SELF-KINDNESS Archives - Mindful Happiness

June 18, 2016 By Admin 1 Comment

Self-Kindness – Something to Practice!

Mindfulness – Self-Kindness Practice

Befriending the self is one of the most difficult things for Americans to do. It is probably true that self-kindness is difficult for most people; however, the current rampant criticism (I am right! You are wrong!) and extreme greed manifesting in the United States tends to produce two opposite extremes: pathological narcissism or self-disdain. We are lacking an intelligent “middle way.” A recent issue of Shambhala Sun presented several approaches to improve self-compassion and self-kindness without greed or narcissism. You may wish to visit these sites.Self-Compassion, and Center for Mindful Compassion.

Now let’s begin with a brief meditation on this important topic.

Sit in a comfortable meditative posture.
Begin with a few deep, slow cleansing breaths.
Work at being open-minded, fearless, and present.
Turn the light of the world inward to your heart area. Watch your joyful self as well as your suffering self – BUT do not get caught in the suffering past or the fearful future. Stay present here now.
As you breathe and practice this, note the sensations and emotions arising in this moment.
Notice if any of your negative energies arise: negative, critical thoughts; unhappy mind; projected criticism of others, etc. Just let it be if present. Them use impermanence and try to let it go with you mind and body. Just do your best here.
Practice kindness for yourself as you would for your significant other or a best friend.
Be in your feelings well beyond the fearful amygdala, less-than self, and false-self greatness. Let go!
Be aware of the sources of joy and self-fulfillment all around you in this world. You need to notice them to use these resources. Make images of some right now.
Place your hands over your heart and allow in self-compassion. Allow in self-kindness. Allow in self-liking. Be personal on what these “allowings” mean to you and how you are experiencing them now.
Follow Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s advice: Trust in yourself; be kind and generous to self and others; use self-compassion always! Now just practice a little longer.

For more details refer to Shambhala Sun (November, 2015), pp. 52-63.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE or any image below to Order

Contemplative Practices – Affirmative Self-Inquiry Contemplation and affirmative self-inquiry may be helpful in improving your awareness of your better parts of self – your positive strengths and traits. Our self-critical mind often causes us to spend far too much time on critical, negative thinking about ourselves and about others. The practice below may be helpful […]

Journaling and Grief Process Regular brief journaling may be helpful in your grief and horror regarding significant personal losses of self and/or others. Here are the various ways it may be helpful to you. Writing and reading about your personal loss experience may help you to make sense of the process, and at the same […]

Finding Your Seat with Your Demons and Dragons: Resolutions You may think the creation of the Gestalt-like therapy activity of sitting in different chairs and acting “as if” the you in that personality-chair is the source of your responses is a relatively new psychotherapy intervention. However, some roots of this process may go back as […]

Emptiness – Meditation Practice The Brahma-Viharas (higher abodes) include four powerful meditation practices ( Loving Kindness/Maitri or Metta; Compassion/Karuna; Sympathetic Joy/Mudita; and, Equanimity/Upekkha) that involve boundless radiation outwardly all the way into the infinite universe. These boundless or infinite space meditations, working with deep absorption and projecting kindness outwardly, may lead to positive changes. Experienced […]

Happiness #5 – Last Post on Characteristics This will be my last post for a while on the important topic of happiness. Here I will hit a few highlights about simple joy and lasting inner experiences of true happiness. Simple Joy – We experience simple joy in simple experiences, small sometimes subtle events in our […]

More Psychoanalytic Gems – In an earlier post, I noted a list of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Gems, including a later post on D.W. Winnicott’s approaches to building a therapeutic alliance. My general aversion to this form of therapy has more to do with its slowness and high costs than to its effectiveness. It is effective! However, […]

How Suicide impacts Psychotherapists One of the greatest fears of psychotherapists is that one of their clients will commit suicide. Here are some common reactions of psychotherapists when one of their clients commits suicide. In some ways these reactions are sequential, but no exact concrete sequence is well documented. Here is a list to consider. […]

Your Regular Practice: Impact on Yourself From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont Compassion Training: Here is a quick self-assessment process to see if your regular compassion practice has had positive effects on you. Review the questions below and decide what your answers are. I hope you have noted pleasant […]

The Lotus Sutra and Meditatin Practice The Lotus Sutra is one of the most important and sacred of Buddhist sutras. It is often considered a summary of The Buddha’s teaching, presented many years after he began to teach and share his experiences. The version considered here is the Kumarajiva translation, as translated by B. Watson; it […]

Basics of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction is, perhaps, one of the major contributions to evidence-based mindfulness therapies. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s development of this model of intervention was both timely and exquisite. In clinical care of psychological and physical problems, these skills and practices are of utmost importance for improving (according to the most recent […]

Calming Your Self-Critical Self with Mindfulness A core problem for many people is their incessant self (or other) criticism. This is a major part of our psychological mind suffering today. In the past life for most people was more difficult, so human basic needs were the energized priorities; today so many of us have been […]

Thoughts on Fixing Higher Education in America There has been much discussion about what is wrong and right with the American Education System; opinions range from public schools that are costing more and more to fund but not producing great results all the way to the higher education systems that supply the schools and colleges with […]

Concentration, Contentment, and Loving Kindness I have written various entries on concentration meditations in prior posts. Yes, concentration meditation is beyond pure mindfulness meditation. Here I will present briefly two other forms of meditation that are quite intentional and also beyond mindfulness: contentment and loving kindness meditations. Let’s begin with intentional meditation of contentment. Contentment […]

Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy “gems” In my opinion there are about eleven such “gems” in psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Use of these interventions in various types of psychotherapy may improve clinical outcomes beyond insight. Although these curative interventions have often been associated with treatment of psychological trauma, object loss, and inner conflict, they may also be useful in the […]

Poem on the Wind I am quite pleased with my experience on BEING in the wind today. This poem will suggest that you allow the wind to be a metaphor – even a fantasy – that allows your pain and suffering to be swept away by the endless, gentle, blowing wind of nature. We […]

Mindfulness Based Contemplations Best to practice both of these contemplations using the lectio divina method, that is each time you contemplate the content of the two messages concentrate a bit more, go a bit deeper into your mind. Concentrate! Concentrate! Concentrate! Go deeper into your mind to discover your answers. Contemplation 1 – Who Am I? If I […]

Interoceptive Practices for Generic Tai Chi & Chi Kung Postures By Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D. From The Eleanor R. Liebman Center for the Study of Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont These practices will require either knowledge of Tai Chi/Chi Kung postures or following pictures of the same postures. Be prepared before you begin to practice. […]

Vipassana Meditation -No-Self Journey 3 In this third vipassana meditation I will guide you on a meditation dealing with the experience of no-self. No-self is a highly advanced experience in Buddhist meditation and wisdom practices, and it is, perhaps, one of the most misunderstood concept and experience. Along with impermanence, dependent origination, typical reality […]

Happiness Characteristics – Post #2 Below I will note a few key characteristics of experiences and attitudes associated with happiness. Do your best to experience some of these each day – as much as is possible. Here is the first list. Being Fully Alive to Experiences – Do your best to be fully involved in […]

The Nine Bow Ritual for Those You Respect Deeply The Nine Bow Ritual is a simple practice of deep respect. Think of a person, living or not, for whom you have very strong positive feelings. If you select a person no longer living, you may be surprised at the emotional impact of this ritual. If […]