Self-Care to Reduce Compassion Fatigue
First let’s begin with what some people do to counteract the stressors of living in a hurried,“over-technologized” world. Technically, 
“technologize” is not a popularly accepted word, but it is a sad reality. We live in a time when texting while driving may become the new addiction-based cause for many, many deaths. This addiction is so strong people do it in situations that could case their injury or death, or the injury or death of others. Sound familiar! It should. Cellphone “abuse” is not so different from the plans of cigarette producers to “hook” us on something we will pay for during many years. So here is a partial list of what people tend to do when faced with severe stressors.
What people tend to do that does NOT improve their stress reactivity long-term:
- “Smoke and Coke” – a phrase referring to smoking nicotine and drinking sugary soft-drinks when you cannot cope well and feel dragged down with your stressful life and want to feel stimulated.
- Of course there is always excessive alcohol and/or drug use as self-medication.
- Sleeping – too little or too much, including late onset and too early awakening.
- Eating – too little or too much, and may include binging and purging.
- Hoarding for whatever security it brings.
- Obsessive compulsive behaviors – as behaviors for security actions to make us feel better.
- Being aggressive when it is not necessary to defend yourself.
- Insulating yourself from contact with others.
- Living under a “victimhood” self-identification. This can change everything!
- Participating in self-harming behaviors to activate neurologic, chemical and hormonal changes in your brain and body.
- Engagement in unsafe sexual activities to feel “excitement” and/or “loved.”
- Spending too much time online or on my “I-Smart” phone. The phone becomes your life!
- Doing too much exercise, especially when injuries occur.
- Being a person of uncontrollable empathy – a clear boundary issue that wares you out.
- Making your job too much of your life – workaholism or compensation for poor self-esteem?
- Making do with professional, work stagnation.
- Remaining stuck in impaired practices – the most common one being emotional dysregulation.
What people can do that does improve stress reactivity and may even increase joy in life:
- Taking brief breaks from the “grind” of work.
- Recognizing and contemplating personal gratitude for what you DO have.
- Noticing and correcting unhelpful thoughts, emotions, behaviors and communications.
- Learning to hold a positive, optimistic mindset and attitude.
- Liberating yourself from “stuckness” in anxiety, depression, addictions, and trauma. This most often requires professional help and/or self-help.
- Cutting way back on your online time. Researchers suggest anything beyond 3-4 hours/day is a habitual pattern. What do our jobs, schools and parents contribute to the habitual tendencies of habit-forming digital/electronic devices?
- Ignoring FOMO!
- Spending time reading, writing, journaling about helpful things.
- Spending time listening and/or playing music.
- Spending time dancing and/or doing regular exercise.
- Spending time doing regular practice of meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi gong, mindful walking.
- Petting your dog or cat – or horse. Looking into their eyes when they allow it.
- Spending time walking in nature.
- Learning to give/get social-emotional support.
- Learning to leave work at work – learn to build emotional boundaries.
- Practice limit-setting regarding your boundaries and what you do to help others.
- Making a firm commitment to improve your wellness.
- Taking part in constructive self-reflection.
- Paying more attention to positives ( natural for the brain to do the opposite).
- Helpful nutrition, sleep and exercise practices.
- Learn to play more; learn to be active in creative expression.
- Participating in regular spiritual practices.
- Spending more quality time with loved ones and good friends when helpful.
- Leaving some time to just be in quiet, silent solitude.
- Seeking professional help as soon as you “feel” you MAY need it, or when others who care about you “think” you need it.
You will notice that the helpful list is longer than the unhelpful list. However, the unhelpful behaviors are often more automatic, and the helpful behaviors REQUIRE considerable effort to carry out. Your wellness must be a priority for you.
For more information refer to Bray, B. (2019). Counselors as human beings not superheroes. Counseling Today (October, 2019), 18-25
Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC
From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha
Author of Mindful Happiness
New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!
that when we die the essence but not the ego lives on into new experiences. Karma and re-birth are givens in this spiritual view. Our tissue and bones, all our atoms and molecules of body-mind decompose. Eventually we return to the earth as elements, carbon dioxide, and water. The mind is purely a biologically (bio-chemical) function of existence, of being in this world. It cannot be permanent, so neither can we. The mind is a n integration and response to experiences coming into us from our sense-doors. And the ego, well that goes away along with the rest of us. The confusion that sometimes exists about being alive in this contemporary world versus living on an another or other form/s is challenging to many people. The Buddha did not deny that we exist in this samsaric world; he placed greater emphasis, however, on our spiritual, moral, and ethical development. On his death-bed he reportedly noted to his followers that everything is transient, so personal attachment to anything (people, places, things, experiences) is not recommended. This is not nihilism, nor is it some form of adverse nothingness. He called to his followers to know their own true self, and to follow the dharma in all life’s experiences. If all things are impermanent, then so is our pain and suffering. And yes, so is our joy and happiness. When unhelpful thoughts and emotions dominate, take refuge in The Buddha, The Dharma, and The Sangha. So what does this imply in day-to-day challenges of living? Below I have noted a few Zen Buddhist practices that may be helpful to you – Buddhist or not.
cognition, emotion, behavior and sensory contact with all phenomena are fully engaged in evaluation of everything: did I get what I wanted and avoid suffering for now or not? This is the hedonic treadmill of lived attachment and avoidance. Cognitive-Behavioral analytics ends up in the same place over and over again: short-term pleasure (getting what I want for now) and longer-term suffering (fear of losing it or being involved in more emotional pain). This state of constant seeking (how many “likes” do I have?) tricks us into thinking that this time, it will work. We seek safety, security, and various forms of wealth; we expect to achieve these goals and to avoid as much suffering as possible. This is impossible, since the seeking and attaching itself eventually causes more personal suffering. We humans have very short memories when it comes to the realities of pleasure and pain, happiness and suffering. Our emotional striving to be perfect and get ahead often leave us with just more desire. The sad fact is that no matter how successful we are in accumulating all the goodies, we tend to continue our suffering sometimes in different forms.
self. It does not change even when the content of experience does change. Become your observing self in a state of pure awareness without judging or evaluating. In the evolutionary process, clinging is one of the most primal actions. The “vapor of thoughts” along with strong attachment clinging causes our norms to be related to our false self – with its entitlement, feeling special as a defense, greed, anger, even hatred. Just STOP all of this process as much as you can; focus on who/what you are at the deepest most spiritual levels. Who am I is the eternal and most important question. As you meditate and do yoga, concentrate on radically accepting everything that has happened to you and may still be happening to you. This does not mean stand by and allow yourself to be abused by cruel people; however, it does mean to pay very acute attention to what experiences trigger your ego-defenses and negative reactions in thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. How much control over your emotions are you willing to give up to other people? Radically accept as a norm, do your asanas, meditate often, allow your true self to “let go” of the false self”s ego and superego demands. Pursue spiritual practices, be compassionate and generous, and live the life your true self desires for you. This is a life of more inner peace, even tranquility, more happiness, less competition, more love, and DOING good for others. This path is difficult in our materialistic world. The fruits of your efforts will be gratifying! If you practice, you will discover the truth about being a happier, more lovable person.
and there is nothing you can do about it; this is pure suffering, and it is painful. However what you decide to have your mind, body and emotions do with the first arrow of suffering is called the second arrow. This very sharply pointed arrow can lead to long-term, even life-long suffering about something you failed to radically accept and let go. Become an expert in perceiving the initial activity of your second arrows, and STOP as soon as possible. At this point you may apply RAIN – recognize what if happening; accept it; investigate causation; and, apply no-self or if less skilled “its not about me attitudes.” These follow-up practices should be very helpful to you in your effort to become a more calm and more happy person.
thing about you. Note how the aim of some ads is to improve your perceived status, but not your inner reality of who you really are.Yes, looking ok, being healthy, and more importantly being happy are all important to our successful functioning. However, we tend to be dominated by limbic-brain survival mechanisms that boil down to interpersonal attraction and feeling liked by others. We ask: Am I good enough? D. W. Winnicott may have some answers for us, and he would be more apt to focus on psychological well-being above superficial qualities – how we look, status, etc.
thoughts. Cognitive Therapy, Recovery Oriented Cognitive Therapy, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy all can help reduce our thought-caused suffering. These approaches when implemented correctly work much faster than psychodynamic methods, which tend to prolong and deepen dependency on therapists and serve mutually self-rewarding experiences (some unconscious for therapists). All evidence-based approaches work, but how well and how fast do they work? There may be a moral question involved when a therapist uses a much slower method with outcomes that are no better than more efficient methods. They all involve a strong therapeutic alliance and clinical relationship. That also all involve a deeper change process not simply symptom reduction.
mindful self-compassion.