In-Depth Means to Discover and Be Your True Self
Henry David Thoreau reminded us that it is not what you look at, but it is what you see that matters. How do you SEE yourself? John Muir reminded us that the sun shines in us as well as in our souls. Do you find “the healing light” in your soul? The following “thinkers” have provided some interested self-search methods for us to consider; try some of these to find your own true self and be grateful.
Arvni Nan Futuronsky, Thomas Moore, and Christopher Germer – According to these people, finding the true center of the true self requires a mindfully deep questing processes, which may include regular silent meditation and inner self-contemplation. Being stuck 
in past struggles, painful experiences, and general suffering block not only finding our true self but also it’s healing capacities. Likewise being stuck in anxiety, fear, depression, loneliness, trauma, addictions (including “I-Smartphone” addiction), self-doubt, and non-stop critical thinking – all harm our true self and keep us in cyclical patterns of suffering and despair. Samsara is dominant here. These are very serious problems, and they are not overcome without considerable personal effort. However, locating and “seeing” the good of your true self will enable you to grow and be happier. Confirm and affirm yourself! Use your self-leadership to experience pure self-compassion and maintain a mindfully oriented mind. Find your strengths and pleasures in art, literature, poetry, nature, metaphors, myth, random movements, and facial expressions of pleasure. Spend more personal and silent time in nature. Study, experience, and appreciate these many resources of the self. With regular practice improved habits of mind-body realities will occur in both self-narratives and behavioral ways. You must practice regularly. Trade some “worry time” for beneficial practice time.
J. Belmont in Embrace Your Greatness.. recommends that you unconditionally and radically accept yourself as being “good enough” (D.W. Winnicott). It is not a problem to have human imperfections; our race if loaded with imperfections – it is normal. Our highly competitive and sometimes violent society, however, entrains us to focus on negatives in life. Even our brain is designed to emphasize negatives; the human Limbic System is designed for survival, thus our focus 
on negatives may be part of our genetic heritage to survive. To improve regularly practice letting go of your inner critical voices – your own inner voice as well as critical, projected voices from others. Do not respond to typical, habitual, conditioned “shoulds.” Emphasize and take advantage of your own possible post-traumatic growth. Seek it in yourself and it will be there. Pay very close attention to your personal strengths, and take the time to list them and read them periodically. Meditate, practice yoga, and remain mindful daily.
Other Things to Do
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy – If you know this approach, use it’s diffusion and distancing techniques often. Clarification here is beyond the scope of this post. Google it, or look up information available on this blog site.
- Kundalini Yoga – Certain easy and energetic practices of taking in and pushing out may be helpful . The approach using your arms to take into the body something you want and saying “YES” with louder and louder force might help
you. Likewise, using your arms to push out something you do not want and saying “NO” (with louder force) in the process can be helpful. Teaching you this is beyond the scope of this post. Google it. - Likewise using Loving Kindness Meditation and Yoga Nidra processes are often helpful to us humans. Once again, it is not the focus of this blog post to teach you these practices. Google them, or look them up elsewhere in this blog site. Practice! Practice! Practice!
For more information you may wish to refer to Belmont, J. (2019). Embrace Your Greatness…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC
From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha
Author of Mindful Happiness
New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!
“experience near empathy” (Kohut), “unconditional positive regard” (Rogers), “hovering attention” (Freud), “the holding environment” in “intersubjective space” (Winnicott), and compassionate awareness to emotional distancing, separation, and dispassion is no easy task. In more in-depth clinical interactions, the process of projective identification between therapist and client may drain your emotional resources; sometimes being “as if” you were the experiencer of your client’s pain and suffering can take a serious toll on your own emotional resources. At time the therapist’s own emotional life lacks the quality of connection experienced in the therapy session. Success in setting emotional boundaries is a very important self-care skill. It may determine your success, failure, joy, or misery in the clinical work you do. It will definitely prevent most case of “burn out.”
helping skills. We suffer just like other people do. Hopefully, our training and experience have given us a bit of a positive edge here. Here are some things you may wish to consider to improve your own level of self-compassion.
being and interactions with core Buddhist concepts and experiences such as happiness and suffering, impermanence, non-dual nature, dependent origination, and emptiness of all phenomena related to the former. It is the total integration of these concepts, processes, and experiences that guide us on our personal path to enlightenment or nirvana. If we achieve wise-mind skills and meaningful regular meditation/yoga practice – as well as keep the above information in mind – we will also achieve mind and body wellness to the highest possible levels.
leads us to an error in perception: That we are separate, substantial, solid individuals experiencing separate, substantial, solid things in the world. We believe the objects and experiences we are aware of are solid, full, real forms of form in a very temporary time-space continuum. However, our consciousness and awareness are transparent, empty, and formless; thus, our mind-body of experience making sensory contact with objects – and registering as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral – is also transparent, empty, and formless. It is simply just how the mind and body function. Consciousness has no set of values or valences; it is simply a state of neutral awareness.
our consciousness is the only absolute reality of all things that appear to exist. The momentary sensory contact with objects and experiences produces that which consciousness is aware of. So, with these somewhat heavy viewpoints from Buddhist Psychology, we will examine upclose the meditative experience of being conscious of pure emptiness. Personal awareness of your consciousness is a neutral continuum of constancy, but sensory contact with objects and experiences leading to pleasant, neutral, or unpleasant feelings is a limited time-space phenomenon in the present moment.