Mindful Happiness

Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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Safety in Mindful Candle Gazing Meditation Practices

Safety:  Mindful Candle Gazing Meditation Practices

Candle light and candle gazing are common in many spiritual and religious practices.  After many fire-related losses, religious organizations have found ways to maintain the practice and reduce liability related to accidental fires.  The National Candle mindful-happiness_candlegazing Association is also quite aware that their products include some risk.  Therefore, the association has published guidelines for safety in the use of candles.  Their modified list appears below.

To enhance safety with using candle in spiritual and religious activities, follow these rule for better safety.

  1. Alway maintain visual contact and remain physically near when burning candles.
  2. Never use candles near anything that may catch fire.
  3. Keep children and pets away from burning candles.
  4. Trim down the wick to 1/4 inch before lighting a candle.
  5. Use sturdy metal or glass candle holders.
  6. Be sure candles (in their holders) are used only on heat-resistant surfaces.
  7. Make sure the wax pool cannot be set aflame.
  8. Be certain to use candles only where there are no air current.
  9. Use candles only in well ventilated rooms.
  10. Never burn candles all the way to their ends.
  11. Do not touch or move a candle when wax is in hot liquid form.
  12. Do not burn candles within 4 inches of each other.
  13. Use a candle snuffer to put out a candle.
  14. Do not use water to put out a candle.
  15. Take special precautions if you are using candles in a power outage.
  16. Before leaving the candle be certain the wick is no longer glowing.
  17. Be sure to extinguish a candle if it burns to high, too hot, flickers, or smokes.
  18. Never, never use a candle as a night light or reading light.
  19. Now that you have safety rules, enjoy your candle gazing meditation practices.
  20. Practice candle gazing meditation (Tratak) often – enjoy its special qualities.

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By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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Human Beings Having Trouble BEING Human! Mindful Happiness Offers Some Help.

Human Beings Have Trouble BEING Human –

Some Sound Advice from Dr Anthony Quintiliani

The world today appears to be even more destructive than ever before in human history.  However, historians and violence researchers inform us that we as average persons are safer today than we were in the past.  Finger-tip access to world-wide media leads us into the conclusion that the whole world is falling apart. In some cases, it is!  Let’s look at some obvious problems, problems especially current in the United States.  In mindfulhappiness-world-fallung-apartmy opinion massive mindfulness and wise mind adoption and regular practice in our culture may be an answer to the turmoil we face. Here is a short list of OUR problems.

Problems We Face Are:

Rugged individualism, sometimes over-dependency, a separate self, material gain and greed, rising fear, rising intolerance, strong striving, learned helplessness, I/me/my entitlement, narcissism, conditioned limbic dominance, norms of defensiveness, the GREAT rush, craving and desiring, corruption of power and money, corporate influence in government, more smartphone less face-to-face communication, greed-based climate change, endless wars, Big Pharma-made opioid overdose crisis, increased white working class premature deaths, growing personal and national debt, earlier onset of serious mental illness in children and youth, earlier onset of suicide risk, weak self-esteem, earlier onset of medications use in children and youth, declining standard of living, racial and ethnic hatred, increased mental illness in college-aged populations, declining physical health status, an inner emptiness for many, loss of hope for many, more anxiety, depression, trauma, and substance misuse, rampant self-medication for short-term relief of our suffering, etc.

Need I go on?  Hopefully not. These are the more severe norms of American suffering.

Yet in spite of this cultural  mess we still produce vast achievements, great wealth, many goods, vast opportunities, strong caring, generosity, philanthropy, and HOPE for so, so many people who wish to come here to improve their lives.

Mindfulness and Wise Mind Traditions That Can Help Us –

Some Common Outcomes from REGULAR Practice of Mindfulness, Meditation, Yoga, Even Exercise Are:

Mindfulness awareness, improved attention, improved concentration, the ability to pause before reacting, emotional slowing, inner calm, IMG_2694compassion, self-compassion, executive strengthening, limbic weakening, mindful responding, kindness, impermanence, interbeing – the Golden Rule, dependent arising, no independent self, non-material authentic happiness, contentment, skillful reduction of suffering, ultimate emptiness (non-nihilistic), personal responsibility for doing good, etc. etc. I will not continue the list.  You get the picture.

It is highly unlikely that American leaders will guide us into becoming a nation of reasonable, mindful beings. However, we as individuals and groups may pursue life-changing opportunities through the regular practice of mindfulness, meditation, yoga, etc. Such practices and skills will improve our inner emotional lives and inner/outer peace. Yes, this is possible. If you doubt it, search the many, many research studies on the positive effects of mindfulness, meditation, yoga and exercise.  I dare you to try!!!!  Go ahead. You have nothing to lose.

For more information refer to Alper, S. A. (2016). Mindfulness Meditation in Psychotherapy…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

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Mindfulness About Loss, Grief, and Mourning

Mindfulness On Loss, Grief and Mourning

Mindfulness about personal loss, grief, and mourning may encompass many things.  Here I will focus on the process and what people can do to better handle their suffering and pain.  One way to look at it is through the lens of radical acceptance; another is via the reality of impermanence.  Emotion regulation with necessary grieving process (pure suffering) is yet another perspective.  We humans tend to be on autopilot a lot.  Then we lose someone close to us and the whole world falls apart.  What I found to be most helpful to me when my loving wife died was to create and participate in ceremonies, rituals, and a good deal of meditation. For experienced meditators like myself, directly meditating into the pain and suffering helped me the most. I do not recommend this process for inexperienced meditators. Kubla-Ross and others have mindful-happiness_Loss-Grief-Mourning_010 (1)provided us with a reasonable set of steps to navigate this painful process. Whatever pathway you select, the following information may be helpful to reduce the intensity and duration of your suffering.  We do need to allow the process until it works its way out of our life. If you get stuck and cannot find your way out, get good professional help (therapy not just pills).

Of all human emotional experiences, grief and mourning transcend general life processes.  Perhaps no other emotional experience except love has such a profound impact on our emotional structure and awareness.  Much of the process is about mindful awareness and how we utilize it.  A typical reaction is to experience fear, anger, deep sadness, and emotional dysregulation after a significant loss occurs.  The more power we use to push the pain away, the more power the pain has to come back at us.  Its all about our neurons and how we use them in thoughts and emotions. Sacred recall about the loving experiences you had with this person helps to rekindle emotional connection; however, the same process may intensify the grieving process. mindful-happiness_Loss-Grief-Mourning_005 Remember that death does end human suffering; when we die and our physical form changes we no longer suffer from thoughts and emotions related to life experiences.  That is why many suicides may reflect the desire to escape the pain and suffering at hand.   We need to search mindfully for the middle way; we need to find the middle path between denial and despair.  We need to welcome our grief as an old friend.  In genetic terms it is just that.  Our gene history has much experience with loss, grief and mourning.  We can radically accept the loss and simply allow the pain and suffering to become part of us.  Remember, like life, suffering is also impermanent.

In The Five Ways We Grieve, S. A. Berger offer a creative perspective on the grieving process.  Some of us are nomads, just wondering around for years without significant resolution. Others are memorialists, creating (cherishing and preserving) concrete and process-oriented rituals to mindful-happiness_Loss-Grief-Mourning_007honor the lost loved one.  A third approach is to normalize by investing energy into recreating more normal functioning.  One other methods is to be an activist by helping others who suffer in similar ways as your lost love object did.  Lastly, some are seekers – moving more deeply into spiritual or religious involvement to find a more emotionally meaningful life.  J. E. Welshons and S. A. Berger offer many ideas about how to become mindfully involved in various actions that may reduce the intensity and duration of your suffering.    Remember, this information is not presented so you can cut-short your grieving process.  That is not a god if.  Grief is a natural process.  That said, there is no need to suffer unnecessarily from the pain of loss.

Here is part of their list.  May you find inner peace.

  • Cry when you need to.
  • Participate in sacred ceremonies, rituals and blessing related to your loss.
  • Return to positive emotional memories and let go of any residual guilt, shame, or fear.
  • Mindfully pray, contemplate, and meditate on both content and process of your grief.
  • Be as creative as you can be in pursuing joy and healing.
  • Do deep, slow, calm breathing often – and on each breath connect with the healing of your loving heart.
  • Recognize and accept the sacredness of this whole process.
  • Remember that all of your suffering is dedicated to the merit and value of the person you lost.
  • Remain focused on being involved in life , more and more over time.

For more information refer to: Berger, S. A. (2009). The Five Ways We Grieve: Finding Your Personal Path to Healing.  Boston: Trumpeter.  Also see: Welshons, J. E. (2003). Awakening From Grief: Finding the Way Back to Joy. Makawao, HI: Inner Ocean Publishing.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

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