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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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August 12, 2014 By Admin

Self Compassion Practices

More on Self-Compassion Practices

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Suffering and happiness represent opposites in human emotional experience.  In our culture we often equate happiness with what we HAVE and suffering with the GAP between what we have versus what we want.  Material possessions tend not to lead to intrinsic happiness; joy based on materials gains is often short-lived – until the next thought about what we want but do not have.  If we are careless we may become trapped in the hedonic treadmill – that personal experience of never being quite satisfied  thus  seeking  the  next,  and  the  next,  and  the next  great thing we want.  Do you really need that new i-phone right now?   What do you really need?

Of course, there is always true emotional suffering in our world, suffering that may have little bearing on material “wants” versus “haves.”  That said prolonged, severe poverty can be an especially harsh and bitter form of suffering.  Are you suffering right now?  It is true, primary suffering?  Or, is it secondary  suffering?  Think  about  suffering  in the world; think about you. Serious anxiety, depression, self-medication with substances or food, trauma – these are all forms of true suffering.   Suffering is a serious matter.

selfcompassion_misndfulhappinesOne way to examine self-compassion is to consider your attitude – the attitudinal relationship between your desires versus what you actually have. If you spend a great deal of time being unhappy about the gap between what you have versus what you want, you may produced greater worry, worry leading to greater stress reactivity – more suffering.   Do you need it?

This reality does NOT imply you should stop trying to improve your life or improve yourself. It does imply that until you master mindful acceptance and practice self-compassion, you may continue to become trapped in the many ways our unhelpful thinking and unhelpful emoting lead to more and more suffering.  Let’s begin our mindful skill-building with the steps involved in acceptance. Radical acceptance of your own true suffering opens the door to self-compassion about your own true suffering.

Here are the steps.

1)     Hold onto present moment awareness regarding your emotions. Stay out  of  the  past  and  future;  in  the  present  you  have  power  to  act.

2)     Work hard not to cling/attach to positive emotional experiences and not to flee from/avoid negative emotional experiences – in life it is what it is!

3)     Rather than avoiding, consider gently turning toward your own suffering.   Being in its presence provides you an opportunity to change.

4)     Over time see if you can be more tolerant of your present moment experiences – both happy and unhappy experiences. In some ways your attitude shapes how the experience will be internalized (pleasant, neutral,  unpleasant).  Have  an  attitude  of  gratitude  and acceptance.

5)     Safely allow the experience – notice and observe your thoughts and emotions about it.  Is the outcome being internalized as pleasant or unpleasant?   Is  your  thinking  helping  to  make  it  so?   If  yes,  how?

6)     See if you can embrace it – embrace whatever it is (pleasant or unpleasant).   Be a bit curious about this part of your emotional relating.

7)     If you experience primary suffering in the present moment experience, apply radical acceptance AND self-compassion for how you are suffering.  Simply note that you could not prevent this suffering.  Simply observe yourself suffering.  Perhaps placing both hands over your  heart  and  breathing gently, slowly, deeply may help you to handle this.

Remember your own suffering is a prerequisite for self-compassion.   Suffering, joyself-kindness-self-compassion and neutrality are all parts of life – they will happen. Compassionate mind training is almost always good for us. The steps above may be followed as part of a loving kindness meditation practice.  Regular metta practice softens our hearts and allow more compassion.  We need to learn to nurture self-compassion; from self-compassion, we have more skillful means to apply compassion for the suffering of others.  It is all about  applying  kindness  towards  ourselves  and  others  who suffer now.

themindfulpathtoselfcompassion

For more information refer to Germer, C. K. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion. New York: Guilford Publications.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

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Filed Under: Featured, Joy and Suffering, Practices, Self Compassion Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, SELF COMPASSION

August 5, 2014 By Admin

Advanced Buddhist Thought on Joy and Suffering

Buddhist Thought on Joy and Suffering

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1) You actually DO have some control over your emotional destiny.

2) The core “conceptual” view of reality is that your inner emotional experience – especially negative afflictive emotional states related to people, places and things you REACT to – are perceived as totally true.

3) In a non-conceptual (non-dual) view, these emotional experiences may be based on some conventional realities and NOT based on ultimate realities.  It is the SELF that is the experiencer of these conditions.

4) Gasoline and fire do not mix well – so do not make afflictive emotional states more severe and long-lasting by REACTING to your REACTIONS.  This is simply secondary suffering.  Stay out of the past – be present.

5) At the same time realize that thoughts are simply thoughts, and emotions are simply emotions – the automatic random firing of brain cells in response to some phenomenon inside or outside of you.

6) All the life experiences noted above are impermanent, and they have NO independent origination, that is they do not last and they do not come into existence by themselves.  They are always “caused” by something else.  So, your afflictive emotional states will not last, and they may be based on less-than-accurate perception of causes and effects.  WHO is reacting about what?  Keep the reaction going and end up suffering more.

7) In the enlightened wisdom view, “suchness” exists – in that everything is impermanent, dependent upon other causes, and empty of a fixed or permanent existence.  Do your pleasant and unpleasant emotions last forever?  NO!  Can you make them stronger? YES!  They do end.

8) The next time you suffer, think about impermanence, dependent arising, suchness, and ultimate emptiness of all things – then get up and keep going, emotionally.  Remember there is more fluid and space in your mind-body system than hard matter.  We are more empty than not.

Hopkins, J. (2008). (Ed.). Tsong Kha-Pa’s Final Exposition of Wisdom. Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion, pp. 56-58.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

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Filed Under: Featured, Joy and Suffering Tagged With: BUDDHIST THOUGHT, JOY AND SUFFERING, MINDFUL HAPPINESS

July 19, 2014 By Admin

Human Needs and Spiritual Experience

Human Needs and Spiritual Experience and the Need for Supportive Rituals

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Recently the Human Givens Blog in the United Kingdom presented a post about human needs.  I will paraphrase their information as well as information from other sources for Mindful Happiness.  Having such needs met may have strong positive impact on both physical and psychological health.

Human Givens BlogNot having them met may result in various clinical, psychological conditions and disorders.  Happiness is associated to emotional need satisfaction, and anxiety, depression and addictions are associated with emotional need deprivation.  For optimal functioning humans require about ten core emotional needs to be met on a regular basis.

These needs are noted below:

  1. Being and feeling safe and secureOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
  2. Positive attention from and interaction with others
  3. Volitional autonomy to make personal decisions for life
  4. Emotional connectivity with others – probably better in face-to-face than in digital-to-digital
  5. Membership in a larger community than the self – perhaps sometimes a connections with something greater than the self
  6. Emotional support, acceptance and intimacy in significant relationships and friendships
  7. Quiet reflection and privacy to simply be with yourself – alone
  8. Personally meaningful member ship or social status within your selected group or groups
  9. Good self-esteem from sensing competence, achievement, acceptance, and personal meaning in life and,
  10. Deep personal meaning in life – a purpose for being

For more information refer to blog.humangivens.com on 2-4-14

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

 

Filed Under: Featured, Human Needs, MIndfulness, Spiritual Experience Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, HUMAN GIVENS BLOG, HUMAN NEEDS, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE

July 19, 2014 By Admin

Helping to Change an Unhelpful Behavior

Mindful Ways to  Help a person Change Unhelpful Behaviors

Brought to you by The Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Although behavior therapy and contingency management remain the most effective means to initiate changes in unhelpful behaviors, more generic approaches offer some promise.  See the steps noted below to change an unhelpful behavior.

Help the person decide intrinsically that a change is needed.  Work with the person to make images of what the change may look like and feel like.  Begin with the smallest possible change the person is willing to consider.  Target very small steps to ensure more success.

Associate the change with changes in thinking, feeling and doing.  At the same time work to ensure some self-reinforcing energy exists in making the change.  How does the change relate to other desires the person may have?  Work to improve the persons’ self-efficacy.

MindfulHappiness_Dr_Anthony-Quintiliani

Begin with a very small step and encourage its continuation.  Plan the rest of the steps in a highly logical manner – small step by small step.  It will help to write out the steps in a logical sequence.

Gently push persistence – advising the person to work at expanding the energetic of the change – that is doing it more frequently and for longer periods of time.  Trouble-shoot the plan if expansion fails.

Mindful_Happiness_Dr_AnthonyQuintilianiOffer only positive, praise-based reinforcement to the person for ALL of their efforts.  Add in additional skills and emotional supports each step of the way that may help to ensure success.

If problems exist in maintaining change, consider what habitual social, perceptual or cognitive habits are in the way.  To enhance motivation use motivational interviewing (MI) – the costs-benefits grid.  Be certain you now how to use the MI grid before deploying it.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.d., LADC

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

Filed Under: Featured, MIndfulness, Uncategorized Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, CHANGING HABITS, ELEANOR R LIEBMAN CENTER, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, UNHELPFUL BEHAVIOR

July 2, 2014 By Admin

Breathing Meditation Practices

From The Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation, Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

– Five Breathing and Meditation Practices –

Attention and concentration on the breath are common practices to attune meditation capacity. We use the breath as an object of attention in our mind training.   The better your quality of attention and concentration, the better your meditation flow.  In an earlier post, I provided instructions on using breath as an object of attention in pacifying the mind.
Today I will provide brief practice instructions for four other breath meditations.  These brief instructions are meant only as introductory formats.

Mindful-Happiness_Breath-Meditation-Practices-BurlingtonVermontCaution: Although it is rare, some people may become anxious when trying to do breath practices.  The anxiety may have many sources: vagus nerve issues, inattention due to digital addictions, a serious anxiety disorder, unresolved traumatic experience involving breaths of submission (in limbic hippocampus memory), etc.  If at any time in practicing these breathing techniques you experience strong discomfort, please STOP the practice.  Be aware that even though breath re-training can be highly effective in calming a dysregulated nervous system, it is not a substitute for prescribed medical or psychological treatment you may be receiving.  However, breath training may be highly compatible with such treatment.  Collaborate with your healthcare provider for advice here.

1) Mindful Awareness of Your Breath As It Is

Sit in a comfortable position, either lotus style or in a straight back chair, or use a stool to sit on with your knees on a meditation mat.  Keep your back and head straight, ears level with shoulders, eyes Mindful-Happiness_Breath-Meditation-Practices-JustBreatheslightly open and downward in direction, and the tip of the nose lined up with your navel (Dogen’s way).  Just allow your awareness to be set on the in and out movement of your breath.  Do not in any way control how your are breathing.  Simply allow your breath to breathe you – paying mindful attention to its flow.   When your attention moves off the breath, gently return your attention back to your breath.  If possible continue for at least 10-20 minutes.  If your attention moves off the breath, use self-compassion to carry it back the breath.  Be kind.

2) Counting the Breaths

Since mental activity (thoughts in the past or future – or even in the present) is often a common distraction in meditation practice, it may be helpful to count to ten for ten breaths.  Sit comfortably in a meditative posture. On the first breath say “one” to yourself on the exhalation; this is subvocal self-talk.  Make the sound of “one” in your mind last all the way to the end of the out-breath.  Then begin with the next breath – saying “two” on the exhalation and holding the thought all the way to the end of the out-Mindful-Happiness_Breath-Meditation-Practices-BreathingPaintingbreath.  Do this all the way up to ten for ten breaths.  When you reach “ten” simply begin again with “one.”  If your mind wonders off the breath before you reach ten, or you catch yourself beyond the count of ten, begin again with “one.”  You may want to make an mage of the number you are saying to yourself.  In this way both cognitive/verbal and visual parts of the brain are active – helping you to meditate.  If your mind continues to wonder off, say the number, make an image of the number, and FEEL the flow of the breath on exhalation.  If possible continue for at least 10-20 minutes.  If you have difficulty, be kind and considerate to yourself – and continue!

3) Variation on Square Breathing

Sit comfortably in a good meditation posture.  Begin with a couple full, deep, cleansing breaths. Then bring full concentration to how your heart and belly feel when you breath slowly and deeply.  On the first full in-breath pay attention to the right side (downward) of your torso from just below the heart area down to the hara (deep belly about 2 inches below the navel and about 2 inches in).  On the first out-breath pay close attention to how it feels when your attention moves (left) across the hare.  On the mindful-happiness-SquareBreathingnext in-breath notice how it feels when you pay attention to it moving (upward) from the hare and up the left side of the torso to the heart area, and on the next out-breaths simply pay attention to the moving breath as you pay attention to it moving right just below the heart area.  A square has been made. If possible practice for at least 10-20 minutes.

4) Gap Breathing Practice

Sit in meditative posture and take a couple full, deep, slow breaths.  Now pay complete attention to the noticed GAP between the in and out breath, and between the out and in breath.  Yes, there is a slight gap in time when you are not breathing.  Do not worry, this gap is natural. It is simply part of our slower, deeper breathing process.  Pay attention ONLY to the gap between the in/out and out/in breaths.  If you can do this, go psychologically deeper into the gap.  It may be bottomless!  If you have problems with mindful-Happiness-Breathing-AnthonyQuintilianiattention here, make an image on a gigantic, beautiful, far-away valley and pretend that your gap is in that deep, distant valley.  Continue to pay full attention only to the gap between your breaths.  If you have difficult, gently and self-compassionately bring your attention back to the gap and nothing else.  If possible practice for at least 10-2- minutes.

Practice these four breathing meditation, and if you like one best – do that one for the fifth.  Good luck on your journey.

 Anthony R. Quintiliani, Ph.D., LADC

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

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Filed Under: Activities, Breathing, Featured, Meditation, MIndfulness Tagged With: BREATHING, BREATHING MEDITATION PRACTICES, BURLINGTON, ELEANOR R LIEBMAN CENTER, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MONKTON, VT, WIND RIDGE PUBLISHING

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Human Needs and Spiritual Experience and the Need for Supportive Rituals From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont Recently the Human Givens Blog in the United Kingdom presented a post about human needs.  I will paraphrase their information as well as information from other sources for Mindful Happiness.  Having such […]

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Trauma Therapy:  Basics from Some Expert Clinicians For many years trauma therapist have used many approaches in their psychotherapy. Most of these approaches lack strong empirical support for outcomes, and are often the “favorites” of these therapists.  One might wonder what benefits therapists derive from using approaches that are not evidence-based. If an intervention fails […]

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