MINDFUL HAPPINESS Archives - Page 20 of 22

October 7, 2014 By Admin

Mindfulness to Expand Acceptance of Others

Mindfulness Practices for Expanding Acceptance

Mindfulness and contemplation can be great allies in our struggle to better understand each other. This is especially true when it comes to matters of interpersonal relationships and highly significant relationships. It is also important in diversity, or as some now refer to it – variation in human beings. Variation may be a better term; it implies there are variations in all humans. Since variation exists inside and outside typical human groups (women, men, racial and ethnic groups, religions, etc.), it may be a more normative term to signify a noticed difference in any person. Since variation (diversity) among people is a highly observable difference, it may sometimes influence our deeper insecurities: this person is like me or not like me.

In mindfulness traditions, we strive to accept others as complete equals and to be in a state of compassion and acceptance with them. All people are born, suffer, experience joy, become old and/or ill, then die at some point. We are ALL experiencing the same process living here on earth. We all suffer, experience joy, and we all will die at some time in the future.

Keeping these ideas in mind, please participate in the following mindful awareness activity dealing with human variation. This is a positive stereotyping activity. You are being asked to use mindful contemplation to think of positives in other people who present with variation – not exactly like you.

Please follow the steps listed below.

A) List five groups of people with variation – these groups are different in race, ethnicity, religion, social-economic status, etc. The five groups are NOT exactly like you.

B) Although these five groups of people have variations that you do not have, please contemplate about each group AND at least one positive trait you believe they possess. This is positive stereotyping; positive stereotyping is being used to have you experience something a bit different regarding your usual views about variations in humans.

NOW go back to the five groups and write at least one positive trait you do believe each group possesses.

C) As you read over what you have written, contemplate on each group and any positives you listed.

D) As you completed this mindful activity did you notice any biases that came up for you? If yes – what came up?

E) As you completed this mindful activity, did you notice any feelings of compassion that came up about any of the groups or their struggles? If yes – what came up?

F) As you completed this mindful activity, did you notice any subtle shifts in your own perspectives about any of these groups? If yes – what shifted?

Hopefully mindful activities like this one may be helpful in softening your own heart about others – and, perhaps, about yourself.

Compassion, acceptance, and understanding can go a long way in improving relations with others. This is particularly true if the others possess human variations you do not possess.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

September 30, 2014 By Admin

Mindfulness in Journal Writing

Mindfulness Expands the Art of Journal Writing

T. Merton, J. Kerouc, I. Progoff, J. Upton, and others have helped to expand the art or journal writing practice. This type of practice can become your mindfulness practice. You will need to write on a daily basis (even if briefly), and you will need to be highly mindful in the process.

Here is a list of suggestions that may improve your mindful journal writing practice.

Know your intentions, be fully aware, and remain in the present moment.

Pay attention to, concentrate on, and contemplate about your journal writing content.

When you are essence-seeking, utilize J. Upton’s idea on the aperture of awe for inspiration.

Appreciate your willingness to write, inspire yourself to write, be curious, and appreciate the actual act of writing.

Sit in silence just before you begin to write about your inner personal and emotional experiences.

Your experiences will be projected onto the pages of your journal – allow this to flow and notice!

Take a brief mindfulness/contemplative break periodically; be with and one-with what you have written.

You can write about readings, experiences with self and others, or ask and answer questions about life.

Tell stories and narratives about important and less-than-important events and experiences.

Use your mind-body-spirit to connect with your emotions – then write.

Be mindful in the entire process.

Use all your senses and sensory recall about events and experiences.

Witness, behold, and listen inwardly before you write. Repeat this process after you read what you have written.

Allow the journal writing practice to be a meditation.

Consider writing only about positive, helpful events and experiences (if that works best for you).

Hopefully these suggestions will motivate you to write more, write better, or to begin to write of you do not now do so.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

For more information refer to: Barbezat, D. P and Bush, M. (2014). Contemplative Practices in Higher Education. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-BNasss/ Wiley, pp. 110-136. See also Progoff, I. (1992). At a Journal Workshop: Writing to Access the Power of the Unconscious to Evoke Creative Ability. New York: Penguin/Putnam.

August 18, 2014 By Admin

Compassion Training –

Your Regular Practice: Impact on Yourself

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Compassion Training: Here is a quick self-assessment process to see if your regular compassion practice has had positive effects on you. Review the questions below and decide what your answers are.

I hope you have noted pleasant changes.

What changes have you noticed in your:

Emotional experiences?

Emotional reactivity?

Self-concept or self-esteem?

Interpersonal relationships?

Personal suffering process?

Short-term and long-term life goals?

Day-to-day, or even moment-to-moment experiences?

Soft-heartedness?

Generosity?

Kindness?

Overall sense of psychological and physical health?

For more information refer to Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications

Post By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

August 12, 2014 By Admin

Self Compassion Practices

More on Self-Compassion Practices

Suffering and happiness represent opposites in human emotional experience. In our culture we often equate happiness with what we HAVE and suffering with the GAP between what we have versus what we want. Material possessions tend not to lead to intrinsic happiness; joy based on materials gains is often short-lived – until the next thought about what we want but do not have. If we are careless we may become trapped in the hedonic treadmill – that personal experience of never being quite satisfied thus seeking the next, and the next, and the next great thing we want. Do you really need that new i-phone right now? What do you really need?

Of course, there is always true emotional suffering in our world, suffering that may have little bearing on material “wants” versus “haves.” That said prolonged, severe poverty can be an especially harsh and bitter form of suffering. Are you suffering right now? It is true, primary suffering? Or, is it secondary suffering? Think about suffering in the world; think about you. Serious anxiety, depression, self-medication with substances or food, trauma – these are all forms of true suffering. Suffering is a serious matter.

One way to examine self-compassion is to consider your attitude – the attitudinal relationship between your desires versus what you actually have. If you spend a great deal of time being unhappy about the gap between what you have versus what you want, you may produced greater worry, worry leading to greater stress reactivity – more suffering. Do you need it?

This reality does NOT imply you should stop trying to improve your life or improve yourself. It does imply that until you master mindful acceptance and practice self-compassion, you may continue to become trapped in the many ways our unhelpful thinking and unhelpful emoting lead to more and more suffering. Let’s begin our mindful skill-building with the steps involved in acceptance. Radical acceptance of your own true suffering opens the door to self-compassion about your own true suffering.

Here are the steps.

1) Hold onto present moment awareness regarding your emotions. Stay out of the past and future; in the present you have power to act.

2) Work hard not to cling/attach to positive emotional experiences and not to flee from/avoid negative emotional experiences – in life it is what it is!

3) Rather than avoiding, consider gently turning toward your own suffering. Being in its presence provides you an opportunity to change.

4) Over time see if you can be more tolerant of your present moment experiences – both happy and unhappy experiences. In some ways your attitude shapes how the experience will be internalized (pleasant, neutral, unpleasant). Have an attitude of gratitude and acceptance.

5) Safely allow the experience – notice and observe your thoughts and emotions about it. Is the outcome being internalized as pleasant or unpleasant? Is your thinking helping to make it so? If yes, how?

6) See if you can embrace it – embrace whatever it is (pleasant or unpleasant). Be a bit curious about this part of your emotional relating.

7) If you experience primary suffering in the present moment experience, apply radical acceptance AND self-compassion for how you are suffering. Simply note that you could not prevent this suffering. Simply observe yourself suffering. Perhaps placing both hands over your heart and breathing gently, slowly, deeply may help you to handle this.

Remember your own suffering is a prerequisite for self-compassion. Suffering, joy and neutrality are all parts of life – they will happen. Compassionate mind training is almost always good for us. The steps above may be followed as part of a loving kindness meditation practice. Regular metta practice softens our hearts and allow more compassion. We need to learn to nurture self-compassion; from self-compassion, we have more skillful means to apply compassion for the suffering of others. It is all about applying kindness towards ourselves and others who suffer now.

For more information refer to Germer, C. K. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion. New York: Guilford Publications.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

August 5, 2014 By Admin

Advanced Buddhist Thought on Joy and Suffering

Buddhist Thought on Joy and Suffering

1) You actually DO have some control over your emotional destiny.

2) The core “conceptual” view of reality is that your inner emotional experience – especially negative afflictive emotional states related to people, places and things you REACT to – are perceived as totally true.

3) In a non-conceptual (non-dual) view, these emotional experiences may be based on some conventional realities and NOT based on ultimate realities. It is the SELF that is the experiencer of these conditions.

4) Gasoline and fire do not mix well – so do not make afflictive emotional states more severe and long-lasting by REACTING to your REACTIONS. This is simply secondary suffering. Stay out of the past – be present.

5) At the same time realize that thoughts are simply thoughts, and emotions are simply emotions – the automatic random firing of brain cells in response to some phenomenon inside or outside of you.

6) All the life experiences noted above are impermanent, and they have NO independent origination, that is they do not last and they do not come into existence by themselves. They are always “caused” by something else. So, your afflictive emotional states will not last, and they may be based on less-than-accurate perception of causes and effects. WHO is reacting about what? Keep the reaction going and end up suffering more.

7) In the enlightened wisdom view, “suchness” exists – in that everything is impermanent, dependent upon other causes, and empty of a fixed or permanent existence. Do your pleasant and unpleasant emotions last forever? NO! Can you make them stronger? YES! They do end.

8) The next time you suffer, think about impermanence, dependent arising, suchness, and ultimate emptiness of all things – then get up and keep going, emotionally. Remember there is more fluid and space in your mind-body system than hard matter. We are more empty than not.

Hopkins, J. (2008). (Ed.). Tsong Kha-Pa’s Final Exposition of Wisdom. Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion, pp. 56-58.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC