Mindful Happiness

Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

  • Home
  • Dr. Anthony Quintiliani
    • About
  • Mindful Happiness
  • Mindful Expressions Meditation CD
  • Contact

September 20, 2017 By Admin

Pathways for Coping with Loss and Grief

Pathways for Coping with Loss and Grief

Jeanne Cacciatore, a Zen priest and bereavement specialist, offer sound advice on the process of loss and grieving.  In her book, Bearing the Unbearable: Love and the Heart Breaking Path of Grief (2016), she presents the process as a series of contractions and expansions; contractions are the inward path of attention and energy as the physical environment shrinks (vulnerable emotional tightening for self-protection), and expansions are self-compassionate allowing of safety, exploration, curiosity, willingness, and renewed connections.  Over time subtle shifts of improvement occur.  Over time we begin to live again. Breath as a metaphor serve this view well; the earlier short, shallow, chest breathing in and out changes into a slower, longer abdominal breathing in and out. As we normalize expansion, the pain and suffering of loss remains but it is no longer overpowering and overwhelming.  We re-learn how to function and experience hopeful pleasure and joy once again. We notice that we have some gratitude for our life just as it is now.

What are some important things to do when one is in a state of loss and grief?  Here is a list.

  1. No matter what you do, the normal process of loss and grief will occur. The issue is how do you want to experience it.  It can be devastating and long-term, or it can be devastating but less long-term.
  2. We need to stay with the process to find our way through it. This takes time and courage.
  3. Use all spiritual and religious beliefs you have that are helpful. Heaven, reincarnation, no-self may all be helpful to you in your process of grieving. If helpful, seek spiritual support from others.
  4. It may help to use creative rituals, rites, and alters in your personal process. Rituals can be one very powerful healers, but they can also be very powerful reminders of your loss.
  5. Sit in meditation and/or prayer. Use whatever content seems to help you cope better emotionally. Some people find meditation in a cemetery can be both challenging and helpful.  Be with it all.
  6. Share your grief with the right people, at the right times, and in the right places.
  7. When others try to help you, tell them what you need. This often includes combinations of quiet listening, basic presence, kind actions, direct assistance, and social-emotional supports. Pure silence may help.
  8. For those of you who may be more spiritually involved, respectful kneeling and prostrating may help.
  9. Holding a yoga posture in prayer pose can strengthen your capacity to deal with the suffering.
  10. Reading spiritual texts can be helpful and lead to new insights about loss and grief.
  11. Learning to place birth and death into life’s context reminds us of the impermanence of all things.
  12. Spend time in natural environments and allow the soothing power of that environment to heal you.
  13. Practice as much compassionate self-care as possible, although this may be difficult at first.
  14. Do whatever comes to mind to commemorate and respect the loss loved one. Your stronger physical actions in this area (lasting tributes) may reduce the emotional suffering of grief.
  15. Last, allow time to heal, and recognize the thin line between grieving and depression.  If you become stuck in the depressive “dark nights of the soul” get professional help quickly.

For more information refer to Cacciatore, J. (2016) Bearing the Unbearable: Love and the Heart Breaking Path of Grief. Boston: Wisdom Publications. See also Healthbeat (2015). Coping with Grief and Loss. Boston: Harvard Medical School.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Coping, DR Jeanne Cacciatore, Featured, Grief Tagged With: COPING, DR JEANNE CACCIATORE, GRIEF, LOSS, MINDFUL HAPPINESS

Twitter

Mindful Happiness -Currently in Production

Mindful Happiness Posts

Essential Knowledge for Clinical Supervisors This post will include information and skills dealing with research on role induction practices, quality of clinical supervision, psychodynamics of alliance, and progress measurement.  Since the information and skills for all these topics is complex, I will do my best to keep it as clear as possible. This information aims […]

Supervision and Self-Care in Trauma Therapy Today there  is an ever-increasing demand for effective trauma therapy.  Our American clinical history on this matter leaves much to be desired. John N. Briere and Cheryl B. Lanktree offer important suggestions on how to use clinical supervision and self-care in your clinical work with clients suffering from serious […]

More on Self-Compassion Practices Suffering and happiness represent opposites in human emotional experience.  In our culture we often equate happiness with what we HAVE and suffering with the GAP between what we have versus what we want.  Material possessions tend not to lead to intrinsic happiness; joy based on materials gains is often short-lived – […]

Preverbal Trauma – Therapy Problems A. R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC Preverbal trauma (hereafter PVT) is one of the most pervasively troubling human conditions. PVT occurs when a preverbal child is exposed to parental, caretaker, or other forms of abuse. This abuse may be sexual, physical, or emotional. This form of abuse is so destructive because […]

Anahata – Heart Chakra Meditation Practice Rumi noted that to reach the sky we must use our hearts. The Heart Chakra is a very popular focus of meditation practice.  Here we will simply review some characteristics and then move on to a meditation practice. Specific characteristics: Green color, YAM sound (say at least three times […]

Mindfulness Expands the Art of Journal Writing T. Merton, J. Kerouc, I. Progoff, J. Upton, and others have helped to expand the art or journal writing practice.  This type of practice can become your mindfulness practice.  You will need to write on a daily basis (even if briefly), and you will need to be highly […]

Use of Breathing Techniques – Do a Polyvagal Test First Polyvagal Test The polyvagal theory (S.Porges) and polyvagal functions are complex, highly important, evolutional processes with powerful influences on human survival, overall physical health, and emotion regulation.  The tenth cranial nerve (from scull base to anus) functions in various ways, the most important of which […]

My third posting on self-medication- Comes from the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont. Now we will turn our attention to how people become habituated to self-medication to obtain brief moments of joy and/or to avoid emotional suffering.  Recall that self-medication becomes a habit (dopamine released in reward centers of the […]

The Heart Sutra – Thich Nhat Hanh “Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha.” This ultimate mantra is one of the most important in Buddhism. Thich Nhat Hanh’s new translation of The Heart Sutra offers a great deal of enlightened, sometimes more advanced, information and process. Avalokitesvara and other great Bodhisattvas present important views of this […]

Laughter to Support you in Suffering As we all know life is filled with joy, suffering, and neutrality or boredom. This is THE WAY IT IS! Or, as a very good old friend often reminded me: “It is what it is!”  In Buddhism we preach a middle way in various areas of practice; the same […]

Gurdjieff’s The Fourth Way to Consciousness: Background A core teachings is that there are three ways of being: the fakir (master of the physical body); the monk (master of faith and feeling); and, the yogi (master of mind development).  A key goal is to KNOW yourself at the deepest levels.  To KNOW is to be, […]

Mindful Movement as Part of Practice Mindful movement is an accepted part of regular practice. Such practices as walking meditation, more vigorous yoga asanas, qi gong, and tail chi are all part of this respected mindfulness tradition. Here I will introduce you to a very simple pre-meditation movement sequence.  Hope you practice it very soon. […]

In Times of Uncertainty; Clinical Practice H. Colodro and J. Oliver provide sound advice in their new book, A Guide to Self-Care for Practitioners in Times of Uncertainty. This 2020 New Harbinger publication is loaded with helpful suggestions on surviving, even thriving, in our time of struggle. Their core questions include: What do my clients need most […]

Personal Happiness in the Age of COVID-19 We are all in this together!  However, wealth and employment status do play important roles. RTI International and the Consortium for Implementation Science have serious concerns about the links between racial equity, social justice, and personal responses to COVID-19. Neuroscience notes that personal happiness in a brain-mind-body thing. Its […]

Mindful Walking Meditation: How to Walk by Thich Nhat Hanh – A Powerful Short Book of Wisdom In my opinion, Thich Nhat Hanh and The 14th Dalai Lama are the two most important and wise teachers of mindfulness, meditation, compassion, and Buddhism in the 21st century.  Below I will offer my interpretation of Thich Nhat Hanh’s […]

Using Mindful Movement as a Form of Meditation Practice with the Body In Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction practices Hatha Yoga has been used as part of the recovery process from both psychological and physical suffering. In my own clinical use of mindful movement with children, youth and adults, I found that basic Qi Gong/Che Kung, Walking […]

The Deep Courage to Let Go Pema Chodron, now recognized as a world leader in the Chogyam Trungpa Shambhala tradition, has presented a wonderfully clear method for letting go of personal blockages and impediments to enlightenment,  the bodhisattva way of life, and awakened bodhichitta (clear mind, soft heart). She teaches us how in “The Joy […]

Expanded Information about Your Compassion Practices and Benefits Compassion Practice Tips and Exercises The Buddha noted that one should not dwell on the past, become too attached to future outcomes, but instead concentrate our mind only on the present moment of our experiences.  The Dalai Lama noted that compassion is a necessary condition for inner […]

The “I AM THAT” Meditation Elena Brower’s new book, Practice You: A Journal (Sounds True, 2017) has many thoughtful suggestions on how to connect with the true inner self, and – more importantly – how to improve your self-views and the experience of your deep inner self. Below I have modified her presentation of the “I Am […]

Meditation Guide to Getting Started Since just sitting in basic (mindfulness or vipassana) meditation is such an important practice on your way to emotional regulation – and possibly and eventually to Enlightenment – I decided to offer a quick review of this skilled practice.  Practice every day! 1) Sit comfortably with your back softly errect […]

Mindful Categories

Mindful Happiness Pages

  • About
  • Contact
  • Dr. Anthony Quintiliani
  • Mindful Expressions Meditation CD
  • Mindful Happiness
  • Site Map

Copyright © 2023 · Mindful Happiness