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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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June 15, 2019 By Admin

In-Depth Means to Discover and Be Your True Self

In-Depth Means to Discover and Be Your True Self

Henry David Thoreau reminded us that it is not what you look at, but it is what you see that matters. How do you SEE yourself?  John Muir reminded us that the sun shines in us as well as in our souls. Do you find “the healing light” in your soul? The following “thinkers” have provided some interested self-search methods for us to consider; try some of these to find your own true self and be grateful.

Arvni Nan Futuronsky, Thomas Moore, and Christopher Germer – According to these people, finding the true center of the true self requires a mindfully deep questing processes, which may include regular silent meditation and inner self-contemplation. Being stuck in past struggles, painful experiences, and general suffering block not only finding our true self but also it’s healing capacities. Likewise being stuck in anxiety, fear, depression, loneliness, trauma, addictions (including “I-Smartphone” addiction), self-doubt, and non-stop critical thinking – all harm our true self and keep us in cyclical patterns of suffering and despair. Samsara is dominant here. These are very serious problems, and they are not overcome without considerable personal effort.  However, locating and “seeing” the good of your true self will enable you to grow and be happier. Confirm and affirm yourself! Use your self-leadership to experience pure self-compassion and maintain a mindfully oriented mind.  Find your strengths and pleasures in art, literature, poetry, nature, metaphors, myth, random movements, and facial expressions of pleasure.  Spend more personal and silent time in nature. Study, experience, and appreciate these many resources of the self. With regular practice improved habits of mind-body realities will occur in both self-narratives and behavioral ways. You must practice regularly. Trade some “worry time” for beneficial practice time.

J. Belmont in Embrace Your Greatness.. recommends that you unconditionally and radically accept yourself as being “good enough” (D.W. Winnicott). It is not a problem to have human imperfections; our race if loaded with imperfections – it is normal. Our highly competitive and sometimes violent society, however, entrains us to focus on negatives in life. Even our brain is designed to emphasize negatives; the human Limbic System is designed for survival, thus our focus on negatives may be part of our genetic heritage to survive. To improve regularly practice letting go of your inner critical voices – your own inner voice as well as critical, projected voices from others. Do not respond to typical, habitual, conditioned “shoulds.” Emphasize and take advantage of your own possible post-traumatic growth. Seek it in yourself and it will be there. Pay very close attention to your personal strengths, and take the time to list them and read them periodically. Meditate, practice yoga, and remain mindful daily.

Other Things to Do

  1. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy – If you know this approach, use it’s diffusion and distancing techniques often. Clarification here is beyond the scope of this post. Google it, or look up information available on this blog site.
  2. Kundalini Yoga – Certain easy and energetic practices of taking in and pushing out may be helpful . The approach using your arms to take into the body something you want and saying “YES” with louder and louder force might help you.  Likewise, using your arms to push out something you do not want and saying “NO” (with louder force) in the process can be helpful. Teaching you this is beyond the scope of this post.  Google it.
  3. Likewise using Loving Kindness Meditation and Yoga Nidra processes are often helpful to us humans. Once again, it is not the focus of this blog post to teach you these practices. Google them, or look them up elsewhere in this blog site. Practice! Practice! Practice!

For more information you may wish to refer to Belmont, J. (2019). Embrace Your Greatness…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

 

Filed Under: Compassion, Featured, Self Care, Self Esteem, True Self, Well Being, Yoga Tagged With: BE YOUR TRUE SELF, EMBRACE YOUR GREATNESS, J BELMONT, KUNDALINI YOGA, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, SAMSARA, TRUE SELF

October 30, 2018 By Admin

Setting Emotional Boundaries from Work to Life

Setting Emotional Boundaries from Work to Life

Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Sometimes setting emotional boundaries from the psychotherapy room to your life outside of work can be a difficult thing to do. Shifting from “experience near empathy” (Kohut), “unconditional positive regard” (Rogers), “hovering attention” (Freud), “the holding environment” in “intersubjective space” (Winnicott),  and compassionate awareness to emotional distancing, separation, and dispassion is no easy task. In more in-depth clinical interactions, the process of projective identification between therapist and client may drain your emotional resources; sometimes being “as if” you were the experiencer of your client’s pain and suffering can take a serious toll on your own emotional resources. At time the therapist’s own emotional life lacks the quality of connection experienced in the therapy session. Success in setting emotional boundaries is a very important self-care skill. It may determine your success, failure, joy, or misery in the clinical work you do. It will definitely prevent most case of “burn out.”

Therapists may wish to complete a brief self-care assessment at the end of each emotionally demanding day. Some things to check are as follows:

  1. Are you taking care of your own physical, psychological, spiritual, and emotional needs?
  2. Are you using mindfulness, self-compassion, clinical supervision, or journaling to get to know how you are doing?
  3. Are you valuing yourself enough regarding self-rewards, positive self-talk, cognitive and behavioral restructuring?
  4. Are you giving yourself time to experience some form of creativity?
  5. What about your spiritual self?
  6. Do you spend quality time in nature, among the awe of it all?
  7. Are you involved in the type of quality relationship you desire?
  8. Be sure to act on your own behalf if you find problems in the above areas.

Another very powerful process is to develop improving self-compassion for yourself, often blurring the inner boundaries of your own emotional life experience and the clinical work you do. Therapists are, in the end, only people with a set of specific helping skills. We suffer just like other people do. Hopefully, our training and experience have given us a bit of a positive edge here. Here are some things you may wish to consider to improve your own level of self-compassion.

  1. Using mindful awareness, observe the level and intensity of your self-criticism.
  2. Let go of personal resistance to being real, being your true self.
  3. Get out of your head! Get out of the past!
  4. Do loving kindness meditation often.
  5. Recognize your own difficult emotions (shame, anger, revenge, trying to control others, etc.), and simply be with them as a sacred part of who you are and be real about it. Use emotion regulation to improve things.
  6. Practice much more self-appreciation.
  7. Do not dwell on the pain and suffering of your past. All that stuff probably made you a stronger person.
  8. Welcome and LOVE all of you, with special attention to the sacred quality of your own life suffering.
  9. When you experience or re-experience anxiety, depression, addictive behaviors, or trauma – hold an open, soft heart for it.  Then make changes to improve your life experience.
  10. Always get help when you need it, and do your best not to dwell on what you have little control over.
  11. Be certain too make changes to improve self-compassion regarding any problem areas above.

Fo more information refer to Norcross, J. C. and VandenBos, G. R. (2018). Leaving it at the Office: A Guide to Psychotherapist Self-Care. New York: Guilford.  Neff, K. and Germer, C. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive. New York: Guilford.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

 

Filed Under: Boundries, Featured, Leadership, MBSR, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness, Self -Kindness, Self Care, Self Compassion, Self Esteem, Spiriuality, Stress Reduction, Therapist, Therapy, Well Being Tagged With: EMOTIONAL BOUNDRIES, MBSR, SELF CARE, THERAPY.

July 20, 2018 By Admin

Using Lectio Divina to Improve Your Self Esteem

Using Lectio Divina to Improve Your Self-Esteem

LectioDivina is an ancient form of Christian (Benedictine) meditation. This meditative prayer is sometimes called “Sacred Seeing.” Lectio Divina follows specific steps as a process: lectio or reading a passage; Meditatio  or meditating on the passage or image; Oratio or praying (I add – in your own way); Contemplatio or contemplation on it; and, Actio or action based on your new insights. Modified below.

  1. For a few minutes sit in calm, self-abiding meditation and just rest.
  2. Now ask yourself this question: “What strengths do I have?”
  3. Write a short paragraph noting the kinds of strengths you know you have.
  4. Now take five long, deep, slow breaths and close your eyes if you are ok with that. Think carefully about the strengths you listed. Contemplate them as you meditate again.
  5. Now in full conscious awareness, read that paragraph over and over slowly.  Read it five or six times, and go deeper into your awareness each time you read it.  Really concentrate.
  6. Answer the following questions about improving your self-esteem by using your strengths. Best to use a form of free association here; simply see what comes into awareness without great effort.
  7. What is the pattern of your strengths? If you come up with something, add it to your paragraph.
  8. Who are you when you have lived experience using your strengths. If something new comes up in your consciousness, add this information to your paragraph.
  9. When are you most likely to use your strengths? Follow the same procedure as above.
  10. Where are you most likely to live by your strengths? Follow the same procedure again.
  11. How does you using your strengths look? Make an image of it, or recall the last time you used your strengths. Notice anything significant, and add it to your paragraph.
  12. Now relax again, and read your longer paragraph over five more times. Read slowly, and add deeper concentration each time you read it. Go into it deeply!
  13. End with a short story about your future use of your signature strengths.
  14. Go back into light meditation with long, slow, deep breaths and just relax. Notice how you feel right now. Remember your strengths are always with you, but you need to use them.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, Featured, Lectio Divina, Practices, Self Esteem Tagged With: LECTIO DIVINA, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, PRACTICE, SELF ESTEEM

March 26, 2017 By Admin

How to Improve Client/Patient Collaboration

Improving Client/Patient Collaboration  in Treatment

To improve collaboration between you and your clients/patients, simply practice the following behaviors as your norms.  See the

list below, and practice, practice, practice.

  1. Present with an attitude of helpfulness and authentic caring. Empathy and authentic concern are required.
  2. Recognize the reality that clients/patients are at different levels of readiness to make changes – almost alway NOT where you are in the process.
  3. Know how to use cognitive-behavioral therapies, mindfulness-based stress reduction, deepo psychodynamics in alliance building, and other effective approaches.
  4. Complete a cost-benefit analysis grid with the person, and work with pros/cons of staying the same vs changing.
  5. Do whatever you can to enhance the quality of the clinical relationship.
  6. Act within an understanding of equality; you are not able to control any person who is suffering.
  7. Provide psychoeducation where needed.
  8. Anticipate barriers to making desired changes; offer concrete support and help in doing so.
  9. Your clinical interventions should be evidence-based for a higher probability of success.
  10. Use the person’s personal hopes, goals, and motivations.
  11. Use task analysis as a behavioral method to break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable tasks.
  12. Be willing to try harm reduction when people appear pre-contemplative in stages of change.
  13. Provide direct feedback, with more emphasis on reinforcing praise rather than scolding.
  14. Remain in the Middle Way regarding too much/too little expected change, as well as the timing and time required for any changes to occur.
  15. Be highly mindful of both your own emotion regulation and that of the person you are working with. Practice emotion regulation skills often.
  16. Intervene quickly in anxiety, depression, substance misuse, and trauma.  Intervene carefully, intelligently, and again with evidence-based actions.
  17. Remember in crisis situations that  safety is first, stabilization is second.
  18. Identify people, places, and things that help and hinder progress into healthier life patterns.
  19. Monitor serious symptoms and act accordingly.  If medications are required, be part of the monitoring system and do “check-ins” often.
  20. Use self-help groups if the client/patient finds them helpful.  One needs to participate to know the correct answer here.
  21. Do GOOD self-care and get effective clinical supervision when needed.

For more information refer to Daley, D. C. and Zuckoff, A. (1999). Improving Treatment Compliance: Counseling and Systems Strategies for Substance Abuse and Dual Disorders. Center City, MINN. Hazelden.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Clinicians, Counselor Activites, Featured, Ideas & Practices, Leadership, MIndfulness, Practices, Self -Kindness, Self Care, Self Compassion, Self Esteem, Stress Reduction, Therapist, Therapy, Thoughts & Opinions, Training

April 23, 2016 By Admin

Improving Self-Esteem – An Action Contemplation

Improving Your Self-Esteem – An Action Contemplation

The UCLA Higher Education Research Institute’s surveys and V. Mamgain’s ideas about neoclassical economics of happiness help provide a means to deconstruct improved learning in higher education and also personal happiness in the process. According to the UCLA research surveys, higher education students want more spirituality and personal meaning from their mindful-happiness-self-esteemeducational experiences.  They also desire employment after their education. Combining these experiential and concrete goals is no simple matter. Here I will focus on one major roadblock for many students: their dearth of positive self-esteem in learning and life.

Simply contemplate then answer the questions noted below.  You may wish to use the ancient method of sequential, separate episodes of deep contemplation on each question before answering it.

Read the question then contemplate on it.  Then contemplate on it again, and again, and again for a deeper understanding of meaning and a more useful answer.

After successive contemplations, answer each question.

  • What are the causes and conditions that lead to you feeling happier?
    • List three
  • Take a deeper look at your happy experiences. What is your “felt” personal experience of being happy?
    • List three.
  • Is your personal happiness simply pleasure, or is it more than pleasure?
    • If it is more than pleasure, what is it.
      • List three insights about your happiness.

Some researchers believe that your perception and interception of personal happiness are simply explained as sensory-perceptual functions of your brain and mind.

  • If you think it is more, what is it?
    • List three

Often humans require more mindful contemplation and insightful action to enjoy their lives.  Since happiness that is a natural state is not dangerous, the brain’s self-protective areas (limbic system) tend to ignore it.  So to become a happier person you do need to be more mindful and serious about practicing happiness.

  • So, what are the deeper and personal meanings that happiness satisfies in you as a person?
    • List three
  • What are the personal and deeper values that happiness satisfies in you?
    • List three
  • What are your emotional purposes in experiencing happiness?
    • List three
  • Now that you probably have a better understanding of your personal happiness, what experiments and/or experiences will you engage in to expand your happiness in life?
    • List three

When will you begin?

To help ensure that you practice mindful ways to become happier, write a brief summary of the main changes you intend to make in the near future.

For more information refer to Palmer, P. J. and Zajonc, A. (2010). The Heart of Higher Education: A Call to Action. San Francisco, CA: Jossey Bass, pp. 79-193.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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