Mindful Happiness

Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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The Power of Interpersonal Mindfulness

Interpersonal Mindfulness

Various forms of mindfulness-based compassion training help us to care more about the needs, happiness, and health of other people. However, direct applications of interpersonal mindfulness activates these influences into direct action on behalf of others.  Thus, if lucky, we learn to care more about others and less about ourselves.  The self-centered ego gives way to compassionate tolerance. Buddhist practices and meditations may improve our interpersonal relations, both intimate and distant.  Today our world, nation, regions, and families are locked in bitter conflict; the entitled view of “my ideas are right” holds sway and prevents any forward movement for negotiated co-existence of different ideas and people.  If we hope to save ourselves as well as our world, we MUST practice more interpersonal mindfulness. Such practices of random acts of kindness, general compassion, taking in suffering and giving out joy, tolerance, openness to differences, general gratitude and others all support  more inter-personally cooperative thoughts and behaviors. Such thoughts and behaviors will improve self, dyads, relationship, family, community, race, ethnic group, religion, state, nation, and world. The need for this shift is highly urgent! We must change our being from greed, aversion, and hate to generosity, inclusivity, and love. If not our species and our world may fail.

In some ways this conflictual existence is the outcome of our old limbic brain structures (my own survival above all else), and our aggressive greediness as a species. According to very old Buddhists writings, one thing we can do right now if practice deep, active listening. By listening more to others and their opinions, and talking less about ourselves, we may achieve an emotional balance of mutuality. Basic mutuality (we are BOTH important) may lead to more deep listening and personal reflections of what is happening right now in this present moment.  What, exactly, is it that is upsetting me? What, exactly, is it that may lead to mutual satisfaction here now?  Begin your changes by starting with yourself.  Notice what conflictual inner self-messages continue to play and re-play themselves over and over again in your own mind.  Begin by listening to your own inner conflicts, and work at listening and reflecting deeply on both sides of this dynamic. Work on a solution, even if it is not a perfect one. First practice more radical acceptance with your own inner conflicts, then gently move to outer conflicts – begin gently with significant others.  Practice, practice, practice and practice more.  There cannot be a winner! Once you feel the sensations and emotions of successful compromise, begin to practice beyond intimate circles and into your general world environments. It is all about sharing your love and acceptance of self with others, and being for the betterment of others. On this path also practice good self-care.

Practice letting go of harsh self-centered judgments and learn to appreciate both similarities and differences – even BIG differences. After all, impermanence is real – as is the time-limited life you now have. Better to work at compassion and openness NOW. Better to work on caring about others and loving people NOW. Our total interdependence causes great energetic frictions at times. Learn how to find the MIDDLE WAY and encourage others to follow that path. The subtle energies of love and the very powerful energies of hatred both have immense influence in our lives. Live for love! Live to reduce hatred and reed! Be authentically intelligent and kind-hearted in your relatively short life.

For more information refer to Musho Hamilton, D. (2017). The Zen of You and Me: A Guide to Getting Along with Just About Anyone. Boulder, CO: Shambhala Publications.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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Helping Therapists Work with Diversity

Help For Therapists: Working with Diversity

Clinical interventions, especially strongly evidence-based interventions, impact clients via new skills and practices in mind-body clinical realities. No matter how good (or “good enough” ) a clinical intervention is it requires a highly positive, active therapeutic relationship. As ample research suggests, a strong and positive therapeutic relationship in therapy enhances client trust and courage – thus expanding their experimenting with new ways of being, thinking, and doing. A huge problem is establishing such a therapeutic relationship is the inability of some therapist to bond with diverse people – people not exactly like the therapist. Below I will present information from clinical  and social psychology about
what general variables/differences to be most mindful about.  This information will be noted in three categories: Universals; Group Differences; and, Individual Self-Development (within groups). If therapists practice paying more attention to some of these basic realities in their clients, the expectation is that their therapeutic relationship/alliance will improve along with their clinical outcomes.

UNIVERSALS: Here is the listing – Similar Life Experiences/History, Biological Similarities, Social Similarities, Psychological Similarities, Emotional Similarities, Self-Awareness Valences, Use of Symbols, Use of Art, Compassion and Aggression, Love and Hate, and, Differences in the Above. Noticing, being mindful of, and using these realities in therapy should improve alliance and clinical outcomes.

GROUP DIFFERENCES AND SIMILARITIES: Here is the listing – Gender, SES, Age, Geography, Race, Ethnicity, Culture, Abilities, Disabilities, Religion, Marital Realities, Sexual Orientation, Urban/Rural, Education, Environmental Exposure (good/bad), etc. Again, therapists who are highly mindful of these realities will do their best to integrate them into their work with clients.  Good work here will improve the alliance and clinical outcomes.

INDIVIDUAL SELF-DEVELOPMENT: Here is the list – Genetic Transfer, Modeling Transfer, Familial Transfer, and All Non-Shared Experiences in Life. Therapist who make it a norm to differentiate carefully between individuals in therapy – and who actively use these differences in their work – will most likely experience stronger emotional ties/alliances and better clinical outcomes.

If you have not been fully conscious of using such differences and similarities in working with your clients, you may want to select a few variables and begin.  Begin NOW!

For more information refer to Pomerantz, A. M. (2017). Clinical Psychology: Science, Practice, and Culture. Los Angeles, CA: SAGE Publications, pp. 69-93. See also the DSM-V emphasis on culture and diversity in treatment.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

 

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Basics of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction

Basics of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction

reducestress-mindfulhappinessMindfulness-Based Stress Reduction is, perhaps, one of the major contributions to evidence-based mindfulness therapies. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s development of this model of intervention was both timely and exquisite.  In clinical care of psychological
and physical problems, these skills and practices are of utmost importance for improving (according to the most recent meta-analytic reviews in 2014 and 2016)
depression, anxiety/stress, chronic pain and emotional regulation – so important in various addictions and improvement in physical illnesses. Below I will list the most basic components to the MBSR model of practice.

These include:

  1. Clear understandings of mindfulness in theory and in everyday life;
  2. Mindfulness and mind-body interactions;
  3. Selected breathing practices;
  4. Mindfulness meditation;mindfulhappiness_stress-reduction
  5. Mindfulness walking;
  6. Haha yoga practices;
  7. Body scan practices;
  8. Extensive home practice of skills;
  9. Mindful eating practices (may be included);
  10. Loving kindness meditation (may be included);
  11. Compassion and self-compassion practices (may be included);
  12. Modifications of RAIN (recognize, allow, investigate, dis-identify) may be included;
  13. Cognitive aspects of the mindfulness-based path to practice (especially mindfulness-based cognitive therapy) may be included; and,
  14. Spiritual experience in the mindfulness-based path may be included, especially in more advanced Buddhist path practices.

Research has consistently supported MBSR (as noted above) for improved outcomes in various physical and psychological problems. Once people become involved in regular home practice (or group practice with a sangha), improvement are generally maintained. You may want to search for “MBSR research support.” I will not document the numerous studies here. The single most important variable in success is regular daily practice of core skills (mindfulness, meditation, yoga, etc.). Ideally, such practice would range from at least 20 minutes to an hour each day.

For more information refer to Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990, 2009). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. New York: Delta Trade Paperbacks. See also Kabat-Zinn, J. (2005). Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness.  New York: Hyperion.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition in Production…Coming soon!

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The Many Benefits of Solitude In Contemplation

 Benefits of Solitude in Contemplation are Many

Socrates noted that our primary mission in life is to understand the complex relationship between self and soul.  The Transcendentalist, R. W. Emerson, noted that a primary function of education is to draw out our soul.  Zen teacher, J. Tarrant hinted that the soul is the energetic connection to all of life and may be manifested best by love. In 1991 Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh noted mindfulhappiness-solitude-contemplation-anthonyquintilianithat mindfulness is manifested by interbeing and reducing the psychological space between teacher and student.  Albert Einstein noted that access to the laws of nature comes about only by intuitive and sympathetic understanding of experience. (Miller,
1996, page 369). In his 1991 Peace in Every Step, Thich Nhat Hanh noted that the teacher aims to improve his students’ social abilities, self-knowledge, awareness via mindfulness, emotional regulations, and mindful reflection in compassion for others.  William James in his 1890 texts, Principles of Psychology, noted that complete education was associated with “bringing back a wandering attention over and over again” (page 494).  So today with so, so much hyper-individualism, entitlement, “me first” attitudes, and “see my new… narcissism”, how can contemplative practices improve the nature of people in their learning years? With so much talk about expanding contemplative practices in higher education it is timely to discuss the many benefits of solitude, especially in the transmission of knowledge. In her writing about contemplative practices in higher education, Mara Adelman list various benefits gained through the experience of solitude. She combines the ideas of many writers on this subject (Koch, 1994; Long and Averill, 2003; Barbour, 2004; Cobb, 1977; Storr, 1998). Here is short list of the benefits from practicing mindful solitude.

The practice of experiencing solitude provides us with:

  1. Freedom from mind, body and social contacts;
  2. Attunement with the inner-most voice of the self;
  3. Attention to personal feelings in privacy;solitude-contemplation_anthonyquintiliani-mindfullness
  4. Understanding one’s own personhood;
  5. Activation of the mysteries of life;
  6. Centering on our spiritual self;
  7. Grounding in the natural world;
  8. Disconnection from the noise and technology of modern life;
  9. Deeper reflection;
  10. Intuitive insights;
  11. Space and time for self-healing;
  12. Regeneration of our inner resiliency;
  13. Restoration of emotional balance;
  14. Simplicity of just being;
  15. Gratitude for what we do have now;
  16. Restoring the personal self from ongoing mindlessness;
  17. More first-person private experience in equanimity;
  18. Observation in first-hand experience of deeper meaning;
  19. Greater intersubjective understanding – only you and solitude, or you and nature;
  20. Feelings of wholeness, unity, wellness;
  21. Non-judgmental discernment of “presencing;”
  22. Respectful engagement with empathy and compassion; and
  23. Greater happiness.

For more information refer to Adelman, M. (2014). Kindred spirits in teaching contemplative practices. In O. Gunnlaugson, et al. (Eds.). Contemplative Learning and Inquiry Across Disciplines. New York: State University of New York, pp. 51-68. See also pages 1-14 in the same source.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

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Teaching Mindfulness in Therapy Part 2

Teaching Mindfulness in Therapy – More for you to consider-

New Harbinger Publications has just issued a blog post on problems encountered when teaching mindfulness to clients in therapy.  After over 30  years of using mindfulness and meditation in psychotherapy, I have a few words of advice to add.  Following thesemindfulhappiness-harbingerpublications advisories may help to ensure successful implementation of mindfulness interventions and skills with your therapy clients.

  1. From an ethical and effectiveness perspective, you should NOT be teaching mindfulness and meditation to your clients unless you have your own regular mindfulness and meditation (or yoga) practice.
  2. Personal practice helps to ensure effectiveness, and it helps to prepare you for thing that could come up with your novice client-practitioners (“dark nights of the soul” regarding some possible documented negative effects). There is no substitute for personal experience in practice.
  3. Remember, these are embodied practices and skills. They have specific cognitive components (intention, attention, concentration, self-talk to count breaths and allow thoughts to pass, etc.).  However, these are embodied practices and skills – “felt sense” in the body while practicing.
  4. Be certain mindfulness, meditation, mindful movement (yoga only if you are a yoga instructor) are in the client’s treatment plan.  Or use a therapy approach that includes these practices, but be sure that therapy in in the treatment plan. Always measure desired outcomes from all clinical interventions.
  5. Use tasks analysis to teach these skills. Begin with simple steps and short time periods.  Always allow the client complete control regarding participation, and always seek feedback on the experience. As the client becomes more attuned to these embodied processes, agree mutually on extending time in practice (in session) and the depth of the skills.
  6. It may be wise to begin with simple awareness activities and basic breathing techniques.  Some clients with untreated trauma and/or polyvagal abnormalities may have great difficulty associating breathwork with relaxation and body/emotion regulation.  If this occurs, work with the client so they can practice breathing skills that do not cause emotional dysregulation or anxiety. Include psychoeducation.Mindful Happiness | Anthony Quintiliani
  7. Never introduce a practice to a client if you have not, yourself, mastered the skill.  In my own meditation teaching practices (outside of therapy) , I always practice a new meditation skills for months before bringing that skill to my secular meditation sangha.
  8. Be sure you make it clear what “hat” you are wearing when you combine general therapy with mindfulness/meditation training.  There are various mindfulness-based therapy approaches (MBSR, DBT, ACT, MBCT, etc.); however, if you are not using any of these and prefer to introduce a skill/practice as adjunctive therapy clarify the role you are playing in the moment (therapist, trainer, teacher).
  9. Remain mindfully aware that you need to model acceptance and kindness in your therapy work, especially when mindfulness and meditation are included.
  10. While leading mindfulness and meditative interventions as skills, practice being the human being simply being in the practice.  Reduce the hierarchy if possible, and yet maintain a responsible role as an evidence-based clinician. You are partly responsible for all outcomes, good and bad.
  11. If teaching such skills in group format, be clear what the differences are in group process and group practice. These experiences are different.  When things go smoothly, these subtle realities blend nicely.  When this are not going smoothly, you need to recognize what you are doing as the leader – is it a group process issue, or is it a group practice issue?  They require different corrective experiences.
  12. You have clear responsibilities for safety in your therapy, and this safety extends into teaching mindfulness and meditation skills.  However, you do not have to comment, expand, pontificate about what clients share regarding their practice with you.  I find this problem difficult to avoid in my own meditation training sessions. One is always tempted to add something that you hope may improve the person’s practice. Best to add only when necessary and keep it brief.
  13. If you use a script to guide mindfulness and meditation training as part of your therapy work, be careful to use it gently. This is not a mainly cognitive/verbal process.  It is an experiential/bodily process. Learn the practices well so you do not need to read the “how to” steps in your therapy.  However, if you are using a more complex meditation practice, it is be a good idea to guide your own teaching role via a script.

For more information refer to Quintiliani, A. R. (2014). Mindful Happiness…Shelburne, VT: Voice of Vermont Publications.  See also Teaching Mindfulness? Avoid These Common Traps for Therapists. Professional Blog, New Harbinger Publications.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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