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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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June 12, 2018 By Admin

Calming Your Self-Critical Self with Mindfulness

Calming Your Self-Critical Self with Mindfulness

A core problem for many people is their incessant self (or other) criticism. This is a major part of our psychological mind suffering today. In the past life for most people was more difficult, so human basic needs were the energized priorities; today so many of us have been “spoiled” by having basic needs met and lingering with more time to worry about usually less important things.  Observe the number of TV ads aimed at improving how you look, or improving what others may thing about you. Note how the aim of some ads is to improve your perceived status, but not your inner reality of who you really are.Yes, looking ok, being healthy, and more importantly being happy are all important to our successful functioning. However, we tend to be dominated by limbic-brain survival mechanisms that boil down to interpersonal attraction and feeling liked by others. We ask: Am I good enough?  D. W. Winnicott may have some answers for us, and he would be more apt to focus on psychological well-being above superficial qualities – how we look, status,  etc.

Our competitive world and the American economic rat-race cause many to suffer from on-going “red ants” – what I call automatic emotionally loaded negative thoughts. Cognitive Therapy, Recovery Oriented Cognitive Therapy, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy all can help reduce our thought-caused suffering. These approaches when implemented correctly work much faster than psychodynamic methods, which tend to prolong and deepen  dependency on therapists and serve mutually self-rewarding experiences (some unconscious for therapists). All evidence-based approaches work, but how well and how fast do they work? There may be a moral question involved when a therapist uses a much slower method with outcomes that are no  better than more efficient methods. They all involve a strong therapeutic alliance and clinical relationship. That also all involve a deeper change process not simply symptom reduction.

Why do we suffer so much from our own thoughts? Why do we sometimes project our own feared or actual character flaws onto and into others? There are so many causes. It all begins with the quality of our early attachment experiences. How good was the quality of your own early attachment experience with parental before thinkers like Freud came to the same conclusion. And, what about the level of your own self-medication? Do you self-medicate to reach some short-term joy or perhaps to just feel a bit better? In self-medication we eventually learn that it just works for a brief period and almost always leads to more serious problems – addictions of all kind including to our “I-Smart” phones.  figures and other caretakers? Were you reasonably satisfied and nurtured, or were you experiencing what The Buddha called dissatisfaction with what is. Did early life experience leave you craving for what you did not receive? We seek pleasure and hope to avoid pain; The Buddha noted this 2600 years ago – way, way

Below I have listed various self-critical patterns that we human have befriended. I also note some mindful ways to counteract their unhelpful emotional effects. Sometimes is means just taking better conscious control overs our CABS – cognition, affect, behavior and sensory sensations. Other times to means learning and using regularly new skills. At times it means we need professionally competent therapeutic help to improve our lives.

Do what is needed! Here the list.

  1. Self-Devaluing thoughts – STOP and be mindful of your strengths. Use the ‘doing” of your strengths as antidotes.
  2. Feeling inadequate – STOP and recall times when you had a lived experience with success no matter how small.
  3. Deep distortion of self-disdain (even self-hate) – STOP and do your best to practice
  4. mindful self-compassion.
  5. Not being “good enough” – STOP and recognize this is a social construct of unhealthy competition. Use strengths.
  6. No spiritual self – Consider what if any spiritual practice you might explore or do more of. Being in nature helps.
  7. Feeling you do not have enough – Recognize that if basic needs have been met, it is time to work harder on higher emotional needs. Stop thinking – only if I had… then I would be happy. This is almost always untrue.
  8. Hopeless perfectionism – STOP and recognize this is also a social construct based on the projections of others, who believed they were not perfect enough. These introjects became your beliefs. There is NO perfectionism; it is totally impossible to achieve it because it does not exist. Think: I am good enough as I am now!
  9. Stuck in conditioned life (samsara) – where when you are happy you become dissatisfied because it does not last, and when you are suffering you become dissatisfied because you are not happy. Craving and trying to prolong happiness and being without happiness both lead to just more suffering. Find small things to have gratitude for.
  10. A list of more mindfulnesss-based “things” you can do to counteract automatic negative thinking and feeling: live in the present moment; stay grounded with helpful cues – things are ok; allow negative thoughts to pass – do not get hooked by them; Un-trap yourself from a painful past by living presently with what is; practice radical acceptance of what you cannot change; meditate and do yoga a lot to cultivate more inner peace; practice self-efficacy in a very conscious manner; learn and live by the Four Noble Truths; let go of your shame so you can flourish; learn and use The UCLA four step process; use cognitive disputation and reframing more and more often; DO better self-care and learn to locate and “feed” your protective dragons; ask your inner self-helper for guidance on how to be healthier and happier; seek out and learn from an ethical mindfulness mentor; if possible, practice more self-love and less self-doubt. Do more of these practices more often; I believe you will find things will improve.
  11. I realize that some of you may not be aware of some of the terms noted above, so do some good “Googling” about them. When you have a set of practices you like – practice them every single day of your life.

A helpful book to read is Brenner, G. (2018). Suffering is Optional: A Spiritual Guide to Freedom…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Behavior, Buddhism, Calming, Featured, Meditation Activities, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness, Self -Kindness, Self Care, Self Medication, Spiritual Energy Tagged With: ACTIVITIES, CALMING, CRITICAL -SELF, MINDFULNESS, SELF CARE

January 14, 2017 By Admin

Vipassana Meditation – Final Journey – The Insights

Insights – Vipassana Mediation

There will be future, more advanced vipassana meditations posted on the site. For now, however, we will end this series with a final post about the insights often experienced via vipassana meditation. We learn via experience about impermanence, suffering and its causes, no-self, emptiness and
many other things – or, perhaps, better stated as no-things. If we are fortunate we experience less
grasping for sense-door pleasures, some disenchantment with all aspects of materiality, and greater dispassion about our mental states. A huge insight is the understanding that we can detach from the five aggregates: form, feeling, perception, volitional actions, and even consciousness. Join me now as we go into another vipassana-like meditation on the ways humans experience love-hate, pleasure-displeasure, joy-suffering, and boring neutrality. Here we will focus on thoughts, emotions, senses, and relationships – the stuff of life. Let’s begin.

  1. Settle into your cushion or chair.  Allow your awareness to follow your breath: deep, slow, calm breathing. Be aware fully of the feelings/sensations in your body that arise and fall away with each in-breath and each out-breath.  Meditate on this!
  2. Now focus full concentration on the inner feelings of cognition – thoughts.  Focus, focus, focus on how you may have now learned that a thought is simply a thought.  Meditate on the awareness, the insight, that your thoughts are not so very important.  They simply sway or jump from pleasant to unpleasant based on your evaluated experiences. Vipassana should have taught you that unwholesome thoughts are unhelpful, and wholesome thoughts are helpful – but only as thoughts.  Try to let go of whatever you are thinking right now.  Just be in meditation, noticing without evaluating.  Meditate on this!
  3. Move now to affect and emotion. Though they are not the same thing, they are related. Our emotional experience tends to be the power of our life, causing either great good or great evil. Emotions are potent precursors to action, joy as well as misery. However, they are only inner body feelings that we desire or hope to avoid.  As feeling alone, they do not mean much in the ultimate reality of knowing.  Although wisdom traditions let us know that wholesome emotions can do great things for others, in the final analysis they are simply another form of form. Although some would disagree with this statement. Meditate on this!
  4. Now move to your own sense-doors, the very route that activates when you encounter pleasant or unpleasant experiences and stimuli or objects. All senses have past, present, and future orientations.  Now just focus your full concentration on being present, here now, only with your senses.  Do your best to let go of the reinforcement from valued sensory experiences and the fear from undesired sensory experiences. Just meditate on the nature of what your senses are doing right now, right here. Do not evaluate. Meditate on this!
  5. What about your spiritual self?  This is simply another manifestation of your no-self. However, spiritual experience can be very, very powerful in our lives.  What is the character of your spiritual experience here in vipassana meditation? Do not evaluate. Just become aware. Meditate on this!
  6. Lastly, meditate deeply on the relational aspects of your life. Next to self-cherishing and self-indulgence, positive relational realities yield powerful influences on us. Let go of thoughts and emotions about relationships!  Just focus on your own relationship now, here, with yourself.  Try not to evaluate or judge. Do this in deep meditation!
  7. Pull it all together now. As you meditate let go of it all – cognition, affect, sense-doors, relationships.  Just be here, now. Go deep into meditation.
  8. Prepare to end your meditation. Bring your awareness back to the room, and prepare to end this session.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Benefits of Meditation, Benefits of Mindfulness, Featured, Meditation, Meditation Activities, Vipassana Meditation Tagged With: ACTIVITIES, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, MEDITATION, PRACTICE, VIPASSANA

January 11, 2017 By Admin

The Journey of Human Compassion Practices

The Journey of Human Compassion Practices

Where are YOU on the journey of human compassion practices?  I modified interpretations of compassion to present a more formal depiction of compassionate practices and skills.  Go ahead; take the compassion quiz.

Your Goal: To Reduce Human Suffering

Human Warmth   Unconditional Positive Regard   Human Caring     Compassionate Actions

Using Key Mindfulness Practices/Skills

Attention – Concentration – In the Present

Nonjudging – Tolerance – Strong Empathy

List your current skills and practices here:_______________________________________________________________

Use Thoughts, Emotions and Behaviors to Help Others

Use Your Senses, Intuition, Spirituality, and Relationships to Help Others

To find your score, simply circle all the items (practices) that you DO in your effort to activate compassion for the benefit of others. A high score would between 10 and 18.

Where are you on the journey?

What skills/practices do you do now?

What skills/practices do you need to improve?

What will motivate you to continue with compassion practices?

For more information refer to Tirch, D., Schoendorff, B. and Silberstein, L. R. (2014). The ACT Practitioner’s Guide to the Science of Compassion… Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, pp. 25-61

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, Compassion, Featured, Human Compassion, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness, MIndfulness Activities, Practices Tagged With: ACTIVITIES, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, COMPASSION, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS, PRACTICE

October 17, 2016 By Admin

Introduction to Vipassana Meditation

Vipassana Meditation and Introduction

Vipassana meditation, as taught by S. N. Goenka, has been practiced in India, Europe, the United States and in many other parts of the world. There are various claims for effectiveness when used as a form of meditative treatment with various populations (often correctional and substance using populations); however, there is generally a dearth of research with strong empirical controls and designs. Since goenka_vipassana_meditation-mindful-happinessVipassana is a very old form of meditation, there must be something helpful about practicing it. A key principle in Vipassana is that as people learn to refine perception of awareness – in this case usually of bodily sensations – they also begin to realize a key tenet of meditative theory. That tenet is: all experiences and phenomena of the human mind and body are impermanent. Awareness and the experience itself simply arise and fall away. Mindful attention and refined concentration on personal experiences (including joy and suffering) augment understandings that all human experience (including human life) is impermanent. Readers are advised to read Goenka on your own. In that way you will obtain a well-informed cognitive explanation of the process. Here I will provide a few Vipassana guidelines and training suggestions.  I hope you will try them.

Reported Outcomes of Vipassana Meditation

  1. There may be greater insight into the reality of experienced phenomena via impermanence.
  2. There may be enhanced awareness of immediate experience.
  3. There may be a calm or nervous experiential process.
  4. There may be non-judgmental observation of WHAT you are experiencing NOW.
  5. Over time, you may learn how to become liberated from negative emotions and cravings.
  6. If you experience personal liberation, you may reduce attachment and aversion.
  7. You may develop wise-mind skills to radically accept whatever you are experiencing now without evaluation or reactions.
  8. Ultimately, you may become personally aware of your own transformation.

intro-vipassana-meditation_mindfulhappiness

Some Basic Rules in Vipassana

  1. Quietly maintain a prolonged, non-evaluative focus on the feeling of your breath.
  2. Be open and let go – expect nothing specific.
  3. Do your best to stay in the middle way – not attaching or avoiding whatever comes into your awareness.
  4. Expand pure awareness, attention and concentration on what you are experiencing now – especially sensations.
  5. Do not problem-solve, that is do not analyze, associate, chase/avoid your thoughts and emotions – simply continue to refocus your non-evaluative attention on your sensations.
  6. Stay out of your past and future; just be here now with a focus on sensation.
  7. If you become distracted, simply return a strong focus on your immediate experience and the sensation of it.
  8. Although various postures have been used in Vipassana, a basic sitting meditation posture may be best for you.

A Sample of Vipassana Mind Training

In sitting position simply notice your breath as you are now breathing. Do not control your breathing, just notice it. With breath-mindful-happinessyour eyes opened or closed, relax your jaw, bodily muscles, and move into a slower, deeper breathing pattern. Refine your attention so you can become aware bio-perceptually of the feeling of your breath in your body. Many thoughts will come into awareness; simply allow them to pass and return stronger attention to the feeling of your breath as you breathe in and out. As you sit quietly paying strong attention to the feeling of your breath, notice gently what you are seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, and smelling. Just pay close attention without judging, associating, following, expanding, or responding to whatever arises in awareness. Starting at the very top of your head, pay close attention to any sensation that arises.  You may even notice that the attention by itself may cause some form of feeling. Slowly move to the tip of your nose, then to the center front of your throat. Just noticing sensations in a more concentrative manner. Move onto another part of your body and just pay attention to the sensations as they arise and fall away.  Practice pure awareness without evaluation, seeking, dreading, etc. As you also notice thoughts and emotions arising, simply label them “thought” and “emotions.” Do nothing with them; simply continue to pay strong attention to the sensations you notice in various parts of your body. To extend this practice, select one part of your body to pay strong attention to it for 15 minutes or more.

Refer to Hart. W. (1987). The Art of Living: Vipassana as Taught by S. N. Goenka. SanFranscisco, CA: Harper Collins. Gunaratana, B. H. (2002). Mindfulness in Plain English. Boston: Wisdom Publications, pp 39-67. Marlatat, G. A. et al. (2004). Vipassana meditation as a treatment for alcohol and drug use disorders. In S. C. Hayes, V. M. Follett, and M. M. Lineman (Eds.). Mindfulness and Acceptance: Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition.  New York: Guilford Press, pp. 261-287.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

ChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, Benefits of Meditation, Breathing, Featured, Meditation, Meditation Activities, MIndfulness, MIndfulness Activities, Vipassana Meditation Tagged With: ACTIVITIES, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, INTRODUCTION TO VIPASSANA, MEDITATION, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, VIPASSANA MEDITATION

June 18, 2016 By Admin

Self-Kindness – Something to Practice!

 

Mindfulness – Self-Kindness Practice

Befriending the self is one of the most difficult things for Americans to do.  It is probably true that self-kindness is difficult for most people; however, the current MINDFUL HAPPINESSrampant criticism (I am right! You are wrong!) and extreme greed manifesting in the United States tends to produce two opposite extremes: pathological narcissism or self-disdain. We are lacking an intelligent “middle way.” A recent issue of Shambhala Sun  presented several approaches to improve self-compassion and self-kindness without greed or narcissism.  You may wish to visit these sites.Self-Compassion, and Center for Mindful Compassion.

Now let’s begin with a brief meditation on this important topic.

  1. Sit in a comfortable meditative posture.
  2. Begin with a few deep, slow cleansing breaths.
  3. Work at being open-minded, fearless, and present.
  4. Turn the light of the world inward to your heart area. Watch your joyful self as well as your suffering self – BUT do not get caught in the suffering past or the fearful future.  Stay present here now.
  5. As you breathe and practice this, note the sensations and emotions arising in this moment.
  6. Notice if any of your negative energies arise: negative, critical thoughts; unhappy mind; projected criticism of others, etc.  Just let it be if present. Them use impermanence and try to let it go with you mind and body.  Just do your best here.
  7. Practice kindness for yourself as you would for your significant other or a best friend.
  8.  Be in your feelings well beyond the fearful amygdala, less-than self, and false-self greatness. Let go!
  9. Be aware of the sources of joy and self-fulfillment all around you in this world. You need to notice them to use these resources.  Make images of some right now.
  10. Place your hands over your heart and allow in self-compassion.  Allow in self-kindness. Allow in self-liking.  Be personal on what these “allowings” mean to you and how you are experiencing them now.
  11. Follow Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s advice: Trust in yourself; be kind and generous to self and others; use self-compassion always!  Now just practice a little longer.

For more details refer to Shambhala Sun (November, 2015), pp. 52-63.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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