Self-Care to Reduce Compassion Fatigue
First let’s begin with what some people do to counteract the stressors of living in a hurried,“over-technologized” world. Technically, 
“technologize” is not a popularly accepted word, but it is a sad reality. We live in a time when texting while driving may become the new addiction-based cause for many, many deaths. This addiction is so strong people do it in situations that could case their injury or death, or the injury or death of others. Sound familiar! It should. Cellphone “abuse” is not so different from the plans of cigarette producers to “hook” us on something we will pay for during many years. So here is a partial list of what people tend to do when faced with severe stressors.
What people tend to do that does NOT improve their stress reactivity long-term:
- “Smoke and Coke” – a phrase referring to smoking nicotine and drinking sugary soft-drinks when you cannot cope well and feel dragged down with your stressful life and want to feel stimulated.
- Of course there is always excessive alcohol and/or drug use as self-medication.
- Sleeping – too little or too much, including late onset and too early awakening.
- Eating – too little or too much, and may include binging and purging.
- Hoarding for whatever security it brings.
- Obsessive compulsive behaviors – as behaviors for security actions to make us feel better.
- Being aggressive when it is not necessary to defend yourself.
- Insulating yourself from contact with others.
- Living under a “victimhood” self-identification. This can change everything!
- Participating in self-harming behaviors to activate neurologic, chemical and hormonal changes in your brain and body.
- Engagement in unsafe sexual activities to feel “excitement” and/or “loved.”
- Spending too much time online or on my “I-Smart” phone. The phone becomes your life!
- Doing too much exercise, especially when injuries occur.
- Being a person of uncontrollable empathy – a clear boundary issue that wares you out.
- Making your job too much of your life – workaholism or compensation for poor self-esteem?
- Making do with professional, work stagnation.
- Remaining stuck in impaired practices – the most common one being emotional dysregulation.
What people can do that does improve stress reactivity and may even increase joy in life:
- Taking brief breaks from the “grind” of work.
- Recognizing and contemplating personal gratitude for what you DO have.
- Noticing and correcting unhelpful thoughts, emotions, behaviors and communications.
- Learning to hold a positive, optimistic mindset and attitude.
- Liberating yourself from “stuckness” in anxiety, depression, addictions, and trauma. This most often requires professional help and/or self-help.
- Cutting way back on your online time. Researchers suggest anything beyond 3-4 hours/day is a habitual pattern. What do our jobs, schools and parents contribute to the habitual tendencies of habit-forming digital/electronic devices?
- Ignoring FOMO!
- Spending time reading, writing, journaling about helpful things.
- Spending time listening and/or playing music.
- Spending time dancing and/or doing regular exercise.
- Spending time doing regular practice of meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi gong, mindful walking.
- Petting your dog or cat – or horse. Looking into their eyes when they allow it.
- Spending time walking in nature.
- Learning to give/get social-emotional support.
- Learning to leave work at work – learn to build emotional boundaries.
- Practice limit-setting regarding your boundaries and what you do to help others.
- Making a firm commitment to improve your wellness.
- Taking part in constructive self-reflection.
- Paying more attention to positives ( natural for the brain to do the opposite).
- Helpful nutrition, sleep and exercise practices.
- Learn to play more; learn to be active in creative expression.
- Participating in regular spiritual practices.
- Spending more quality time with loved ones and good friends when helpful.
- Leaving some time to just be in quiet, silent solitude.
- Seeking professional help as soon as you “feel” you MAY need it, or when others who care about you “think” you need it.
You will notice that the helpful list is longer than the unhelpful list. However, the unhelpful behaviors are often more automatic, and the helpful behaviors REQUIRE considerable effort to carry out. Your wellness must be a priority for you.
For more information refer to Bray, B. (2019). Counselors as human beings not superheroes. Counseling Today (October, 2019), 18-25
Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC
From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha
Author of Mindful Happiness
New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!
years. I missed all the basics in grades 1 and 2. When I returned to school in the third grade (with an incompetent teacher) I was hopelessly behind in the basics of English language skills, math skills, etc. Things were so bad that I had to participate in special education for a number of months just to catch up on the basics. I failed in my early educational experiences, but I succeeded in many other ways later. Lucky for me that my earlier school failure did not harm my self-esteem. However, even today I notice that I work harder academically than necessary for no clear and conscious reasons. The love from my parents and siblings helped me during my earlier failures. With parental and family supports and encouragement, hard work, and rigid determination I was able to do better later in public school. That said, I did no studying in grades 9 and 10, but decided to open a few books in grade 11 just in case I decided to apply to college. Some, very few, of my high school teachers thought I possessed good potential. I was more interested in part-time work to pay for my car, and going to parties with my friends. My real introduction to learning happened when I was a first year college student; I pulled an all-nighter for a Greek History exam. My Dean had warned me that I may be required to leave college in December due to poor grades (C-s), so I decided to do some academic work. There was NO ROOM for failing in education in my family. My father was totally shocked when he came to my room to say goodnight at 11PM! At that moment I realized (an AHAhhh! moment) that there were some parts of learning and especially reading that I liked. My father, a man of far greater intelligence and wisdom than I will ever have, was unable to pursue his own education – or even complete high school. His father, a skilled stone mason, was injured at work so my dad had to quit school to support 
his own family of origin. My parents behaviorally conditioned us to desire higher education and training. Of four children, three completed doctorate degrees and one had a long and very successful career in a specialized trade. I graduated with high honors from college and eventually earned two Master’s degrees, a Certificate of Advanced Study, and a Ph.D. (in Psychology). I have had a successful 35-year career in mental health and addictions treatment (mainly psychology of healing) as well as teaching in higher education (The Ohio State University and The University of Vermont, etc.). I now feel generally good about my accomplishments. Now on to the very famous people you all know; these people made it BIG eventually but had many, many failures along the way. They never gave up!