Wise Mind Archives - Mindful Happiness

April 4, 2016 By Admin

Mindful Actions to Improve YOUR Self-Esteem

Practice: Mindful Actions to Improve YOUR Self-Esteem

Improving Your Awareness with Practice

Remain mindfully aware of the content and meta-cognition regarding the “speaking” of your inner, self-conscious critic. Note what trends appear in the conversation.
Remain mindfully aware of the reactions your mind and body experience regarding the activity of your inner self-critic in dealing with day-to-day life stressors.
Carefully note the fluctuations in your self-esteem inner experience in reaction to the destructive rampages of your inner self-critic.
Mindfully note the emotional impact your inner self-critic has when you experience anxiety, depression, traumatic memories, substance use/ eating issues (self-medicating), and harsh interpersonal relationships.
Make a list of the cognitive and affective content that are the consequences of your negative emotional experience with your inner self-critic. These will be your targets over the next few weeks and months.
As strange as it sounds, begin to befriend the targets you noted. Slowly, graciously, and compassionately make space inside your heart for these not-so-pleasant inner experiences. They are part of you.

mindful-happiness-ways-to-build-your-self-esteem

Using Wise Mind Mindfulness to Transform Your Inner Self-Critic and Improve Self-Esteem

When the thoughts, images and emotions come up regarding what is NOT ok with you, use your imagination to paint over them with your favorite color.
When you encounter these negative introjects, use your imagination to make them smaller in size so your mind’s eyes see less mass.
When you encounter these painful inner experiences, use a split screen technique to place the negative in one section and an opposite positives YOU DO POSSESS in another section of what you see with your mind’s eyes.
Important – DO meditation or yoga or exercise for at least 10 minutes EVERYDAY. Do your best to slowly expand your time in these very helpful and emotionally self-regulating activities.
Radically accept what you cannot change, but work very hard on changing what you can change.
Forgive yourself for all past actions that have resulted in you experiencing shame or guilt.
Foster positive relationships where there is mutual social and emotional support, and discard those that are negative and unhelpful for you.
If you are in psychotherapy make self-esteem improvement a part of that process, and encourage your helper to measure the outcomes over time.
Assertively “talk back” to your inner self-critic, and find the middle way, middle ground between extremes.
Learn about and practice self-compassion when you suffer from the voices of your inner self-critic.
Smile more (brain feedback realities) and work hard to find things to enjoy and/or laugh about.
Use images and metaphors for both the concrete “things” in your inner self-critic and their improvements.
Practice more positive psychology: random acts of kindness, gratitude lists, generosity, being kind to others, paying more attention to positives, etc.
Consider writing in a self-esteem and/or happiness journal daily. Write at least one positive, helpful sentence each day, then go back and re-read it after each week of journaling.
Practice letting go of the past, which you cannot change.
Practice planning for the future, but know you cannot control it.
Practice active participation in the present moment, which is the only moment of experience you have direct emotional control over. Be present for both positive and negative experiences in the present moment.
STOP upward comparison with others, who you think have what you want.
Practice downward comparison with others, who you know have lees than you have.
Practice any helpful spiritual or religious activities that you find helpful.
Learn and practice self-soothing and emotion regulation skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Learn about and practice using your core values in your own life experiences (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).
STOP struggling to get what you crave, thinking that it will make you happy. Research and thousands of years of human experience have shown this desiring/attachment does not bring lasting, internal happiness.
Read good books about how to improve your own self-image and be happier in your life.
Practice effective stress reduction skills whenever you feel mental/bodily stress reactions as the cue to practice Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction).
VOW to pick 10 things to practice, and practice them one by one for ten full weeks – one practice per week.

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For more information refer to Quintiliani, A. R. (2014). Mindful Happiness... Shelburne, VT: Voices of Vermont Publishing, pp. 20-41;Bradshaw, C. M. (2016). How to Like Yourself…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger; Marotta, J. (2013). 50 Mindful Steps to Self-Esteem…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE or any image below to Order

September 8, 2014 By Admin

Total Human Experience in Brain Habits

Brain Habits – Helpful Vs Unhelpful

Nora Volkow, MD, Director, National Institute on Drug Abuse ( video below) has noted that people suffering from addictions may experience some dysfunction in in brain areas related to personal motivation, reward recognition, and inhibitory controls. Neuroscientists have utilized various brain imaging techniques to document this possibility in addicted individuals. These finding bring us to a new look at ALL addicted behaviors as possible forms of brain-based disease (brain area, neuronal, neurotransmitter malfunctions, habitual behaviors, and their related plasticity). This more scientific research on addiction as disease moves well beyond common views noted in AA/12 Steps (it is a disease so it is not your fault); this more scientific research is specific to the brain’s role in developing and maintaining unhelpful, addictive habits. Such habits often follow the escape from pain and approach to pleasure principles so well established in scientific psychology. Core research has focused mainly on alcohol-drug addictions; however, a reinforced habit is a reinforced habit as far as brain functioning is concerned. It is true that chemical addictions add specific molecular realities to addicted behaviors – molecular basis for instrumental and classical conditioning of habitual behaviors leading to recognized changes in the brain’s reward centers. All addictive behaviors – all unhelpful habits – narrow personal motivation to the rewarding effects, enhance craving for the rewarding effects, increase fear of being without the rewarding effects, and reduce one’s ability to slow or stop the habitual behavior itself. Because people are self-medicating their moods and emotions, they tend NOT to learn more effective life coping skills (mindfulness, etc.), thus becoming even more dependent on the unhelpful habit for short-term relief of suffering and, perhaps, some intermittent joy. It is quite common for depression, anxiety, fear, trauma, and other serious life challenges to be the emotional bases for initial self-medicating behaviors.

To assist readers in their personal efforts to attain mindful, wise mind skills – thus reducing the impact and probability of unhelpful habits and addictions – I am expanding this post to include more on my conceptual process about CABS-VAKGO-IS-Rels. These letters represent: Cognition, Affect, Behavior, Sensorimotor, Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Gustatory, Olfactory, Intuitive, Spiritual, and Relational REALITIES on how humans function emotionally inside and outside of their own brain-mind and body. This is the reality in human functioning, both helpful and unhelpful. By focusing your attention on the various categories of human emotional experience (CABS-VAKGO-IS-Rels), you may be able to identify the areas of your brain that are helping you to maintain health and happiness AND the the areas that are moving you into poor health and more suffering. Try to problem solve by noting what areas are your working allies to remain safe, productive, and happy as well as what areas serve as your ENEMIES.

Yes, even if you derive some brief pleasure or respite from suffering from an unhelpful or addictive habit (via self-medication), this short-term emotional strategy ALWAYS leads to more suffering in both the original “thing” you are trying to escape AND in future addictions that simply add to your suffering and stress load. This is not difficult: find out which areas help you and which areas harm you; do more in the areas that help you, and do less in the areas that harm you. Obtain qualified, licensed professional help as needed.

This formula may be helpful:

Internal/External Cues/Stimuli (people, places, things, experiences) – LEAD TO } Thoughts, Beliefs, Emotions, Behaviors – LEAD TO } Consequences of the Selected Behaviors

If the consequences of the behavior are reinforcing (releasing dopamine in the brain’s reward centers) – you got what you wanted and the behavior is far more apt to continue until it becomes just about automatic (no other skills, neuronal sensitization, and brain plasticity).

Unhelpful Behaviors LEAD TO more suffering AND Helpful Behaviors LEAD TO less suffering/more happiness.

I hope you are able to use this information and wise mind skills to improve your emotional life – starting right now!

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

September 7, 2014 By Admin

Choice-Making Skills

Using Meditation, Yoga and Breathing…

You can Anchor your Choice Making

A key outcome of serious practice is that you now reduce auto-pilot reactivity to people, places, things, emotions, sensations, craving, and memories and at the same time notice your mind CAN BE in charge of your brain-body reactions. Yes, regular daily mindfulness practice allows you more mind-power to make decisions on how to respond to unhelpful events in life. You notice that you are less apt to react impulsively (with habits of anger, anxiety, depression, avoidance, aggression, self-medication, etc.) and more apt to respond thoughtfully, even compassionately. To enhance these changes in HOW you live your life, how your mindful-mind helps you to respond constructively to challenges, I will suggest several regular practices below.

In 1995 T. K. V. Desikachar noted that having the capacity to intentionally direct one’s mind is a fundamentally important core mindfulness skill. I have often reminded my own secular meditation students that “You are not your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, sensations, or memories. You are beyond, more than, these random firings of brain cells.” True, all these experiences may shape us in both positive and negative ways, and if unhelpful they may cause higher levels of stress, angst, and despair. However, mind training via regular meditation or yoga practice allows your mind to slow the impulsive reactions and to THINK about (contemplate) what an appropriate response might be. As you become more wise-mind skilled, your repeated and improved responses eventually compete with habitual impulsive reactions – thereby creating helpful brain plasticity for a calmer and happier life. These changes take time to normalize in our mind and body. It is very wise to use selective attention – paying more attention to neutral and positive/helpful experiences than to negative/unhelpful experiences. Do not avoid corrective changes you may need to make, but do not focus attention on unhelpful events and realities.

The practice of Samatha or calm abiding meditation, in which your single pointed concentration is on more positive/helpful thoughts, emotions, and memories may be helpful here. Likewise practicing various meditation and yoga breathing patterns will help calm your reactive body and center you mind’s attention. Often an effective mantra can be helpful: when I notice the arising of unhelpful energy in my mind or body I often say to myself “be calm, be kind.” What mantra self-talk might be helpful to you? Sometimes bringing your focus of attention to your soft heart energy can help. Many major spiritual traditions practice contemplating/imagining white or golden-white light coming from the heart area. It may help to gently place both hands over your heart. Try this, and allow the healing light to soothe you. Other helpful practices that reduce your suffering and may increase your joy are: thinking radical acceptance regarding things you cannot change; finding more personal meaning in your life; being more self-compassionate; practicing slow, full-body body scans; doing spiritual rituals; and, resting in shavasana (lying resting pose) or yoga nidra may comfort you.