Mindful Happiness

Anthony Quintiliani, Ph.D, LADC

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July 1, 2018 By Admin

Liberation of the True Self

Liberation of the True Self

Socrates is reported to have noted that “the secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old but on building the new.” In Buddhism there are clear relationships between “no-self” and the force of impermanence, that reality that ensures constant change and thus personal dissatisfaction as a norm.  In the lived experiences of our psychological turmoil we humans do the utmost to direct our energy to obtaining what we want (attachment, desire, craving) and avoiding as much pain and suffering as possible. Our endless effort to obtain material and status goals for some form of inner security against the world repeatedly leads us to struggle, fear, and loss – suffering. Our cognition, emotion, behavior and sensory contact with all phenomena are fully engaged in evaluation of everything: did I get what I wanted and avoid suffering for now or not? This is the hedonic treadmill of lived attachment and avoidance. Cognitive-Behavioral analytics ends up in the same place over and over again: short-term pleasure (getting what I want for now)  and longer-term suffering  (fear of losing it or being involved in more emotional pain).  This state of constant seeking (how many “likes” do I have?) tricks us into thinking that this time, it will work. We seek safety, security, and various forms of wealth; we expect to achieve these goals and to avoid as much suffering as possible. This is impossible, since the seeking and attaching itself eventually causes more personal suffering. We humans have very short memories when it comes to the realities of pleasure and pain, happiness and suffering. Our emotional striving to be perfect and get ahead often leave us with just more desire.  The sad fact is that no matter how successful we are in accumulating all the goodies, we tend to continue our suffering sometimes in different forms.

A possible solution to consider for liberating yourself from the merry-go-round of life’s seeking and avoiding is to practice intensive, regular deep meditation and yoga. Through these regular/daily practices you will, indeed, confront yourself and perhaps open a pathway to spiritual freedom. You may liberate your true self in the process. Narrowly focus on your consciousness – the mirror of your true self.  It does not change even when the content of experience does change. Become your observing self in a state of pure awareness without judging or evaluating. In the evolutionary process, clinging is one of the most primal actions. The “vapor of thoughts” along with strong attachment clinging causes our norms to be related to our false self – with its entitlement, feeling special as a defense, greed, anger, even hatred.  Just STOP all of this process as much as you can; focus on who/what you are at the deepest most spiritual levels. Who am I is the eternal and most important question. As you meditate and do yoga, concentrate on radically accepting everything that has happened to you and may still be happening to you.  This does not mean stand by and allow yourself to be abused by cruel people; however, it does mean to pay very acute attention to what experiences trigger your ego-defenses and negative reactions in thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. How much control over your emotions are you willing to give up to other people?  Radically accept as a norm, do your asanas, meditate often, allow your true self to “let go” of the false self”s ego and superego demands. Pursue spiritual practices, be compassionate and generous, and live the life your true self desires for you. This is a life of more inner peace, even tranquility, more happiness, less competition, more love, and DOING good for others. This path is difficult in our materialistic world. The fruits of your efforts will be gratifying! If you practice, you will discover the truth about being a happier, more lovable person.

If you are not satisfied with the outcomes from your efforts here are three more things to practice. When you become entangled in the ego defenses of your mind, use the Buddha’s “best friends.” Calming breath, the half smile, standing, sitting, walking or laying down all may change your neurophysiology and thus your mood and level of self-control. This will allow you better capacity to apply radical acceptance and let go of harmful  emotional reactivity.  Another approach championed by the Buddha is to gently control your second arrows.  The first arrow is when something unpleasant happens to you and there is nothing you can do about it; this is pure suffering, and it is painful.  However what you decide to have your mind, body and emotions do with the first arrow of suffering is called the second arrow.  This very sharply pointed arrow can lead to long-term, even life-long suffering about something you failed to radically accept and let go. Become an expert in perceiving the initial activity of your second arrows, and STOP as soon as possible. At this point you may apply RAIN – recognize what if happening; accept it; investigate causation; and, apply no-self or if less skilled “its not about me attitudes.” These follow-up practices should be very helpful to you in your effort to become a more calm and more happy person.

For more details see Singer, M. A. (2007). The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, pp. 127-137.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Breathing, Buddhism, Calming, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Featured, Inner Peace, M.A.Singer, Meditation, MIndfulness, Self Care, True Self Tagged With: BUDDHISM, CALMING, LIBERATION OF TRUE SELF, M.A.SINGER, MEDIATION, THE UNTETHERED SOUL

June 12, 2018 By Admin

Calming Your Self-Critical Self with Mindfulness

Calming Your Self-Critical Self with Mindfulness

A core problem for many people is their incessant self (or other) criticism. This is a major part of our psychological mind suffering today. In the past life for most people was more difficult, so human basic needs were the energized priorities; today so many of us have been “spoiled” by having basic needs met and lingering with more time to worry about usually less important things.  Observe the number of TV ads aimed at improving how you look, or improving what others may thing about you. Note how the aim of some ads is to improve your perceived status, but not your inner reality of who you really are.Yes, looking ok, being healthy, and more importantly being happy are all important to our successful functioning. However, we tend to be dominated by limbic-brain survival mechanisms that boil down to interpersonal attraction and feeling liked by others. We ask: Am I good enough?  D. W. Winnicott may have some answers for us, and he would be more apt to focus on psychological well-being above superficial qualities – how we look, status,  etc.

Our competitive world and the American economic rat-race cause many to suffer from on-going “red ants” – what I call automatic emotionally loaded negative thoughts. Cognitive Therapy, Recovery Oriented Cognitive Therapy, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy all can help reduce our thought-caused suffering. These approaches when implemented correctly work much faster than psychodynamic methods, which tend to prolong and deepen  dependency on therapists and serve mutually self-rewarding experiences (some unconscious for therapists). All evidence-based approaches work, but how well and how fast do they work? There may be a moral question involved when a therapist uses a much slower method with outcomes that are no  better than more efficient methods. They all involve a strong therapeutic alliance and clinical relationship. That also all involve a deeper change process not simply symptom reduction.

Why do we suffer so much from our own thoughts? Why do we sometimes project our own feared or actual character flaws onto and into others? There are so many causes. It all begins with the quality of our early attachment experiences. How good was the quality of your own early attachment experience with parental before thinkers like Freud came to the same conclusion. And, what about the level of your own self-medication? Do you self-medicate to reach some short-term joy or perhaps to just feel a bit better? In self-medication we eventually learn that it just works for a brief period and almost always leads to more serious problems – addictions of all kind including to our “I-Smart” phones.  figures and other caretakers? Were you reasonably satisfied and nurtured, or were you experiencing what The Buddha called dissatisfaction with what is. Did early life experience leave you craving for what you did not receive? We seek pleasure and hope to avoid pain; The Buddha noted this 2600 years ago – way, way

Below I have listed various self-critical patterns that we human have befriended. I also note some mindful ways to counteract their unhelpful emotional effects. Sometimes is means just taking better conscious control overs our CABS – cognition, affect, behavior and sensory sensations. Other times to means learning and using regularly new skills. At times it means we need professionally competent therapeutic help to improve our lives.

Do what is needed! Here the list.

  1. Self-Devaluing thoughts – STOP and be mindful of your strengths. Use the ‘doing” of your strengths as antidotes.
  2. Feeling inadequate – STOP and recall times when you had a lived experience with success no matter how small.
  3. Deep distortion of self-disdain (even self-hate) – STOP and do your best to practice
  4. mindful self-compassion.
  5. Not being “good enough” – STOP and recognize this is a social construct of unhealthy competition. Use strengths.
  6. No spiritual self – Consider what if any spiritual practice you might explore or do more of. Being in nature helps.
  7. Feeling you do not have enough – Recognize that if basic needs have been met, it is time to work harder on higher emotional needs. Stop thinking – only if I had… then I would be happy. This is almost always untrue.
  8. Hopeless perfectionism – STOP and recognize this is also a social construct based on the projections of others, who believed they were not perfect enough. These introjects became your beliefs. There is NO perfectionism; it is totally impossible to achieve it because it does not exist. Think: I am good enough as I am now!
  9. Stuck in conditioned life (samsara) – where when you are happy you become dissatisfied because it does not last, and when you are suffering you become dissatisfied because you are not happy. Craving and trying to prolong happiness and being without happiness both lead to just more suffering. Find small things to have gratitude for.
  10. A list of more mindfulnesss-based “things” you can do to counteract automatic negative thinking and feeling: live in the present moment; stay grounded with helpful cues – things are ok; allow negative thoughts to pass – do not get hooked by them; Un-trap yourself from a painful past by living presently with what is; practice radical acceptance of what you cannot change; meditate and do yoga a lot to cultivate more inner peace; practice self-efficacy in a very conscious manner; learn and live by the Four Noble Truths; let go of your shame so you can flourish; learn and use The UCLA four step process; use cognitive disputation and reframing more and more often; DO better self-care and learn to locate and “feed” your protective dragons; ask your inner self-helper for guidance on how to be healthier and happier; seek out and learn from an ethical mindfulness mentor; if possible, practice more self-love and less self-doubt. Do more of these practices more often; I believe you will find things will improve.
  11. I realize that some of you may not be aware of some of the terms noted above, so do some good “Googling” about them. When you have a set of practices you like – practice them every single day of your life.

A helpful book to read is Brenner, G. (2018). Suffering is Optional: A Spiritual Guide to Freedom…Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Behavior, Buddhism, Calming, Featured, Meditation Activities, Mindful Awareness, MIndfulness, Self -Kindness, Self Care, Self Medication, Spiritual Energy Tagged With: ACTIVITIES, CALMING, CRITICAL -SELF, MINDFULNESS, SELF CARE

May 12, 2018 By Admin

Vipassana for Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, and Addictions

Vipassana for Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, and Addictions

The integration of Vipassana meditation with various forms of therapy has for many years been a standard of treatment worldwide and in Vermont, especially when impulse control and emotion regulations issues are included.  Buddhist Psychology offers clear explanations why this intervention may be helpful for so many suffering people. The four most common clinical conditions of depression, anxiety, trauma, and addictions are strongly and positively influenced by regular practice of this form of meditation. Below I have noted in a very basic manner how Vipassana’s effects may be explained via Buddhist Psychology and the dharma.

  1. Impermanence is a focal aspect of Buddhist Psychology, meditation practice, and dharma. This constant of change may be explained best as the rising and falling of all humanly perceived phenomena. Although arising and falling away in conscious awareness include all phenomena, some clarity is needed regarding use of it in clinical practice. Sense impressions, mental events, sensations/feelings/emotions, impulsive behavior, and compulsive cognitions all relate to the clinical conditions noted here. Therefore, any intervention that brings important insight may be useful.
  2. Humans suffer from habitual behaviors and reactions. It is best recognized in attachment to positive  sense objects or experiences and aversion to negative ones. Sensory impressions and mental events about them lead to active roles on the hedonic treadmill. When we use sensory information and experience awareness of something that we evaluate as pleasant, neutral, or unpleasant we behave according to samsara – we crave for more or desire aversion from such phenomena.  We may not at all realize that our attachment/desire to continue the pleasant – as well as the aversion to continue the unpleasant – is our major cause of unhappiness, pain, and suffering.  Likewise the lack off this awareness or insight has the same unpleasant effects – we suffer. We become stuck wanting  what we want but cannot always get, and hoping to avoid unpleasant experiences that may be unavoidable in human life. We tell ourselves only if I had…then I would be happy. General dissatisfaction, unfortunate as it is, is the human norm.
  3. The information and processes noted above do NOT include a separate, long-lasting, independently arising entity called the Self. We do need to recognize that I am NOT my depression, anxiety, trauma, or addictions. I am simply aware or conscious of the fact that “I” am experiencing or feeling depression, anxiety, trauma, or addictions. It is only in more advanced Buddhist practices that we work seriously on the “no-self” reality. There are significant consequences in over-identification with either pleasant or painful experiences.  Believing that it is “my self” that is trapped disempowers us in many important ways.  The Four Noble Truths and The Eight Fold Path can help us.
  4. In very unique ways Vipassana meditation can help us in all of the above.  Here are some skills recommended by S. N. Goenka (now deceased).  First, anchoring the breath by paying attention to the upper lip and the nostrils as you breathe in and out. In anapana sati we simply pay undivided attention to the feelings/sensations as we breathe in and out. Moment-to-moment bare attention is practiced for at least 30 minutes.  To be successful, you must practice letting go of thoughts, emotions, and memories of past suffering.  When they arise simply note that it/they have come up, and pay no attention to it/them – hold a non-evlautaive stance and stay with your breath. It will require significant practice before you can do this well.  Awareness may then be expanded to the throat and chest areas – just feeling sensations of awareness  as you breathe in and out. Second move into about 30 minutes of loving kindness meditation. Third, complete a body scan with attention only from head to toes and back again for about 30 minutes. Just pay attention to the awareness of sensations and feelings as you are guided slowly down and up the body. When distractions come, simply return attention back to the part of your body you are working with now.
  5. Vipassana (Pali for “seeing things as they actually are”) allows us to learn all there is to know in items 1-3 above, and how to benefit significantly from such understandings. Long-term Vipassana practice may eventually bring you to a more stable self-existence, fully focused on your state of meditative awareness without strong reactivity in life. At some point you will become aware of interoception, the ability to feel sensations in your body before they bloom into emotions and behaviors. In the clinical conditions noted, such a skills can be live-saving.

For more information refer to Follette, V. M. and Briere, J. et.al. (2015). Mindfulness-Oriented Interventions for Trauma…New York: Guilford Press, pp. 273-283, 329-342. See also Ariele and Manahemi (1997). Doing Time, Doing Vipassana (Film); and, www.prisondhamma.org.

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: Addiction, Anxiety, Buddhism, Depression, Featured, Meditation, Mindful Awareness, Trauma, Vipassana Meditation Tagged With: ADDICTIONS, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, TRAUMA, VIPASSANA

April 14, 2018 By Admin

Meditation on Ecodharma and Buddhist Ecology

Meditation on Ecodharma and Buddhist Ecology  

  1. Sit calmly and begin to breathe in and out deeply and slowly.
  2. Open your eyes to see and appreciate the natural environment you are in.
  3. Close your eyes now if you wish to do so.
  4. Know that this nature – the sky, clouds, stars, father sun, mother moon, especially the trees – is your natural environment of being in this life.
  5. This biosphere is our sacred ground, from which we all arise and to which we all fall at our end.
  6. Mother earth and the surrounding universe deserve our deepest respect.
  7. In Asia, forest monks have ordained old, wise trees to spare them from the wrath of consumerism.
  8. Know that ecodharma is an activist Buddhist program aimed at protecting nature and the earth.
  9. We are living and dying in a vast ecological man made disaster, escape from which requires that our species survives AND that the earth survives as well.
  10. Our survival depends upon a healthy, breathing, cleansing earth and atmosphere.
  11. Now take a few minutes in your own silent solitude to contemplate deeply what has been noted above. Pause.
  12. Recall that The Buddha was confronted by the devil-like Mara. This was an attack on his hard-won enlightenment. The Buddha touched the ground with his fingers and hand to re-establish his connection to mother earth, and his enlightenment survived all challenges.
  13. So today, we should all touch the earth gently with respect – we can touch earth with our fingers, hands, feet, heart, soul, and self.  We may even wish to prostrate ourselves on mother earth to show our deep love and respect.
  14. The Buddha was born, lived, became enlightened , and died (parinibbana) in the gracious company of trees.
  15. Thich Nhat Hanh noted that our caring for and being with the earth is a way of reconnecting with interbeing of all living things.  This great teacher also advised us that to walk and live on Pure Land requires that we love the earth.
  16. Soto Zen founder Eihei Dogen noted that rivers, mountains, and “the great wide earth” as well as “the sun and the moon and the stars” are all part of our personal enlightenment in our minds.
  17. Take a few more minutes to contemplate these teaching. Pause.
  18. Today’s bodhisattva have become an ecosattva to help save the world and humankind – the greatest and most noble act of active compassion and love.
  19. We must be fearless as we confront the extremes of “conspicuous consumption” and its destruction of the earth and all living things. This deadly competition may kill all of us in the future.
  20. Contemplate on this: What will you do very soon to join this battle to save mother earth and the human race as we know it? Pause.

For more information refer to https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/growing-buddhist movement… https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/trees-meditation-teaching... https://tricycle.org/magazine/100-best-climate-solutions… https://tricycle.org/magazine/love-letter-earth… Retrieved 4-21-18

Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont and the Home of The Monkton SanghaChiYinYang_EleanorRLiebmanCenter

Author of Mindful Happiness  

Mindful Happiness cover designs.indd

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

Filed Under: ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, Buddhism, Ecdharma, Featured, Meditation, Meditation Activities Tagged With: DR ANTHONY QUINTILIANI, ECODHARMA, MEDITATION, MINDFUL HAPPINESS, MINDFULNESS

December 6, 2017 By Admin

Profile on Characteristics of Happiness – Post 2

Happiness Characteristics – Post #2

Below I will note a few key characteristics of experiences and attitudes associated with happiness. Do your best to experience some of these each day – as much as is possible. Here is the first list.

  1. Being Fully Alive to Experiences – Do your best to be fully involved in mind-body ways in any and all positive experiences you encounter. No matter how small or short-lasting, be the experience. This means we should savor each moment as a precious moment, a precious moment that may never come again (Omar Khayyam). Emily Dickinson suggests that is what makes human life so sweet. Arnold Toynbee noted that when possible we should make work into play. Ellen Degeneres suggests that we should pretend to be butterflies, with a lifespan of about two weeks. If you had only two week to live would you be able to find joy in the moments? Use all your senses when you encounter any form of joy.
  2. Bliss Consciousness is Part of it – Joseph Campbell advised us to follow our personal bliss. This type of experience may awaken us to higher consciousness. Be the bliss, and experience it in your true self. Deepak Chopra tells us that nothing is more important than connecting with your inner bliss  Guru Nanak recommended that we meditate in our solitude as a means to attain pure bliss, and Swami Sivananda notes that blissful meditation brings us to intense inner joy. William Wordsworth suggested that bliss of solitude brings deep pleasure to the heart.
  3. Contentment is the Recognition of Pleasant Joy – To Osho, perhaps the core of contentment is experiencing the serenity of satisfaction about what is right now. Henry Ward Beecher suggested that happy contentment is an ability to find happiness in very common things and experiences. Oprah Winfrey noted that having gratitude for what you have now opens up the way to have even more. The way we live each day ends up to be the way we spend our life (Annie Dillard).
  4. Delight is a Part of Happiness – We feel delight when our hearts and souls are are light and gladdened. Kahlil Gibran noted that the joy of delight can be found when we look deeply into our own hearts. Take delight in the wonders of nature and life – it always changes (The Buddha and Marcus Aurelius). Go with the flow of the changing.
  5. Enlightenment may be End-Stage Happiness – Huston Smith informed us that intense, lasting suffering led The Buddha to enlightenment, which was an understanding of how the mind works and how to discipline it.  Such awareness may lead to compassion and inner peace. Denis Waitley noted that happiness is purely spiritual and related to love, gratitude, grace and wisdom. Japanese Zen Master Dogen suggested that sincere practice leads to enlightenment. Like The Buddha, Albert Einstein advised that happiness and enlightenment require liberation from the self.

Here you have the first five characteristics of happiness as presented by Louise Baxter Harmon (2015). Happiness a-z: The Gleeful Guide to Finding and Following Your Bliss. New York: MJF Books, pp. 1-37.  

Filed Under: Buddhism, Featured, Happiness, Psychology Tagged With: BLISS CONSCIOUSNESS, CONTENTMENT, DELIGHT, ENLIGHTENMENT, HAPPINESS, MINDFUL HAPPINESS

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