Mindful Happiness

Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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Journaling and Grief Process

Journaling and Grief Process

Regular brief journaling may be helpful in your grief and horror regarding significant personal losses of self and/or others. Here are the various ways it may be helpful to you.

  1. Writing and reading about your personal loss experience may help you to make sense of the process, and at the same time guide you gently on that path.
  2. Journaling may open up past and present realities – both positive and negative – about your loss experience.
  3. At times anger, resentments, and regrets will come up. These realities open you up to the depth of the grief experience. Do not linger too long there!
  4. S. Kierkegard reminded us that our lived experiences are processed forwardly, but better understood if observed backwards. Journaling helps to focus us on the present but never lets go fully of the past.
  5. It may be important to you to make your personal journal more balanced with both negative and positive experiences. For example, it may be helpful to list all simple pleasures you experienced in any given day. It may also be a good idea not to linger emotionally too long when such experiences trigger negative states.
  6. I have always found it helpful to list my personal gratitudes, even in the midst of painful loss and suffering. It is not uncommon for the most valued experiences to be linked with the lost love-object and your shared life.
  7. If fear and trepidation occur as you move through the grief process, I suggest that you break down the scary moments into smaller, more manageable periods of time, space, and emotions.
  8. Pay attention to and write about both helpful and unhelpful thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and sensations related to your grief process. Be aware keenly of small improvements in all.
  9. You may notice that as you slowly heal you spend less time journaling. This is natural.
  10. You may wish to do “grave worship” practices, or simply write many good things about the lost person.
  11. V. Frankl noted that when we cannot change the reality of a situation, we may have to change ourself.
  12. When you find yourself crying over your loss, that is a very good time to contemplate and do journaling.
  13. Reading related poetry or writing your own may help you.
  14. If and when you experience the emptiness of the void inside, do your best to find words for the experience. And, work to fill that void by re-engaging with your life as it is now.
  15. It is always a good idea to develop and practice personal rituals about your healing. Write about this in your journal.
  16. S. Becket reminded us that we must go on! As painful as it may be, we cannot stop the process.
  17. As P. Chodron noted, we must allow it all to fall apart before we can find the resilience to face what comes next. In most situations, what comes next is slow improvement in your emotional condition.
  18. Rest in peace with your breath, and do more meditation or yoga if that suits you well.
  19. You may wish to visit optionb.org or other sites that support grief work.

Refer to Sandberg, S. and Grant, A. (2017). Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. New York: A. A. Knopf, pp. 58-76.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC  

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon

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The Principles of Nature and Natural Healing

The Principles of Nature and Natural Healing

This is an advanced post on Eastern views of healing. From ancient shamanic traditions all the way to today’s AMA approved procedures in energy medicine, healers have been trying to discover and integrate the foundations of nature into healing. This reality exists from shamanic rituals all the way to atomic and cellular manipulations in modern medicine. Perhaps a more specific view on this topic comes from The East (China, Tibet and Japan).  The traditional medicine
practices of these cultures reveal a long and thorough history of integrating the forces of nature into healing practices. Likewise, some new physics applications in Western medicine sometimes end up with similar outcomes. Michio Kushi, in his book about Natural Healing introduces us to the foundations of the Eastern View of this area. If you are not familiar with the meanings related to Yin and Yang, please look them up. Although I will provide a basic review, more advanced definitions are not included here.

Basics of Yin and Yang:
  1. Yin and Yang forces appear as opposites but are actually complementary and interdependent in nature.  As Wikipedia reminds us, these forces can be seen in light and dark, soft and hard, expand and contract, etc.
  2. Yin and Yang forces are represented in various Eastern cultures, most notably in China. The forces are represented in traditional Chinese medicine, martial arts, exercise (tai chi, qi gong), in the I Ching, in Taoism, and Confucian ethics.
  3. A key understanding is that the forces each contain aspects of each other in a constant dance of universal change in our universe.
  4. Yin consciousness is said to contain lunar, feminine, passive, intuitive, submissive, right-brain and compassionate characteristics.
  5. Yang consciousness is aid to contain solar, masculine, active, analytic, dominant, left-brain, and aggressive characteristics.
  6. Together, both these forces make up the world inside and outside of our heads and hearts – literally the entire universe of knowns and unknowns.

We begin with the core principles of nature:

  1. Everything that exists and/or is experienced as a phenomenon represent a great differentiation of one infinite reality. This may be related to higher consciousness of one unitary reality. Possibly a hologram of everything that exists.
  2. Impermanence exists; everything is alway changing according to causes and effects and variable timelines. Everything manifests via dependent origination – depending on other causes and effects. Nothing manifests of itself alone.
  3. All opposing antagonisms are in a higher reality complementary in nature. In the East views about Yin and Yang best represent this view.
  4. In the realm of everything that exists, in spite of some central unifying force making it part of a larger whole, there is nothing that is 100% identical. All “things” show specific differences.
  5. Along with complementarity of all things, what presents a front also has a back, and what presents a back also has a front. Sometimes we need to search very hard for these truths.
  6. Where there is a beginning, there is also an end. Where there is an end, there is also a beginning.

Laws of change according to Eastern views:

  1. Anything presenting as one infinity contains within itself both complementary and antagonistic forces. Again, think Yin and Yang.
  2. Yin and Yang energies manifest from one infinite universe of all realities. Perhaps, again, the gigantic hologram of infinity.
  3. Yin is centrifugal, and Yang is centripetal; from these realities all energy is produced. From such energies, all phenomena are created.
  4. Yin and Yang energies attract each other, and oppose and repulse themselves.
  5. Yin and Yang in their attractions and repulsions eventually “cause” the existence of all phenomena.
  6. Since EVERYTHING is impermanent, CHANGE is a constant factor in the infinite universe. Yin can become Yang energy, and Yang can become Yin energy.
  7. Everything that exists somehow combines unique concentrations of Yin and Yang. There is nothing with total neutrality here.
  8. Larger forces of Yin attract smaller forces of Yin, and Larger forces of Yang attract smaller forces of Yang. Perhaps, this is part of the central unknowing of absolute gravity in the universe. In extreme cases of energetic Yin and Yang, they change into their opposites: Yin into Yang, and Yang into Yin.
  9. All physical manifestation of energetic realities show Yang centers and Yin surfaces.

For more information see Kushi, M. (1979). Natural Healing…

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!