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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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June 12, 2018 By Admin

Calming Your Self-Critical Self with Mindfulness

Calming Your Self-Critical Self with Mindfulness

A core problem for many people is their incessant self (or other) criticism. This is a major part of our psychological mind suffering today. In the past life for most people was more difficult, so human basic needs were the energized priorities; today so many of us have been “spoiled” by having basic needs met and lingering with more time to worry about usually less important things.  Observe the number of TV ads aimed at improving how you look, or improving what others may thing about you. Note how the aim of some ads is to improve your perceived status, but not your inner reality of who you really are.Yes, looking ok, being healthy, and more importantly being happy are all important to our successful functioning. However, we tend to be dominated by limbic-brain survival mechanisms that boil down to interpersonal attraction and feeling liked by others. We ask: Am I good enough?  D. W. Winnicott may have some answers for us, and he would be more apt to focus on psychological well-being above superficial qualities – how we look, status,  etc.

Our competitive world and the American economic rat-race cause many to suffer from on-going “red ants” – what I call automatic emotionally loaded negative thoughts. Cognitive Therapy, Recovery Oriented Cognitive Therapy, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy all can help reduce our thought-caused suffering. These approaches when implemented correctly work much faster than psychodynamic methods, which tend to prolong and deepen  dependency on therapists and serve mutually self-rewarding experiences (some unconscious for therapists). All evidence-based approaches work, but how well and how fast do they work? There may be a moral question involved when a therapist uses a much slower method with outcomes that are no  better than more efficient methods. They all involve a strong therapeutic alliance and clinical relationship. That also all involve a deeper change process not simply symptom reduction.

Why do we suffer so much from our own thoughts? Why do we sometimes project our own feared or actual character flaws onto and into others? There are so many causes. It all begins with the quality of our early attachment experiences. How good was the quality of your own early attachment experience with parental before thinkers like Freud came to the same conclusion. And, what about the level of your own self-medication? Do you self-medicate to reach some short-term joy or perhaps to just feel a bit better? In self-medication we eventually learn that it just works for a brief period and almost always leads to more serious problems – addictions of all kind including to our “I-Smart” phones.  figures and other caretakers? Were you reasonably satisfied and nurtured, or were you experiencing what The Buddha called dissatisfaction with what is. Did early life experience leave you craving for what you did not receive? We seek pleasure and hope to avoid pain; The Buddha noted this 2600 years ago – way, way

Below I have listed various self-critical patterns that we human have befriended. I also note some mindful ways to counteract their unhelpful emotional effects. Sometimes is means just taking better conscious control overs our CABS – cognition, affect, behavior and sensory sensations. Other times to means learning and using regularly new skills. At times it means we need professionally competent therapeutic help to improve our lives.

Do what is needed! Here the list.

  1. Self-Devaluing thoughts – STOP and be mindful of your strengths. Use the ‘doing” of your strengths as antidotes.
  2. Feeling inadequate – STOP and recall times when you had a lived experience with success no matter how small.
  3. Deep distortion of self-disdain (even self-hate) – STOP and do your best to practice
  4. mindful self-compassion.
  5. Not being “good enough” – STOP and recognize this is a social construct of unhealthy competition. Use strengths.
  6. No spiritual self – Consider what if any spiritual practice you might explore or do more of. Being in nature helps.
  7. Feeling you do not have enough – Recognize that if basic needs have been met, it is time to work harder on higher emotional needs. Stop thinking – only if I had… then I would be happy. This is almost always untrue.
  8. Hopeless perfectionism – STOP and recognize this is also a social construct based on the projections of others, who believed they were not perfect enough. These introjects became your beliefs. There is NO perfectionism; it is totally impossible to achieve it because it does not exist. Think: I am good enough as I am now!
  9. Stuck in conditioned life (samsara) – where when you are happy you become dissatisfied because it does not last, and when you are suffering you become dissatisfied because you are not happy. Craving and trying to prolong happiness and being without happiness both lead to just more suffering. Find small things to have gratitude for.
  10. A list of more mindfulnesss-based “things” you can do to counteract automatic negative thinking and feeling: live in the present moment; stay grounded with helpful cues – things are ok; allow negative thoughts to pass – do not get hooked by them; Un-trap yourself from a painful past by living presently with what is; practice radical acceptance of what you cannot change; meditate and do yoga a lot to cultivate more inner peace; practice self-efficacy in a very conscious manner; learn and live by the Four Noble Truths; let go of your shame so you can flourish; learn and use The UCLA four step process; use cognitive disputation and reframing more and more often; DO better self-care and learn to locate and “feed” your protective dragons; ask your inner self-helper for guidance on how to be healthier and happier; seek out and learn from an ethical mindfulness mentor; if possible, practice more self-love and less self-doubt. Do more of these practices more often; I believe you will find things will improve.
  11. I realize that some of you may not be aware of some of the terms noted above, so do some good “Googling” about them. When you have a set of practices you like – practice them every single day of your life.

A helpful book to read is Brenner, G. (2018). Suffering is Optional: A Spiritual Guide to Freedom…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Behavior, Buddhism, Calming, Featured, Meditation Activities, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness, Self -Kindness, Self Care, Self Medication, Spiritual Energy Tagged With: ACTIVITIES, CALMING, CRITICAL -SELF, MINDFULNESS, SELF CARE

November 16, 2014 By Admin

Self-Medication Via Your Hand-Held Devices

Self-Medication:  Is Your Hand-Held Device a  Dopamine Device?

MindfulHappiness_HandHeld_Device-Dopamine

 

Mindfulness Activities:

Here is a simple activity that may inform you about your personal level of addiction to your digital/electronic devices.

Simply click the link below to download the PDF Worksheet;   answer each question according to your personal opinions.  Dr-Anthony-Quintiliani_HandHeldDeviceActivity

Be sure to complete the meditation activity noted at the end of these questions.

1) What is auto-texting?  Do you think you suffer from it? Yes or No?

2) What is auto-texting while driving a vehicle?  Do you think you suffer from it?  Yes or No?

auto-texting_mindful-happiness

3) What is sexting? Do you think you are addicted to it?  Yes or No?

4) On a scale from 0 to 10, rate how lonely or uncomfortable you feel when you are without your hand-held device.

5) If you answered “yes” to any of these three questions, what insights do you have about your addiction to your hand-held devices?

6) Have you ever contemplated WHY you must be “on” your hand-held device?  What did you come up with for an answer?

Mindful-Happiness_HandHeldDevice-Dopamine

7) Do you think you are using your hand-held device for connectivity with others as self-medication against your unpleasant feelings? Yes or No?  Do you know what feelings? – depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness, or other?

8) MEDITATION ON YOUR DEVICE –  Please do this meditation activity.  

Shut OFF your hand-held dopamine device, and sit with it in front of you.  Allow the device to serve as your object of meditation.  Just sit and observe it.  Be sure it is off.  When your mind wonders off onto another thought, simply bring your attention (pure awareness) back to your device.  Notice if you work hard at just sitting looking at your device.  Clock how long you can just sit observing your device without any attempt to turn it ON to use it.  Notice if this is difficult for you.  Score (from 0 to 100) how difficult it is for you to sit (looking at your device) for at least 20 minutes without turning it ON or USING it.  A higher score (0ver 50) implies that you may be addicted to your device.  Another way to consider your level of addiction is to see HOW LONG you can just sit and look at your device without turning it on, doing something else, or using it.  If you cannot do this for at least 20 minutes, you may be addicted to the device.

9) How do you feel now that you may know the extent of your addiction to your hand-held device?   Some people experience such a strong addiction that they seek professional help from licensed helpers with expertise in habitual behavior.

May you be mindful;

May you be more calm;

May you be healthier;

May you be happier; and,

May you live with more joy and less suffering.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

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Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Featured, Meditation, Meditation Activities, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness Activities, Self Medication, Stress Reduction Tagged With: ADDICTION, AUTO TEXTING, DOPAMINE, DOPAMINE DEVICE, HAND HELD DEVICES, MEDITATION ACTIVITIES, SELF MEDICATION, SEXTING, TEXTING

September 9, 2014 By Admin

Self Medicate Suffering

So Many Ways to Self-Medicate –  It Just Brings More Suffering

Very often poor child-parent (child-caretaker) object relations, attachment with care takers, and attunement by care takers negatively impact young children early in their lives.  The well-documented scientific fact that environmental conditions play a more important role in gene-expression than pure genetics implies clearly that the quality of early life experiences activate long-term consequences in the lives of humans.  Let’s take an informal look at the various forms of self-medication (short-term habitual behaviors to add brief experiences of fleeting joy or to escape personal suffering) used commonly in American society.  america-number-one-drug-consumption-worldwide_Mindful-Happiness

What is wrong with America?  We lead the world in consumption of mind-altering substances – is the emptiness in our souls too, too large and deep?  Our compulsive substance use reflects a hungry ghost perspective.  Addictions of all kinds cannot be an effective substitute for LOVE!

Here is a limited list.

  1.  Substance use for various reasons – Users hope for periods of brief joy as positive reinforcement and/or escape from and avoidance of suffering as negative reinforcement.
  2.  Substance use for various mental health sufferings – Users learn that certain substances have a brief impact on their suffering in depression, anxiety, trauma, fear, social phobia, and emotion dysregulation.
  3.  Workaholism – We learn early that good work habits imply better success, but we overwork to escape things and/or to build internal security or compensate for insecurity.
  4.  Out-of-control consumerism – We love to buy, buy, buy even when we cannot pay, pay, pay.  Do we need or just want?
  5. Compulsive eating –  Self-medicating often leads to obesity, then sometimes to diabetes, and other types eating disorders. Emotional eating is a very common problem in America.  Supersize me!  And that is exactly what happens.
  6.  Social dependency – We appear to have an extreme fear of being alone.  It may be that empty soul again.
  7.  Extreme perfectionism – Some of us learn this as a way to cover up private insecurities and/or to obtain contingent positive self-esteem and self-concept.  It may also be a behavior to obtain social-emotional value and respect from significant others.
  8.  Sex addiction and sexual rages/compulsions –  Interesting that our sexist society commonly refers to women here, even with diagnostic formats. What about men?
  9.  Various self-medicating behaviors in mental health areas – Depression, anxiety, trauma, fear, social phobia and others; each one has its own forms of self-medicating the clinical conditions, and these forms go BEYOND substance use alone.
  10.  Excessive aggression – Even harming others may produce some form of reinforcement as a contingent means to control situations, dominate people, and/or escape pain.  In non-war environments we lead the world in the number of people killed by gunfire.  Where is our emotional regulation?

A very long time ago, the Buddha (in the Brahmajala Sutta) noted that there are many, many things we may become over-attached to.  This form of attachment can lead to suffering – suffering due to loss of what we want; suffering due to any change; suffering due to general impermanence in life; and, suffering due to old age and illness.

Self-medication

If you discovered your form of self-medication in the list above, consider obtaining competent professional help to modify your habitual trends.  Another option could be to do DAILY practice of mindfulness-based stress reduction skills.  Obtain competent professional help to learn these wise-mind skills AND practice them daily.  In time (perhaps as little as 8-12 weeks according to neuroscience research), brain plasticity changes may occur; you may then notice your unhelpful self-medication is slowly being replaced with a more helpful and healthy habit.  Best of luck on your personal journey to better physical and psychological health.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

For more information refer to  Mate, G. (2018, 2010). In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addictions. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, pp. 223-259.

 

 

Filed Under: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Featured, MIndfulness, Practices, Self Medication, Suffering Tagged With: ADDICTION, SELF MEDICATING, SUFFERING

September 8, 2014 By Admin

Total Human Experience in Brain Habits

Brain Habits –  Helpful Vs Unhelpful

Nora Volkow, MD, Director, National Institute on Drug Abuse ( video below)  has noted that people suffering from addictions may experience some dysfunction in in brain areas related to personal motivation, reward recognition, and inhibitory controls.  Neuroscientists have utilized various brain imaging techniques to document this possibility in addicted individuals.  These finding bring us to a new look at ALL addicted behaviors as possible forms of brain-based disease (brain area, neuronal, neurotransmitter  malfunctions, habitual behaviors, and their related plasticity).  This more scientific research on addiction as disease moves well beyond common views noted in AA/12 Steps (it is a disease so it is not your fault); this more scientific research is specific to the brain’s role in developing and maintaining unhelpful, addictive habits.  Such habits often follow the escape from pain and approach to pleasure principles so well established in scientific psychology.  Core research has focused mainly on alcohol-drug addictions; however, a reinforced habit is a reinforced habit as far as brain functioning is concerned.  It is true that chemical addictions add specific molecular realities to addicted behaviors – molecular basis for instrumental and classical conditioning of habitual behaviors  leading to recognized changes in the brain’s reward centers.  All addictive behaviors – all unhelpful habits – narrow personal motivation to the rewarding effects, enhance craving for the rewarding effects, increase fear of being without the rewarding effects, and reduce one’s ability to slow or stop the habitual behavior itself.  Because people are self-medicating their moods and emotions, they tend NOT to learn more effective life coping skills (mindfulness, etc.), thus becoming even more dependent on the unhelpful habit for short-term relief of suffering and, perhaps, some intermittent joy.  It is quite common for depression, anxiety, fear, trauma, and other serious life challenges to be the emotional bases for initial self-medicating behaviors.

To assist readers in their personal efforts to attain mindful, wise mind skills – thus reducing the impact and probability of unhelpful habits and wise-mindaddictions – I am expanding this post to include more on my conceptual process about CABS-VAKGO-IS-Rels.  These letters represent: Cognition, Affect, Behavior, Sensorimotor, Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Gustatory, Olfactory, Intuitive, Spiritual, and Relational REALITIES on how humans function emotionally inside and outside of their own brain-mind and body.   This is the reality in human functioning, both helpful and unhelpful.  By focusing your attention on the various categories of human emotional experience (CABS-VAKGO-IS-Rels), you may be able to identify the areas of your brain that are helping you to maintain health and happiness AND the the areas that are moving you into poor health and more suffering.  Try to problem solve by noting what areas are your working allies to remain safe, productive, and happy as well as what areas serve as your ENEMIES.

Yes, even if you derive some brief pleasure or respite from suffering  from an unhelpful or addictive habit (via self-medication), this short-term emotional strategy ALWAYS leads to more suffering in both the original “thing” you are trying to escape AND in future addictions that simply add to your suffering and stress load. This is not difficult: find out which areas help you and which areas harm you; do more in the areas that help you, and do less in the areas that harm you.  Obtain qualified, licensed professional help as needed.

This formula may be helpful:

 Internal/External Cues/Stimuli (people, places, things, experiences) – LEAD TO } Thoughts, Beliefs, Emotions, Behaviors – LEAD TO } Consequences of the Selected Behaviors

If the consequences of the behavior are reinforcing (releasing dopamine in the brain’s reward centers) – you got what you wanted and the behavior is far more apt to continue until it becomes just about automatic (no other skills, neuronal sensitization, and brain plasticity).

Unhelpful Behaviors LEAD TO more suffering AND Helpful Behaviors LEAD TO less suffering/more happiness.

I hope you are able to use this information and wise mind skills to improve your emotional life – starting right now!

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

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Filed Under: Featured, MIndfulness, Neuroscience, Practices, Self Medication, Sensory Awareness, Training, Wise Mind Tagged With: ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, BRAIN HABITS, BURLINGTON, ELEANOR R LIEBMAN CENTER, MONKTON, SELF MEDICATION, VERMONT, WISE MIND SKILLS

May 2, 2014 By Admin

Self-Medication in Various Areas of Suffering

My third posting on self-medication-

Comes from the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont.

mindfulhappiness_selfmedication_anthonyquintiliani Now we will turn our attention to how people become habituated to self-medication to obtain brief moments of joy and/or to avoid emotional suffering.  Recall that self-medication becomes a habit (dopamine released in reward centers of the brain) because we learn that certain behavioral responses to suffering provide us with either a short-lived experience of joy or quick avoidance of cues/situations that are associated with painful emotions.  So just how do people do this in various clinical conditions.  Well, addictions to chemical molecules and their effects is most clear: when we feel sad/depressed/lonely, we learn that a stimulant drug will improve our mood soon, and when we feel anxious/fearful we learn that a depressant drug will improve our mood soon.  What we do not yet know is that this learned pattern lays the foundation for a trap, a trap into addictions. Since we did not have wise-mind skills (mindfulness) to better cope with our pain, we used a quick-fix; however, the quick-fix will have to be repeated over and over again for an expanded duration of relief from suffering.  The sadness/depression as well as the anxiety/fear are not improved long-term and, in fact may become more severe.  As we continue to self-medicate, the addiction increases in severity – frequency, dosage, and negative life consequences will increase.

MindfulHappiness_SelfMedication_anthony-quintilianiA deeper look into depression shows us that self-medication may take on other forms of behavior beside taking mood-altering drugs.   Some depressed people learn other ways to self-medicate. They may eat more sugars and fats or they may not eat at all in an effort to improve their mood.  They may also isolate – stay in bed or at home –  to avoid situations (people, places, things) that may cause stressful challenges or more depressed affect.  They may capitalize on their fatigue by seeking lots of help and support from others to do things for them.  Although social-emotional support is often very helpful for depressed people, doing too much for them may become a source of learned helplessness, thus learned hopelessness and decreased self-esteem.   If their depression is part of a mixed condition of emotions (bipolar conditions), when in mania they may also buy many things and consume more and more as a means to improve their mood.   There are many ways to self-medicate – and all of them lead to the same place – short-term gain and long-term deterioration.

The experience of severe psychological trauma (PTSD) may offer the best examples of self-medication for anxiety.  In this condition people learn that if they avoid people, places, things that may/have been associated with traumatic cues, they may be able to avoid traumatic symptoms.  So negative reinforcement is at work – avoidance becomes a habit for short-term improvements but long-term deterioration.  In fact many clinicians believe that PTSD cannot be effectively resolved as long as the primary coping behavior is avoidance of cues associated with the traumatic experience.  Another factor complicating PTSD is the co-occurrence of depression and chemical addictions – and sometimes rage reactivity caused by limbic hyper-arrousal and emotion dysregulation.   So once again, the person may revert back to self-medicating their pain.MindfulHappiness_AnthonyQuintiliani

Another complication in self-medication is cutting and other self-destructive behaviors.  Severe depression may lead to suicidal behaviors, and severe trauma may lead to self-mutilating.  In some cases where trauma has left the person feeling numb, this is also a condition where self-medication may occur.  Some clinicians believe that when a person cuts or self-injures there is a consequential set of internal bodily reactions.  Endogenous opioids may activate, thus causing a change in sensation and emotion.  They person is no longer feeling numb.  The behavior is reinforced to repeat in the future.  There may also be a secondary effect in that people who care about the person may come to their rescue and pay more attention to them.  Perhaps be more kind to them.  Sometimes the attention is desired, and sometimes the attention is undesired.

I hope this slightly expanded posting about self-medication has helped you to see how wide-ranging it can be for people who continue to suffer from physical and emotional pain. Their primary hope for self-empowerment is learning and using evidence-based mindfulness skills in their lives and obtaining effective psychotherapy.  Of course for some, medications may also be necessary.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

 

Filed Under: Featured, Self Medication Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, SELF MEDICATION

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