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Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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October 27, 2014 By Admin

More Compassion and Self-Compassion Needed

Today’s Troubled World Needs More Self Compassion and Compassion

COMPASSION-mindful-happiness

This is an interactive activity on contemplation between your executive brain, your conscious mind, and your emotional brain areas.

Looking at the world today any aware person must admit the human race is in serious trouble.  This reality impacts the developing, industrial, and post-industrial cultures of the world.  Let’s list only 11 serious concerns about the state of the world and our own country.

My list will not be in any specific order of difficulty.

Here is the list of problems.

1) Rampant greed – more poverty, more hunger, even clean water financial speculation, and possibly more SES/class violence;

2) Extremely high levels of mental illness, especially depression, anxiety, substance misuse, trauma, eating disorders, etc.;

3) Dramatically increasing levels of childhood mental illness (for the USA) with earlier ages of onset;

4) Global climate change and its effects;

5) More self-centered, immediate gratification-based entitlement;

6) Greater narcissistic grasping, with extreme levels of inner insecurity and outer aggression;

7) Probable devaluation of the US dollar as the world’s currency standard (lots and lots of disruption with this one);

8) More terrorism and more HATE;

9) Increasing levels of digital, electronic addictions – with brain plasticity implications of “me first,” frustration intolerance, shorter attention span, a way to obtain one’s dopamine fix for the day;

10) For the USA and many other countries, generally ineffective federal governments; and,

11) Pessimism about the future, so more “me first,” I/me tendencies for material grasping.

Quite a serious list!  

love-yourself-MindfulHappiness

Some of these conditions may improve; we just have no idea which ones will become less severe.  To help you deal with the “ups” and “downs” of all this trouble, I invite you to participate in a contemplation activity.  This activity will use some of The Dalai Lama’s personal advice.  After each recommended practice, I encourage you to contemplate your responses to the instructions.

If you modify unhelpful habits, be kind to yourself.  It is difficult to change unhelpful habits to healthful habits.

Be gentle with yourself.
 
Brief Meditation/Yoga Practice on a Daily Basis – Please contemplate on three benefits you may obtain by following this recommended practice.

1)

2)

3)

Real World Regular Practices of Compassion, Self-Compassion and Kindness – Please contemplate on three benefits you may obtain by following this recommended practice.

1)

2)

3)

Improving Your Emotion Regulation By Practicing #1 and # 2 Above – Please contemplate on three benefits you may obtain by following this recommended practice.

1)

2)

3)

Practicing unconditional “love” (at least liking) of yourself on a regular basis – Please contemplate on three benefits you may obtain by following this recommended practice.

1)

2)

3)

Please read over your 12 expected benefits. :let’s hope you find them motivating.

 

For more information refer to: The Dalai Lama (2007). (Ed. C. Kelly-Gangi). The Dalai Lama: His Essential Wisdom. New York: Fall River Press, pp. 15-32.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

 

Filed Under: Activities, Featured, Meditation, Practices, Self Compassion Tagged With: COMPASSION, DR ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, SELF COMPASSION

August 18, 2014 By Admin

Compassion Training –

Your  Regular  Practice:   Impact  on  Yourself

 From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

ChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Compassion Training:  Here is a quick self-assessment process to see if your regular compassion practice has had positive effects on you.  Review the questions below and decide  what  your  answers are.

I hope you have noted pleasant changes.

What changes have you noticed in your:

Emotional experiences?

Emotional reactivity?

Self-concept or self-esteem?

Interpersonal relationships?

Personal suffering process?

Short-term and long-term life goals?

Day-to-day, or even moment-to-moment experiences?

Soft-heartedness?

Generosity?

Kindness?

Overall sense of psychological and physical health?

For more information refer to Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications

Post By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

Filed Under: Featured, Practices, Self Compassion, Training Tagged With: DR ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, SELF COMPASSION, TRAINING

August 12, 2014 By Admin

Self Compassion Practices

More on Self-Compassion Practices

selfcompassion

Suffering and happiness represent opposites in human emotional experience.  In our culture we often equate happiness with what we HAVE and suffering with the GAP between what we have versus what we want.  Material possessions tend not to lead to intrinsic happiness; joy based on materials gains is often short-lived – until the next thought about what we want but do not have.  If we are careless we may become trapped in the hedonic treadmill – that personal experience of never being quite satisfied  thus  seeking  the  next,  and  the  next,  and  the next  great thing we want.  Do you really need that new i-phone right now?   What do you really need?

Of course, there is always true emotional suffering in our world, suffering that may have little bearing on material “wants” versus “haves.”  That said prolonged, severe poverty can be an especially harsh and bitter form of suffering.  Are you suffering right now?  It is true, primary suffering?  Or, is it secondary  suffering?  Think  about  suffering  in the world; think about you. Serious anxiety, depression, self-medication with substances or food, trauma – these are all forms of true suffering.   Suffering is a serious matter.

selfcompassion_misndfulhappinesOne way to examine self-compassion is to consider your attitude – the attitudinal relationship between your desires versus what you actually have. If you spend a great deal of time being unhappy about the gap between what you have versus what you want, you may produced greater worry, worry leading to greater stress reactivity – more suffering.   Do you need it?

This reality does NOT imply you should stop trying to improve your life or improve yourself. It does imply that until you master mindful acceptance and practice self-compassion, you may continue to become trapped in the many ways our unhelpful thinking and unhelpful emoting lead to more and more suffering.  Let’s begin our mindful skill-building with the steps involved in acceptance. Radical acceptance of your own true suffering opens the door to self-compassion about your own true suffering.

Here are the steps.

1)     Hold onto present moment awareness regarding your emotions. Stay out  of  the  past  and  future;  in  the  present  you  have  power  to  act.

2)     Work hard not to cling/attach to positive emotional experiences and not to flee from/avoid negative emotional experiences – in life it is what it is!

3)     Rather than avoiding, consider gently turning toward your own suffering.   Being in its presence provides you an opportunity to change.

4)     Over time see if you can be more tolerant of your present moment experiences – both happy and unhappy experiences. In some ways your attitude shapes how the experience will be internalized (pleasant, neutral,  unpleasant).  Have  an  attitude  of  gratitude  and acceptance.

5)     Safely allow the experience – notice and observe your thoughts and emotions about it.  Is the outcome being internalized as pleasant or unpleasant?   Is  your  thinking  helping  to  make  it  so?   If  yes,  how?

6)     See if you can embrace it – embrace whatever it is (pleasant or unpleasant).   Be a bit curious about this part of your emotional relating.

7)     If you experience primary suffering in the present moment experience, apply radical acceptance AND self-compassion for how you are suffering.  Simply note that you could not prevent this suffering.  Simply observe yourself suffering.  Perhaps placing both hands over your  heart  and  breathing gently, slowly, deeply may help you to handle this.

Remember your own suffering is a prerequisite for self-compassion.   Suffering, joyself-kindness-self-compassion and neutrality are all parts of life – they will happen. Compassionate mind training is almost always good for us. The steps above may be followed as part of a loving kindness meditation practice.  Regular metta practice softens our hearts and allow more compassion.  We need to learn to nurture self-compassion; from self-compassion, we have more skillful means to apply compassion for the suffering of others.  It is all about  applying  kindness  towards  ourselves  and  others  who suffer now.

themindfulpathtoselfcompassion

For more information refer to Germer, C. K. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion. New York: Guilford Publications.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, VermontChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

Filed Under: Featured, Joy and Suffering, Practices, Self Compassion Tagged With: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, SELF COMPASSION

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