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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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November 4, 2016 By Admin

Strategies to Cool Your Hot Emotions

Strategies to Cool Your Hot Emotions: Using Mind and Body

First, let me note that one of the best sets of mind-body approaches to cooling down hot emotional reactions can be found in the various emotion regulation skills and practices in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (created by Marsha M. Lineman, a practicing Buddhist).  These skills may be better suited for informed therapist coolyourhotemotionsthan the lay public; however, the skills have been proven to be effective so all parties may benefit from practicing them. A less complex list includes many of the suggestions noted below.

  1. Drink lots of cold, pure water.
  2. Splash very cold water on your wrists and face (dive response).
  3. Move your body – sit if standing, and stand if sitting; walk if still, and be still if moving. Moving your body changes your internal physiology thus perhaps changing your emotional reactivity.
  4. Practice slow, deep abdominal breathing to calm down.
  5. Cry if it helps, especially if you are about to activate an aggressive action urge.
  6. Since emotional reactions happen quickly, learn how to use interoception as a way to become aware of inner body sensations that lead to related emotional behaviors.
  7. Practice befriending your emotional reactions by being curious about them and caring for them gently as if a newborn baby.
  8. Practice compassion and self-compassion when interpersonal conflicts lead you to emotional dysregulation.
  9. Do your best to STOP, pause for a moment to see if that helps.
  10. Practice RAIN skills- recognize, analyze, investigate, and realize it is not you just emotions. Thoughts and emotions may/may not be about reality. Since these steps are highly cognitive, they may bring control back into your executive brain and away from your limbic system.
  11. Practice being your own best friend. What would you suggest your best friend should do in such a situation. Again, thinking may restore frontal executive brain control.
  12. Know your limbic brain system, which overreacts almost all of the time. The best way to do this is to become more mindful about your emotional reactions. Study them!
  13. Do more meditation, yoga, and exercise! If you practice 20 minutes or more a day, you may not need the other skills above.

For more details refer to Lineman, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford Press.  See also Nelson, K. October News. Retrieved 10-27-16.  Smiechowski, J. A Quick Way to Cool Heated Emotions. Easy Health Options. Retrieved 10-26-16.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Activities, Anger, Benefits of Meditation, Body Meditation, Emotional Regulation, Featured, Meditation, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness, Mindfulness Training, Practices Tagged With: COOL HOT EMOTIONS, EMOTIONAL REGULATION, EXERCISES, MINDFUL

July 25, 2016 By Admin

Helping Professions and Emotional Balance

Helping Professions and Emotional Balance

Helping professions must practice to achieve emotional balance.  Working conditions for the helping professions have become more and more difficult over time, especially with the advent of so called “helpful technologies” and ever-increasing governmental/funding requirements for documentation.  When I started in the (behavioral mindful-happiness-emotional -balancehealth) field of clinical psychology and addictions in 1985, the entire medical record was a total of 6 pages.  The assessment report, treatment plan, progress notes, releases, communications, and termination report were added as expected.  The for-profit attack on health care has only made matters worse.  And even large non-profits with $1,000,000 plus CEOs and CFOs, again, cut into salary and benefits for staff as well as placed additional pressure to produce, produce, produce and produce. The very organizations dedicated to helping people with serious medical and psychological needs have, themselves, become little more than stress-mills – burning out otherwise dedicated and professional personnel. Staff dissatisfaction and rampant staff turnover have added yet more stress to the “helping environments.”  The preponderance of novice inexperienced counselors fresh out of graduate school adds more stress. For an eye-opener, examine closely how some emergency rooms and in-patient psychiatric facilities deal with seriously mentally ill consumers.  Restraints, restraints, restraints appears to be the treatment of choice, or perhaps the treatment that can be delivered by tired, frustrated, perhaps burned out staff.  It appears in the age of technological advances and concerns about money in health care (even

Medicaid will shift to values-based reimbursement), have resulted in a work environment NOT AT ALL conducive to good mental health.  Personally, I am in favor of outcomes-based reimbursement so long as the designated outcomes are set by informed, experienced clinicians and NOT some government bureaucrat who may never have had professional experience sitting with a client or patient. In such a hostile environment, even clinical supervision (if existing) has become a review of utilization and case audit discrepancies rather than helpful clinical  inputs and emotional maintenance activities.  So, what is the helper who remains in such an environment to do?  The American Psychological Association has presented some sound advice on this matter.  Under the heading of “Research-based strategies for better balance” here is what the association recommends for helper self-care.

  1. Practice Mindfulness on a Regular Basis – Even the most critical meta-analyses have documented beneficial effects of mindfulness, meditation, and yoga on stress, anxiety, depression, physical pain, and emotion regulation (i.e., addictions). Some support exists for improved sleep quality and even greater happiness. Check in with yourself during the day and take a  brief mindfulness break with or without your client/patient. Practice regularly on your own for the best results. Some studies have documented that regular mindfulness practices improved executive brain functioning, reduce limbic power, and buffers stress reactivity.
  2. Reframe, reframe, reframe – What are the pay-offs from your work?  Pay more attention to positive in the workplace than to negatives. Even neutral (or even better, positive) reappraisal may be helpful. It is a good idea to take a brief mental break to note what good things have happened at work. What is your emotional status at the time of the check-in?
  3. Seek support from positive psychology – Strive to be in charge of you emotions. Positive emotional experiences support resilience, self-esteem, satisfaction and even gratitude. Practice simple gratitude (another mindfulness tool) about what you do have rather than what you want.
  4. Use social and emotional support – Connect emotionally with your colleagues, and use the time for mutual support rather than moaning and groaning about “how bad” things are at work. Remember in eye-to-eye/face-to-face communications your mirror neurons are always “on;” so be aware of the impact your facial, behavioral and verbal emotions have on co-workers.  Keep it positive and supportive!
  5. Use supervision well – If you have acceptable supervisions at work, be aware that the pressure on supervisory staff is even more serious. An effective supervisor should know more than you know, and a good supervisors should be able to support you keeping things in balance. If you do not have adequate supervision at work, consider purchasing better supervision on your own – even if it is once a month it can be helpful.
  6. Move your body and get outside if possible – Mindful movement is an under-utilized mindfulness ractice in health care settings. Yoga stretches, exercise, qi gong, and tai chi movements can be very helpful in transforming your negative energy into positive energy. If possible enjoy nature as much as possible WHERE you work. Get some fresh air and sunlight into your body.
  7. Use more self-compassion – Self-compassion is another under-utilized mindfulness practice in health care systems. Life is made up of suffering, joy/happiness, and neutrality/boredom. When you suffer, practice self-compassion; when you are happy, practice gratitude; and, when you are bored, wait for impermanence to change everything. Then start allover again.  Self-compassion will assist you in showing compassion for the suffering people you are helping, rather than viewing them as part of your work problem. This is simply projection at it’s worst.
  8. Practice spirituality or religion – If you are involved deeply here, these practices may be highly effective in helping you cope better with work and other demands, and be more fulfilled in life.
  9. Lastly, reflect on personal meaning – Reflect on your personal meaning in life and how work makes up part of that aspect of yourself. The rewards you obtain from helping others may be greater than you think, so long as you are not totally stressed out doing it. Take time to be with your personal meaningfulness.

Refer to Weir, K. (July/August, 2016). Monitor on Psychology.Washington, DC: The American Psychological Association, 42-46.  Go to this blog (Mindfulhappiness.org) to review other posts on self-care, self-compassion, etc. Note: Some items noted here come from my blog not the APA article.

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By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

CLICK HERE  or any image below to Order 

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Filed Under: Emotional Regulation, Featured, Happiness, Meditation, MIndfulness, MIndfulness Activities, Mindfulness Training, Practices Tagged With: EMOTIONAL BALANCE, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS TRAINING, PROFESSIONALS EXERCISE

May 2, 2016 By Admin

Personal Gratitude Practices – With Sage Advice

Gratitude Practices to Improve your Emotional Mood

The following fourteen suggestions may improve your emotional mood.  One reward from practicing gratitude is that we tend to feel a little better no matter what our causes and conditions are at the time.  mindfulhappiness_GetHappy

Here is the list.

  1. Make a habit of thanking people.  “Thank you.” Appreciate what others have done and still do for you.
  2. Get into the habit of writing brief daily entries in your personal gratitude or happiness journal.  Write about anything that you experienced joy of gratitude for – no matter how small.
  3. When you get trapped into a negative thinking drift, STOP and take a moment to consider at least one thing you have gratitude for right now in your life.
  4. Practice downward comparison by comparing yourself and WHAT you have to other people who DO NOT have what you have.  Have compassion and appreciate the reality of the differences.
  5. Follow Maya Angelou’s advice: When you learn something new and helpful, teach it to others. When you receive something helpful, share it with others.
  6. If you are suffering now, consider joining up with others who may be suffering in similar ways – provide social and emotional support to each other, and have gratitude for the people you are with right now.
  7. Stop once or twice a day give give yourself a check-up.  So, how am I doing right now?  If you are doing well, carry on. If not, do something quick and safe that will improve the emotional quality of the present moment.
  8. Practice Japanese Naikan reflection.  At the very end of your day ask: What have I received today? What have I given today? What harm have I done today?  If you have caused harm, make amends for it.
  9. Volunteer a small amount of your time each month. Volunteer so you can help improve the quality of life for other people.  Consider this an act of kindness, and feel the inner gratitude in that you are able to make such a gift of time and compassion to others.
  10. Invite a small group of friends over to your home; sit in a circle, and share anything each of you have gratitude for.
  11. Consider practicing loving kindness meditation as your primary self-care habit.
  12. Do what Lee Brower (of Empowered Wealth) does.  Give people a gratitude stone or bead to keep in their pocket.  Encourage them to stop and note their gratitude for something (no matter how small) every time they touch it or become aware of it.   Make a habit of searching for “good” gratitude stones to give away.
  13. Do brief periods of walking meditation in nature.  Notice! Listen! See! Allow the wonders of natural environments to provide you with cues for gratitude.
  14. Follow the sage advice of the following people:

 a)  Elie Wiesel noted that a person can be defined by her/his attitude toward gratitude.

 b)  Julian of Norwich noted that all will be well, and to become aware of our rising we need to become aware of our falling.  Grace can transform personal failures into abundant, endless comfort.

 c)  Eric Hoffer noted that for humans the most difficult math to do is to count our blessings.

 d)  Melodie Beattie noted that the practice of gratitude can bring peace into our day.

 e)  Albert Schweitzer noted that when you feel all hope is lost, remember one small thing to be grateful for.

For more information refer to Lesowitz, N. and Sammons, M. B. (2009). Living Life as a Thank You: The Transformative Power of Daily Gratitude. New York, NY: Bristol Park Books; Aronson, B. C. (2006). Grace: Quotes and Passages for the Heart, Mind, and Soul.  New York, NY: Random House.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

CLICK HERE  or any image below to Order 

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

MindfulHappiness_Amazon           mindful-happiness_barnes_and_noble

Filed Under: Activities, ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Emotional Regulation, Featured, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness Tagged With: EMOTIONAL MOOD, GRATITUDE, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, PRACTICES

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