June 23, 2015 By Admin

Engaging Your Emotional Dragons

Making Boundless Space for Your Emotional Dragons

In the past I have offered posts about radical acceptance and ways of dealing with your personal dragons or demons. Here I will offer a more advanced perspective on how directly engaging your emotional dragons is a very important part of your spiritual path – your spiritual journey no matter what form it may take. Those of us on a formal spiritual path are seeking some form of ultimate truth. Reaching this goal, just part of the path itself, is hampered when we take evasive actions regarding our emotional dragons, our emotional suffering. The human tendency is to avoid, deny, suppress all forms of suffering; we do not not to feel pain in any form. Such habitual behavior hinders your enlightened self-development. When Buddhism moved to China as Chan Buddhism, there was a need to figure out what to do with the “good” and “bad” dragons the Chinese had believed in for many years. Consider this: ALL your emotional dragons are good dragons, because they make you whole (an unavoidable part of you) and they teach you much about becoming enlightened, about gaining wisdom. The dragons, or shadows (C. Jung) provide a serious learning opportunity; when we open up our soft and tender heart to our suffering, we enhance the true inner self – we make the true self stronger and more complete. Clear seeing in the present moment of dragon engagement integrates the disavowed parts of self, and thus opens up deep, inner space and peace. Like the cave-living Milarepa’s dispute with his dragons, you too will find that once you let go of fear and engage your emotional dragons with an open submitting heart the emotional impact of the dragon/s will be reduced.

So what is your most important emotional dragon – unhelpful early attachment experience, depression, loss, mourning, anxiety, fear, trauma, substance misuse, eating problems, anger, resentment, self-hate, self-harm…? What are you self-medicating MOST to enjoy brief joy and avoid immediate suffering, only to discover long-term suffering even from the self-medication process itself? Perhaps it is the experience of greed, hate, resentment, impulsivity, loneliness – not fitting in – whatever ails you is a form of an emotional dragon. Dragons may also be the biopsychosocial-spiritual outcomes of long-term physical and psychological illness. You will find ultimate truth ONLY by sharing real-time space and experience with them. Your journey to ultimate truth is not simply experiencing “spiritual materialism” (Chogyam Trungpa) and taking part in the huge menu of enlightenment training or “student hood.” Your path must be fully integrated within yourself – even if you believe in no-self. Courageous engagement with your emotional dragons helps you to better understand why they exist, and to realize your reactions are more in your mind and body than in ultimate reality. You need to slowly cultivate fearless awareness (Pema Chodron) of the permeating feeling of personal unworthiness. Yes, you can do this! You must apply a large dose of self-compassion so you dare to welcome into your being the unwanted guests of your inner suffering. Part of the journey is to allow the unwanted visitors of emotional challenge into the home of your heart, mind and body (Rumi). The Buddha noted that all that happens to us begins in the mind; he noted that thoughts, words, and actions are the end-effects of our process. With the current knowledge of 21st century neuroscience, I dare to add to this formula for human behavior. The absolute root is based on thoughts, words and actions. However, we cannot forget the major impact on behavior caused by feeling/sensations, emotions and rewarding or punishing consequences of our behaviors. We are attached to outcomes that are pleasant; we hope to avoid those that are unpleasant; and, we become trapped in the cycles of the samsara treadmill when we pursue such goals.

Trying to avoid, deny, suppress, or self-medicate your emotional dragons will do nothing to soften your suffering; your dragons know how to find you no matter where you hide. Their roots may rest in your “seed consciousness” (Thich Nhat Hanh), so they are always with you – just not always so active. He offers additional advice on handling difficult emotions: imagine holding them lovingly in your arms as if a newborn baby, and bring them close to you with love and caring. Your spiritual development will not be complete until you carefully and lovingly make space inside your awareness for all of your emotional dragons. Are you ready to engage with one of your dragons? Best to begin with one that is least scary and work your way up in emotional energies.

Here is a way to prepare yourself. STOP fleeing! Have a strong intention to gently encounter the emotional dragon. If you think having a loved one or good friend present to witness this process, do that also. Breathe calmly, slowly, deeply. Loosen your body muscles, tendons, and joints. Imagine yourself a “fearless warrior” (Vajrayana) and welcome the specific dragon into your mind’s eye. With ample self-compassion witness it. Use radical acceptance and open up your loving heart to welcome in this disowned part of self. Remember that Prajna wisdom transcends all things – there is only ultimate emptiness. You may also wish to follow the example of Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius). In the first few pages of his meditations, he give great gratitude to the many positive things he has received from his ancestors, family, friends, teachers, etc. Without these many strengths, he would be helpless in pursuing self-improvement. You may also wish to utilize a First Nations tradition of imagining a long line of ancestors (many never known by you personally) standing directly behind you and each supporting the other by placing their hands behind the shoulders of the person in front of them. You have thousands of years of ancestors standing behind you as you open up to the wholeness of allowing in your dragon. Yes, thoughts, words and actions are very important – but the EXPERIENCE of doing this is what really counts. You need mindful willingness to achieve this action. Allow the dragon’s emotional self to enter you, even if it rides on your tears to do so. Fully open up your heart, mind, soul, inner-self to this experience. May your path bring you experience in happiness, wholeness, and enlightenment.

CAUTION –Since I have no idea what your psychological health is like, you may wish to consult your healthcare provider about doing this meditation. Although I believe we all have strengths to allow in our emotional dragons – slowly, one by one – sometimes we are not ready to BE in this powerful experience. You may wish to consult Aura Glaser’s A Call to Compassion or The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius before you begin this process. There are many other self-compassion resources that may be helpful to you (refer to works by Germer, Goldstein, Salzburg, Brach, etc.).

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

A Tribute to Ram Dass (Richard Alpert) Recently Ram Dass died at his home in Maui. He was 88 years old. He was born into a well-off Boston family, and enjoyed materialism in his early professional years. When completing a Ph.D. in Psychology at Stanford University he was still into material things. His spiritual awakening […]

Taoist Meditation on Healing Colors of Light In Taoist views the four seasons (five if you include “Indian Summer”) are strongly associated with emotional moods and bodily energies. Healing colored light is also part of this viewpoint. For each of the colors we use, follow the process noted below. Sit quietly and breathe calmly. Circle […]

Making the Best of the Holidays Thanks to Sounds True, we have many good suggestions for making the most of the holidays. It is a norm for the holidays to be happy and joyous, and it is a norm for many people for the holidays to be filled with emotional and behavioral challenges. To reduce […]

ACT – The Absolute Basics; Acceptance & Commitment Therapy In this post I begin a series of writing dealing with ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The details below are basic, but perhaps just enough to develop more interest in learning about ACT. Here we go! 1) Act, developed mainly by Steven Hayes Ph.D.and based on […]

How We Make Habits – An Understanding Twenty-five hundred years ago the Buddha reportedly taught how humans make habits. The insights of this earliest Buddhist Psychology sheds shame on the West, with its almost-the-same version of this view in the 20th century. One must wonder if B. F. Skinner or N. Chomsky knew about Buddhist […]

Building Emotional Resilience On a personal note, right now I am suffering. Its April 15th and I have a terrible viral infection (sore throat, chest congestion, and fever). I feel weak and miserable. Perhaps all that frigid air we endured in New England this Winter also kept infectious “stuff” under control for a while. However, […]

Mindfulness Defined… There are many definitions of mindfulness. Here I have combined several popular views into one. This definition and process may be helpful to readers who cannot quite grasp what it is, what it feels like, and what steps can make it happen. Good luck in your regular practices! Mindfulness is: Paying […]

Mindfulness Skills and Psychotherapy Outcomes There are at least ten good reasons why mindfulness training and regular practice may improve psychotherapy outcomes. These reasons assume the training is presented by a well-trained clinician-mindfulness practitioner. Of course improved outcomes also depend upon the client’s motivation and energy to actually practice mindfulness skills on a regular basis. […]

Mindful Leadership Skills: How to Lead in Wise Mind Ways Researchers dealing with leadership skills have noted several acquired characteristics of effective leaders. These same skills may be used in spreading “the word” about how mindfulness and wise mind practices reduce stress reactivity, enhance compassion, and expand the possibilities for human happiness, inner peace and […]

Mindfulness Practices to help Reduce Your Worry & Suffering My last post dealt with various mindfulness-based practices and skills that may help to reduce created suffering due to excessive worrying. I will add a few more practices in this post. First, let us go back to Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, and his Meditations. In Book 2, page 14 […]

In The Dhammapada the Buddha includes an important section on the topic of happiness. How to be happy in a life of changing joy, suffering, and neutrality? How to be happy in a world of attachment/craving for desired pleasures and avoidance of all suffering? Attachment, impermanence and unhelpful experiences – all cause suffering. It is quite […]

Quasi Self-Hypnotic Pain Relief To be successful in this intervention you will have to let go of ego-based defensiveness and remain quite focused for quite some time. These are not easy things to do. DO NOT do this intervention if you are feeling highly vulnerable at this time, or if you are not working with […]

Stress in America – On the Rise – The American Psychological Association recently completed its national survey on stress in America. Stress in America for adults is on the rise! I will review below a selection of reported percentages from the 2015 survey (published in 2016). 1) Younger people are more stressed; Xers and Millennials […]

The Reality of Experience What is deep mindfulness? Deep mindfulness is the concentrated awareness of all experiences, preferably without evaluating as pleasant or unpleasant. Deep mindfulness is pure awareness as it becomes part of personal consciousness. We humans, however, are always evaluating our experiences and phenomena as pleasant, neutral, or unpleasant – often getting hooked […]

Mindfulness-Based Emotion Regulation The following emotional regulation practices (also called emotional balance skills) have been supported by over 2500 years of mindfulness training and current psychological research on human emotions. These practices/skills are to be practiced before they are needed, and directly applied when they are needed. Here is the list. 1) Practice noticing and […]

Practice: Yogi Deep Meditation on Inner Listening Carl Jung noted: Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside, awakens. The Katha Upanishads (800-400 BCE) noted: One path leads outward and the other inward. [The] way inward leads to grace. The Mind Cave Focus instructs us to close our eyes and expand your third-eye space to the back of […]

Forgiveness Meditation Practice – Mindful Happiness – Dr Anthony Quintiliani Sit comfortably in a meditation posture. Allow your breath to remain natural without any intentional modification. Allow your body to relax, and allow your mind to be open to and to expect forgiveness. Focus attention on your heart area deep within your soul, and allow […]

Insights – Vipassana Mediation There will be future, more advanced vipassana meditations posted on the site. For now, however, we will end this series with a final post about the insights often experienced via vipassana meditation. We learn via experience about impermanence, suffering and its causes, no-self, emptiness and many other things – or, perhaps, […]

Brain Habits – Helpful Vs Unhelpful Nora Volkow, MD, Director, National Institute on Drug Abuse ( video below) has noted that people suffering from addictions may experience some dysfunction in in brain areas related to personal motivation, reward recognition, and inhibitory controls. Neuroscientists have utilized various brain imaging techniques to document this possibility in addicted individuals. These […]

Mindful Happiness Book Review The Awakened Introvert: Practical Mindfulness skills… By Arnie, Kozak, Ph.D. Dr. Kozak begins his book noting the processes of mind that often cause people to suffer. Critical judging, unhelpful story telling, over-attending to past suffering or losses and angst about possible future realities (the brain’s default mode), and auto-pilot inattention to important […]