Mindful Happiness

Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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Strategies to Cool Your Hot Emotions

Strategies to Cool Your Hot Emotions: Using Mind and Body

First, let me note that one of the best sets of mind-body approaches to cooling down hot emotional reactions can be found in the various emotion regulation skills and practices in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (created by Marsha M. Lineman, a practicing Buddhist).  These skills may be better suited for informed therapist coolyourhotemotionsthan the lay public; however, the skills have been proven to be effective so all parties may benefit from practicing them. A less complex list includes many of the suggestions noted below.

  1. Drink lots of cold, pure water.
  2. Splash very cold water on your wrists and face (dive response).
  3. Move your body – sit if standing, and stand if sitting; walk if still, and be still if moving. Moving your body changes your internal physiology thus perhaps changing your emotional reactivity.
  4. Practice slow, deep abdominal breathing to calm down.
  5. Cry if it helps, especially if you are about to activate an aggressive action urge.
  6. Since emotional reactions happen quickly, learn how to use interoception as a way to become aware of inner body sensations that lead to related emotional behaviors.
  7. Practice befriending your emotional reactions by being curious about them and caring for them gently as if a newborn baby.
  8. Practice compassion and self-compassion when interpersonal conflicts lead you to emotional dysregulation.
  9. Do your best to STOP, pause for a moment to see if that helps.
  10. Practice RAIN skills- recognize, analyze, investigate, and realize it is not you just emotions. Thoughts and emotions may/may not be about reality. Since these steps are highly cognitive, they may bring control back into your executive brain and away from your limbic system.
  11. Practice being your own best friend. What would you suggest your best friend should do in such a situation. Again, thinking may restore frontal executive brain control.
  12. Know your limbic brain system, which overreacts almost all of the time. The best way to do this is to become more mindful about your emotional reactions. Study them!
  13. Do more meditation, yoga, and exercise! If you practice 20 minutes or more a day, you may not need the other skills above.

For more details refer to Lineman, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford Press.  See also Nelson, K. October News. Retrieved 10-27-16.  Smiechowski, J. A Quick Way to Cool Heated Emotions. Easy Health Options. Retrieved 10-26-16.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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Self-Kindness – Something to Practice!

 

Mindfulness – Self-Kindness Practice

Befriending the self is one of the most difficult things for Americans to do.  It is probably true that self-kindness is difficult for most people; however, the current MINDFUL HAPPINESSrampant criticism (I am right! You are wrong!) and extreme greed manifesting in the United States tends to produce two opposite extremes: pathological narcissism or self-disdain. We are lacking an intelligent “middle way.” A recent issue of Shambhala Sun  presented several approaches to improve self-compassion and self-kindness without greed or narcissism.  You may wish to visit these sites.Self-Compassion, and Center for Mindful Compassion.

Now let’s begin with a brief meditation on this important topic.

  1. Sit in a comfortable meditative posture.
  2. Begin with a few deep, slow cleansing breaths.
  3. Work at being open-minded, fearless, and present.
  4. Turn the light of the world inward to your heart area. Watch your joyful self as well as your suffering self – BUT do not get caught in the suffering past or the fearful future.  Stay present here now.
  5. As you breathe and practice this, note the sensations and emotions arising in this moment.
  6. Notice if any of your negative energies arise: negative, critical thoughts; unhappy mind; projected criticism of others, etc.  Just let it be if present. Them use impermanence and try to let it go with you mind and body.  Just do your best here.
  7. Practice kindness for yourself as you would for your significant other or a best friend.
  8.  Be in your feelings well beyond the fearful amygdala, less-than self, and false-self greatness. Let go!
  9. Be aware of the sources of joy and self-fulfillment all around you in this world. You need to notice them to use these resources.  Make images of some right now.
  10. Place your hands over your heart and allow in self-compassion.  Allow in self-kindness. Allow in self-liking.  Be personal on what these “allowings” mean to you and how you are experiencing them now.
  11. Follow Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s advice: Trust in yourself; be kind and generous to self and others; use self-compassion always!  Now just practice a little longer.

For more details refer to Shambhala Sun (November, 2015), pp. 52-63.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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Yoga Nidra and Your Inner Peace

Yoga Nidra and Your Inner Peace

Yogi_MindfulHappiness

Yoga Nidra will allow you to relax like you may never have relaxed before.  Follow these modified instructions for your best relaxed state.  If at any time during Yoga Nidra you feel uncomfortable, simply stop and breathe in a manner that restores equilibrium.  Although this uncomfortable outcome is highly unlikely.

  1. Before we begin, lay down on your back in a comfortable position.  Place your hands in prayer pose. Say namaste (I bow to you) to yourself silently, then outlaid a few times.
  2. Now move into corpse pose (on your back with your arms out to the sides), and notice your body-awareness. Say OM to yourself silently – say it several times. The say silently: “I am in a state of joy here.”  Then say: “I feel healthy feelings in my body here.”
  3. Beginning on your right side, place strong attention then concentration on the finger tips of your right hand.  As you place concentration there, hold an intention to find inner peace.
  4. Holding the same intention, focus concentration on your right hand. Then move to your right arm. Move up to your arm pit. Hold strong concentration and an intention to find inner peace.
  5. Move your concentration to your right hip, and slowly move down the right leg all the way to your right foot and toes.
  6. Talke a few slow, calm, deep breaths. Rest your inner peace into your heart chakra area.
  7. Now repeat the same movement of concentration on your left side – finger tips, hand, arm, arm pit, hips, down the leg all the way to your toes.
  8. Breathe and relax.  Now build concentration on the back of your body. Concentrate on the back of your head, your shoulders, your back, and your buttox.
  9. Take a few calm, slow, deep breaths. Go into your loving heart to find peace and equanimity.
  10. Now move into concentration on the front of your body. Begin with the right leg, then the left leg. Go to the right arm, then the left arm. Focus on the whole back of the body, then focus on the whole front of the body.
  11. Be one with your whole relaxed body. BE your relaxed body.
  12. If you wish add a pleasant image; use your mind and imagination and begin to hold a half-smile.
  13. Now slowly – very slowly – begin to stretch out your relaxed body.
  14. Roll over onto your side, and move into a fetal position.  REST!
  15. Now end Yoga Nidra by slowly – very slowly – moving into a sitting position. Now slowly stand up and be still.  Simply be aware of what you, your body, and your mind feel like at this moment in time and space.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

CLICK HERE  or any image below to Order 

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Compassion Practices & Benefits

Expanded Information about Your Compassion Practices and Benefits

Compassion Practice Tips and Exercises

MindfulHappiness_Compassion-InnerPeace

The Buddha noted that one should not dwell on the past, become too attached to future outcomes, but instead concentrate our mind only on the present moment of our experiences.  The Dalai Lama noted that compassion is a necessary condition for inner calmness and survival.  Pema Chodron noted that compassion is required for inner and outer peace. If you practice the skills noted below, it is highly recommended that you write briefly on a daily basis in a compassion-based journal about your growth and your journey.

Here is an expanded list of things you may notice when you make compassion practices a part of your regular, daily practice.

If you practice seriously, expect the following to occur.

1) Improved self-confidence and self-esteem, especially in dealing with others;

2) Improved quality of emotional experiences and emotional regulation;

3) Greater frequency in being your own best friend;

4) Improved interpersonal relationships and greater social engagement;

5) Reduced shame and extreme perfectionism;

6) More self-supporting focus on your strengths;

7) Greater generosity and kindness;

8) More soft-heartedness in dealing both with yourself and with others;

9) General improvements in psychological and physical well-being; and,

10) Greater ease at continuing to be more compassionate (brain plasticity related to regular, daily practice).

Here are a few ways to expand your regular practice of compassion.

1) First do a personal inventory.  Examine your life experience and note 2-3 unhelpful and 2-3 helpful life experiences/events. Now under each list pros and cons regarding your expected/experienced outcomes from both helpful and unhelpful life experiences.

Unhelpful (Unpleasant)Experiences and events –

 

a)

b)

c)

Pros:

Cons:

Helpful (Pleasant) Experiences and Events –

a)

b)

c)

Pros:

Cons:

2) Answer this question.  How have these life experiences, even the unpleasant events, helped you in your life?

 

3) If you were now coaching your best friend, what three things might you do to coach them into being more compassionate?

a)

b)

c)

4) Practice empathy for yourself and others more frequently.

5) Catch yourself being critical or negative, and stop!  Shift your thinking and feelings to improved self-understanding and non-judgment.

6) Do the same when dealing with others.

7) Notice what your internal emotional warmth feels like.  Describe it below. Work to expand it!

8) Develop and use a self-nurturing mantra. What is it?

9) Learn to pay better attention to your body and facial emotions.  When you catch them being negative or unpleasant, shift! Practice shifting to a more compassionate stance in both your body and on your face.  Look at a mirror, when you sense being negative, and when you sense being positive.

10) Periodically check the quality of your thoughts, emotions and memories.  If they are unpleasant, shift them to neutral or pleasant.  Use self-compassion and compassion for others as your energy source.

ness_Compassion-InnerPeace-02

Good luck. May you experience the benefits of compassion every day of your life.

For more information refer to Gilbert, P. (2014). Mindful Compassion. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.  See also Welford, M. (2013). The Power of Self-Compassion. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

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