Spiriuality Archives - Mindful Happiness

October 30, 2018 By Admin

Setting Emotional Boundaries from Work to Life

Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Sometimes setting emotional boundaries from the psychotherapy room to your life outside of work can be a difficult thing to do. Shifting from “experience near empathy” (Kohut), “unconditional positive regard” (Rogers), “hovering attention” (Freud), “the holding environment” in “intersubjective space” (Winnicott), and compassionate awareness to emotional distancing, separation, and dispassion is no easy task. In more in-depth clinical interactions, the process of projective identification between therapist and client may drain your emotional resources; sometimes being “as if” you were the experiencer of your client’s pain and suffering can take a serious toll on your own emotional resources. At time the therapist’s own emotional life lacks the quality of connection experienced in the therapy session. Success in setting emotional boundaries is a very important self-care skill. It may determine your success, failure, joy, or misery in the clinical work you do. It will definitely prevent most case of “burn out.”

Therapists may wish to complete a brief self-care assessment at the end of each emotionally demanding day. Some things to check are as follows:

Are you taking care of your own physical, psychological, spiritual, and emotional needs?
Are you using mindfulness, self-compassion, clinical supervision, or journaling to get to know how you are doing?
Are you valuing yourself enough regarding self-rewards, positive self-talk, cognitive and behavioral restructuring?
Are you giving yourself time to experience some form of creativity?
What about your spiritual self?
Do you spend quality time in nature, among the awe of it all?
Are you involved in the type of quality relationship you desire?
Be sure to act on your own behalf if you find problems in the above areas.

Another very powerful process is to develop improving self-compassion for yourself, often blurring the inner boundaries of your own emotional life experience and the clinical work you do. Therapists are, in the end, only people with a set of specific helping skills. We suffer just like other people do. Hopefully, our training and experience have given us a bit of a positive edge here. Here are some things you may wish to consider to improve your own level of self-compassion.

Using mindful awareness, observe the level and intensity of your self-criticism.
Let go of personal resistance to being real, being your true self.
Get out of your head! Get out of the past!
Do loving kindness meditation often.
Recognize your own difficult emotions (shame, anger, revenge, trying to control others, etc.), and simply be with them as a sacred part of who you are and be real about it. Use emotion regulation to improve things.
Practice much more self-appreciation.
Do not dwell on the pain and suffering of your past. All that stuff probably made you a stronger person.
Welcome and LOVE all of you, with special attention to the sacred quality of your own life suffering.
When you experience or re-experience anxiety, depression, addictive behaviors, or trauma – hold an open, soft heart for it. Then make changes to improve your life experience.
Always get help when you need it, and do your best not to dwell on what you have little control over.
Be certain too make changes to improve self-compassion regarding any problem areas above.

Fo more information refer to Norcross, J. C. and VandenBos, G. R. (2018). Leaving it at the Office: A Guide to Psychotherapist Self-Care. New York: Guilford. Neff, K. and Germer, C. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive. New York: Guilford.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

January 16, 2017 By Admin Leave a Comment

Significance of Beads in Spiritual & Religious Practices

Beads: Significance in Spiritual and Religious Practices

The significance of religious and spiritual practices in the world is enormous. Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist practitioners make up the overwhelming majority of the world’s population. The CIA estimates are that Christians (33%), Muslims (23%), Hindus (14%) and Buddhist (7%) make up the majority of religious followers. Atheists and non-religious believers make up only 12% of the world’s population. About 11% of the world’s population practices other spiritual and religious traditions. ALL of the major spiritual and religious traditions have used beads in their practices. Below I have listed some details about the nature of spiritual/religious beads used by major groups. As you will see the use of beads in spiritual and religious practices is very common.

Roman Catholics use rosary beads (from rose petal “beads” in the rose garden or rosarium) – usually 54 + 5 beads. When beads are used to recite 150 psalms, they are 150 beads long and called patermasters.
Muslims use their misbaha/masbaha, tasbih, subha beads – usually 99 or 33 beads.
Hindus (from 500 BCE) use mala beads – usually 108 (the cosmos) or 27 beads.
Buddhists (mala) for 108 worldly desires, and Sikhs have generally maintained the Hindu “counts.”
Baha’i uses beads – usually 19 or 99 + 5 beads.
Orthodox Jews, use tassels tallit or tzitzits (Moses – to remember the commandments of god).
Ortodox Greek and Russian Christians use knots as beads – Greek prayer ropes are called kombologian, and Russian prayer ropes are called chotki – Greek knots are 33, 50 and 100 while Russian knots are 33, 100, and 500.
African Masai, Native American, and Greek and Russian Orthodoxy also use beads.

So why use beads in spiritual and religious prayer practices? There are many, many reasons why beads are used in these spiritual traditions. However, I will note just a few. Here are some reasons. Beads are used:

To maintain your counting in prayers practices – in praising the object of your beliefs;
To confirm your level of dedicated practice by repetitions;
To deepen your personal belief by mantra-like or out loud speaking;
To enhance your level of faith by deeper and deeper contemplations about your beliefs; and,
To deepen practice by repeated, deeper contemplations (called lectio divina ) in Catholicism.

Here are some other reasons why beads are used. These reasons deal more with contemporary neuroscience research than with ancient and current religious practices. These are:

Enhanced learning in frontal and prefrontal areas by verbal/cognitive repetitions;
Temporal area strengthening by hearing the words you are saying either to yourself or out loud;
Multi-sensory applications to bead mantra work – using fingertips (huge representation in the brain) to touch beads as you repeat verbal statements over and over again;
Multi-sensory applications open up pathways for brain plasticity, so your brain changes over time to make your religious practices and beliefs stronger and stronger over time;
Possible multi-sensory brain coherence – lighting up neurons across various brain regions in your practices, which allows even more powerful plasticity to occur about your practices and beliefs; and,
Ritualize the spiritual or religious practices, thus making the objects of practice more sacred.

So, now you have some information about why beads are so, so common in spiritual and religious practices. This same information is the basis for use of beads in contemporary spiritual practices without religious connections.

For more information refer to Dorff, V. (2014). The Little Book About Big Things: World Religion. New York, NY: Fall River Press. See also www.dharmabeads.net for more information. Retrieved May 2, 2016.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

September 22, 2016 By Admin Leave a Comment

Honoring First Nation-Native American Spirited-Wisdom

Honoring First Nation – Native American Spirited-Wisdom

American First Nation or Native American People (according to how they wish to be named) have a strong spiritual traditions honoring life, the earth and the heavens. Naming these wise peoples is a problem; out of respect one would call them First Nations, Native American, or a specific tribal name. Since this is a post, and since my efforts to obtain preferences have ended in the three “namings” above, I shall use First Nations. I do this out of deep respect. If my choice offends, please accept my deeply felt apology.

In this post I hope to note just a few areas of rich spiritual traditions, especially around the circles of the camp fires. In philosophical terms, First Nation Peoples followed (and follow) certain sacred practices: conservation, preservation, taking/using only what is necessary, giving back/restoring, and forever giving thanks – deep gratitude for what the earth and the heavens have provided. In today’s so-called modern, technological world of greed, “me first,” and sometimes hatred – we all could learn MUCH from these wise-minded and collective practices.

These wise people also practiced special spiritual activities to deepen their understanding of “the way things are.” Such beliefs and practices of energy balancing, sacred healing locations, long-silence, four directions/winds, vision questing, passing the pipe, talking sticks, medicine bags, sweat lodging were all part of their very rich traditions. WE, so-called dominant white people from Europe almost annihilated them; however, now we seek and deeply value many of their spiritual traditions. As an old First Nation close friend once told me: “You white people tried to completely destroy us, but now you are quite interested in how our spiritual experiences conserved our spiritual powers and identity – and you WANT to take those traditions also!” Thank you my friend Dana Pictou for reminding me! Speaking for myself, I want to take nothing BUT I do want to experience what they offer spiritually. There is no question about WHO owns these traditions. They belong to First Nation peoples.

In the central areas of British Columbia there are “medicine ways gatherings.” There, certain Tibetan Buddhist and First Nation ceremonies have been integrated to pursue earth healing and world peace. Under the facilitation of Spirit Dance Center for Spiritual Ecology, people gather to participate in ceremony and ritual around open camp fires. In fire circles they meditate, chant, drum, pass the pipe, have dyadic discussions, and personal consultations – ALL in deep respect for authentic spiritual power, and to better understand “the way things are.” Others in different parts of North America participate in body awareness concentration, cleansing breath rituals, and feather meditations. Additionally, the sacred fours are active: four directions, four winds, four seasons, and four states of the self. This last focus includes our mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional experiences of the self. I find it so, so interesting that First Nation peoples – like the Buddhists of 2,500 years ago – developed a “psychology of self” as part of their forward progressions. In Buddhist beliefs there is no concrete, independently arising, enduring SELF. It is real in a sense of mind-time, but subject to impermanence, interdependent arising, and essential emptiness. All part of illusion and delusion as we strive to experience sensory pleasure and avoid pain and suffering. These understanding – both First Nation and Buddhist – are quire complex. Mastery of them may reduce personal suffering and increase personal happiness.

So sit quietly with others at camp fire circle and practice some of these powerful ceremonies. For authenticity, consider finding a First Nation person to lead you through some of these wonderfully powerful rituals. As Joseph Campbell said “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid…”

For more information see Cohen, K. – “Bear Hawk” (2003, 2006). Honoring the Medicine: The Essential Guide to Native American Healing. New York: Ballantine Books.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

January 6, 2016 By Admin

Brief Kirtan Kriya Meditation and Research

A Practice To Help Prevent Alzheimer Disease

Kirtan Kriya meditation is part of the ancient Kundalini yoga tradition. Current clinical research dealing with prevention of Alzheimer disease supports its use in medical meditation. As G. Harrison (The Beatles fame) noted: As you move attention beyond yourself, you may find peace of mind is there. Sanskrit root words for kundalini include meanings such as spiraled or coiled, earth (or single cell), bestows perpetual consciousness expressing beginning and end. Sanskrit translations for Kirtan Kriya include such things as sound with movement to balance mind-body emotions/energies to a higher self and true essence. The sounds used come from Sat Nam, which are interpreted as my true essence. Kundalini practices like Kirtan Kriya open up our experience to the inner and outer life forces. Some refer to this experience as spiritual uplift. Since the Kirtan Kriya meditation requires ONLY 12 minutes to do, there is NO EXCUSE about not having time to practice. Today neuroscientists suggest that the hands, fingers, and finger tips have much larger representation (the homunculus) within the power and functions of the human brain. Apparently, like so many other ancient meditation and yogic traditions, early practitioners were quite advanced regarding their understanding of mind-body-brain interactions.

Current Research Finding regarding Kirtan Kriya Meditation

According to research (multiple studies) completed by the Alzheimer’s Research and Prevention Foundation, the 12 minute Kirtan Kriya meditation improves memory loss, sleep quality, inflammation (down regulates inflammatory genes), psychological well-being, spiritual well-being, telomerase level (enzyme that slows cell aging), energy level, and stress response. Furthermore, there were no negative side effects using kirtan kriya meditation; in some people emotional emergence or Kundalini crisis can be experienced as highly uncomfortable. Instructions appear below.

Kirtan Kriya Meditation in Kundalini Yoga

Preliminary Instructions

You will sit in meditation position (pillow or chair) with your back straight and eyes closed.
You will breathe naturally and remain calm.
You will place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth (84 acupuncture points influencing blood flow, motor-sensory, and occipital parts of the brain).
You will be saying the sounds of: Saa, Taa, Naa, Maa. This will be like gentle singing.
You will be saying these sounds in various ways (silent, out loud, etc.).
As you say the sounds, you will be touching specific finger tips to the tip of your thumb (mudra).
As you say the sounds, you will imagine/visulaize the energy coming into the top of your head, descending into the midbrain, and leaving your head via the mid-forehead (third eye area). This is the important L-Form.
At the end of the 12 minutes meditation, you will inhale very deeply, move arms/hands up over your head, then exhale fully and move arms in a sweeping motion back down.

You may want to review these steps before actually doing the meditation as noted below.

Operational Instructions for Kirtan Kriya Meditation

1) Sit with your back straight and your eyes closed.

2) Breathe naturally without manipulation of the breath.

3) Gently place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth, and keep it there.

4) Bring your visual imagery to “see” the L-Form.

5) For two minutes say out loud Saa, Taa, Naa, Maa with these formats. Touch tip of thumb with the tip of the index finger for Saa; touch thumb tip with middle finger tip for Taa; touch thumb tip with ring finger tip for Naa; and, touch thumb tip with small finger tip for Maa. Remember to visualize energy flow via the L-Form.

6) Repeat the same process for two minutes (sounds and touching thumb tip with finger tips), for but this time whisper the four sounds. Visualize the L-Form.

7) Repeat the same process for four minutes as you touch thumb tip with finger tips, but this time say the four sounds silently to yourself. Remember the L-Form.

8) Repeat for two minutes whispering the four sounds while touching finger tips with thumb tip. Use the L-Form.

9) Repeat for two minutes out loud, including the same hand mudra steps while visualizing the L-Form.

10) Inhale very deeply and raise your hands/arms over your head.

11) Exhale fully and with a sweeping motion move hands/arms back down.

12) Simply sit quietly for about one minute. Reflect on your experience.

For more information refer to Dharma Singh Khalsa (2014). A White Paper: Yoga and Medical Meditation as Alzheimer’s Prevention Medicine. Tucson, AZ: Alzheimer’s Research and Prevention Foundation.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

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March 23, 2015 By Admin

Spirituality:

A Dark Night with Saint John of the Cross

The writings of Saint John of the Cross offer a special viewpoint about the suffering of souls, suffering souls on their way to unity with the divine. What follows stands in contrast to the Buddha’s views in The Dhammapada about ultimate happiness without any form of union with the divine. The Dark Night of the Soul may be viewed as a closure on the Christian path to loving unity with the creator. Like the Confessions of Saint Augustine and some of the writing of Saint Francis of Assisi, one repents for earlier sins of unwholesome living and erroneous spiritual beliefs. Here, I am not presenting a magnificent account of the Dark Nights; rather, I am touching upon the common themes required to make spiritual breakthroughs into stronger spiritual experience. In the case of the Dark Night we experience intense suffering leading to final unification – loving unification followed by great happiness “in the happy night.” (p. 106) Here the nights serve as metaphors for spiritual changes. Each night is a deeper, highly personal process on The Way to pure love of god. In the nights, Saint John of the Cross is in deepening contemplation (meditation and concentration) on the proper relationship with the divine. He is seeking a loving unity, a loving connection in the light. It appears that Saint John is seeking the “divine union of perfect…love” so that his “soul transformed through love…” (pp.8-9) His desire for and attachment to this mystical experience is at the core of his struggle and suffering. Let us begin with the temporal metaphor of the dark nights.

In the First Night the soul experiences purgation and purification related to sensual experiences. The sensory pleasures (great imperfections) require removal from the deeper spiritual self. The “depravities of the senses” are so powerful that they require divine intervention. This night refers to a beginner’s path to unification with the divine; this is one who “meditates on the spiritual road” with enough skill that it is a “spiritual night of infused contemplation” (p. 9). It is interesting that in Buddhism, one’s attachment to sensual pleasures is also noted as something to change for the better over time.

In the Second Night we experience the spiritual part of the soul. Spiritual contemplation moves deeper and deeper. The “spiritual purgation of dark contemplation” occurs only after difficult and demanding looking inward. One is not happy with what one sees: Saint John is required to use “great insight and discernment” to overcome the “lukewarmness of his spirit.” (p. 9) He must confront and disavow anything that relates to unwholesomeness and unworthiness. Again, like in Buddhism, one works very hard to overcome unwholesomeness in life.

In the Third Night we observe and experience the actions of the soul. In this “black darkness” (p.11) we discover even more that needs to be dealt with prior to any divine connection. By its action, the soul must free itself from the world of evil. This is a painful process to endure. Deeper and deeper contemplation is required. Here is appears that suffering is the path to liberation.

In the Fourth Night the “affliction is more peaceful” at last. (p. 10) This is a night of passivity of the soul – just being in deeper contemplation on unwholesomeness and unworthiness yet with a strengthening desire for unity with the divine. If one is willing to passively accept this deep suffering for the ultimate union, it may show the strength of spiritual conviction and will. It may demonstrate great belief in and dedication to this spiritual path. Then IT happens! “in peace and quietness” he ascents to the “transforming union.” (p. 10). The soul has freed itself from the world of evil; it enters a “brighter and intenser light.” This “enfolds the soul in the splendors of glory” (pp. 10-11) “Oh, happy chance” to be freed. (p. 16) Saint John continued his spiritual journey in “the happy night…without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart.” (p. 106) There is an experience of perfect love in “the happy night.” (p. 106) He has been successful in experiencing perfect union with the love of the divine.

For more information refer to: Peers, E. A. (Ed.). (1959). Saint John of the Cross-Dark Night of the Soul. New York: Newman Press/Image Books, pp. 8-16 and 106.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

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