BE YOUR TRUE SELF Archives - Mindful Happiness

June 15, 2019 By Admin

In-Depth Means to Discover and Be Your True Self

Henry David Thoreau reminded us that it is not what you look at, but it is what you see that matters. How do you SEE yourself? John Muir reminded us that the sun shines in us as well as in our souls. Do you find “the healing light” in your soul? The following “thinkers” have provided some interested self-search methods for us to consider; try some of these to find your own true self and be grateful.

Arvni Nan Futuronsky, Thomas Moore, and Christopher Germer – According to these people, finding the true center of the true self requires a mindfully deep questing processes, which may include regular silent meditation and inner self-contemplation. Being stuck in past struggles, painful experiences, and general suffering block not only finding our true self but also it’s healing capacities. Likewise being stuck in anxiety, fear, depression, loneliness, trauma, addictions (including “I-Smartphone” addiction), self-doubt, and non-stop critical thinking – all harm our true self and keep us in cyclical patterns of suffering and despair. Samsara is dominant here. These are very serious problems, and they are not overcome without considerable personal effort. However, locating and “seeing” the good of your true self will enable you to grow and be happier. Confirm and affirm yourself! Use your self-leadership to experience pure self-compassion and maintain a mindfully oriented mind. Find your strengths and pleasures in art, literature, poetry, nature, metaphors, myth, random movements, and facial expressions of pleasure. Spend more personal and silent time in nature. Study, experience, and appreciate these many resources of the self. With regular practice improved habits of mind-body realities will occur in both self-narratives and behavioral ways. You must practice regularly. Trade some “worry time” for beneficial practice time.

J. Belmont in Embrace Your Greatness.. recommends that you unconditionally and radically accept yourself as being “good enough” (D.W. Winnicott). It is not a problem to have human imperfections; our race if loaded with imperfections – it is normal. Our highly competitive and sometimes violent society, however, entrains us to focus on negatives in life. Even our brain is designed to emphasize negatives; the human Limbic System is designed for survival, thus our focus on negatives may be part of our genetic heritage to survive. To improve regularly practice letting go of your inner critical voices – your own inner voice as well as critical, projected voices from others. Do not respond to typical, habitual, conditioned “shoulds.” Emphasize and take advantage of your own possible post-traumatic growth. Seek it in yourself and it will be there. Pay very close attention to your personal strengths, and take the time to list them and read them periodically. Meditate, practice yoga, and remain mindful daily.

Other Things to Do

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy – If you know this approach, use it’s diffusion and distancing techniques often. Clarification here is beyond the scope of this post. Google it, or look up information available on this blog site.
Kundalini Yoga – Certain easy and energetic practices of taking in and pushing out may be helpful . The approach using your arms to take into the body something you want and saying “YES” with louder and louder force might help you. Likewise, using your arms to push out something you do not want and saying “NO” (with louder force) in the process can be helpful. Teaching you this is beyond the scope of this post. Google it.
Likewise using Loving Kindness Meditation and Yoga Nidra processes are often helpful to us humans. Once again, it is not the focus of this blog post to teach you these practices. Google them, or look them up elsewhere in this blog site. Practice! Practice! Practice!

For more information you may wish to refer to Belmont, J. (2019). Embrace Your Greatness…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

December 31, 2017 By Admin

Mindfulness & Happiness – Tools

In this post I will provide basic instructions for several mind-body practices that allow calm equanimity both at rest and in action. We will cover RAIN, RAINDROP, Cloud Journeying, Gratitude, Tapping, and other Body-Based practices.

RAIN (Tara Brach) – This simple to use approach helps you to maintain a cognitive focus, thus reducing limbic system reactivity. Simply say to yourself: “RAIN.” R is for recognition of what you are experiencing right now, right here. A is for radically accepting that you cannot simply avoid it; it is happening to you so you must accept it in this present moment. I is for investigate/interest. Bring sincere interest to the experience and investigate what is happening and why it is happening. N is for non-identification or no-self. Is this happening to me or just happening with me in the environment. After the RAIN analysis, simply breathe calmly and quiet down your emotional system. Think: “What should I do right now?” Do it! See what happens.
RAINDROP (Michele McDonald) – Add to RAIN by cognitively considering if you are: (D) Distracted or aware of recognition, (R) Resisting or accepting, (O) Oblivious or interested/investigating, and (P) Personalizing or non-identifying? Stop the DROPs.
Cloud Journeying (Mariam Gates & Sarah Jane Hinder) – Lying down comfortably with hands placed gently by your sides, breathe in and out slowly and deeply. Close your eyes and slightly extend your exhalation for 10 breaths. Keep the length and force of the exhalation steady for all ten breaths.
Now allow yourself to imagine being lifted gently, floating into the air safely. Use your imagination and land yourself gently in any environment/place you desire your mind-body to be. Feel the peace and equanimity as your breathe deeply and slowly at that selected location. Rest there in your mind! Check to see if your emotional condition has improved.
Deep Gratitude (David Whyte) – Rest, breathe calmly, and allow yourself to have gratitude for the simple things in your life. Have an inner conversation, in which you say sub-vocally “Thank you” for…… Repeat this process until you note at least ten simple things you do have right now in your life. Go deeper; appreciate the sacredness of your cherished human life. Breathe calmly and rest.
Body Tapping – Callahan Technique or EFT (Amy Kurtz) – If trained to do so, try this tapping sequence. Take a few breaths and do your best to decide what emotional experience you wish to clear out of your reactive mind and body. For example “I am anxious.” Now begin your phrase or mantra: “Even though I am anxious, I love and accept myself.” Now with 2-3 finger tips tap on each of the following meridian points about 8 times and say your mantra out loud as you tap. Here is the point tapping sequence: a) softer side of hands between wrist and small finger; b) the spot where your inner eyebrows begin; c) outside of the eyes next to the side of each eye; d) upper part of eye sockets below the middle of the eye; e) center space between nose and upper lip; f) indented spot on chin below lower lip; g) the spot an inch below the lower edge of the breastbone next to your throat indentation; h) 3-4 inches below arm pits at at softer but dense area; and, i) the center of the crown of your head. Evaluate your emotional condition, and repeat this tapping sequence as needed. If things become worse, seek professional help. Remember, our emotions are very powerful human experiences.
BE Your True Self (M. A. Singer, etc.) – Some key ways to counteract typical negative emotional habit formations are listed below. a) Recognize that your true spiritual self is the opposite of your ego-defensive, reactive self; b) mindfully recognize what part of your self is unhappy/disturbed when things do not go the way you want them to go; c) notice your defensive-ego, self-ideal protectiveness when you engage in repetitive, emotionally reactive thoughts, emotions, and behaviors – almost always stimulated by external events; d) understand that our brain and body are built to seek pleasure and avoid pain (Freud) and to respond to external experiences with pleasant or unpleasant internal “feeling” responses (The Buddha); e) Get into the cognitive habit of reframing all negative reactions – seek what alternative interpretation might apply; f) Note that when you live emotionally in the past, certain suppressed/repressed experiences stay alive emotionally in you; g) Recognize that when you live fearing the future, you again trap yourself in a negative expectancy syndrome; and, h) Practice this – breathe calmly, relax your body, do yoga and meditate, walk, calms your reactive thoughts, emotions, and behaviors – and consciously LET GO of the experiential reaction over and over and over again. Make this your practice. Things may improve.
The Six Best Friends (The Buddha, etc.) – Whenever you experience pain and suffering, try this psycho-physiological intervention. Do these six things in a cycle; see if your inner experience improves. You may need to repeat the process. Smile, Breathe calmly and deeply, Sit, Stand still, Move your body, Walk a while, then try lying down for a couple minutes. Repeat as needed. Feeling any better?

There are many sources for these suggestions. The 6th item is based somewhat on Live Interview: M. A. Singer on The Untethered Soul…New Harbinger and Non-Duality Press. Retrieved 12-11-17.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

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Personal Happiness in the Age of COVID-19 We are all in this together! However, wealth and employment status do play important roles. RTI International and the Consortium for Implementation Science have serious concerns about the links between racial equity, social justice, and personal responses to COVID-19. Neuroscience notes that personal happiness in a brain-mind-body thing. Its […]

Practicing Interoceptive Meditations Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC The mindfulness-based process and intervention of interoception (also called neuroception) has slowly moved from meditation practice into clinical practice, now being part of the recommended MBSR, ACT, and more current CBT-based therapies. The three brief meditations below are presented to expand the use of interoceptive processes in […]

Meditation on the Feeling of Letting Go – Pacification! Pacifying the mind is a desired outcome of regular, stable meditation practice. Pacification may be done via meditating on the breath, general mindfulness awareness, vipassana, and various other forms of meditation. However, the wise mind skill of “letting go” of unhelpful, negative, and harmful thoughts and […]

Behaviors People Display When in Groups After more than 35 years of facilitating hundreds of classes, workshops, family therapy sessions, group therapy sessions, and work project groups it has become clear that we do some strange things when we participate in groups. It appears to me that many of these in-group functions serve both ego […]

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Being Mindful Of Dr. Wayne W. Dyer Recently I receive a heart-felt tribute dedicated to Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, who died recently. The tribute originated from Louise Hay, a long-time associate, colleague and publisher of Wayne Dyer. To those of us who inhabit the spaciousness of the spiritual world, perhaps, no other person in recent […]

Building Healthy Intimate Relationships: Intimate relationships are often the source of many years of happiness and satisfaction, and sometimes the cause of great pain and suffering. It depends! I will list various realities of initiating and maintaining a positive intimate relationship. After reading these, ask yourself: Where is my relationship? If you are unhappy, do […]

The Great Mother of Gratitude Meditation Sit in silence and take a few very slow, very deep breaths in and out. Relax within your personal comfort with eyes opened or closed. If you prefer your eyes to be open, hold you head level and gently gaze down a few feet in front of you. Continue […]

Interpersonal Mindfulness Various forms of mindfulness-based compassion training help us to care more about the needs, happiness, and health of other people. However, direct applications of interpersonal mindfulness activates these influences into direct action on behalf of others. Thus, if lucky, we learn to care more about others and less about ourselves. The self-centered ego […]

Mind Training Over Our Impulses Mindful awareness of our impulses is a very important pathway to improved emotion regulation and, perhaps, more happiness in life. It can be unusually helpful to people suffering from anxiety, depression, and substance misuse. Vedana refers to the feeling tone in our body. It is one of the foundations of mindfulness […]

Quasi Self-Hypnotic Pain Relief To be successful in this intervention you will have to let go of ego-based defensiveness and remain quite focused for quite some time. These are not easy things to do. DO NOT do this intervention if you are feeling highly vulnerable at this time, or if you are not working with […]

Practice Approaches to for Mindful and Enhanced Emotion Regulation Brought to us by way of The Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont Mindful Approaches for Enhanced Emotion Regulation; here are some approaches to practice. 1)In some ways you could understand the progression from auto-pilot mind to greater stability and equanimity of […]

So Many Ways to Self-Medicate – It Just Brings More Suffering Very often poor child-parent (child-caretaker) object relations, attachment with care takers, and attunement by care takers negatively impact young children early in their lives. The well-documented scientific fact that environmental conditions play a more important role in gene-expression than pure genetics implies clearly that […]

A major part of suffering comes with the inability to shift unhelpful, negative focus on troubling thoughts and feelings. This cognitive reality is common in all the major mental health problems people suffer from: anxiety, depression, trauma, substance abuse, and eating disorders. Due to the lack of “wise-mind” skills most people suffering from these […]

Making Boundless Space for Your Emotional Dragons In the past I have offered posts about radical acceptance and ways of dealing with your personal dragons or demons. Here I will offer a more advanced perspective on how directly engaging your emotional dragons is a very important part of your spiritual path – your spiritual journey […]

Self-Reality Checks Are Needed in Your Mindful Clinical Practice It is highly important for helpers working in the co-occurring conditions field to become keenly aware of their own realities in practice and life that impact clinical effectiveness. Below I have listed four areas that show up in clinical surveys and added four more that I […]

Relational Suffering and Buddhist Practice Recently I experienced a deep, sudden, afflictive emotional experience. This sudden and profound sense of loss was due to temporary heartbreak; the temporary heartbreak dealt with rejection from a younger woman I found to be interesting and attractive (inside and outside). My “lost” person seemed to possess all the attachment […]

More on Self-Compassion Practices Suffering and happiness represent opposites in human emotional experience. In our culture we often equate happiness with what we HAVE and suffering with the GAP between what we have versus what we want. Material possessions tend not to lead to intrinsic happiness; joy based on materials gains is often short-lived – […]