Mindful Happiness

Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

  • Home
  • Dr. Anthony Quintiliani
    • About
  • Mindful Happiness
  • Mindful Expressions Meditation CD
  • Contact

December 24, 2019 By Admin

Journaling and Grief Process

Journaling and Grief Process

Regular brief journaling may be helpful in your grief and horror regarding significant personal losses of self and/or others. Here are the various ways it may be helpful to you.

  1. Writing and reading about your personal loss experience may help you to make sense of the process, and at the same time guide you gently on that path.
  2. Journaling may open up past and present realities – both positive and negative – about your loss experience.
  3. At times anger, resentments, and regrets will come up. These realities open you up to the depth of the grief experience. Do not linger too long there!
  4. S. Kierkegard reminded us that our lived experiences are processed forwardly, but better understood if observed backwards. Journaling helps to focus us on the present but never lets go fully of the past.
  5. It may be important to you to make your personal journal more balanced with both negative and positive experiences. For example, it may be helpful to list all simple pleasures you experienced in any given day. It may also be a good idea not to linger emotionally too long when such experiences trigger negative states.
  6. I have always found it helpful to list my personal gratitudes, even in the midst of painful loss and suffering. It is not uncommon for the most valued experiences to be linked with the lost love-object and your shared life.
  7. If fear and trepidation occur as you move through the grief process, I suggest that you break down the scary moments into smaller, more manageable periods of time, space, and emotions.
  8. Pay attention to and write about both helpful and unhelpful thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and sensations related to your grief process. Be aware keenly of small improvements in all.
  9. You may notice that as you slowly heal you spend less time journaling. This is natural.
  10. You may wish to do “grave worship” practices, or simply write many good things about the lost person.
  11. V. Frankl noted that when we cannot change the reality of a situation, we may have to change ourself.
  12. When you find yourself crying over your loss, that is a very good time to contemplate and do journaling.
  13. Reading related poetry or writing your own may help you.
  14. If and when you experience the emptiness of the void inside, do your best to find words for the experience. And, work to fill that void by re-engaging with your life as it is now.
  15. It is always a good idea to develop and practice personal rituals about your healing. Write about this in your journal.
  16. S. Becket reminded us that we must go on! As painful as it may be, we cannot stop the process.
  17. As P. Chodron noted, we must allow it all to fall apart before we can find the resilience to face what comes next. In most situations, what comes next is slow improvement in your emotional condition.
  18. Rest in peace with your breath, and do more meditation or yoga if that suits you well.
  19. You may wish to visit optionb.org or other sites that support grief work.

Refer to Sandberg, S. and Grant, A. (2017). Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. New York: A. A. Knopf, pp. 58-76.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon

Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Calming, Coping, Crisis Resilience Skills, Emotions, Featured, Gratitude Meditation, Grief, Holiday Coping, Inner Peace, Journal Writing, Learning, Letting Go, Meditation, MIndfulness, MIndfulness Activities, Mourning, Natural Healing, Self Care, Spiriuality, Stress Reduction Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, GRATITUDES, GRIEF PROCESS, JOURNALING, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, RESILIENCE

November 21, 2017 By Admin

Making the Best of the Holidays

Making the Best of the Holidays

Thanks to Sounds True, we have many good suggestions for making the most of the holidays.  It is a norm for the holidays to be happy and joyous, and it is a norm for many people for the holidays to be filled with emotional and behavioral challenges.  To reduce your stress and reactivity over the holidays and time with family, see the edited listing below.  I have added some skills that were not included in the Sounds True listing.

  1. Selfcare may require that you practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi gong and other forms of concentration and movement during the holidays. Do these practices more often if possible.
  2. Practice preview in the morning by noting one thing you look forward to in the day. Practice review in the evening regarding one thing you enjoyed during the day. Stay with the positive.
  3. Practice helpful breathing techniques often during the holidays. Take a breathing break. Smile as much as possible.  Allow this “mouth yoga” to help you when encountering interpersonal challenges.
  4. Use your own mantra. Make one up that helps to keep you stable and say it to yourself often. This is especially important during times/events when stress reactivity may occur.
  5. When your mind and body begin to tighten up as stress precursors, go directly to your heart. Fine a soft and gentle place there to rest, and forgive others if ready and able to do so.
  6. Practice the thymus rub or thymus thump as a self-defense practice. Rub hard and long or thump moderately to reduce building emotional reactivity or anxiety.
  7. If you know the old Callahan Technique or current emotional freedom methods, tap on essential relief areas/points and use your mantra to support cognitive modifications in thoughts.
  8. Recognize that sometimes to protect yourself, you will have to say “NO.”  Do  so softly and respectfully. But do it when necessary.
  9. Monitor your emotional eating and alcohol consumption as forms of self-medication during the holidays. The American norm of “excess” also happens when we sit down for family meals, especially if there is unresolved emotional tension  between people.
  10. Use grace a lot during the holidays. Become familiar with your own form of grace. Be generous with it during the holidays. Add some gratitude practice.
  11. If you know how to do it, practice loving kindness meditation. For example, May I be safe, healthy, free from suffering, happy, and live with ease.  Do so for others in your family, especially people who may trigger your emotional reactivity. Remember that all people suffer.
  12. Be generous with your time, space, affection and love during the holidays. Be certain these expressions  are authentic, but know that they does NOT have to be 100% authentic.  Do your best. Fake it if necessary until you make it!
  13. Go outside at night and get in touch with the winter sky. Look at all those stars with utter amazement. Enjoy them!  You may want to practice outdoor meditation on the sky, stars, moon, etc.
  14. What ever happens remain in the present. Do NOT fall back to past painful memories and experiences; do NOT fast forward to fears and apprehensions about the future. Stay in the present moment, breathe, and make the most of it all.
  15. Practice random acts of kindness during the holidays. Small meaningful things can produce great emotional rewards when they come from the heart.
  16. Before bedtime, practice calming body scanning.  Do this practice slowly, and do your best to “feel” the soothing, calming sensations in your body.

For more information refer to Sounds True (2017).  A Holiday Companion.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Benefits of Meditation, Benefits of Mindfulness, Breathing, Featured, Holiday Blues, Holiday Coping, Meditation, Meditation Activities, MIndfulness Tagged With: MAKING THE MOST OF THE HOLIDAYS, MINDFULLNESS DURING HOLIDAYS

Twitter

Mindful Happiness -Currently in Production

Mindful Happiness Posts

So Many Ways to Self-Medicate –  It Just Brings More Suffering Very often poor child-parent (child-caretaker) object relations, attachment with care takers, and attunement by care takers negatively impact young children early in their lives.  The well-documented scientific fact that environmental conditions play a more important role in gene-expression than pure genetics implies clearly that […]

Beyond MBSR – Quick Start Skills Self-calming for counselors and other helpers is one of the most important survival practices to master.  Self-calming consists a set of basic mindfulness skills, all of which must be practiced regularly to achieve desired emotion-regulation effects. The utility of these skills is well established in clinical research, and not […]

Happiness #5 – Last Post on Characteristics This will be my last post for a while on the important topic of happiness.  Here I will hit a few highlights about simple joy and lasting inner experiences of true happiness. Simple Joy – We experience simple joy in simple experiences, small sometimes subtle events in our […]

-The Word, Sound, Meditation, and Music are all Timeless A Tribute to Elvis Presley and his Music The word has been associated with human consciousness.  The word requires the energy of sound to hear it.  Meditation places us in a most receptive state of mind and body; it allows us to be open to our […]

More Psychoanalytic Gems – In an earlier post, I noted a list of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Gems, including a later post on D.W. Winnicott’s approaches to building a therapeutic alliance.  My general aversion to this form of therapy has more to do with its slowness and high costs than to its effectiveness. It is effective!  However, […]

My third posting on self-medication- Comes from the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont. Now we will turn our attention to how people become habituated to self-medication to obtain brief moments of joy and/or to avoid emotional suffering.  Recall that self-medication becomes a habit (dopamine released in reward centers of the […]

The True Nature of Phenomena Here I will present common steps in the process of vipassana meditation.  My presentation will end with a brief discussion of nirvana (enlightenment). 1) It will be helpful not to have strong conceptual intention about your goal of attaining insight.  You will know when you have entered it via your […]

Advanced Practice in Tara Brach’s RAIN Protocol So often we humans find ourselves in a state of limbic disarray, with ego defenses stimulating our need to protect ourselves from others – even from ourselves. We feel something is very wrong in this moment, and we allow separateness to pull us into a frenzied effort to […]

Interoception and Your Inner Self-Helper Interoception (sometimes called neuroception) is a sensory experience, in which you feel sensations in your body (viscera, heart, throat, etc.) that may be warning signs of limbic surveillance or inner continuity of your inner self-helper – that part of you and your brain that hopes to help you in whatever […]

Your  Regular  Practice:   Impact  on  Yourself  From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont Compassion Training:  Here is a quick self-assessment process to see if your regular compassion practice has had positive effects on you.  Review the questions below and decide  what  your  answers are. I hope you have noted pleasant […]

Helping Professions and Emotional Balance Helping professions must practice to achieve emotional balance.  Working conditions for the helping professions have become more and more difficult over time, especially with the advent of so called “helpful technologies” and ever-increasing governmental/funding requirements for documentation.  When I started in the (behavioral health) field of clinical psychology and addictions […]

Happiness Path  – The 14th Dalai Lama His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama has suggested, among many other important things, that humans may experience true inner happiness by regular practice on the path to enlightenment. In his 2012 book, From Here to Enlightenment, he noted that personal happiness may be attained via specific behaviors and ways of […]

Mindfulness Practices for Expanding Acceptance Mindfulness and contemplation can be great allies in our struggle to better understand each other.  This is especially true when it comes to matters of interpersonal relationships and highly significant relationships.  It is also important in diversity, or as some now refer to it – variation in human beings.   Variation may […]

Equanimity, Suffering, and Resilience It is said that equanimity (Pali – upekkha), the seventh factor of enlightenment and the tenth perfection, is an end-product of life-long personal practice in meditation and/or meditative yoga. It is about “walking the walk.” Some practitioners note that equanimity is the foundation for other helpful states of mind and body. […]

Looking at Early Judeo-Chrsitian Meditation Practice An early description of enlightened liberation in Buddhist meditation practice reads like this: Birth is destroyed, the spiritual life has been lived, what had to be done has been done. There is no more coming back to any state of being.  Ignorance was banished and true knowledge arose, darkness […]

Vipassana Meditation:  Impermanence Although standard vipassana meditation practice leading to insight about the true nature of reality does not recommend what I am about to do, I plan to do it anyway. This meditation center is all about innovation in practice and generalization regarding the benefits of meditation for both regular meditators and novices.  Below […]

Concentration, Contentment, and Loving Kindness I have written various entries on concentration meditations in prior posts.  Yes, concentration meditation is beyond pure mindfulness meditation.  Here I will present briefly two other forms of meditation that are quite intentional and also beyond mindfulness: contentment and loving kindness meditations. Let’s begin with intentional meditation of contentment. Contentment […]

Brain Habits –  Helpful Vs Unhelpful Nora Volkow, MD, Director, National Institute on Drug Abuse ( video below)  has noted that people suffering from addictions may experience some dysfunction in in brain areas related to personal motivation, reward recognition, and inhibitory controls.  Neuroscientists have utilized various brain imaging techniques to document this possibility in addicted individuals.  These […]

Mindful Walking Meditation: How to Walk by Thich Nhat Hanh – A Powerful Short Book of Wisdom In my opinion, Thich Nhat Hanh and The 14th Dalai Lama are the two most important and wise teachers of mindfulness, meditation, compassion, and Buddhism in the 21st century.  Below I will offer my interpretation of Thich Nhat Hanh’s […]

A Buddhist Sutta on Your Desires and Suffering This post is about the Buddhist Sutta called The Gilana Sutta (SN 35:74). It is a touching story about a young monk, who became very ill. Another monk informed The Buddha of the young monk’s health conditions. Buddha visited and hoped he had improved and held on to […]

Mindful Categories

Mindful Happiness Pages

  • About
  • Contact
  • Dr. Anthony Quintiliani
  • Mindful Expressions Meditation CD
  • Mindful Happiness
  • Site Map

Copyright © 2023 · Mindful Happiness