COMPASSION Archives - Mindful Happiness

January 11, 2017 By Admin Leave a Comment

The Journey of Human Compassion Practices

Where are YOU on the journey of human compassion practices? I modified interpretations of compassion to present a more formal depiction of compassionate practices and skills. Go ahead; take the compassion quiz.

Your Goal: To Reduce Human Suffering

Human Warmth Unconditional Positive Regard Human Caring Compassionate Actions

Using Key Mindfulness Practices/Skills

Attention – Concentration – In the Present

Nonjudging – Tolerance – Strong Empathy

List your current skills and practices here:_______________________________________________________________

Use Thoughts, Emotions and Behaviors to Help Others

Use Your Senses, Intuition, Spirituality, and Relationships to Help Others

To find your score, simply circle all the items (practices) that you DO in your effort to activate compassion for the benefit of others. A high score would between 10 and 18.

Where are you on the journey?

What skills/practices do you do now?

What skills/practices do you need to improve?

What will motivate you to continue with compassion practices?

For more information refer to Tirch, D., Schoendorff, B. and Silberstein, L. R. (2014). The ACT Practitioner’s Guide to the Science of Compassion… Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, pp. 25-61

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition of Mindful Happiness in Production…Coming soon!

December 13, 2016 By Admin Leave a Comment

Using Your Compassionate Mind in Psychotherapy

For you to become a more compassionate therapist, follow the details noted below. These preconditions, skills, and practices are required as a baseline for compassionate practice.

You need the ability to access calmness in an environment of emotional suffering, chaos, or conflict. Most people do this by breathing in calm, slow, deep patterns – and maintaining equanimity in their interpersonal processes.
You need to understand the relative power of the three main parts of the brain: prefrontal/frontal (executive); reward centers (habits); and, the limbic system (survival, emotions).
You need to fully understand the relative power of cognition, emotion, and behavior – sequential and complex systemic interactions.
You need too be skilled in regular mindfulness practices. Regular means regular! No textbook applications without personal experience in mindfulness practice.
You need to have or cultivate an open, warm, soft-heartedness in dealing with yourself and others.
You need to be skilled in empathic alliance building with your clients, resting mainly on unconditional positive regard and kindness.
You need to be skilled in at least one evidence-based therapy in the process of helping.
Lastly, you need to know the differences between mindfulness ad metallization.

Here are some core differences between mindfulness and metallization processes.

Mindfulness, among other things, includes: Observation with prolonged attention; inner calmness; skill describing what you observe; ability to concentrate your awareness; being nonjudgmental; being nonreactive; and, acting in the best interests of others – placing others before your own self-interests.

Metallization, among other things, includes: recognition of your own metacognition about your own immediate
experience; having mental awareness when change occurs; understanding your emotional experience when interacting with others; reflection on the mind-motivations of others when they behave with you in various ways; using limited theories about the mind-set (motivation) of others when they harm you emotional or physically.

So, you see there are huge differences between the practice of mindfulness an the uses of metallization in your work.

Worksheet on the practice of more compassionate connection with others:

After recognizing what has happened (the why) to motivate you to become more compassionate in your work, respond to the following inquiries.

WHO is directly involved?
WHAT will you do behaviorally – your immediate compassionate intention and response?
WHEN will you do it?
HOW will you do it – back to the what?
Can you notice the difference in your inner feeling state as you apply KINDNESS in your interaction?
WHAT outcome was desired, an what outcome occurred?

To improve your practice of compassionate therapy, obtain more training and supervision. You will also NEED to apply the same compassion to yourself when you suffer. See if you can live with more compassion in your

entire life not just in your work. If you are also a spiritual person, how can you use this quality to improve how you live with/work with compassion? Good luck! In the final analysis, practicing with more compassion will most likely improve your outcomes and your level of personal satisfaction – even happiness.

For more information refer to Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, pp. 421-446. See also Stewart, J. M. (ed.). (2014). Mindful Acceptance and the Psychodynamic Evolution. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, pp. 111-132.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

New Edition in Production…Coming soon!

June 9, 2015 By Admin Leave a Comment

The Growing Need for More Compassion & Self-Compassion

Three Meditation Practices to Further Your Expansion

Based on the ongoing “bad news” about various domestic and world events, and the knowledge that people DO NEED more compassion and self-compassion in their hectic and challenging lives, I am writing three brief meditation practices on different aspects on compassion-wisdom as noted on my site. Hopefully, these brief meditations may help you enter a space of compassionate emotions and actions – thoughts, words, feelings and behaviors. The first meditation practice deals with some of the serious problems facing humankind right now. The next two meditations deal with practicing compassion and self-compassion as a form of meditative action. The noted problems are quite real, but there is hope that our expanding compassion skills will help us cope better with challenges and find inner peace in our soft hearts. I recommend that there be a five minute practice time (in silence) after each guiding statement in these three meditations.

1) Contemplation on the Problems Facing You Today in this World:

a) Begin with a brief practice of loving kindness meditation with special emphasis on yourself and the people you care about.

b) Now begin by contemplating about the extreme greed and strong entitlement that harms all people everywhere. Focus on the “me-first” attitudes of those with narcissistic grasping at materialism, a materialism that IS NEVER ENOUGH!

c) Now shift your contemplation to the increasing levels of mental health problems we face, especially the extent of psychological stress in the lives of most people.

d) Again, shift your contemplation to things that deeply concern you – climate change, terrorism, the eventual devaluation of the American dollar, bad American banking practices, etc. Notice as you get into these realities there is a tendency to experience increased inner insecurity or fear, perhaps a desire to run away or to hide from these realities.

e) Lastly, focus your contemplation on the increasing levels of both digital/electronic addictions as well as the increased online hacking that threatens our national security very directly. One wonders if our federal government is “asleep at the wheel” on this issue.

f) End this difficult contemplation by doing another brief practice of loving kindness meditation.

Yes, this first contemplation has been very harsh – but each of the items noted is a reality. Now let’s move on to compassion as a wisdom skill to deal better with such calamities.

2) Meditating on Your Own Compassion and Self-Compassion Here and Now:

a) After a few self-calming breaths, let’s focus attention on the 14th Dalai Lama’s advice: That the serious, daily practice of meditation, compassion and/or yoga will help you to better deal with the problems existing in this world today. We are reminded that without self-compassion, it is highly unlikely you will be able to “deliver” compassionate action to help others.

b) Now focus attention on your personal strengths and self-confidence. Use these attributes to serve as your own best friend, feeling growing inner kindness in your own body and mind. Gently coach yourself into doing this to expand your inner feelings of well-being. FOCUS only on your strengths!

c) Now practice just paying attention to ONLY positive thoughts, and let go of all criticism and negativism. This is quite challenging to do.

d) Develop and repeat a self-mastery mantra about being a compassionate person – and most of all being more kind to yourself in thoughts, words, feelings and actions.

e) Practice finding INNER PEACE in the spaces between your thoughts and the spaces between your breaths. Push hard to find the self-love within yourself right her, now. Work on it!

f) End this meditation with a brief practice of loving kindness meditation.

3) Pushing Some Limits On Compassion and Self-Compassion Practices:

a) Complete a few calming breaths, and gently seek the feeling of self-empathy within yourself. Be patient. Allow it to form.

b) Recall a few times when you allowed yourself to fully experience joy and happiness, and also allow yourself to recall a time when you radically accepted pain and suffering. Without suffering, we cannot know true joy, and without true joy, we cannot know true suffering. One comes with the other.

c) See what it feels like to let go of the “I/Me, Mine” attitude so common today. Slowly and gently allow yourself to drift toward selflessness as you understand it. It is a strange non-experience. It may cause some uneasy feelings to arise. Life is all about causes and effects.

d) Contemplate a future time when you may plan to practice bodhichitta (open-loving heartedness). Perhaps there is a person you know who might benefit directly from your compassionate thoughts, words, feelings and actions. You may enjoy practicing bodhisattva ways. How might you imagine being kind as a norm. Imagine that you accept an identity aimed at reducing the suffering of others.

e) If you believe in philanthropia (practicing love for all people), you may experience deep transformation from your compassion practices. What might that transformation feel like in your body?

f) End this meditation with a brief practice of loving kindness meditation.

Please collect your thoughts and feelings about these practices, and think carefully about how they may help you navigate the world today.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

November 4, 2014 By Admin 3 Comments

Compassion Practices & Benefits

Expanded Information about Your Compassion Practices and Benefits

Compassion Practice Tips and Exercises

The Buddha noted that one should not dwell on the past, become too attached to future outcomes, but instead concentrate our mind only on the present moment of our experiences. The Dalai Lama noted that compassion is a necessary condition for inner calmness and survival. Pema Chodron noted that compassion is required for inner and outer peace. If you practice the skills noted below, it is highly recommended that you write briefly on a daily basis in a compassion-based journal about your growth and your journey.

Here is an expanded list of things you may notice when you make compassion practices a part of your regular, daily practice.

If you practice seriously, expect the following to occur.

1) Improved self-confidence and self-esteem, especially in dealing with others;

2) Improved quality of emotional experiences and emotional regulation;

3) Greater frequency in being your own best friend;

4) Improved interpersonal relationships and greater social engagement;

5) Reduced shame and extreme perfectionism;

6) More self-supporting focus on your strengths;

7) Greater generosity and kindness;

8) More soft-heartedness in dealing both with yourself and with others;

9) General improvements in psychological and physical well-being; and,

10) Greater ease at continuing to be more compassionate (brain plasticity related to regular, daily practice).

Here are a few ways to expand your regular practice of compassion.

1) First do a personal inventory. Examine your life experience and note 2-3 unhelpful and 2-3 helpful life experiences/events. Now under each list pros and cons regarding your expected/experienced outcomes from both helpful and unhelpful life experiences.

Unhelpful (Unpleasant)Experiences and events –

Pros:

Cons:

Helpful (Pleasant) Experiences and Events –

Pros:

Cons:

2) Answer this question. How have these life experiences, even the unpleasant events, helped you in your life?

3) If you were now coaching your best friend, what three things might you do to coach them into being more compassionate?

4) Practice empathy for yourself and others more frequently.

5) Catch yourself being critical or negative, and stop! Shift your thinking and feelings to improved self-understanding and non-judgment.

6) Do the same when dealing with others.

7) Notice what your internal emotional warmth feels like. Describe it below. Work to expand it!

8) Develop and use a self-nurturing mantra. What is it?

9) Learn to pay better attention to your body and facial emotions. When you catch them being negative or unpleasant, shift! Practice shifting to a more compassionate stance in both your body and on your face. Look at a mirror, when you sense being negative, and when you sense being positive.

10) Periodically check the quality of your thoughts, emotions and memories. If they are unpleasant, shift them to neutral or pleasant. Use self-compassion and compassion for others as your energy source.

Good luck. May you experience the benefits of compassion every day of your life.

For more information refer to Gilbert, P. (2014). Mindful Compassion. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. See also Welford, M. (2013). The Power of Self-Compassion. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!

October 27, 2014 By Admin Leave a Comment

More Compassion and Self-Compassion Needed

Today’s Troubled World Needs More Self Compassion and Compassion

This is an interactive activity on contemplation between your executive brain, your conscious mind, and your emotional brain areas.

Looking at the world today any aware person must admit the human race is in serious trouble. This reality impacts the developing, industrial, and post-industrial cultures of the world. Let’s list only 11 serious concerns about the state of the world and our own country.

My list will not be in any specific order of difficulty.

Here is the list of problems.

1) Rampant greed – more poverty, more hunger, even clean water financial speculation, and possibly more SES/class violence;

2) Extremely high levels of mental illness, especially depression, anxiety, substance misuse, trauma, eating disorders, etc.;

3) Dramatically increasing levels of childhood mental illness (for the USA) with earlier ages of onset;

4) Global climate change and its effects;

5) More self-centered, immediate gratification-based entitlement;

6) Greater narcissistic grasping, with extreme levels of inner insecurity and outer aggression;

7) Probable devaluation of the US dollar as the world’s currency standard (lots and lots of disruption with this one);

8) More terrorism and more HATE;

9) Increasing levels of digital, electronic addictions – with brain plasticity implications of “me first,” frustration intolerance, shorter attention span, a way to obtain one’s dopamine fix for the day;

10) For the USA and many other countries, generally ineffective federal governments; and,

11) Pessimism about the future, so more “me first,” I/me tendencies for material grasping.

Quite a serious list!

Some of these conditions may improve; we just have no idea which ones will become less severe. To help you deal with the “ups” and “downs” of all this trouble, I invite you to participate in a contemplation activity. This activity will use some of The Dalai Lama’s personal advice. After each recommended practice, I encourage you to contemplate your responses to the instructions.

If you modify unhelpful habits, be kind to yourself. It is difficult to change unhelpful habits to healthful habits.

Be gentle with yourself.

Brief Meditation/Yoga Practice on a Daily Basis – Please contemplate on three benefits you may obtain by following this recommended practice.

Real World Regular Practices of Compassion, Self-Compassion and Kindness – Please contemplate on three benefits you may obtain by following this recommended practice.

Improving Your Emotion Regulation By Practicing #1 and # 2 Above – Please contemplate on three benefits you may obtain by following this recommended practice.

Practicing unconditional “love” (at least liking) of yourself on a regular basis – Please contemplate on three benefits you may obtain by following this recommended practice.

Please read over your 12 expected benefits. :let’s hope you find them motivating.

For more information refer to: The Dalai Lama (2007). (Ed. C. Kelly-Gangi). The Dalai Lama: His Essential Wisdom. New York: Fall River Press, pp. 15-32.

By Anthony R. Quintiliani, PhD., LADC

From the Eleanor R. Liebman Center for Secular Meditation in Monkton, Vermont

Author of Mindful Happiness

CLICK HERE to Order!