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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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January 22, 2021 By Admin

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

Loss, Grief and Suffering in America

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Other than our nation’s suffering during The Civil War, The Great Depression, and World War II this past year has been one of the most stress-filled, fear-filled times in our history. Here is a list of the reasons behind it all: the COVID-19 pandemic, racial injustice, legal reactivity, massive unemployment, loss of housing, quarantines, closed schools and colleges, powerful political demonstrations, and a “president” who betrayed his trust and incited riotous violence against the Capital of the United States. Also a “president” who has been impeached not once but twice by The U.S. House of Representatives. What a year!

Types of Loss, Grief and Suffering

Along with the above, we have witnessed increased anxiety, depression, fear, anger and traumatic stress. Although death (loss of a loved one) is by far one of the most severe stressors, we also suffer from the virus, separation/divorce, developmental stress, incarceration, and the loss of the way of life in pre-COVID-19. Americans are suffering from various bio-psycho-social-spiritual dimensions of stress, loss and grief. Perhaps the correct words to use are “complicated grief.” Our current experiences with loss and grief go far beyond the stage-based versions of E. Kubler Ross; our current complex grief does not follow neat linear progressions, and includes more serious symptoms. For those who also experienced childhood trauma of various forms or developmental regressions the current experience is more exasperating and dangerous. When loss is catastrophic reactions may include nightmares, shame, guilt, regret, hopelessness and suicide. Cultural differences also play roles in loss and grief as well as its treatment. Therapists must also be aware of the influence of race, gender, sexual orientation, and age.

Treatments for Loss and Complex Grief

Treatments for loss and complex grief are many, but with varying levels of success. Matching treatments to client characteristics, and developing a powerful clinical alliance are important for therapeutic success. Below, I list (only) various treatments, most supported by empirical research and practice. I will leave it you the reader to look more deeply into treatments or interventions they may prefer. Here is the list: Trauma-Informed Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based therapies/practices (breath work, meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi-gong and MBSR or ACT), Continued Bonds Theory – the changed internal relationship with the lost person, and Attachment-Informed Grief Therapy – utilizing attachment styles of secure, insecure, anxious or avoidant.

Many therapeutic interventions may be helpful: social-emotional support, recovery journaling, music, exercise, imagery, play therapy, and sand tray work. Generally especially strong empathy is required. Self-care of the therapist is a must. Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs may be helpful.  Other active interventions include empty-chair work (sitting in the “worry chair” or the lost person chair), self-talk or out-loud talk using stimulus words like relax, breathe, not me, etc. Social networking with new people in groups is often helpful. Improving client self-care and participating in activities associated with joy or satisfaction moves the mind to other things.

In the end, if so many various interventions fail to meet needs, people should consider joining a formal, therapeutic bereavement group. Loss is emotionally tough, and recovery requires complete emotional activation.

For more information refer to: comments of A. Bodner, Ph.D. in The New England Psychologist, p. 2 (Winter, 2021). Hanlon, P. (2021). The Many Faces of Complicated Grief. The New England Psychologist, pp. 1 & 4 (Winter, 2021). Cormier, S. The Transformative Power of Loss. Psychotherapy Networker,  pp. 17-18 (January-February, 2021). Cacciatore, J. (2020). Grieving is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable. Boston, Wisdom Publications, pp. 1-8.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Coping, Covid-19, E.Kubler-Ross, Featured, Grief, Happiness, Healing, Human Needs, Inner Peace, Joy and Suffering, Personal Suffering, Practices, Relational Suffering, Self Care, Suffering, Tools, Treatment Tagged With: AMERICA, COPING, COVID19, E. KUBLER-ROSS, EMOTIONAL, GRIEF, HOPE, JOURNALING, JOY, LOSS, LOVING, MINDFUL, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICES, SELF, SOCIAL, SUFFERING, THERAPISTS, TREATEMENTS, TREATMENT

January 16, 2017 By Admin

Significance of Beads in Spiritual & Religious Practices

Beads: Significance in Spiritual and Religious Practices

The significance of religious and spiritual practices in the world is enormous.  Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist practitioners make up the overwhelming majority of the world’s population. The  CIA estimates are that Christians (33%), Muslims (23%), Hindus (14%) and Buddhist (7%) make up the majority of religious followers. Atheists and non-religious believers make up only 12% of the world’s population.   About 11% of the world’s population practices other spiritual and religious traditions.  ALL of the major spiritual and religious traditions have used beads in their practices.  Below I have listed some details about the nature of spiritual/religious beads used by major groups. As you will see the use of beads in spiritual and religious practices is very common.

  1. Roman Catholics use rosary beads (from rose petal “beads” in the rose garden or rosarium) – usually 54 + 5 beads. When beads are used to recite 150 psalms, they are 150 beads long and called patermasters.
  2. Muslims use their misbaha/masbaha, tasbih, subha  beads – usually 99 or 33 beads.
  3. Hindus (from 500 BCE) use mala beads – usually 108 (the cosmos) or 27 beads.
  4. Buddhists (mala) for 108 worldly desires, and Sikhs have generally maintained the Hindu “counts.”
  5. Baha’i uses beads – usually 19 or 99 + 5 beads.
  6. Orthodox Jews, use tassels tallit or tzitzits (Moses – to remember the commandments of god).
  7. Ortodox Greek and Russian Christians use knots as beads – Greek prayer ropes are called kombologian, and Russian prayer ropes are called chotki – Greek knots are 33, 50 and 100 while Russian knots are 33, 100, and 500.
  8. African Masai, Native American, and Greek and Russian Orthodoxy also use beads.

So why use beads in spiritual and religious prayer practices?  There are many, many reasons why beads are used in these spiritual traditions.  However, I will note just a few. Here are some reasons.  Beads are used:

  1. To maintain your counting in prayers practices – in praising the object of your beliefs;
  2. To confirm your level of dedicated practice by repetitions;
  3. To deepen your personal belief by mantra-like or out loud speaking;
  4. To enhance your level of faith by deeper and deeper contemplations about your beliefs; and,
  5. To deepen practice by repeated, deeper contemplations (called lectio divina ) in Catholicism.

Here are some other reasons why beads are used. These reasons deal more with contemporary neuroscience research than with ancient and current religious practices.  These are:

  1. Enhanced learning in frontal and prefrontal areas by verbal/cognitive repetitions;
  2. Temporal area strengthening by hearing the words you are saying either to yourself or out loud;
  3. Multi-sensory applications to bead mantra work – using fingertips (huge representation in the brain) to touch beads as you repeat verbal statements over and over again;
  4. Multi-sensory applications open up pathways for brain plasticity, so your brain changes over time to make your religious practices and beliefs stronger and stronger over time;
  5. Possible multi-sensory brain coherence – lighting up neurons across various brain regions in your practices, which allows even more powerful plasticity to occur about your practices and beliefs; and,
  6. Ritualize the spiritual or religious practices, thus making the objects of practice more sacred.

So, now you have some information about why beads are so, so common in spiritual and religious practices. This same information is the basis for use of beads in contemporary spiritual practices without religious connections.

For more information refer to Dorff, V. (2014). The Little Book About Big Things: World Religion. New York, NY: Fall River Press. See also www.dharmabeads.net for more information. Retrieved May 2, 2016.

 Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, Benefits of Meditation, Children & Youth, Contemplative Practices, Featured, Meditation, Meditation Activities, MIndfulness, MIndfulness Activities, Practices, Religion, Rituals, Self Care, Spiritual Energy, Spiritual Experience, Spiriuality Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, BEADS, MEDIATION, PRACTICES, PRAYER, RITUALS, SPIRITUAL

May 2, 2016 By Admin

Personal Gratitude Practices – With Sage Advice

Gratitude Practices to Improve your Emotional Mood

The following fourteen suggestions may improve your emotional mood.  One reward from practicing gratitude is that we tend to feel a little better no matter what our causes and conditions are at the time.  mindfulhappiness_GetHappy

Here is the list.

  1. Make a habit of thanking people.  “Thank you.” Appreciate what others have done and still do for you.
  2. Get into the habit of writing brief daily entries in your personal gratitude or happiness journal.  Write about anything that you experienced joy of gratitude for – no matter how small.
  3. When you get trapped into a negative thinking drift, STOP and take a moment to consider at least one thing you have gratitude for right now in your life.
  4. Practice downward comparison by comparing yourself and WHAT you have to other people who DO NOT have what you have.  Have compassion and appreciate the reality of the differences.
  5. Follow Maya Angelou’s advice: When you learn something new and helpful, teach it to others. When you receive something helpful, share it with others.
  6. If you are suffering now, consider joining up with others who may be suffering in similar ways – provide social and emotional support to each other, and have gratitude for the people you are with right now.
  7. Stop once or twice a day give give yourself a check-up.  So, how am I doing right now?  If you are doing well, carry on. If not, do something quick and safe that will improve the emotional quality of the present moment.
  8. Practice Japanese Naikan reflection.  At the very end of your day ask: What have I received today? What have I given today? What harm have I done today?  If you have caused harm, make amends for it.
  9. Volunteer a small amount of your time each month. Volunteer so you can help improve the quality of life for other people.  Consider this an act of kindness, and feel the inner gratitude in that you are able to make such a gift of time and compassion to others.
  10. Invite a small group of friends over to your home; sit in a circle, and share anything each of you have gratitude for.
  11. Consider practicing loving kindness meditation as your primary self-care habit.
  12. Do what Lee Brower (of Empowered Wealth) does.  Give people a gratitude stone or bead to keep in their pocket.  Encourage them to stop and note their gratitude for something (no matter how small) every time they touch it or become aware of it.   Make a habit of searching for “good” gratitude stones to give away.
  13. Do brief periods of walking meditation in nature.  Notice! Listen! See! Allow the wonders of natural environments to provide you with cues for gratitude.
  14. Follow the sage advice of the following people:

 a)  Elie Wiesel noted that a person can be defined by her/his attitude toward gratitude.

 b)  Julian of Norwich noted that all will be well, and to become aware of our rising we need to become aware of our falling.  Grace can transform personal failures into abundant, endless comfort.

 c)  Eric Hoffer noted that for humans the most difficult math to do is to count our blessings.

 d)  Melodie Beattie noted that the practice of gratitude can bring peace into our day.

 e)  Albert Schweitzer noted that when you feel all hope is lost, remember one small thing to be grateful for.

For more information refer to Lesowitz, N. and Sammons, M. B. (2009). Living Life as a Thank You: The Transformative Power of Daily Gratitude. New York, NY: Bristol Park Books; Aronson, B. C. (2006). Grace: Quotes and Passages for the Heart, Mind, and Soul.  New York, NY: Random House.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

CLICK HERE  or any image below to Order 

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Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Emotional Regulation, Featured, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness Tagged With: EMOTIONAL MOOD, GRATITUDE, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, PRACTICES

November 22, 2015 By Admin

Yoga Nidra and Your Inner Peace

Yoga Nidra and Your Inner Peace

Yogi_MindfulHappiness

Yoga Nidra will allow you to relax like you may never have relaxed before.  Follow these modified instructions for your best relaxed state.  If at any time during Yoga Nidra you feel uncomfortable, simply stop and breathe in a manner that restores equilibrium.  Although this uncomfortable outcome is highly unlikely.

  1. Before we begin, lay down on your back in a comfortable position.  Place your hands in prayer pose. Say namaste (I bow to you) to yourself silently, then outlaid a few times.
  2. Now move into corpse pose (on your back with your arms out to the sides), and notice your body-awareness. Say OM to yourself silently – say it several times. The say silently: “I am in a state of joy here.”  Then say: “I feel healthy feelings in my body here.”
  3. Beginning on your right side, place strong attention then concentration on the finger tips of your right hand.  As you place concentration there, hold an intention to find inner peace.
  4. Holding the same intention, focus concentration on your right hand. Then move to your right arm. Move up to your arm pit. Hold strong concentration and an intention to find inner peace.
  5. Move your concentration to your right hip, and slowly move down the right leg all the way to your right foot and toes.
  6. Talke a few slow, calm, deep breaths. Rest your inner peace into your heart chakra area.
  7. Now repeat the same movement of concentration on your left side – finger tips, hand, arm, arm pit, hips, down the leg all the way to your toes.
  8. Breathe and relax.  Now build concentration on the back of your body. Concentrate on the back of your head, your shoulders, your back, and your buttox.
  9. Take a few calm, slow, deep breaths. Go into your loving heart to find peace and equanimity.
  10. Now move into concentration on the front of your body. Begin with the right leg, then the left leg. Go to the right arm, then the left arm. Focus on the whole back of the body, then focus on the whole front of the body.
  11. Be one with your whole relaxed body. BE your relaxed body.
  12. If you wish add a pleasant image; use your mind and imagination and begin to hold a half-smile.
  13. Now slowly – very slowly – begin to stretch out your relaxed body.
  14. Roll over onto your side, and move into a fetal position.  REST!
  15. Now end Yoga Nidra by slowly – very slowly – moving into a sitting position. Now slowly stand up and be still.  Simply be aware of what you, your body, and your mind feel like at this moment in time and space.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

CLICK HERE  or any image below to Order 

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Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Featured, Meditation, Meditation Activities, Mindfulness Training, Yogi Tagged With: DR ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, EXERCISES, MEDITATION, PRACTICES, YOGI NIDRA

November 19, 2014 By Admin

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness Defined…

There are many definitions of mindfulness.  Here I have combined several popular views into one.  This definition and process may be helpful to readers who cannot quite grasp what it is, what it feels like, and what steps can make it happen.  MindfulHappiness_Mindfulness

Good luck in your regular practices!  

Mindfulness is:

  • Paying attention with full concentration;
  • In a focused manner, in the present moment;
  • With attention on one thing right now, here now;
  • Bare attention to what is inside of you, and bare attention to what is outside of you;
  • Without judgments or evaluations of any kind or at any level of perception and consciousness;
  • Pure witnessing your own experience as simply the observer of that experience;
  • Being aware of mental states without over-identification with them;
  • Not going into the past, and not going into the future;
  • Without negative or positive self-talk, and no stories or internal conversations;
  • Letting go of fantasies and images;
  • Not even the most subtle of evaluative beginnings – via changes in breathing, heart rate, muscle tension, facial emotions, or sensations.
  • Eventually expanding mindful awareness into other domains of personal experience – such as voluntary control over breathing, thoughts, memories, future projections, smells, sounds, sensations, bodily experiences, emotions, strengths, clinging, and craving.
  • Practice meditation, yoga, or walking meditation daily, even if for only a few minutes.  Then gradually allow the natural reinforcing tendencies of these practices to motivate you to expand your practice time, in both frequency and duration.  Over time brain plasticity will occur, and you will find it easier and enjoyable to practice.

MindfulHappiness-Dr-Anthony-Quintili

May you be mindful;

May you be more calm;

May you be healthier;

May you be happier; and,

May you live with more joy and less suffering.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

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Sources:  This definition has been integrated by various ideas from The Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, J. Goldstein, S. Salzberg, J. Kabat-Zinn, Tulku Thondup, G. Dreyfus, Anthony Quintiliani and many others.

Filed Under: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Featured, Meditation, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness Tagged With: DR ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICES

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