Gyatso (1982, 2014). Clear Light of Bliss: Tantric Meditation Manual. London, UK: Tharpa Publications, pp. 187-204.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Featured, Meditation, Mindful Awareness, Self Care, Tantric Tagged With: EMPTINESS, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICE, SELF, TANTRIC MEDITATION

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