Rituals Archives - Mindful Happiness

December 18, 2019 By Admin

How to Offer Personal Tribute to Those Who Have Died

The Four Noble Truths tell us sobering news. There is suffering, and impermanence of all things including us and our loved ones. Below I have listed several thing you can do to HONOR a person you have lost. Here is the list.

Recall a special time before or at the time of death, and consider it a sacred place in space and time. Honor it and the person with the complete softness of your loving heart. Do this now if you wish to.
Pray for the person you have lost – and the goodness in that lost relationship. You can do this if you are agnostic, even atheist. The prayer is to honor the loved person not to one of many gods.
Go to your soft, suffering heart and fill it with joyous remembrances of your time with the person. Yes, the person has moved beyond; however, your internal and emotional memories are quite vibrant. They have made a special place for them self in your soul.
You can carry this to a deeper level by seeing and touching special objects that belonged to the deceased. Or, you can set up a small shrine in your home to pay respect and honor whenever you wish to do so.
Know that the deceased person would want you to recall your joy, so light up your senses and recall in mild meditative state the pleasant and happy experiences you both shared. If something happened with them that made you laugh, go there! This is what they wish for you.
Listen to the music the lost person enjoyed, or read something inspirational.
Think carefully of all the ways you could say goodbye again. Do it now if you wish to.
Recall the smile on their face, and smile back. You may be surprised at how powerful this experience may be.
Dedicate meritorious behavior to them. If you wish, set up some special program or fund to champion causes they cared about. The financial level is far less important than the emotional level of actually doing something.
Write a special tribute about them in a journal. Write often, and read what your have written again and again.
Lastly, work carefully to discover some ways to celebrate that person’s life and your relationship. Celebrate often and be calm within the warmth of your love.

For more information refer to Reoch, R. (1997). To Die Well: A Holistic Approach for the Dying and Their Caregivers. New York: Harper. See also Holecek, A. (2013). Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition. Boston: Snow Lion, pp. 312-314.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon

February 26, 2018 By Admin

Self-Care as Ritual

Self-care for Americans is often considered a luxury. Due to our technological demands and addictions (Demons as they are), and the slow slipping of our economic structures, we are often at the mercy of the bottom line at work. Over-paid CEOs and CFOs and their many assistants eat up so, so much of workplace finances. Rush! Rush! Rush! In the 2017 American Psychological Association survey on stress in America, workplace stress and financial worries were major causes of increased emotional reactivity for Americans. Add to this our enormous addiction problems (drugs of abuse, alcohol, nicotine, opioids, cell phones, and “conspicuous consumption” as anormal process). So instead of healthy self-care many American take the path of least resistance and self-medicate. To improve psychological and physical health, we need to ritualize self-care practices. We need to make them one of our most important priorities on a regular basis. You may want to note that you must care for your child within. The list below provides some starting points for you to consider. Try as many of these practices as you can, and adopt as ritual a few you really like. Remember effective self-care is bio-psycho-social-spiritual. Ritualize it!

You are transforming at the cellular level – every second some part dies and some part is born, arising and falling
Hot stone massage
Early morning walks
Daily mindfulness, meditation, and yoga
Pray
Mindful movement stretches
A Reiki session
Long warm baths with aroma therapy, oils, and candles
Tea drinking ceremonies
Hot oil foot massage, or whole body hot oil massage
Practice Mindfulness-Based Stress Reductions
Sit with your pet and pet it
Plan for an enjoy one whole day of silence
Un plug everything – TV, computer, cell phones (especially), etc.
Take a break from the evening news
Write brief entries in a happiness journal
Locate a “wisdom mentor” and pay for your time with her/him
Apologize to a person you harmed, make amends
Do your own personal spiritual practices
Write or recite gratitude lists
Hug a lot – with emotional meaning
Walk in a labyrinth
Recycle – reduce your personal carbon footprint
Walk in nature
Have a conversation with your inner self-helper, that part of you that tries to help you be well
Use helpful mantras – “I an ok the way I am.” ” I have enough right now in my life.” ” All things change.”
Practice deep, slow, calm abdominal breathing often during the day – take a breathing break
Practice active kindness and compassion
Practice self-compassion
Love a lot – with emotional meaning
Radically accept yourself, and stop being self-critical

For more information refer to The Little Book of Self-Care…(2017). New York: Adams Media/Simon and Schuster. See also Thich Nhat Hanh (2017). The Art of Living. New York: Harper Collins.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton Sangha

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

January 16, 2017 By Admin

Significance of Beads in Spiritual & Religious Practices

Beads: Significance in Spiritual and Religious Practices

The significance of religious and spiritual practices in the world is enormous. Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist practitioners make up the overwhelming majority of the world’s population. The CIA estimates are that Christians (33%), Muslims (23%), Hindus (14%) and Buddhist (7%) make up the majority of religious followers. Atheists and non-religious believers make up only 12% of the world’s population. About 11% of the world’s population practices other spiritual and religious traditions. ALL of the major spiritual and religious traditions have used beads in their practices. Below I have listed some details about the nature of spiritual/religious beads used by major groups. As you will see the use of beads in spiritual and religious practices is very common.

Roman Catholics use rosary beads (from rose petal “beads” in the rose garden or rosarium) – usually 54 + 5 beads. When beads are used to recite 150 psalms, they are 150 beads long and called patermasters.
Muslims use their misbaha/masbaha, tasbih, subha beads – usually 99 or 33 beads.
Hindus (from 500 BCE) use mala beads – usually 108 (the cosmos) or 27 beads.
Buddhists (mala) for 108 worldly desires, and Sikhs have generally maintained the Hindu “counts.”
Baha’i uses beads – usually 19 or 99 + 5 beads.
Orthodox Jews, use tassels tallit or tzitzits (Moses – to remember the commandments of god).
Ortodox Greek and Russian Christians use knots as beads – Greek prayer ropes are called kombologian, and Russian prayer ropes are called chotki – Greek knots are 33, 50 and 100 while Russian knots are 33, 100, and 500.
African Masai, Native American, and Greek and Russian Orthodoxy also use beads.

So why use beads in spiritual and religious prayer practices? There are many, many reasons why beads are used in these spiritual traditions. However, I will note just a few. Here are some reasons. Beads are used:

To maintain your counting in prayers practices – in praising the object of your beliefs;
To confirm your level of dedicated practice by repetitions;
To deepen your personal belief by mantra-like or out loud speaking;
To enhance your level of faith by deeper and deeper contemplations about your beliefs; and,
To deepen practice by repeated, deeper contemplations (called lectio divina ) in Catholicism.

Here are some other reasons why beads are used. These reasons deal more with contemporary neuroscience research than with ancient and current religious practices. These are:

Enhanced learning in frontal and prefrontal areas by verbal/cognitive repetitions;
Temporal area strengthening by hearing the words you are saying either to yourself or out loud;
Multi-sensory applications to bead mantra work – using fingertips (huge representation in the brain) to touch beads as you repeat verbal statements over and over again;
Multi-sensory applications open up pathways for brain plasticity, so your brain changes over time to make your religious practices and beliefs stronger and stronger over time;
Possible multi-sensory brain coherence – lighting up neurons across various brain regions in your practices, which allows even more powerful plasticity to occur about your practices and beliefs; and,
Ritualize the spiritual or religious practices, thus making the objects of practice more sacred.

So, now you have some information about why beads are so, so common in spiritual and religious practices. This same information is the basis for use of beads in contemporary spiritual practices without religious connections.

For more information refer to Dorff, V. (2014). The Little Book About Big Things: World Religion. New York, NY: Fall River Press. See also www.dharmabeads.net for more information. Retrieved May 2, 2016.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

September 22, 2016 By Admin

Honoring First Nation-Native American Spirited-Wisdom

Honoring First Nation – Native American Spirited-Wisdom

American First Nation or Native American People (according to how they wish to be named) have a strong spiritual traditions honoring life, the earth and the heavens. Naming these wise peoples is a problem; out of respect one would call them First Nations, Native American, or a specific tribal name. Since this is a post, and since my efforts to obtain preferences have ended in the three “namings” above, I shall use First Nations. I do this out of deep respect. If my choice offends, please accept my deeply felt apology.

In this post I hope to note just a few areas of rich spiritual traditions, especially around the circles of the camp fires. In philosophical terms, First Nation Peoples followed (and follow) certain sacred practices: conservation, preservation, taking/using only what is necessary, giving back/restoring, and forever giving thanks – deep gratitude for what the earth and the heavens have provided. In today’s so-called modern, technological world of greed, “me first,” and sometimes hatred – we all could learn MUCH from these wise-minded and collective practices.

These wise people also practiced special spiritual activities to deepen their understanding of “the way things are.” Such beliefs and practices of energy balancing, sacred healing locations, long-silence, four directions/winds, vision questing, passing the pipe, talking sticks, medicine bags, sweat lodging were all part of their very rich traditions. WE, so-called dominant white people from Europe almost annihilated them; however, now we seek and deeply value many of their spiritual traditions. As an old First Nation close friend once told me: “You white people tried to completely destroy us, but now you are quite interested in how our spiritual experiences conserved our spiritual powers and identity – and you WANT to take those traditions also!” Thank you my friend Dana Pictou for reminding me! Speaking for myself, I want to take nothing BUT I do want to experience what they offer spiritually. There is no question about WHO owns these traditions. They belong to First Nation peoples.

In the central areas of British Columbia there are “medicine ways gatherings.” There, certain Tibetan Buddhist and First Nation ceremonies have been integrated to pursue earth healing and world peace. Under the facilitation of Spirit Dance Center for Spiritual Ecology, people gather to participate in ceremony and ritual around open camp fires. In fire circles they meditate, chant, drum, pass the pipe, have dyadic discussions, and personal consultations – ALL in deep respect for authentic spiritual power, and to better understand “the way things are.” Others in different parts of North America participate in body awareness concentration, cleansing breath rituals, and feather meditations. Additionally, the sacred fours are active: four directions, four winds, four seasons, and four states of the self. This last focus includes our mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional experiences of the self. I find it so, so interesting that First Nation peoples – like the Buddhists of 2,500 years ago – developed a “psychology of self” as part of their forward progressions. In Buddhist beliefs there is no concrete, independently arising, enduring SELF. It is real in a sense of mind-time, but subject to impermanence, interdependent arising, and essential emptiness. All part of illusion and delusion as we strive to experience sensory pleasure and avoid pain and suffering. These understanding – both First Nation and Buddhist – are quire complex. Mastery of them may reduce personal suffering and increase personal happiness.

So sit quietly with others at camp fire circle and practice some of these powerful ceremonies. For authenticity, consider finding a First Nation person to lead you through some of these wonderfully powerful rituals. As Joseph Campbell said “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid…”

For more information see Cohen, K. – “Bear Hawk” (2003, 2006). Honoring the Medicine: The Essential Guide to Native American Healing. New York: Ballantine Books.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

September 13, 2016 By Admin

Deep Love & Respect for Lost Loved Ones

Showing Deep Love & Respect Loved Ones Lost

This is a very brief post about love and respect for “lost loved ones” – those special people who have left their human body and mind behind.

Two Rituals

1) Loving Kindness Meditation for Lost Loved Ones

After breathing slowly and deeply for a few minutes in silence, meditate lovingly on the spirit of a lost loved one. When you are ready recite silently the following.

May you be SAFE.

May you be FREE FROM SUFFERING.

May you be at PEACE AND EQUANIMITY.

May you be HAPPIER without the continued existence of a suffering mind and body.

May you know that I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.

May you KNOW THAT I WILL ALWAYS DEEPLY LOVE YOU. Now sit and reflect quietly.

2) Camp Fire Ritual for Lost Loved Ones – First Nations Inspiration

Sit quietly and breathe deeply and slowly for a few minutes.

Write the name of a lost loved one on a piece of paper, fold it and hold it in your hands – in prayer pose.

Now meaningfully place your prayer pose bands over your heart and FEEL it.

Recite silently the Loving Kindness Meditation above.

When you are ready commit the paper to the camp fire.

Sit quietly and reflect privately for a few minutes.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

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