ELEANOR R LIEBMAN CENTER Archives

November 4, 2014 By Admin

Compassion Practices & Benefits

Expanded Information about Your Compassion Practices and Benefits

Compassion Practice Tips and Exercises

The Buddha noted that one should not dwell on the past, become too attached to future outcomes, but instead concentrate our mind only on the present moment of our experiences. The Dalai Lama noted that compassion is a necessary condition for inner calmness and survival. Pema Chodron noted that compassion is required for inner and outer peace. If you practice the skills noted below, it is highly recommended that you write briefly on a daily basis in a compassion-based journal about your growth and your journey.

Here is an expanded list of things you may notice when you make compassion practices a part of your regular, daily practice.

If you practice seriously, expect the following to occur.

1) Improved self-confidence and self-esteem, especially in dealing with others;

2) Improved quality of emotional experiences and emotional regulation;

3) Greater frequency in being your own best friend;

4) Improved interpersonal relationships and greater social engagement;

5) Reduced shame and extreme perfectionism;

6) More self-supporting focus on your strengths;

7) Greater generosity and kindness;

8) More soft-heartedness in dealing both with yourself and with others;

9) General improvements in psychological and physical well-being; and,

10) Greater ease at continuing to be more compassionate (brain plasticity related to regular, daily practice).

Here are a few ways to expand your regular practice of compassion.

1) First do a personal inventory. Examine your life experience and note 2-3 unhelpful and 2-3 helpful life experiences/events. Now under each list pros and cons regarding your expected/experienced outcomes from both helpful and unhelpful life experiences.

Unhelpful (Unpleasant)Experiences and events –

Pros:

Cons:

Helpful (Pleasant) Experiences and Events –

Pros:

Cons:

2) Answer this question. How have these life experiences, even the unpleasant events, helped you in your life?

3) If you were now coaching your best friend, what three things might you do to coach them into being more compassionate?

4) Practice empathy for yourself and others more frequently.

5) Catch yourself being critical or negative, and stop! Shift your thinking and feelings to improved self-understanding and non-judgment.

6) Do the same when dealing with others.

7) Notice what your internal emotional warmth feels like. Describe it below. Work to expand it!

8) Develop and use a self-nurturing mantra. What is it?

9) Learn to pay better attention to your body and facial emotions. When you catch them being negative or unpleasant, shift! Practice shifting to a more compassionate stance in both your body and on your face. Look at a mirror, when you sense being negative, and when you sense being positive.

10) Periodically check the quality of your thoughts, emotions and memories. If they are unpleasant, shift them to neutral or pleasant. Use self-compassion and compassion for others as your energy source.

Good luck. May you experience the benefits of compassion every day of your life.

For more information refer to Gilbert, P. (2014). Mindful Compassion. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. See also Welford, M. (2013). The Power of Self-Compassion. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

September 8, 2014 By Admin

Total Human Experience in Brain Habits

Brain Habits – Helpful Vs Unhelpful

Nora Volkow, MD, Director, National Institute on Drug Abuse ( video below) has noted that people suffering from addictions may experience some dysfunction in in brain areas related to personal motivation, reward recognition, and inhibitory controls. Neuroscientists have utilized various brain imaging techniques to document this possibility in addicted individuals. These finding bring us to a new look at ALL addicted behaviors as possible forms of brain-based disease (brain area, neuronal, neurotransmitter malfunctions, habitual behaviors, and their related plasticity). This more scientific research on addiction as disease moves well beyond common views noted in AA/12 Steps (it is a disease so it is not your fault); this more scientific research is specific to the brain’s role in developing and maintaining unhelpful, addictive habits. Such habits often follow the escape from pain and approach to pleasure principles so well established in scientific psychology. Core research has focused mainly on alcohol-drug addictions; however, a reinforced habit is a reinforced habit as far as brain functioning is concerned. It is true that chemical addictions add specific molecular realities to addicted behaviors – molecular basis for instrumental and classical conditioning of habitual behaviors leading to recognized changes in the brain’s reward centers. All addictive behaviors – all unhelpful habits – narrow personal motivation to the rewarding effects, enhance craving for the rewarding effects, increase fear of being without the rewarding effects, and reduce one’s ability to slow or stop the habitual behavior itself. Because people are self-medicating their moods and emotions, they tend NOT to learn more effective life coping skills (mindfulness, etc.), thus becoming even more dependent on the unhelpful habit for short-term relief of suffering and, perhaps, some intermittent joy. It is quite common for depression, anxiety, fear, trauma, and other serious life challenges to be the emotional bases for initial self-medicating behaviors.

To assist readers in their personal efforts to attain mindful, wise mind skills – thus reducing the impact and probability of unhelpful habits and addictions – I am expanding this post to include more on my conceptual process about CABS-VAKGO-IS-Rels. These letters represent: Cognition, Affect, Behavior, Sensorimotor, Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Gustatory, Olfactory, Intuitive, Spiritual, and Relational REALITIES on how humans function emotionally inside and outside of their own brain-mind and body. This is the reality in human functioning, both helpful and unhelpful. By focusing your attention on the various categories of human emotional experience (CABS-VAKGO-IS-Rels), you may be able to identify the areas of your brain that are helping you to maintain health and happiness AND the the areas that are moving you into poor health and more suffering. Try to problem solve by noting what areas are your working allies to remain safe, productive, and happy as well as what areas serve as your ENEMIES.

Yes, even if you derive some brief pleasure or respite from suffering from an unhelpful or addictive habit (via self-medication), this short-term emotional strategy ALWAYS leads to more suffering in both the original “thing” you are trying to escape AND in future addictions that simply add to your suffering and stress load. This is not difficult: find out which areas help you and which areas harm you; do more in the areas that help you, and do less in the areas that harm you. Obtain qualified, licensed professional help as needed.

This formula may be helpful:

Internal/External Cues/Stimuli (people, places, things, experiences) – LEAD TO } Thoughts, Beliefs, Emotions, Behaviors – LEAD TO } Consequences of the Selected Behaviors

If the consequences of the behavior are reinforcing (releasing dopamine in the brain’s reward centers) – you got what you wanted and the behavior is far more apt to continue until it becomes just about automatic (no other skills, neuronal sensitization, and brain plasticity).

Unhelpful Behaviors LEAD TO more suffering AND Helpful Behaviors LEAD TO less suffering/more happiness.

I hope you are able to use this information and wise mind skills to improve your emotional life – starting right now!

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

September 7, 2014 By Admin

Choice-Making Skills

Using Meditation, Yoga and Breathing…

You can Anchor your Choice Making

A key outcome of serious practice is that you now reduce auto-pilot reactivity to people, places, things, emotions, sensations, craving, and memories and at the same time notice your mind CAN BE in charge of your brain-body reactions. Yes, regular daily mindfulness practice allows you more mind-power to make decisions on how to respond to unhelpful events in life. You notice that you are less apt to react impulsively (with habits of anger, anxiety, depression, avoidance, aggression, self-medication, etc.) and more apt to respond thoughtfully, even compassionately. To enhance these changes in HOW you live your life, how your mindful-mind helps you to respond constructively to challenges, I will suggest several regular practices below.

In 1995 T. K. V. Desikachar noted that having the capacity to intentionally direct one’s mind is a fundamentally important core mindfulness skill. I have often reminded my own secular meditation students that “You are not your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, sensations, or memories. You are beyond, more than, these random firings of brain cells.” True, all these experiences may shape us in both positive and negative ways, and if unhelpful they may cause higher levels of stress, angst, and despair. However, mind training via regular meditation or yoga practice allows your mind to slow the impulsive reactions and to THINK about (contemplate) what an appropriate response might be. As you become more wise-mind skilled, your repeated and improved responses eventually compete with habitual impulsive reactions – thereby creating helpful brain plasticity for a calmer and happier life. These changes take time to normalize in our mind and body. It is very wise to use selective attention – paying more attention to neutral and positive/helpful experiences than to negative/unhelpful experiences. Do not avoid corrective changes you may need to make, but do not focus attention on unhelpful events and realities.

The practice of Samatha or calm abiding meditation, in which your single pointed concentration is on more positive/helpful thoughts, emotions, and memories may be helpful here. Likewise practicing various meditation and yoga breathing patterns will help calm your reactive body and center you mind’s attention. Often an effective mantra can be helpful: when I notice the arising of unhelpful energy in my mind or body I often say to myself “be calm, be kind.” What mantra self-talk might be helpful to you? Sometimes bringing your focus of attention to your soft heart energy can help. Many major spiritual traditions practice contemplating/imagining white or golden-white light coming from the heart area. It may help to gently place both hands over your heart. Try this, and allow the healing light to soothe you. Other helpful practices that reduce your suffering and may increase your joy are: thinking radical acceptance regarding things you cannot change; finding more personal meaning in your life; being more self-compassionate; practicing slow, full-body body scans; doing spiritual rituals; and, resting in shavasana (lying resting pose) or yoga nidra may comfort you.

Try some of these practices. on a regular basis.

See what improvements you notice.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

For more information refer to Nurries Stearns, M. and Nurries Stearns, R. (2013). Yoga for Emotional Trauma: Meditations and Practices for Healing Pain and Suffering. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, pp. 170-191. See also Miller, R. (2005). Yoga Nidra: A Meditative Practice for Deep relaxation and Healing. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.

July 19, 2014 By Admin

Helping to Change an Unhelpful Behavior

Mindful Ways to Help a person Change Unhelpful Behaviors

Brought to you by The Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Although behavior therapy and contingency management remain the most effective means to initiate changes in unhelpful behaviors, more generic approaches offer some promise. See the steps noted below to change an unhelpful behavior.

Help the person decide intrinsically that a change is needed. Work with the person to make images of what the change may look like and feel like. Begin with the smallest possible change the person is willing to consider. Target very small steps to ensure more success.

Associate the change with changes in thinking, feeling and doing. At the same time work to ensure some self-reinforcing energy exists in making the change. How does the change relate to other desires the person may have? Work to improve the persons’ self-efficacy.

Begin with a very small step and encourage its continuation. Plan the rest of the steps in a highly logical manner – small step by small step. It will help to write out the steps in a logical sequence.

Gently push persistence – advising the person to work at expanding the energetic of the change – that is doing it more frequently and for longer periods of time. Trouble-shoot the plan if expansion fails.

Offer only positive, praise-based reinforcement to the person for ALL of their efforts. Add in additional skills and emotional supports each step of the way that may help to ensure success.

If problems exist in maintaining change, consider what habitual social, perceptual or cognitive habits are in the way. To enhance motivation use motivational interviewing (MI) – the costs-benefits grid. Be certain you now how to use the MI grid before deploying it.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.d., LADC

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

July 2, 2014 By Admin

Breathing Meditation Practices

From The Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation, Monkton, Vermont

– Five Breathing and Meditation Practices –

Attention and concentration on the breath are common practices to attune meditation capacity. We use the breath as an object of attention in our mind training. The better your quality of attention and concentration, the better your meditation flow. In an earlier post, I provided instructions on using breath as an object of attention in pacifying the mind.
Today I will provide brief practice instructions for four other breath meditations. These brief instructions are meant only as introductory formats.

Caution: Although it is rare, some people may become anxious when trying to do breath practices. The anxiety may have many sources: vagus nerve issues, inattention due to digital addictions, a serious anxiety disorder, unresolved traumatic experience involving breaths of submission (in limbic hippocampus memory), etc. If at any time in practicing these breathing techniques you experience strong discomfort, please STOP the practice. Be aware that even though breath re-training can be highly effective in calming a dysregulated nervous system, it is not a substitute for prescribed medical or psychological treatment you may be receiving. However, breath training may be highly compatible with such treatment. Collaborate with your healthcare provider for advice here.

1) Mindful Awareness of Your Breath As It Is

Sit in a comfortable position, either lotus style or in a straight back chair, or use a stool to sit on with your knees on a meditation mat. Keep your back and head straight, ears level with shoulders, eyes slightly open and downward in direction, and the tip of the nose lined up with your navel (Dogen’s way). Just allow your awareness to be set on the in and out movement of your breath. Do not in any way control how your are breathing. Simply allow your breath to breathe you – paying mindful attention to its flow. When your attention moves off the breath, gently return your attention back to your breath. If possible continue for at least 10-20 minutes. If your attention moves off the breath, use self-compassion to carry it back the breath. Be kind.

2) Counting the Breaths

Since mental activity (thoughts in the past or future – or even in the present) is often a common distraction in meditation practice, it may be helpful to count to ten for ten breaths. Sit comfortably in a meditative posture. On the first breath say “one” to yourself on the exhalation; this is subvocal self-talk. Make the sound of “one” in your mind last all the way to the end of the out-breath. Then begin with the next breath – saying “two” on the exhalation and holding the thought all the way to the end of the out-breath. Do this all the way up to ten for ten breaths. When you reach “ten” simply begin again with “one.” If your mind wonders off the breath before you reach ten, or you catch yourself beyond the count of ten, begin again with “one.” You may want to make an mage of the number you are saying to yourself. In this way both cognitive/verbal and visual parts of the brain are active – helping you to meditate. If your mind continues to wonder off, say the number, make an image of the number, and FEEL the flow of the breath on exhalation. If possible continue for at least 10-20 minutes. If you have difficulty, be kind and considerate to yourself – and continue!

3) Variation on Square Breathing

Sit comfortably in a good meditation posture. Begin with a couple full, deep, cleansing breaths. Then bring full concentration to how your heart and belly feel when you breath slowly and deeply. On the first full in-breath pay attention to the right side (downward) of your torso from just below the heart area down to the hara (deep belly about 2 inches below the navel and about 2 inches in). On the first out-breath pay close attention to how it feels when your attention moves (left) across the hare. On the next in-breath notice how it feels when you pay attention to it moving (upward) from the hare and up the left side of the torso to the heart area, and on the next out-breaths simply pay attention to the moving breath as you pay attention to it moving right just below the heart area. A square has been made. If possible practice for at least 10-20 minutes.

4) Gap Breathing Practice

Sit in meditative posture and take a couple full, deep, slow breaths. Now pay complete attention to the noticed GAP between the in and out breath, and between the out and in breath. Yes, there is a slight gap in time when you are not breathing. Do not worry, this gap is natural. It is simply part of our slower, deeper breathing process. Pay attention ONLY to the gap between the in/out and out/in breaths. If you can do this, go psychologically deeper into the gap. It may be bottomless! If you have problems with attention here, make an image on a gigantic, beautiful, far-away valley and pretend that your gap is in that deep, distant valley. Continue to pay full attention only to the gap between your breaths. If you have difficult, gently and self-compassionately bring your attention back to the gap and nothing else. If possible practice for at least 10-2- minutes.

Practice these four breathing meditation, and if you like one best – do that one for the fifth. Good luck on your journey.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!