Suffering Archives - Page 2 of 2

April 15, 2015 By Admin

Personal Suffering and Relative Suffering

Building Emotional Resilience

On a personal note, right now I am suffering. Its April 15th and I have a terrible viral infection (sore throat, chest congestion, and fever). I feel weak and miserable. Perhaps all that frigid air we endured in New England this Winter also kept infectious “stuff” under control for a while. However, my probably temporary condition is nothing compared to the suffering millions of people endure every day all over this world. I am not being targeted for annihilation due to my spiritual beliefs. I am not being tortured. I am not being battered – emotionally or physically. I am not starving. Even if much of the food produced and consumed in the USA is relatively unhealthy (packaged, processed, chemicalized, GMO’d, extended shelf life for greed, etc.), if I can pay for food I can eat every single day. Oh yes, I thought the Department of Agriculture was also protecting us from eating potentially unhealthy food! To the best of my knowledge, I am not drinking contaminated water. I am not breathing toxic air like urban areas of China. I do not fear venturing out; I do not expect to be harmed or killed. I am not in a situation where outrageous greed tramples the basic standards of good health and a livable wage. Many, many others may be. Lastly, our (not mine) insatiable appetite for beef and the grains it requires may be one of the most potent contributors to world hunger. Money, money, money!!!! What is good for business may not always be good for the rest of us. Look at the new recommended Food Pyramid soon. What I am saying is that suffering is a highly relative condition physically, intra-psychically and socially. The Dalai Lama and Pope Francis, two of the world most respected spiritual leaders have much to say about human suffering and what to do about it.

In the mindfulness traditions life consists of short-term joy, a bit longer-term happiness, much neutrality and boredom, and a whole lot of suffering.

Our craving for pleasure, and our fearing and avoiding displeasure keep us in the suffering cycle. Suffering has two parts (“two arrows”); the unavoidable suffering that comes to all humans, and secondary suffering we produce on our own due to the unavoidable suffering we encounter. The Dalai Lama suggests that we should not cause secondary suffering by worry. If you can do something about suffering you expect to occur, then act on it. If you cannot do something about it, still do not worry – because you cannot do anything about it. If you become stuck in the pain of the past, or long for a return to a happier past, you are not living in the present moment. If you worry about the future, stop. You have no control over what life bring to you in the future. Plan for it but do not worry. Radical acceptance of what we cannot change, and tolerant self-compassion for our our suffering are the best we can do. Pope Francis adds that we need to carry on with great human strength and dignity. Winston Churchill is reported to have noted: when you feel like you are going through hell, you have NO CHOICE but to continue the trek.

Remember that we do benefit from small doses of suffering over time. It builds our emotional resilience. Suffering (yes even real suffering) is always produced in our minds and has causes and conditions. Fearful adjustment to change is a major cause of suffering. Pope Francis adds that we must be fully aware when we suffer; this is necessary so we can change old patterns that result in more suffering. There are ways to buffer ourselves NOT from suffering but from the mind’s emotional reactions to it. Live a virtuous life. Be kind. Act with compassion. Forgive others. Be generous – very generous. Go deeper and deeper into your own spirituality to discover your true self and allow it to blossom. We need to practice radical acceptance and re-deploying attention. Practice more gratitude and containment with what you do have. Let go of what you crave wildly.

As long as greed, hate and anger rule the world, the world will be rushing toward its own destruction. Recall that sometimes an enemy is a good teacher. We can learn how the enemy has penetrated our mind and caused resentment, even hatred. Pope Francis noted that we need love, patience, charity and to learn how to put up with each other. He suggests (as has Thich Nhat Hanh) that we plant seeds of goodness in our hearts and minds. Good luck on your personal journey.

For more information refer to Kelly-Gangi, C. (Ed.). The Dalai Lama: His Essential Wisdom. New York: Fall River Press, pp. 48-54, and Kelly-Gangi, C. (Ed.). Pope Francis: His Essential Wisdom. New York: Fall River Press, pp. 94-96.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

April 4, 2015 By Admin

Practical Actions for Overcoming Anger

Overcoming the Hindrances of Ill-Will and Aversion

Although regular daily practice and sincerely following of The Eight-Fold Path in one’s life may be the best ways to overcome various hindrances, there may be some additional practical suggestions to consider on the path. We will begin our discussion with common human pain and suffering; we will end the post with skills for dealing more effectively with anger. When we experience suffering in conditions that include other people as causes, we may project our painful experience as anger against them. Blame is the great triangle of hopelessness; if we can blame another person for our suffering, we disavow any need to change our own behaviors (thoughts, words, and actions). Causes of pain lead to pain, but pain does not always need to lead to personal suffering.

Human Pain and Suffering:

We humans are here on earth for many reasons. However, no matter what container you place your experiences into, the experiences tend to fall into three general categories: neutrality/boredom, joy/happiness, and pain/suffering. The next time you experience serious pain and suffering, try talking TO it. If you like “self-talk” better as a description of this process that is fine. Here are some things you could say to yourself.

1) “Pain is inevitable, but suffering does not always have to follow.”

2) “Neither pain nor suffering are new to me. I have experienced them in the past, and I realize they are impermanent.”

3) “To better understand my pain and suffering I need to pay close attention to them. It is MY pain and suffering”

4) “Is it possible that I may be responsible for some of the suffering if not the pain?”

5) “Do I understand the causes of my pain and suffering? Do I understand that I need to treat it gently with love? It is part of me right now.”

6) ” I may need to learn better patience in dealing with my own pain and suffering. These conditions will pass in time.”

7) “What wise-mind skills can I use to prevent the prolongation of my suffering into secondary suffering?”

When Pain and Suffering Lead to Anger:

When we see other people as the causes of our pain and suffering, anger may follow. In making contact with your anger (in thoughts, words, sensations, emotions, and actions), it is wise to utilize vipassana methods to recognize the first conscious arisings of it. If you can connect with the earliest arising before it blooms into unhelpful thoughts, words or actions, you may be in a better position to alter this destructive emotion. See the suggestions noted below. These are practical things to practice every time you become angry. These approaches assume you have enough mindfulness abilities to use awareness with self-calming to counteract emotional dysregulation.

1) Immediately STOP the impulsivity of the anger. Curtail it in the first instance of recognizing it.

2) Loosen your jaw, and breathe deeply and calmly as you count your breaths up to twenty.

3) Work very hard to shift your thoughts to more wholesome or compassionate intentions.

4) Recognize impermanence and wait patiently until your impulsive anger has calmed.

5) Stop blaming other people for your emotional condition. Even if another person does something unkind to you, you are in charge of your emotional responses to their actions. Pain will exist in life, but suffering is not an absolute consequence from it.

6) Say a loving kindness sentence to yourself: may I be peaceful; may I be at ease; May I be safe. You may have to shift to: may she/he be peaceful; may she/he be at ease; may she/he be safe. If in a dyad, wishing good for both of you may help.

7) Focus on gratitude – note anything you possess gratitude for.

8) If appropriate, view the other person as interconnected with you. It may help to view them as one of your parents. If a parent is loving, would you want to harm her/him?

For more information refer to Gunaratana, B. H. (2009). Beyond Mindfulness in Plain English: An Introductory Guide to Deeper States of Meditation. Boston, MA.: Wisdom Publications, pp. 69-84.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

September 9, 2014 By Admin

Self Medicate Suffering

So Many Ways to Self-Medicate – It Just Brings More Suffering

Very often poor child-parent (child-caretaker) object relations, attachment with care takers, and attunement by care takers negatively impact young children early in their lives. The well-documented scientific fact that environmental conditions play a more important role in gene-expression than pure genetics implies clearly that the quality of early life experiences activate long-term consequences in the lives of humans. Let’s take an informal look at the various forms of self-medication (short-term habitual behaviors to add brief experiences of fleeting joy or to escape personal suffering) used commonly in American society.

What is wrong with America? We lead the world in consumption of mind-altering substances – is the emptiness in our souls too, too large and deep? Our compulsive substance use reflects a hungry ghost perspective. Addictions of all kinds cannot be an effective substitute for LOVE!

Here is a limited list.

Substance use for various reasons – Users hope for periods of brief joy as positive reinforcement and/or escape from and avoidance of suffering as negative reinforcement.
Substance use for various mental health sufferings – Users learn that certain substances have a brief impact on their suffering in depression, anxiety, trauma, fear, social phobia, and emotion dysregulation.
Workaholism – We learn early that good work habits imply better success, but we overwork to escape things and/or to build internal security or compensate for insecurity.
Out-of-control consumerism – We love to buy, buy, buy even when we cannot pay, pay, pay. Do we need or just want?
Compulsive eating – Self-medicating often leads to obesity, then sometimes to diabetes, and other types eating disorders. Emotional eating is a very common problem in America. Supersize me! And that is exactly what happens.
Social dependency – We appear to have an extreme fear of being alone. It may be that empty soul again.
Extreme perfectionism – Some of us learn this as a way to cover up private insecurities and/or to obtain contingent positive self-esteem and self-concept. It may also be a behavior to obtain social-emotional value and respect from significant others.
Sex addiction and sexual rages/compulsions – Interesting that our sexist society commonly refers to women here, even with diagnostic formats. What about men?
Various self-medicating behaviors in mental health areas – Depression, anxiety, trauma, fear, social phobia and others; each one has its own forms of self-medicating the clinical conditions, and these forms go BEYOND substance use alone.
Excessive aggression – Even harming others may produce some form of reinforcement as a contingent means to control situations, dominate people, and/or escape pain. In non-war environments we lead the world in the number of people killed by gunfire. Where is our emotional regulation?

A very long time ago, the Buddha (in the Brahmajala Sutta) noted that there are many, many things we may become over-attached to. This form of attachment can lead to suffering – suffering due to loss of what we want; suffering due to any change; suffering due to general impermanence in life; and, suffering due to old age and illness.

If you discovered your form of self-medication in the list above, consider obtaining competent professional help to modify your habitual trends. Another option could be to do DAILY practice of mindfulness-based stress reduction skills. Obtain competent professional help to learn these wise-mind skills AND practice them daily. In time (perhaps as little as 8-12 weeks according to neuroscience research), brain plasticity changes may occur; you may then notice your unhelpful self-medication is slowly being replaced with a more helpful and healthy habit. Best of luck on your personal journey to better physical and psychological health.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

For more information refer to Mate, G. (2018, 2010). In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addictions. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, pp. 223-259.